Anybody share this problem?

[Hollynesss]

I am still on the WTT side, but as our TTC date comes closer I wanted the opinion of some ladies already TTC. Does anybody else out there have a DH who has low sex drive?

My poor DH is so embarrassed about this, and its so hard to talk to him about it because his immediate response is "I get it, I'm a disappointment" and then shuts down. That is not how I feel at all....I love him dearly, and I just want to help him. Every once in a while he feels frisky and initiates, but that is not very often, and he doesn't like it when I initiate because he can't stand to see me hurt when he just isn't in the mood...or can't get it up. He swears up and down that it isn't me, he just doesn't know what is wrong. He just got a promotion and we are in a great financial place, so stress really isn't a factor. He is a smoker, which I know can effect libido, but I wouldn't expect it to go down to nothing. He has an appointment with his regular doctor in two weeks, and I asked to please, please mention it so they can see if there is a hormonal factor.

It wasn't always like this, either, it has slowly declined in the 3 years we've been together until its become pretty much dwindled down to nothing. We are due to TTC in December, so I am really desperate for advice!

Thank you

 

[Destiny08]

i don't have an OH with a low sex drive, but the whole time I was on the implant, I had a seriously low sex drive lol. i mean we'd go months without doing anything. no idea how to fix it really...obviously for me it was to take me off the implant. but i have heard an increase in testosterone helps with sex drive...so doing sports...possibly taking a supplement? rhodiola can increase testosterone levels, or so I've heard!

hope this helps

 

[dinosaur2010]

I have no experience of this situation but didn't want to read and run.
What about trying different things to spice things up a bit and bring back the passion? Sexy underwear, do body massages with nice oils for one another- not necessarily in your face sex stuff but just to get you both close and feeling nice and relaxed together? A lovely massage and kiss and cuddle can be really sexy and nice without going the whole way.
Just an idea! I guess it's a lot harder for the guy if he's not in the mood as he has to actually 'perform'! Good luck!

 

[Mommyloves]

I can totally relate. We have been to many different doctors, including psychologists. His hormone levels have been tested. We have gone as far as watching porn together to see if we could get him excited enough for sex. Right now we have resulted to ED pills or I would need to manually stimulate him for sex.. I don't know of a solution cuz I try anything and everything that I can think of. That is part of the reason why getting pregnant is extra difficult for me. The pills are super expensive too

 

[Hollynesss]

Thank you for your input, ladies! What makes our situation so strange is that when he is in the mood, he is a great performer. He seems to be very sensitive to stress, and this whole situation is only making it worse. We did do a diet/exercise program together a couple of years ago and he was in the mood a LOT more often, but he has been working so much and just graduated from college, so he hasn't really had the time to do another program like that. Hoping for the best at his Dr appt

 

[nolansmom]

I just wanted to clarify because it seems like you're saying 2 different things. He isn't in the mood therefore doesn't get it up? OR he wants to get it up but can't?

I can be in the mood and get super wet, and be in the mood and not get wet at all. My body does it's own thing but for sure if I am not in the mood I do not get wet.. Make sense?

If he starts snoring when its time to DTD that means not in the mood - if he loses his erection while trying to DTD that is something entirely different.

Low sex drive is not the same as Erectile Dysfunction (I'm sure you know that) but your post is asking 2 different things. If he just doesn't feel like having sex - that's something that the 2 of you should talk about and you'll just have to wait until he does- if he has intermittent erectile dysfunction then Dr will help, but I'd stay out of it if I were you. If he already feels like a failure he likely won't want to talk about it over and over with you. Be patient and let him work it out on his own on his own schedule. Otherwise you risk creating a complex and that'll be harder to overcome later on.

Good luck --

 

[Jenn2722]

I am still on the WTT side, but as our TTC date comes closer I wanted the opinion of some ladies already TTC. Does anybody else out there have a DH who has low sex drive?

My poor DH is so embarrassed about this, and its so hard to talk to him about it because his immediate response is "I get it, I'm a disappointment" and then shuts down. That is not how I feel at all....I love him dearly, and I just want to help him. Every once in a while he feels frisky and initiates, but that is not very often, and he doesn't like it when I initiate because he can't stand to see me hurt when he just isn't in the mood...or can't get it up. He swears up and down that it isn't me, he just doesn't know what is wrong. He just got a promotion and we are in a great financial place, so stress really isn't a factor. He is a smoker, which I know can effect libido, but I wouldn't expect it to go down to nothing. He has an appointment with his regular doctor in two weeks, and I asked to please, please mention it so they can see if there is a hormonal factor.

It wasn't always like this, either, it has slowly declined in the 3 years we've been together until its become pretty much dwindled down to nothing. We are due to TTC in December, so I am really desperate for advice!

Thank you

Your not alone! My SO has a low sex drive, where I need it daily! He used to smoke, he quit for me! And he didn't always have a low sex drive! When it hit 3 years for us, it seemed to drop to nothing! Drives me nuts! I try everything to boost his self esteem & tell him I love everything about him, but I always get whatever! And now we are TTC also, and it isn't going so well! But good luck!