Anyone financially dependant on oh?

[missk1989]

So my maternity finished and because we claim working tax credits I can't get jsa. All tax credits and child benefit go into oh account as he pays for house which is fair enough but now I have no income and have a £500 overdraft to pay by August. It would also be great to have some money for buying things I need and I hate asking my oh for money as I feel it should be for something more important than what I need even when it's for things like replacing my trainers that have holes in. What do you do? I work 8 hours a week so get £50 a week but it barely even covers the good bill and I can't do more hours as I have no one to have Isaac. Thanks for any advice!

 

[Sunshine12]

Im a SAHM but no chance would i ask him for money as ive always been financially independant until now so he transfers money into my account every month thats just for me to spend as i please on me/hobbies etc. We have a joint account for shopping and stuff for LO and the mortgage and bills comes out of his account. x

 

[stephie_corin]

I am as I am staying at home for the moment with our son. I'm lucky in that we have always considered our money to be joint money, regardless of who earns it. We have a joint account and it works well for us. Could you do something like this? It requires a lot of trust in your relationship and both of you have to let go of a bit of control (we don't question what the other spends money on, we just trust each other) but we always consult for big purchases.

Good luck!

 

[AngelofTroy]

Yes, I earn about £400 a month but that covers my half of the rent and leaves me only £30 spare :/ we have a joint card for joint things and at the moment I'm running down the £2000 I had in my account, once it runs out OH will have to give me some, or everything will become joint, not sure yet but I'm sure we'll work it out. I may be able to get more hours as time goes on.

 

[missk1989]

I am as I am staying at home for the moment with our son. I'm lucky in that we have always considered our money to be joint money, regardless of who earns it. We have a joint account and it works well for us. Could you do something like this? It requires a lot of trust in your relationship and both of you have to let go of a bit of control (we don't question what the other spends money on, we just trust each other) but we always consult for big purchases.

Good luck!

We have been advised against a joint account as my credit rating is so bad and we don't want his Rating to be affected by getting a joint account. I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

[Bladesgirl]

Yes I am and I hate it!! I have gone back to work but only enough to cover the likes of my DFS sofa payment, phone bill and a bit of petrol I always have to ask for money! It's annoying cos I used to have such a high disposable income and now I'm £1000 overdrawn and living penny by penny

 

[rocknrolla]

I am but again we have a joint account and i do all the banking online (he wouldn't have a clue how to even sign in to his account online!) so i have access to all our money. I also get housing benefit and child benefit paid into my personal account so it still has some activity, albeit very little. It is hard at times but with trust (and the fact i control the finances anyway!) it can be less stressful than it first seems.
I used to earn more than oh but due to redundancy it made sense for me to stay at home- no childcare options here. It was a mega difficult change for me to not be earning a thing, but we make it work. X

 

[Beccaboop]

Yep i am too. I had a temp job when i got pregnant and i stupidly thought they would keep me on while i was pregnant cos id been there 9 months before i got pregnant but i got hyperemesis and had so much time off and kept going into work but being so sick id go home again so i lost my job and i was so unwell during my pregnancy i couldnt really get another job either so i dont get maternity pay.

I couldnt get maternity allowance because i couldnt get my wage slips from the job agency and i left it a bit late to sort it out cos it has to be done by the time lo is 3 months old and being so busy with lo i just didnt get around to trying to sort it on time so i dont get that either.

Also i only qualify for child benifit but not child tax credit (or it could be the other way round) so i only get £80 a month and rely on oh for everything else! We always had a joint account anyway and before we had lo we were saving to buy our house (found out i was pregnant a week after we moved in!) so my money went into savings and we lived off of his money so its not much different now really except we dont save any money now!

 

[bumblebeexo]

I work, going back next week, so I don't have to ask my OH for money. However, the last 3 months of my maternity leave has been unpaid, so he's helped me out with the bills I cover and any extra I've needed. I couldn't do it forever though, I can't wait to start earning my own money again.

