Anyone else a 'stay at home wife' but not mum yet?

[Miaowzen]

I used to be a career-woman, I figured I would work until baby due date and have baby in childcare once it was 1yo!

But then I had a sudden premmie and I got to be mummy for only 3 months and it totally changed my outlook. I am now an 'at home wife' because my next two corporate jobs after I went back to work stressed me out, and I didn't think I could have a healthy pregnancy if I was stressed. I decided to stay at home and study naturopathy through a distance education course.

I am not pregnant yet and sometimes feel a bit guilty that I am at home instead of working, while I try to stay stress free and look after my body. I shouldn't feel guilty right? When I do get pregnant I am going to look after myself at home and make sure I eat really well, go for daily walks etc. Then I want to look after baby myself. NO childcare.

We're not really wealthy (hubby is a full-time student) but we sold our house so we have money in the bank and can survive while we don't have income coming in.

In anyone else in a similar boat? I have been getting pregnancy symtoms today and I am really hoping that I will be pregnant soon (or already!). I feel like if I am pregnant then I am achieving something by being at home, and not being lazy! I am studying, but when I obsess over my tww sometimes I just browse the web instead of getting studies done...

 

[MrS. MaBrEy]

my husband is in the military, and in school for it, so we are only at this duty station for months...no point working. i didnt work the first year we were married, then i worked for 18 months, and i quit when we started moving for the military. I have dogs, and im just as busy as any other SAHW/SAHM. i volunteer at the VA clinics, i spend time with my dogs, cook for single soldiers...run my household and expenses etc. if you can afford to live without working and your husband has no problem with it then go for it and enjoy it while you can! we are completely content for me to be SAH for as long as possible.

 

[AshleighR]

I stay at home too but I babysit three children full-time here. And while we are TTC, I have to be honest and say that I like giving them back to their parents at the end of the day!

You needed a break so don't feel guilty. I really hope it pays off for you and you get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck!

 

[wifey1988]

i am SAH. no guilt here

 

[JuJuJules]

I am at home, my three step kids live with us full-time, but 2 are full time in school and the youngest goes 3 days a week. I'm studying as well.
Working makes me stressed and depressed and wasnt working for me.
Try not to feel guilty, different things work for different families!

 

[Miaowzen]

Oh, thanks for replying! Its good to be on a forum again, I used to be on a dietary one but parted ways.

I ended up stressed and depressed when I was working too. Going back to work after 3 months at the NICU was hard because they didn't really have any work for me to do. I found a new job in a government department thinking it would be really busy, but they had a budget for 17 people and enough work for about 5 people!! So I was twiddling my thumbs a lot and it made me uncomfortable.

Then DH lost his job and we had to move to a different city for his work. The rent was expensive but we thought we'd be OK as we both got jobs in the new place. But DH didn't like the new one and quit.... then couldn't find a new job for a year!

My salary was just paying the rent and groceries and I was having an anxiety problem, plus I had been on a special diet that I think was leading to nutritional deficiencies while I was so stressed. Ended up having all anovulatory cycles for a while, so its been hard work getting my fertility up. Been charting for a while.

Now that we are both studying, we are getting study assistance and we've been house sitting to save some money too. Despite the tww impatience I am much less nervous now so I think it is paying off in the long run! Every now and then I have a spot of low self confidence though... or worry that DH will not get a job again. Its rediculously negative, but until things are really stable I have to give myself lots of time and patience to get over the nervousness.

My avatar is a little joke: 'Chairman Meow says Obay the Kitty!' because I like to try to keep things in control, even when life is all crazy!

I am happy that the SAH situation is working for other families too! I love the fact that if I feel like I need extra vitamins, I can cook up a calcium-rich bone broth, or make my own fermented kefir, herbal infusions etc whenever I feel like it. And the ability to take a snooze without feeling embarrassed... by the end of last year I had Chronic Fatigue and couldn't make it through a full day at work.

I think it is all coming together. I really hope that this month is the month for getting pregnant

 

[JuJuJules]

Fingers crossed for both of us!!!

 

[Marini_Mare]

I am! I've been looking for an easy cashier part time job somewhere but we moved so much (military) or I decide I HATE the job & quit but my career oriented friends just DON'T get it that I'd rather not have a career/job and instead stay home and cook, do laundry etc and hopefully be a mom soon my husband is ok with me not having a job (but i know he'd like it if i worked a little bit) he's a fire fighter so he works 24hrs at a time, then has 24hrs off.. so on days he works I'd feel guilty leaving our two dogs home alone locked up all day.. when I got preg last month (chemical) he was like "ah, well i guess you don't have to get a job now" GAH! hopefully I find a seasonal job & get a BFP soon, that way I can make friends and not work too long

 

[Miaowzen]

You're right sometimes it can be a bit difficult with friends when you stay at home but are not a mummy yet. I imagine that mothers all hang out together with their babies... but what about us mum-to-be's? That's why it is good to talk to other people on a forum like this one

 

[feelinglucky]

i dont work...and me and my OH arent even living together currently..lol...

hes in the army so we're waiting until we marry next month to move in...i lost my job about 3 months ago and havent been able to find anything either...but he wants a baby more than he wants me to work....but most of my time is spent on here too and googling new pregnancy symptoms to look for...lol

 

[happy9months]

I feel absolutely guilty. I left my job in June 2011. My husband wanted me to stay home because my shifts were so long (12+ hours a day..sometimes 6 days a week). He didn't like the fact that we kept eating out which was totally unhealthy nor did he like the fact that I kept having nightmares when I came home of my job. He figured it would be hard to conceive with so much stress but then again, with my hours, we wouldn't have any time to bd.

