Anyone else starting IVF October/November 2015?

[KatO79]

Hello,

So for those of you who don't know me: I'm 36 years old and my DH is turning 38 at the end of this month. I'm a housewife and DH is a Chemical Engineer. We've been TTC for 1 year and a little over 9 months, have tried just about everything (Preseed, Softcups, Conceive Plus, FertileCM pills, green tea, grapefruit juice ect) and have had 6 IUIs, all with injectables (Puregon) that all failed So due to the Danish system and the free tries you get here (BTW we pay 45% taxes on paychecks and 25% tax on groceries ect so we're sorta paying in a way), we can first start IVF at the local hospital around October since our 1st meeting with them is September 29th and we can first start after this meeting. We get 3 "free" IVF tries although frozen embies don't count, nor do any tries with 0 follies fertilized. Until we can start, we'll be NTNP and I don't think I'll even bother keeping track of O since it has never worked for us anyway and just BD when we want and have fun.

So anyone else planning on starting IVF around the same time and preferably TTC #1? I'd love to find some buddies to share with, especially since my family, DH's family and our friends don't understand our journey and only tell us we need to "just relax and it'll happen" I even have one of DH's friends' girlfriend that insists I mustn't be Oing contrary to reality.

So anyone want to be IVF buddies and starting October/November 2015?

 

[Unlucky41]

Hi there

I am planning on doing a FET in November but this will be for baby number two.

Just wanted to share that it took us five ivf and one FET to have our daughter so we are hoping for a miracle with our one any only embyro in the freezer.

In our ivf journey we only ever had six embryos in total. Four obviously didn't work so our chances are really low. I am 35 and gave DOR.

Really hope we get lucky again because don't know if I could do another IVF.

Have you had any test done ? Like amh etc?

Will love to share your journey. I am sure others will join closer to the time.

 

[KatO79]

Hi Unlucky41

Wow 5 IVF, that's a lot. I only get 3 "free" tries here so we'll see if we want to pay for extra chances if none of them pan out. How old where you at the time? I hope you won't need to do another IVF but I have heard that FET has a slightly higher success rate than IVF so here's hoping that's the case for you.

I had all my CD3 hormones checked back in October I think and the RE told us they were all normal for my age (AMH, FSH, estrogen, ect.) but didn't give us any numbers Also had a HSG done in November and both tubes were open BTW. So she diagnosed us with "unexplained infertility". She seemed otherwise very positive about our chances for a BFP with IUI back in November when we met her the first time but that didn't work out obviously So here's hoping that whatever's the problem with me, IVF will bypass it and give me a baby.

 

[Unlucky41]

I was 32 when we did our first IVF. We only got five eggs all immature however two matured later. None fertilized hence that round ended in tears.
Our main problem was stage three endometriosis which wasn't found until after three rounds.

It sounds like you have a very positive case and to be honest most cases three rounds is sufficient. Wish you the very best. What I hated the most was the wait.

You and hubby should take a holiday if possible.

How come you have to wait so long?

 

[KatO79]

I was 32 when we did our first IVF. We only got five eggs all immature however two matured later. None fertilized hence that round ended in tears.
Our main problem was stage three endometriosis which wasn't found until after three rounds.

It sounds like you have a very positive case and to be honest most cases three rounds is sufficient. Wish you the very best. What I hated the most was the wait.

You and hubby should take a holiday if possible.

How come you have to wait so long?

Ah I see. Yeah I heard endo makes things more difficult. Don't know if I have it but the RE didn't have any suspicions about it so I haven't been checked out for it.

Thanks The Danish system is a bit different: First you have to have tried for at least 12 months on your own before you can get a referral, no matter your age. After that, you get to do your 6 free IUI tries at a private clinic. The problem was since I was first finished getting tested in end November and got AF almost mid-December, they couldn't start me before January. Then I also had a forced break between IUI #4 and #5 because of a cyst. Here in Denmark, you can only get the 3 free IVF tries at a public hospital since it's cheaper for the state so we were referred after my 3rd IUI failed because it takes 3-6 months to get an appointment and since the fertility clinic at the hospital is on vacation the most of July, we could first get the appointment end of September.

