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Any wives out there silently suffering in their struggle of ttc?

I think all relationships go through some kind of problems through TTCing at some point. This is really our last month of TTCing before we move. From here it will be several months before we can try to TTC properly again and while I am lucky enough to know my cycle and when I ovulate, I don't think I am going to be able to DTD at the right times to be able to pull off a pregnancy.

I got a +ve OPK yesterday. DH had promised faithfully we would :sex: last night as we haven't all week as he has been too tired/stressed/in pain < insert your adjective > and at 10pm he was asleep on the sofa. I was so upset. That I went to bed. When he came into the bedroom later, complaining I'd left him there...I put him straight..

He tells me I'm always grumpy and obsessing over the whole TTCing thing. It's so incredibly unfair to have him place this upon me after all this time and you feel so abjectly alone.

To top it off, we'd spent the morning rummaging through the garage sorting through baby clothes for his pregnant sister. I wasn't going to allow her to have the tiny little outfits that had once belonged to my sister. Those were special and mine... but it was heartbreaking to part with these items that were meant for MY baby....not hers. All I wanted from him was a hug. He chose to go mess around under the bonnet of the car. So our final month of TTCing has failed.
 
((hugs)) my DH 1st sperm test came back ok but now his having to go for another one.. ( i dont know why as we never get told anything!) weve been ttc for 4 and a half years and only just starting to get help as docs kept fobbing us off, saying we are young and it will happen! im 21 and my hubby 22. its looking like the problems are on my side at the mo. i suffer with ovarian cysts and possible endometriosis. i just wanted you to know tht your not alone hun and that ttc is heartbreaking nd sometimes a long journey and can be upsetting for both of you. when we 1st started ttc, i used to be obsessed trying to get my DH to eat well, stop smoking and take vitamins..ect.. and he used to growl at me lol and never listened but then 1 day he just changed and realised it is important. i cant help but feel like am letting my DH down :cry: so many babies around us and id love to have his child, its just not happening, but im not going to loose hope and neither should you hun. i hope it works out for you :flower: xxx
 
A lot of what you said is stuff I experience too.
I want to make you aware of NaProTechnology which is a fertility treatment with better succes rates than IVF and is also healthier and cheaper.
You can look it up on google.
I wish you all the best

Amber
 
I think all relationships go through some kind of problems through TTCing at some point. This is really our last month of TTCing before we move. From here it will be several months before we can try to TTC properly again and while I am lucky enough to know my cycle and when I ovulate, I don't think I am going to be able to DTD at the right times to be able to pull off a pregnancy.

I got a +ve OPK yesterday. DH had promised faithfully we would :sex: last night as we haven't all week as he has been too tired/stressed/in pain < insert your adjective > and at 10pm he was asleep on the sofa. I was so upset. That I went to bed. When he came into the bedroom later, complaining I'd left him there...I put him straight..

He tells me I'm always grumpy and obsessing over the whole TTCing thing. It's so incredibly unfair to have him place this upon me after all this time and you feel so abjectly alone.

To top it off, we'd spent the morning rummaging through the garage sorting through baby clothes for his pregnant sister. I wasn't going to allow her to have the tiny little outfits that had once belonged to my sister. Those were special and mine... but it was heartbreaking to part with these items that were meant for MY baby....not hers. All I wanted from him was a hug. He chose to go mess around under the bonnet of the car. So our final month of TTCing has failed.

:cry: I started tearing up when I read that! I wish our husbands/men could ACTUALLY understand how this ttc struggle makes us feel!! If only people would take the time to understand us, then that would make this journey slightly easier.

There's NO way I could part with baby items that were meant for my future baby :nope: . Did you try to tell him that you couldn't part with those items? I mean those were given to you by your sister (Am I right?), for your dream. You could give your SIL a gift card to Babies 'r' Us for whatever she wants to pick out. (I refuse to go to baby showers so no more baby shopping for me.)

I am also facing my SIL being pregnant..IT'S AWFUL. :hugs:
 
My husband gets mad at me because I get upset real easy when I see or even hear that someone I know is pregnant he never wants to talk about it says that it's never going to happen so just drop it I don't understand why he is like that I was tearing up reading your post cause it hit close to home I have no one I can talk to about this and that hurts I hate faking a smile when I'm hurting inside
 
:hugs: We can talk to each other.

My DH does the same thing..he says he doesn't understand why I'm so concerned about other people. I'm not I'm just sick of everyone else getting what I'd do ANYTHING to have, so easily. These feelings won't go away until we get our :bfp:. Everyday is a struggle.

The biggest relief is that you're not alone. I've recently tried talking to my DH about him offering more comfort when I'm upset. He agreed to try harder but we'll see how that goes.
 
Armywife -

I saw your thread, and I just felt I needed to respond. While I am not married, my OH & I have been together for about 9 years (we've lived together for about 8 1/2). So while we may not have had the ceremony and signed the papers, we both consider ourselves married.

Like you, there is nothing wrong with me. The fertility issues lie with my OH. He has a lower sperm count and a low motility rate. After his first analysis, the mailed us the results. I was the only one home when the results came, and I read the results alone. It was devastating to me. Honestly, I had been convinced that it was me who had the fertility problems, not him. And while there are so many options of how to treat women with various infertility issues, I knew there were few options for treating men with fertility problems. By the time he got home though, I had pulled myself together, and simply handed him the letter. Like your husband, he insisted the results were wrong.