I am trying to do other things to bring in money though like e-bay. Although a part of me wants to come back to work...which I think I may do after I conceive and am at least 12 weeks pregnant.

I currently spend most of my time stalking this forum

 

[socitycourty]

I work only part time, and then whenever my sister goes back to work I will quit my job and be nannying for her and hopefully having a LO of my own and staying home with him/her. I can't wait!

 

[nevernormal]

I am not SAH, but DH and I had planned that I would only have a part-time job until we had kids, then I would go to being a SAHM full-time. As it happened, I am the one who found a full time job and he didn't find one for about 9 months after that, though he was working fast-food during that time.

Now, I'm like "so I can quit my job... right?" lol. But DH says even if I did that he'd want me to have a part-time job for a while, and he knows that I would like my current job better than most part-time jobs I would get (waitressing, fast food, etc).

Last week I finally told him that I need to have a goal timeframe. There is a chance we may never get pregnant, and I want to be SAH whether or not we have children. We are thinking on moving to go to grad school, within the next year, so he said when we move I don't have to work anymore, even if we don't have a baby yet =). I can't wait!

P.S. I hope this doesn't make my DH sound controlling like he is MAKING me work. We both know that it's best for our finances to try to build up our savings a little bit again after just scraping by for so long. The more I save up now, the more lee-way I'll have when it comes to baby purchases as well!

 

[mrs_k]

I'm a part-time nanny and plan on being a SAHM when I have kiddos. The hardest things about me being home so much is being disciplined to get everything done! I consider keeping the house my other job. Now if I could only get off the computer and do it...



https://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10773;484/st/20090815/e/our+wedding+day%21/k/0f92/event.png

 

[SLH]

I am in the same situation. I also feel guilty, but won't once we have a baby.

 

[Miaowzen]

So many women in similar situations.

Nevernormal, I understand completely about the savings... It's a balance between having enough savings that you can have a pleasant family lifestyle but without having to be such a slave to the dollar that you never get to have kids. From my experience stress definitely has an impact on fertility. And why wouldn't it? You would think that biology would favour babies where the parents are not threatened by danger every day.

 

[nevernormal]

So many women in similar situations.

Nevernormal, I understand completely about the savings... It's a balance between having enough savings that you can have a pleasant family lifestyle but without having to be such a slave to the dollar that you never get to have kids. From my experience stress definitely has an impact on fertility. And why wouldn't it? You would think that biology would favour babies where the parents are not threatened by danger every day.

You are right it's nice to have that kind of balance and not have to stress so much. DH and I have been TTC over a year now, even when he didn't have a full time job (but we still had savings), just because you never can "afford" kids anyway from what we've been told, so you just go ahead and have them and figure it out as you go basically. So that's basically what we're doing. TTC, while at the same time trying to prepare as best as we can.

 

[Wannabeam]

Hi ladies so glad I'm not alone.

I haven't worked for a few years. I used to work two jobs as well as audition for dance/acting and singing and soon found it all too much on my health. Then I was badly bullied at work and was too afraid to work again. After two years at home getting over my fears I decided not to work again unless I was my own boss. Since then I have got married and moved country. I now study a at home writing course (although during my 'in hiding' two years I wrote two novels I hope to get published). I also am writing my own songs and co-writing and recording an albulm (hubby is a recording engineer). But at the end of the day the only place I want to be is at home. I love being a housewife, they only reason I have recenlty tried to kick start my careers is because I want to have a little money to put aside for our kids. But if they don't work out I don't care. I love being at home and look forward to being an at home mum sooooo much... that's my dream career. I used to feel guilty but as time went on I realised I was doing right for myself and that when and if something was meant to happen (concerning work) it would.

Babydust to all you lovely ladies

 

[skittlewatson]

I am new to here so would be great to have some new people to talk too.....
My husband is in the RAF and since moving into our new married quarter I havnt had a job for the last 8 months! Gets me down sometimes but we are soooo desperate for a baby to start our family though and I hope to be pregnant soon so whats the point in getting a job now?
I am finding it so difficult at the moment, i dont ahve any friends that arnt pregnant or have little ones....anyone else find themselves out with friends and completely pushed out of conversations because the mummys are tlaking about baby stuff and you cannot get involved?

 

[CelticStar]

I've been SAH for about three months now after having to give up work due to my health (I have Myalgic Encephalitis) my old job was very physical (I was a butcher) and I used to have to shift around a ton and half of meat every day.
I was doing ok but then had quite a severe relapse where I was signed off for three months and my OH told me that he would prefer it if I didn't work.

We spoke about it a lot and we both decided that it was best if I stayed at home.

I always said that I wanted to be a SAHM though and now that we're TTC (in my second cycle) it makes even more sense for me to stay home and not worry about working.

I have - and sometimes still do - feel guilty about being at home whilst my OH works two jobs but he's perfectly happy as that's his culture anyway.
I find that if I keep the house tidy, take care of groceries etc then I don't feel as guilty because I'm doing something that will make his life easier so we can just relax when he gets home and usually make the evening meal together.