DH and I are looking into getting away. The problem is now he starts his new job August 1st and we have a wedding to go to July 24th (a close friend of ours) so we can first get away after that. We also have to find someone to take care of our cat but we're going to see if my MIL & FIL can and just have a cat sitter come to their house the 2-3 days they're away. Going to ask them tomorrow if they'd be comfortable with a stranger coming to their house those days. We're not much for putting her in a cattery because she was physically abused the first year of her life before we got her so she's pretty wary of strangers and isn't the most outgoing cat

 

[Unlucky41]

Oh you poor thing! They expect you to endure six iui. With my scenario I have DOR low amh hence they wanted to see why so I had a key hole surgery done. Basically the endo kills all my eggs faster hence could be an explanation of my low egg count for my age.

Since you have normal amh I am guessing you should be fine. I think the first ivf round is quite exciting as it gives you hope and you know what is happening. Really hope you are one of the lucky ones and get a BFP first time!

Where you thinking of going?

Poor cat hopefully your inlaws can look after her/him.

Are you taking any vitamins?

 

[froggyfrog]

Hey, can I join you? We are looking to start our process at the end of November. We have had three failed iuis, dh has severely low sperm count. He has tried many things to help it, clomid for 6 months, supplements, and varicocele repair. I have "weak ovulation " but responded extremely well to letrozole. We have waited a long time before deciding on ivf because of the money. Our re told us that she thinks that we have really high chances since I have no real issues, especially if we do icsi. We have come to an idea to help out a little. We already have almost everything we need as far as baby items go, so we will not have a baby shower after I'm expecting. Instead we will have a help us have a baby shower. I will have all of our family and friends donate whatever amount they would spend on a gift to our ivf. And whatever is left we will take out a loan. I'm super excited!

 

[KatO79]

Oh you poor thing! They expect you to endure six iui. With my scenario I have DOR low amh hence they wanted to see why so I had a key hole surgery done. Basically the endo kills all my eggs faster hence could be an explanation of my low egg count for my age.

Since you have normal amh I am guessing you should be fine. I think the first ivf round is quite exciting as it gives you hope and you know what is happening. Really hope you are one of the lucky ones and get a BFP first time!

Where you thinking of going?

Poor cat hopefully your inlaws can look after her/him.

Are you taking any vitamins?

Yep, I think it was to be sure that IUI won't work for us and that we really do need IVF. Since the state is paying, they want to be sure before paying the extra cost of IVF. Although I don't know why when taxes here are so insanely high that DH has pretty much paid for it. But I admit I find it more annoying that they don't refer people to IVF right before the 1st IUI if the waiting time is closer to 6-7 months (which it is at the moment) so people don't have any forced breaks, especially if they're 35 or over.

Ah I see, I never knew endo did that although I did know it can make getting pregnant more difficult. So it creates DOR? Here's hoping that your FET works! Any particular reason you're waiting until November?

We've been throwing different ideas around but mostly it's been maybe Rome or Toscana since I've never been and DH would like to go again since it's been so many years since he was last those places. We just need to see if we can find an experienced cat sitter that can take care of our cat those few days his parents aren't home which will be tough. Our cat was abused the 1st year of her life so she's a bit of a special case. She was clearly physically abused as she'd shy away from our hands the first few months when we'd reach down to pet her The difficult thing is she'll sometimes still nip you when you're petting her or when you walk away after petting her so we need to find an experienced cat person that understands this. I think she gets easily overstimulated when being petted because she isn't use to it from an early age.

As for vitamins I've been taking them since 2-3 months before I stopped BCP in end-September 2013 although I've recently switched to a stronger brand (contains more of some of the vitamins) hoping it'll help things as well.

