Any other first time Mom's afraid of ZERO sex life???

[YouandMe]

As the title reads I am going to be a first time Mom, and I am terrified that sex is totally out of my life now!!

I'm 36 weeks and during this whole pregnancy I think we've had sex 3 times...MAYBE. In the beginning we were both afraid because I had to go to the hospital for cramping and bleeding, so we both avoided it because the thought of any possible blood/spotting being seen again scared us both.

Then as the 2nd tri hit I just wasn't feeling it at all. I had no desire whatsoever and hubby seemed fine with the "other" attention I was giving him

Now, 3rd tri is nearly over and I want not just sex but to feel close to my husband again!!! He not only is avoiding sex but won't even come near me to please me in other ways because he said he can't get in the mood with the baby there. If he feels any movement from baby he freaks out.

I am seriously getting concerned here. I've always been an advocate of a healthy sex life being very important to your marriage, because it's not just sex - it's being close and connecting. I miss that so much. NOW I'm a whale and can barely even get close to him in bed, let alone get intimate. My biggest fear is once baby comes we'll be just like everyone says: exhausted and too busy to even think about sex. I don't want to lose that with my husband!!! Please tell me I'm not alone!

OHHH and I should mention since last week I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced my midwife said NO sex. I just laughed because we haven't been, but now I couldn't even try if I wanted to!!

 

[lily28]

I feel for you! Until Christmas we were ok, not like bunnies but we were getting it on every week or so. Since Christmas I think we tried it once and it was a failure. My hubby is afraid he will cause me and the baby trouble if we do it, especially since I had a little bleed a few weeks ago (not sex related). I want to do it, but I don't want to push him, feels weird to be the　perverted filthy pregnant lady. He is just worried for us...
I know that it will be tender down there after birth and we have to wait for 6 weeks before doing anything, so right now I'm convinced our sex life is over.

 

[Mazzymoo]

I worse- we haven't had sex since I found out I was pregnanct at 8 weeks! :/ I just don't feel like it and he hasn't tried so I assume he doesn't either. We do have loads of cuddles still so we get our closeness through that- but yea I'm a bit worried too.

 

[Mrs5707]

I am right there with you OP... I have had this lingering worry in the back of my mind ever since I got my BFP. DH and I have talked about it, and we're going to make it a priority not to let our sex life fall to the waste side. I am like you, I feel like it is a super important part of a healthy marriage, not saying we have to do it 4-5 times a week like we used to, but just being on an even keel and being comfortable about how often we're intimate as a couple and maintaining that attraction for each other is very important. You just have to make it a priority and there's going to be a lot of times where you just don't feel like it... being a mom and working a full time job, I can't imagine how I'm going to feel at the end of the day... but I know sex will probably be on my mind but my body and mind don't always coincide! Sometimes you will just have to make yourself! We went from sex almost every day pre-BFP to once a week, I'm like you haven't really been interested most of the time and had some pain and discomfort that really put me off. If my L&D goes well and I get lucky and don't have tears or stitches we're going to try after 3 weeks or so if I feel up to it. I'm not waiting the full 6 weeks unless it's medically necessary, and I think the sooner you get back into it the easier it is to maintain a good balance.
Good luck!

 

[special_kala]

It's such a shame when men think like that. Me being pregnant doesn't put my husband off at all, he seems to like the extra curves.

Although feeling babies head at 40 weeke because she was so low down did freak him out a bit

Having a baby doesn't mean your sex life is gone...says the woman on her third baby lpl...the first 6 weeks can be tiring and a bit sore but there is nothing stopping you from having a good sex life once you have adjusted

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'm not a 1st time mum but DH was very worried about us never having sex once Lo was here. However having our son made me feel more in love with him, closer to him and that made me want sex with him more! It can be hard at first- tired parents, no guarantee that baby won't wake up at the most inopportune moment. But after a little while when baby is sleeping for longer periods of time- and hopefully both parents are too!- you will be able to find lots of opportunity to be intimate

 

[special_kala]

Being 2cm dilated shouldn't stop sex. It's still a closed environment until your waters break.

After your first baby you can be 3cm dilated in 3rd its not a issue

 

[NaturalMomma]

Like everyone else? If everyone was too exhausted to have sex no one would have more than 1 child.

Decrease in sexual activity during pregnancy is normal. Your hormones are focused on the baby rather than sex. I was like that the first time around too. Now I'm on my 3rd child with my DH (who fathered my other 2 children too). Clearly we're not too exhausted for sex In fact, with my second and third pregnancies we had sex on a regular basis, and resumed sexual activity shortly after birth (after lochia, bleeding, had stopped).

