Anyone else feel like they are looking after an adult male as well as a child?

[LeoLeah77]

I am so tired of feeling like oh's mom. I'm sick to death of being the responsible, sensible one. Tired of trying to guide him in the right way and doing everything for him just to get no appreciation back let alone trying to raise my daughter in the right way too.

Oh has decided he wants to work 7 days a week to earn lots of money (even though he's the one that blows it all) and goes to the gym 3 times a week after work and then I work 3 nights a week. As you can imagine I am looking after lo from 7am til 8pm when she goes to bed. Then the other 3 days I'm looking after lo doing tea for oh and me, feeding lo and getting her ready for bed til he gets back ten minutes before I have to leave for my shifts. I do housework every day I don't ask him to lift a finger cuz he now wants to do 7 days a week. He's hardly here and then when he comes back on either the Friday or the Sunday he wants to go out and drink with friends or his brother.

I feel overwhelmed and feel like its pushing me the wrong way. I'm 22 and all I wanna do right now is act like someone withh no responsibilities. Dying for freedom, girly time with my best friends and drink. I know that sounds bad. I'm just sick of doing everything for everyone without any freedom right now. I don't do this obviously, I love my lg more than anything and will always be here looking after her full time.
But him randomly deciding he wants to do 7 days a week without a break for either of us is hard. And all he cares about is how hard it is on him rather than me looking after lo 24/7 doing ansolutely everything around the house
and then working 3 nights a week.

Sorry ladies. Just don't really know where the boundaries lie I guess.

 

[JASMAK]

Well, I wouldn't put up with it, personally.

 

[Berri]

You're doing a lot (probably too much) so it's totally normal to feel resentful. Have you talked to him about it? Sometimes guys just don't get it, he may feel like he's busting his butt to make money, thinking that's what you want. If you tell him that him being around is more important, maybe he'll get it?

Or, he's just being a dick in which case, book in a night out with the girls and tell him (don't ask) that he's on dad duty all night while you blow off some steam

 

[Larkspur]

Yeah, I really don't think in a family that it's fair for one partner to unilaterally make decisions that substantially affect the rest of the family.

Maybe it's time to suggest that you're going to unilaterally make a few decisions for him ("I've decided since Monday Wednesday and Friday are your gym nights and I work Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, Saturday night is my night out, so book it out in your calendar from now on." "I do all the housework now, and it's too much. From now on, you'll be responsible for rubbish and clearing the dishwasher in the mornings.") and see how he responds. If he argues, point out that you didn't get any say in his decisions, and ask what makes your decisions different.

 

[steph.]

Decisions that affect the family should be made together. He cant just decide to work 7 days a week without talking to you first, you should have just as much say as he does.

For example my dh asked me what I thought about him going back to uni to do an MBA as well as working at his full time job. As a couple we came to the agreement that he would do the MBA, but we would hire a cleaner to do the housework once every two weeks to help me out. And now that we are expecting again our little girl goes to nursery 2x a week to give me a break.

Talk to him and compromise. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself, you will go nuts if you keep doing everything you are doing. Its too much.

 

[LeoLeah77]

Thank you for the replies ladies!

 

[ktod]

Going out to work does not excuse doing housework. I go to work and I have to do house work so why shouldn't men? I only wish I'd figured this out when I was on mat leave.

 

[MrsHedgehog]

I wouldn't put up with it. As far as I'm concerned I have a full time job looking after LO, I also work part time, DH has a job which finishes at 6pm every night so he can jolly well do his share of the housework. He will cook, wash dishes and does his own ironing. I still end up doing more than half but there's no way I'd let him away with doing nothing. My rule is that if I haven't had a break to sit down with my feet up all day then he doesn't get one either!

 

[kimberleyrobx]

Definitely. All the f****** time! 24 hours a day! xx

 

[Teeny]

that sounds rough. I do sometimes feel like that but it comes and goes, and hubby is good at taking dd on at the weekens so I can have a few hrs.

can u arrange a night with the girlies. just do it with enough time in advance so dh can't argue.

I hope this isn't over stepping the line, but your dh doesn't sound like he wants to be at home. how is ur relationship? more importantly are u happy?

 

[LeoLeah77]

that sounds rough. I do sometimes feel like that but it comes and goes, and hubby is good at taking dd on at the weekens so I can have a few hrs.

can u arrange a night with the girlies. just do it with enough time in advance so dh can't argue.

I hope this isn't over stepping the line, but your dh doesn't sound like he wants to be at home. how is ur relationship? more importantly are u happy?

No, I'm not happy and tonight we made a mutual decision to end it. He's never here he goes out to the gym or pub every night I'm not at work then gets home and ill have literally an hour or less with him before he's tired. I'm devastated, and he's gutted too. But it's just not working. I'm so so so so upset.

 

[steph.]

that sounds rough. I do sometimes feel like that but it comes and goes, and hubby is good at taking dd on at the weekens so I can have a few hrs.

can u arrange a night with the girlies. just do it with enough time in advance so dh can't argue.

I hope this isn't over stepping the line, but your dh doesn't sound like he wants to be at home. how is ur relationship? more importantly are u happy?

No, I'm not happy and tonight we made a mutual decision to end it. He's never here he goes out to the gym or pub every night I'm not at work then gets home and ill have literally an hour or less with him before he's tired. I'm devastated, and he's gutted too. But it's just not working. I'm so so so so upset.

Í'm so sorry, must be an extremely hard decision to ,make, but I'm sure you will be just fine. You are so young, you will find someone who will take better care of you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Big

 

[kimberleyrobx]

that sounds rough. I do sometimes feel like that but it comes and goes, and hubby is good at taking dd on at the weekens so I can have a few hrs.

can u arrange a night with the girlies. just do it with enough time in advance so dh can't argue.

I hope this isn't over stepping the line, but your dh doesn't sound like he wants to be at home. how is ur relationship? more importantly are u happy?

No, I'm not happy and tonight we made a mutual decision to end it. He's never here he goes out to the gym or pub every night I'm not at work then gets home and ill have literally an hour or less with him before he's tired. I'm devastated, and he's gutted too. But it's just not working. I'm so so so so upset.

When i took OH back, he 'tried' to mend his ways... is your OH not willing to stay in a few nights a week with you or help you with chores etc? He'd just rather end it there and then than dare to stay at home with his family? Sounds like you did the right thing tbh xx