Thanks for the that, I hope so too! Would be great to not have to listen to my in-laws' advice anymore. I have in-laws that are so totally clueless, that they still are telling me "just relax and it'll happen" despite my attempts to educate them on "unexplained infertility" which they see as meaning "nothing is wrong with you at all so it MUST be you not relaxing"

Hey, can I join you? We are looking to start our process at the end of November. We have had three failed iuis, dh has severely low sperm count. He has tried many things to help it, clomid for 6 months, supplements, and varicocele repair. I have "weak ovulation " but responded extremely well to letrozole. We have waited a long time before deciding on ivf because of the money. Our re told us that she thinks that we have really high chances since I have no real issues, especially if we do icsi. We have come to an idea to help out a little. We already have almost everything we need as far as baby items go, so we will not have a baby shower after I'm expecting. Instead we will have a help us have a baby shower. I will have all of our family and friends donate whatever amount they would spend on a gift to our ivf. And whatever is left we will take out a loan. I'm super excited!

Welcome froggyfrog

So sorry to hear your having these problems and that your IUIs failed as well Yeah IVF is pretty expensive so can understand you needed to consider it for a while. That sounds like such a wonderful idea with the "help us have a baby" shower I hope you raise enough money for the IVF with it and that it works for you 1st time.

 

[Unlucky41]

Kat I agree that the state doesn't want to waste money but the doctor should recommend the best treatment based on circumstances. I guess it is easier to implement a one policy for all eh?

In Australia we take one year off maternity leave. I am due back in early August. I just want to give myself some time to adjust back to three days work before trying again.

The emotions of every cycle is very hard to bare for me knowing my condition. I don't have the liberty of waiting too long either especially if this embryo doesn't work. You know the frustrating thing is to stop endometriosis from spreading I am on the pill so all surprise pregnancies either Hehe

Rome or toscana sounds great ! How long are you able to go for?

Hmm hope you find a good cat sitter one less worry.

Hmm how annoying I hate when people tell you to relax or just go on another honey moon it will happen. It just shows that so many people are so ignorant about infertility.

My best friend goes you should try naturally for your second one. I am 39 and I was able to do it. She only gets her period once every three months. Well I am happy for her I realised she didn't listen to any of my stories. They are hopeful they can get pregnant again with a girl this time. Some people are so lucky hehe

 

[Unlucky41]

Froggy

My RE always tells me it would be easier if it wasn't the egg issue butthe sperm. You have a great chance with IV and you are very young.

Where you are you don't get any government or health insurance help? I think that is a great idea about her baby shower idea.

When you meeting your RE to discuss your cycle?

 

[KatO79]

Kat I agree that the state doesn't want to waste money but the doctor should recommend the best treatment based on circumstances. I guess it is easier to implement a one policy for all eh?

In Australia we take one year off maternity leave. I am due back in early August. I just want to give myself some time to adjust back to three days work before trying again.

The emotions of every cycle is very hard to bare for me knowing my condition. I don't have the liberty of waiting too long either especially if this embryo doesn't work. You know the frustrating thing is to stop endometriosis from spreading I am on the pill so all surprise pregnancies either Hehe

Rome or toscana sounds great ! How long are you able to go for?

Hmm hope you find a good cat sitter one less worry.

Hmm how annoying I hate when people tell you to relax or just go on another honey moon it will happen. It just shows that so many people are so ignorant about infertility.

My best friend goes you should try naturally for your second one. I am 39 and I was able to do it. She only gets her period once every three months. Well I am happy for her I realised she didn't listen to any of my stories. They are hopeful they can get pregnant again with a girl this time. Some people are so lucky hehe

I think she felt we were a good candidate for IUI based on the fact both tubes are open plus my hormones were fine so she really thought IUI would work for us I think. If both tubes had been messed up, she would've immediately referred us to IVF but otherwise, I think they always try IUI first.