Clearly sex is important to you and after the first few weeks of adjustment I'm sure you'll be able to resume sex again.

 

[pebbie1]

Ugh it's the last thing on my mind and think hubby agrees with me there.
We both love eachother crazy much but the tiredness and aches and pains are just so off putting!
We had this with daughter as well, but trust me, as soon as everything was healed again we did catch up for lost intimate time. It will come back and I can also imagine that men are scared to hurt the baby. It's just a phase x

 

[special_kala]

You might find your sex life becomes more exciting because you have to grab it while you can and where you can

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I feel for you! We are also on the mind frame intimacy including sex is very important and we have thankfully been able to keep up on that. I will admit it's a little more entertaining and less spontaneous as i'm propped up on pillows so that i'm comfortable and we laugh as we get me all padded in lol. But once that moment starts everything kind of disappears surrounding the pregnancy and it's just us in the moment.

I've heard of a lot of guys just not being able to look past the belly movements and baby being there

I agree with Kayla that I think the sex life after baby might get more exciting. I heard a joke that no one knows the true meaning of a quickie besides parents. I kinda feel like it's gonna be like quick she's down for a nap for another 20 minutes and than kinda jump on OH and have some time together lol. I have to wonder if sex after birth you know before the classic 6 weeks would help with things like PND because of the hormones released during sex anyone else have any thoughts on that?

 

[RKW]

I was a bit concerned about this too. We are the same as OP with a grand total of 3 times since becoming pregnant.
It's my husbands 30th in July when baby will be 12 ish weeks and we have a night away in a hotel just us two, so I keep thinking that however bad it gets before then we will def be romantic then. I suppose it takes the pressure off doing it before then, as I know we will have some time to be together.
Ironically this baby was concieved on his birthday last year!

 

[Iwillbepreggo]

afraid?....... Im already living it..its pretty sad already lol


if the baby has her own room i dont see why not, of course you will have to wait 6 weeks

 

[special_kala]

You don't have to wait 6 weeks. It depends on how you feel. I think we dtd 3/4 after the girls.

Also waiting until baby has their own room could be a while, 6 months is recommended in your room anyway.

Sofas, kitchens and bathrooms can be put to good use and once you know baby is asleep your room is fine as long as your bed isn't squeaky

 

[piya]

i m also in same boat.. had not bd since 4months... doc said to refrain as we had h/o recurrent uti... and during this month i feel very much interested in doing it but we cannt.. due to fear.. hope after delivery we will be bunnies again soon.. waiting with fingers crossed for delivery.

 

[RKW]

Dammit! We have the squeakiest bed in the world! Lol

 

[Rozz1e1]

Omg!! Thank u OP for this post!! Thought I was the only one!! During 1st tri and beginning of second tri wasnt so bad...infact increased blood flow to that area increased certain things lol!! And we had to be careful due to my history....so we had from about week 8 to 14 that was ok...and then it decreased....only had a few times since then...and have had a few negatove experiences...where it has hurt or been uncomfortable initially...so we are desperately trying to be close and intimate in other ways...if u catch my drift!! Xxx

 

[ispeakinsongs]

It's such a shame when men think like that. Me being pregnant doesn't put my husband off at all, he seems to like the extra curves.

Although feeling babies head at 40 weeke because she was so low down did freak him out a bit

Having a baby doesn't mean your sex life is gone...says the woman on her third baby lpl...the first 6 weeks can be tiring and a bit sore but there is nothing stopping you from having a good sex life once you have adjusted

good to hear thank you
our sex life has been fine so far but also been worried how it will be after the birth!

 

[Krissys]

I fell you! We have had sex maybe 5 times since I found out I want to but my hips hurt and sex hurts now even w lube once she comes ill have to let her nap n the nursery so we can have sex agin hahahah

 

[YouandMe]

Being 2cm dilated shouldn't stop sex. It's still a closed environment until your waters break.

After your first baby you can be 3cm dilated in 3rd its not a issue

Well my midwife is telling me no sex. Probably has to do with the fact that I was 35 weeks at that appointment and she didn't want anything to trigger baby coming early. I go in tomorrow and I'm 36 weeks so we'll see what she says. I will listen to her, as I trust her very much.

It is a shame that my hubby is "one of those" men who gets freaked out by the baby moving/bump in the way. I never in a million years thought he would be like that, but I can't discount his feelings on the subject because I don't think that's fair either. I would hope that in the future if we're lucky enough to have more children he would get used to the idea and get passed it during pregnancy.

I just hope that once baby is here and a little bit has calmed down or...just a routine has been worked out then we'll get that time/energy to do so. Even if that means "okay we have 15 minutes, let's do this!!" LOL