The Dr he was seeing put him on Clomid for a few months to see if that would improve his count at all. Ultimately, he ended up having 4 sperm analysis's done, with the Clomid making little to no difference. By the 4th analysis however, he was ready to admit that the results were right. However, at that point he started insisting that I also had fertility problems, and that was the reason we weren't getting pregnant. :/ I think knowing that he was the one with the problem was extremely hard on him. I think he blamed himself, and he didn't want to be alone in failing. That's why he insisted I had fertility issues too.

About a year later, we finally went to see a fertility specialist about having an IUI done. We were both very excited to get things underway. However after our initial visit, the costs of the clinic were so outrageous, we simply couldn't afford to continue. So we decided to re-analyze the situation and try to save up the money for the procedure, drugs, and tests that were required.

Ultimately, we decided to find another clinic. I am now seeing some fantastic Dr's with much more reasonable prices. I've been through the battery of tests now, and am 100% sure that there is nothing wrong with me. And even at this point, the OH still sometimes insists that there is. ;) So now we've had our first IUI as of last month. Unfortunately, it was BFN. :( But we will be trying again this month.

The reason I wanted to say all of these things is bc I think our situations are a bit similar. I had a hard time not blaming my OH at first for our problems, but it was just something I learned to keep hidden. I can't change how I feel about things, but I can certainly change how I react to things and what I say. I also can see just how difficult this has been on my OH. I know he blames himself, and I know he sees himself as having failed, not just himself, but me. :cry:

Also like you, he is not always the most supportive to me in regards to the infertility problems. He does listen to me when I need to vent though, which is always helpful. But for serious emotional support, I come on here. The women on here have been amazingly helpful. Simply being about to talk to someone else who knows exactly what you're going through is probably the most helpful thing to me.

My advice would be to not force the subject with him. If he is agreeing to the procedures, then maybe just let him be. I know my OH doesn't usually like to talk about his feelings. I simply know him well enough to catch what's going on in that crazy head of his. ;)

Also, I can answer that Clomic question for you, as I am also taking Clomid. Two reasons: 1 - Clomid can force your body to release more than one egg during a cycle, thereby increasing your odds of getting prego. 2 - Taking Clomid forces your body to be on a more exact schedule of ovulation, thereby making IUI & IVF easier to time.

I do have a question for you though, why are you and the DH trying IUI first? It is definitely a lot less expensive, and a lot less invasive.

Best of luck to you both.

Absolutely, it's incredibly hard to hear that news. My gyno actually phoned me to go over the results, and told me at the end that there was nothing more he could do for me, that Clomid wouldn't do anything for me (since I don't have the problem) and gave me the # to a fertility specialist. It was like someone kicked me in the face..I couldn't believe my ears. I honestly thought never ever thought I would be facing what I am today. You read me like a book, I thought the problem was with me...I was already placing the blame on myself before I even took the tests!

My gosh, I had such bad thoughts afterwards...I kept thinking he was keeping me from my dream, why did I have to marry a man who is unable to give me a child, etc. You can't help what runs through you're mind, because you don't understand why you're faced with infertility.

Did you guys ever fight about it? I brought it up countless times when we were fighting about IVF. I felt that since the issue was with him he should be on board with IVF..to do whatever it takes to have a baby. Now, I realize why he disagrees with IVF is because he's still in denial about his sperm. Over time, I came to the conclusion that it's not his fault and I shouldn't resent him for it. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want him to hold it against me. It took some time, but I know understand that we share the infertility.

We finally talked last night about him giving me more support and comfort. He agreed to work on it, so we shall see. I am very glad I joined this website, it's helped me so much in the past few days to virtually interact with women who know exactly how I feel. It's so challenging to try to explain how you feel to someone who hasn't struggled to conceive or on a much smaller scale.

I figured that IVF would be more beneficial because the motility on both his tests were 19%. If he just had a low count and his motility was fine, then I would go with IUI. It also depends on what the fertility specialist says..For now, a little part of me hopes it can still happen naturally before he leaves.

:dust: Baby dust to you too!

I've really only ever argued with the OH once about the infertility issue. I mean, we've talked about it numerous times of course, and there have been times where I've broken down in tears. I've always had moments where I just had to walk away to compose myself. I've thought some pretty mean things about him because of the infertility problems, but I try very hard not to say them. Logically, I've always known that it wasn't his fault. The problem may lie with him, but it's not his fault. So whenever I get extremely upset or angry about it, and I'm afraid I might say something hurtful to him about it, I listen to the logical side of myself. Like you said, if rolls were reversed, I would want him to be supportive of me, and not blame me.

On Monday when I met with my Dr, he pointed out that he is really not so concerned with the OH's sperm count or motility rate. His concern is the number of abnormal sperm (something no other Dr has decided to point out to us). The OH has about 93% abnormal sperm. :( My heart dropped when the Dr told me that. He suggested using a mix of donor sperm and my OH's sperm for our next IUI. :cry: So I went ahead with our scheduled IUI for this month (with only the OH's sperm), and now I'm waiting to see how this pans out before we make any decisions.

Oh, and as far at the motility rate, my Dr told me not to worry about that bc the sperm are being placed directly into the uterus (for an IUI). So motility isn't really an issue then. Your Dr may feel differently, but I wouldn't give up on an IUI yet.

Best of luck to you. :hugs:
 

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