Ah I see, that makes sense Oh wow, can you get pregnant that quickly after coming back from maternity leave? I know in Denmark that most companies would be peeved about that. There's definitely a not talked about rule that you can't get pregnant until after 1 year of starting a new job and even then, I've heard about people getting fired for getting pregnant. Read about this one woman that had worked at the company she was at for 3½-4 years before getting pregnant and her collegues and boss got mad. Two months after coming back from maternity leave, they fired her for all kinds of reasons but she said she knew it was because she had gotten pregnant. Most companies aren't too family friendly in that respect and I think it was part of the reason I had huge issues finding a job: they didn't want me getting pregnant a few months later Gee, I wonder why so many women are having babies later in life and not having as many as they did 20-30 years ago? But it's great Australia is so family friendly and it's ok to get pregnant that quickly after maternity leave.

Wow so the pill can do that? But what about when you go through the FET, I assume you'll be able to stop taking BCPs for that?

We can only get away for 1 week as we'd already said yes to going to a mutual friend's wedding the 24th of July (his bachelor party is this Saturday and DH will be going to that) and DH starts his new job the first Monday of August. But we might not be able to go now as the cat sitter we contacted can't the last day before his parents come home from their trip so our cat would be starved that day and without any human contact which would be a pity So we're about to give up and just not get away this summer. If we do get pregnant in October, we most likely won't be getting away next summer either so it kinda stinks that his parents are away those few days, especially when they're going on a 2 week summer vacation before that little trip.

Yup, his parents are totally clueless. I almost got into an argument with them a few weeks ago because they had asked us about if we need to do IVF, when will we start. Then they started saying the whole relax mantra plus "think positive" because "there's nothing wrong with [us]" My explanations fell on deaf ears and they had an explanaition for everything I told them e.g. that if it's all about relaxing and positive thinking, then why didn't I get pregnant during the first 6 months? Their response? We were obviously not relaxed enough even they don't know anything about that I just gave up, they don't realize what it's like and refuse to understand "unexplained infertility" as anything other than nothing is wrong. So we have no support here My narcissistic mother just rubs it in my face how easily she had her 6 kids (she regrets all of us BTW) and my narcissistic brother won't talk to me about it (and on the one occasion he did it wasn't in a kind way) even though him and his wife went through numerous IVFs to have their daughter (his wife was 41 when they started TTCing). He basically isn't talking to me at this point because he thinks I'm being too sensitive and overreacting and should just relax and take a cruise So I only have the ladies here on BnB to talk to about and find support.

Yeah some people have it so much easier than others getting their BFP. Wish I was one of them I hope it does work out for your friend though, infertility truely stinks and I wouldn't wish it on anybody Hopefully they wouldn't be too upset if they had a boy though? But I guess if you don't have too hard a time conceiving, you can be a bit picky where I at this point will be super happy and grateful for whatever we end up getting

 

[Unlucky41]

Hi again,

Hmm I think everywhere is bad for returning mums. My role was restructured hence they had to find me another role. I only wanted part time so they got me a job share role with another lady returning replacing someone who is going on maternity leave. I am reporting to someone who is more junior than me. How bad is that eh? So since my role is only for one year it makes sense to try again asap esp with DOR.

You really think your mum resents you kids? Why You think that? Does she help your brother baby sit?

Why did your sil start so late? Career or did they met late? I feel so sorry for my friends who wants kids but still haven't found the right person yet.

My friend would probably love another boy. She is turning 40 this year so earliest she can have another baby is next year when she will be 41. It is extremely hard to try when you have a baby and your period comes once every three months. But with her luck she probably get pregnant easily. She is married to a man who can afford for her to stay at home.

But to be honest the harder it takes to get ours babies the more we treasure them!

 

[KatO79]

Hi again,

Hmm I think everywhere is bad for returning mums. My role was restructured hence they had to find me another role. I only wanted part time so they got me a job share role with another lady returning replacing someone who is going on maternity leave. I am reporting to someone who is more junior than me. How bad is that eh? So since my role is only for one year it makes sense to try again asap esp with DOR.

You really think your mum resents you kids? Why You think that? Does she help your brother baby sit?

Why did your sil start so late? Career or did they met late? I feel so sorry for my friends who wants kids but still haven't found the right person yet.

My friend would probably love another boy. She is turning 40 this year so earliest she can have another baby is next year when she will be 41. It is extremely hard to try when you have a baby and your period comes once every three months. But with her luck she probably get pregnant easily. She is married to a man who can afford for her to stay at home.

But to be honest the harder it takes to get ours babies the more we treasure them!

Your probably right. I just feel like here it's hard to even get a job when you're in the "fertile age" and newly educated since employers fear you will announce a pregnancy a few months later. Doesn't help I've heard about women getting fired for getting pregnant and this one woman that was having huge issues finding work because she had a Llttle child at home and employers didn't think she'd work as hard as someone without a child.

She has told me numerous times that she regrets having us. In her estimation, kids are not worth the effort, she has said this as well. She was even pressuring me not to have kids because she said it would be the biggest mistake of my life. She has also verbally and emotionally abused me for years and continues to do so. I'm not allowed to have a differing opinion or set boundaries, it leads to her raging no matter how politely I say things. I'm actually about 100% sure she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have so many stories about how nasty she's been to me but that'd take too long. I will mention though that she's called me selfish numerous times for no reason and even told me I have no heart with a huge smile on her lips. She's never apologised for anything in her life.

As for my brother (who I think has the same mental illness, perhaps to a slightly lesser degree though), they started having kids because they met each other late in life. I didn't even know they'd been through numerous IVF until fairly recently as they'd kept it a secret from everyone and don't want their daughter to know. He lives in the US and isn't on speaking terms with our mother because she hates his wife and has verbally attacked her on numerous occasions. She doesn't feel his wife is attractive or smart enough to be married to him and has invented and exaggerated stories she tells people to make her sound 10X worse than she is. My brother tried giving her one last chance last year and she did nothing but defend her behavior (in her estimation, she's never wrong, and I mean never) and my brother decided his daughter shouldn't be exposed to her toxic behaviour anymore. My brother has issues with me setting boundaries as well. I tried politely telling him once to not come with personal attacks during a debate (where he was telling me to just relax and I'd get pregnant despite him having gone through assisted conception) where he told me I was childish for not wanting to continue the discussion (even though I explained it was because it was emotionally too hard for me and also he wasn't listening to anything I had to say and rejecting all my counterarguments in a condescending manner) and didn't hear from him for months on end. He still doesn't really talk to me as he doesn't understand why I'm finding this journey so emotionally hard

Yep, that's true Hopefully it'll happen for both of us before the end of the year

 

[froggyfrog]

Hey guys, I'm in the u s. Only a handful of states have ivf coverage so we are stuck with the whole bill. We have a program called resolve that are constantly trying to change the laws to make it mandatory to cover it. Unfortunately it's still considered "elective". People just aren't educated on infertility here. Birth control on the other hand can be free. Family planning is not just prevention, and that's what I'm hoping people realize one day.

 

[Unlucky41]

Kat sorry to hurt about your mother being like that. I guess if she has a mental problem it is hard to argue with her. You have four other brothers and sisters are you close to them?

Hmm it sounds like your brother has issues as well. Does his wife sense any issues or he is different to her?

I get very angry when women get treated so badly at work when they need us for the next generation and to give the economy going. Without women getting pregnant who are going to support the aging population?

Are you close to your inlaws? Your husband have siblings he is close to?

I am really close to my sister but when it comes to infertility and she isn't going through the same thing it is hard for her to relate. She fell pregnant two months before me naturally no problems at all. I couldn't talk to her. She probably want a second one now too but haven't been able to wean her daughter off the breast. I too find more support on this board.

Froggy,

That is so bad I assumed US covers for the first three IVF. I hope you get your bfp first try. If you are paying for your ivf is there any reason why you have to wait till Nov?

 

[KatO79]

Hey guys, I'm in the u s. Only a handful of states have ivf coverage so we are stuck with the whole bill. We have a program called resolve that are constantly trying to change the laws to make it mandatory to cover it. Unfortunately it's still considered "elective". People just aren't educated on infertility here. Birth control on the other hand can be free. Family planning is not just prevention, and that's what I'm hoping people realize one day.

Awww too bad froggy, it stinks that you guys have to pay for it and not get a few free tries at least. I hope Resolve manages to do something about it one day. I'm lucky that this country sees infertility as a disease hence why you get 6 free IUIs and 3 free IVF tries.

Kat sorry to hurt about your mother being like that. I guess if she has a mental problem it is hard to argue with her. You have four other brothers and sisters are you close to them?

Hmm it sounds like your brother has issues as well. Does his wife sense any issues or he is different to her?

I get very angry when women get treated so badly at work when they need us for the next generation and to give the economy going. Without women getting pregnant who are going to support the aging population?

Are you close to your inlaws? Your husband have siblings he is close to?

I am really close to my sister but when it comes to infertility and she isn't going through the same thing it is hard for her to relate. She fell pregnant two months before me naturally no problems at all. I couldn't talk to her. She probably want a second one now too but haven't been able to wean her daughter off the breast. I too find more support on this board.

All my siblings are older than me and we all have different fathers so none of us were raised together.

One brother died in the mid-90s of AIDS (he was BTW gay and got it from his boyfriend).

One brother we don't know where he is as our mother always said his father was a nut job so no one has tried contacting him (I only know his first name).

The brother that I'm "closest" to is the one I talk most about and he's about 20 years older than me. He actually lived with my parents and me for many years. As you can see, he has the narcissistic tendencies. I remeber him being rough with me on one occasion when I was playing and another time he threatened to smack me because I was crying about my homework he was helping me with and it was like 9-10 PM and not done since he was trying to understand it. This brother also made drama before my wedding by being insulted that I mentioned it was a pity he couldn't stay in Denmark longer as he'd never met my husband in the 5 years before our wedding. He went crazy and was very condescending and insulting, totally changing Things so I was the guilty party for not keeping him updated and haveing procastinated with choosing the date when the truth was I'd sent him constant email updates since just a few days after our engagement and he never responded until our mother told him of the final wedding date since she was going to talk to him before me so had 9 months warning. He had even made me change the date because it wasn't convenient for him so moved my wedding 3 weeks forward. He also insulted my hubby and said that he was of no interest before our engagement and so he had no interest in meeting him (despite the fact I met his wife a few years before they got engaged and married). Plus he went after me for not having come to his daughter's Christening even though DH and I had explained to him we couldn't due to our economy and DH was travelling a lot for his job at the time and my brother blamed me for his feelings of embarrassment because his wife's family kept asking him if we'd flown over to see the baby. He pretty much told me I was selfish and childish, his usual MO whenever we have contact. He never apologised and unfortunately made me apologize for my email or they'd not come to the wedding. His wife is a total enabler and is forever telling him how fantastic he is, total ego booster which is why he married her I think.

The eldest and a brother who's close to 60 at this point I have never had a good relationship with as he also seems to have the narcissistic bent. E.g. when I invited him to my wedding 6 years ago, he never RSVPed and our narcissistic mother ended up calling him (because despite her mental issues, she's strangely enough a stickler for stuff like that). He told her he might have to drive a bus of tourists to Germany that weekend and if he did he would have to do the job as he was paying a huge sum for his son to go to private school. Never heard from him after and had luckily assumed he wasn't coming so hadn't ordered food for him, his wife or 2 children. The daughter was supposed to be my maiden of honor so ended up going with DH's little brother's then girlfriend. He didn't even bother to send me a card to congratulate me or say sorry for not being able to come or his lack of communication. He contacted me about 6 months ago on FB but only because his wife was seriously injured and he needed support yet he never bothered to be in contact with me before to be there when I needed him during those years in between.

My sister lives in the US, in a practically neighbouring state to the brother that needed IVF, I never had contact with her until after the wedding (she's about 10 years older, has 2 kids, raised by her father and his 2nd wife) although my brother had fairly recently gotten in contact with her at that point. She seems to have issues as well as she never invited me to her son's Christening in 2012 but went after me recently for not having invited her to my wedding and saying she regrets she didn't crash it. I avoid her as she has issues with me setting boundaries as well. She got insulted that I mentioned I got AF after IUI #2 failed and then began talking about how she got AF as well and how much it stinks and when I told her our AFs were different since I'm TTCing and she's not, she never wrote to me again). Then there was the time I liked one of her posts and she got all passive-aggressive and wrote something along the lines of "Wow, (my tagged name here) actually liked one of my posts, I'm so impressed!" (despite the fact she was no more active on my FB than I was on hers). I have an inkling she may have some issues as well but not sure if she's narcissistic or not but thinking she might be to a lesser degree.

The 3 siblings have united on FB and are flaunting their great sibling bond while ignoring me totally and the sister and one brother only liking a post on my FB page every 3-4 months. I'm pretty sure my brother has poisoned her against me at this point. No interest in communication, no asking how I'm doing. I don't need their drama so won't be contacting them until I've gotten my BFP and am at least 3-4 months along in the pregnancy.

My in-laws are much nicer people (I'm free of the passive-aggressive responses, insulting behavior, silent treatments, triangulation and gaslighting my family offers) except for the fact they don't get infertility and are forever saying we need to just relax and think positive DH is the middle child of 3 boys and he has great relationships with them. I actually have much, much better relationships with his whole family than I do with my own, dysfunctional one.

I'm sorry your sister is not showing any understanding for your situation, I know how that is It seems as people who haven't tried going through it are for the vast majority of the time very unsupportive because they don't understand it. I think it's one of those things you have to have tried on your own body before you truely get it. Which is why this board is so great because you can be in contact with people who are going through the same as you and you can support each other.

 

[froggyfrog]

Wow, it seems both of you ladies have a lot going on! I have a very very dysfunctional family as well but I made a personal choice to not have any of them in my life.

We are waiting to give a chance to save up as much money as we can. We will stack up our savings as much as possible, have our shower, and also do some crowd funding online. We will take out a loan for whatever else is needed, but I didn't want to take a loan for the whole thing so that it won't take long to pay off. If it doesn't take for some reason, that would be just extra hard to see a mega balance on a loan. So we are taking this time to relax, and save! We are ntnp until November. The only thing I'm tracking is my period so that I can know when to expect my next one. My dh works construction, so we move around every year to 2 years. And we are Making our next move next weekend. We decided that we can live on the road with a baby until they are at school age. And then buy our first house. I figured military kids move around and seem to function fine, so a baby can move around and be ok! And then after they turn 4 is when we will settle down!

 

[KatO79]

Wow, it seems both of you ladies have a lot going on! I have a very very dysfunctional family as well but I made a personal choice to not have any of them in my life.

We are waiting to give a chance to save up as much money as we can. We will stack up our savings as much as possible, have our shower, and also do some crowd funding online. We will take out a loan for whatever else is needed, but I didn't want to take a loan for the whole thing so that it won't take long to pay off. If it doesn't take for some reason, that would be just extra hard to see a mega balance on a loan. So we are taking this time to relax, and save! We are ntnp until November. The only thing I'm tracking is my period so that I can know when to expect my next one. My dh works construction, so we move around every year to 2 years. And we are Making our next move next weekend. We decided that we can live on the road with a baby until they are at school age. And then buy our first house. I figured military kids move around and seem to function fine, so a baby can move around and be ok! And then after they turn 4 is when we will settle down!

Sorry to hear your family is also dysfunctional froggy I may end up going the same route in the end, especially my narcissistic brother is awful and super condescending, always finding every opportunity to tell me how awful I am, even kicking me while I'm down during this TTC journey. I just want to avoid the extra stress of going NC on him right now, especially now that he's not talking to me so I have peace from him at the moment

Anyway, I understand not wanting to take a huge loan, I hope you're successful in saving the money! DH and I are NTNP as well although it's only until October in our case.

Yeah, around age 4 is probably a good age to settle down so the child can better have a stable base and make friends that they don't have to keep moving away from. Wow, that must be kinda stressful to move that often! I hate moving so wouldn't be much for moving that often

 

[Unlucky41]

So sad to hear that family has been such a problem for you both. Although my sister doesn't fully understands ivf she does care for me. I feel really blessed to have her.

I feel so scare that I can't give my daughter a sibling because we went through so much to have her. I would hate to be the only child.

Kat hope things get better with your brother but for the cycle maybe best to keep away from him. It is such an emotional roller coaster. Kat how you keeping your self busy now till Oct?

Froggy when you going to have your shower and how is moving going?

 

[KatO79]

So sad to hear that family has been such a problem for you both. Although my sister doesn't fully understands ivf she does care for me. I feel really blessed to have her.

I feel so scare that I can't give my daughter a sibling because we went through so much to have her. I would hate to be the only child.

Kat hope things get better with your brother but for the cycle maybe best to keep away from him. It is such an emotional roller coaster. Kat how you keeping your self busy now till Oct?

Froggy when you going to have your shower and how is moving going?

I hope you do succeed in giving her a sibling In our case, we'll most likely end up with only one child unless I get pregnant with twins or something during the IVF (and I think there's a higher chance they'll want to put 2 embies up when you're 36 or over) I think after our IVF hopefully succeeds and providing it's one baby, we'll just go NTNP for a few years and if nothing happens, then that's that and I'll be super grateful for the child I have. I will never go through all this craziness again, it's just too emotionally stressful, not to mention physically for me If it's twins, I think we'll be done and I'll have to convince DH to get himself "fixed" to be absolutely sure we don't have more in case I'm extra fertile after having the babies.

I basically grew up as an only child since all my siblings are much older although I don't know what it's like for normal kids as I grew up in a dysfunctional household I think if I'd had a loving sibling close to my age (and not the rat's nest of narcissists I ended up with that are anywhere from 10-24 years older), it'd have been nice. But I don't think only children suffer that much, they can of course make lots of friends and that's almost as good

As for my NPD brother (NPD = Narcissistic Personality Disorder), I don't think it'll be difficult to stay away from him as he's not talking to me at the moment. I've been thinking about it and it's been over a year since I've really talked to him via email (since we never call each other) if we don't count his verbal attack of me on FB back in January. Every email I've ever sent to him and his wife, it was his wife (a total enabler) that answered me, never him. It's like he extra checked out when we went TTC and it was taking longer than 1 year for us. I think he's "replaced" me with my NPD? sister and to a certain degree, my enabler cousin since her and her husband have the means to fly to the USA about every year and go on the expensive vacations he wants (he once told me and DH that he'd never be caught dead at a Motel 6 like we did at one point during our East coast vacation in 2010). Not that he's ever invited us to go with them on any of these vacations but I guess the fact we stayed at a Motel 6 (and even a few cheaper motels) made him feel we couldn't afford to go on their vacations anyway

It's actually tough to keep busy as a housewife but I've been trying to concentrate on making my own earrings. Been trying to find something else that isn't expensive to act as a distraction but not sure what it will be yet.

BTW everyone, I'm going to our friend's wedding on Friday and need some advice One of DH's friends is coming (he's 38, only just recently finished his degree after 16 years and I can't stand him since he's pretty selfish) and bringing his girlfriend (she 42-43 and has 2 kids with her ex-husband that are 15 and 12 I think). Now I actually liked this girlfriend until at our Christmas luncheon last year when she kept on insisting my problem must be that I'm not Oing because for 2 of her friends that was their problem. I tried telling her that that isn't our issue (our RE confirmed I do O as regularly as any "normal" woman as far as she could tell based on all the results) but she was insistant that it must be the problem and refused to listen to what I told her. Yep, yet another woman that had it easy conceiving that thinks she's an expert Since I'm not pregnant yet, she may start talking about it and how do I handle it if she doesn't listen to what I say again? Don't want to create a huge scene at the wedding.