 

[AnneD]

He shouldn't let you be penniless. Either he should give you money regularly, an allowance so you can buy what you need yourself, or he should be asking if you need anything regularly and taking you out to buy it.

ETA: I used to be the main breadwinner before the baby and I would always leave my husband money for the shopping, etc. All the bills came out of my account, except what his parents insisted on paying for (some people never grow up), and he worked a couple of hours a week so he had some spending money. I would also ask on a regular basis if he needed new clothes, shoes, etc., and would pay for them if he wanted me to come shopping with him, or give him the money for them if he chose to go by himself.

 

[greenbeans12]

Yes, my OH is the only one currently working. I could never understand why some women refuse to ask their OH for money to spend on things they need or even want. Being a stay at home Mom is a job within its self and my OH recognizes that and has zero issue with giving me the funds needed to lavish myself.

My kid's are now both in daycare full time and he still gives me money weekly to go out and do whatever I wish with it. When I did work I paid for half of the bills and kept the rest of what I had to open for the both of us. My OH would still give me extra money from his end so I could go out and do more. I did buy him stuff with it and I do all of the necessity shopping so I picked up whatever it was he needed.

With him and I there was no such thing as "mine" there is only an "ours". We share an account and have separate accounts as well. If he needs money all he has to do is take my card or let me know - he doesn't have to ask permission at all. The same applies to me. I love our set up and it's worked for us for a very long time.

 

[MrsPMP]

Im a SAHM but no chance would i ask him for money as ive always been financially independant until now so he transfers money into my account every month thats just for me to spend as i please on me/hobbies etc. We have a joint account for shopping and stuff for LO and the mortgage and bills comes out of his account. x

Pretty much this

 

[SarahP13]

Technically yes, I am financially dependent on DH but neither of us see it that way. I think to say I am gives a negative impression and the truth is he is probably more dependent on me! I am a SAHM so I do all the childcare, washing, cleaning, shopping, cooking and keep on top of the house as a whole. He'd never be able to do all that! Also having me at home doing it enables him to go to work, so he feels I've helped him earn the money.

We are a partnership, a team where we are equally important. We have a joint account and personal accounts but tbh we rarely use our own. Mostly at Christmas/birthdays where we put a bit in so we can keep our purchases secret! I do ask him before making large purchases but only because he checks the bank accounts daily (we have our own business so money comes and goes quite quickly!) and I generally leave finances up to him. He never questions what I spend money on and we trust each other completely.

I don't think it would work for us if I had to 'ask' for money when I wanted it. I would feel like I was spending his money not ours and he wouldn't like that either, he respects me and my role in the family too much to do that.

 

[Pielette]

I am technically dependent on DH for money but like pp have said, we see it as ours and not his.

We have a joint account and a single account each. Every month DH gets his salary paid into his own account, then he transfers a set amount into mine to cover everything that Noah needs, plus the food shop and petrol. I also have enough left over to treat myself if I fancy it, and to pay for my personal training at the gym.

He also transfers a set amount into the joint account to cover the bills.

This way I never have to ask him for money which I would hate doing, but I have everything I need.

 

[Indi84]

I've always worked, my MA has just run out and I handed my notice in at work. So, I've not actually needed to ask my DH for money yet!
However, he earns a decent wage and I have no outstanding bills expect joint ones for the house. He's just going to give me money each month to cover them and enough for me to do something fun, like cinema and bits and bobs. Food etc comes out joint account, which he also pays for (now).

 

[6lilpigs]

As AnneD says, if there is spare money them that should be available to both, have the tax credit given to you and you give him a set smount each week with the rest available to you.

 

[Sproglet]

Before Robyn came along, we had separate finances, paid 1/2 the bills each and what was left was our own. Now we are completely joint, my SMP goes into his bank account (which we had converted into joint names) and I take small amounts of money out as and when I need it. Anything large/frivolous I ask him- not necessarily asking permission, but making sure we have the funds this month and he hasn't planned something big as well- or wait till it's Christmas/birthday and get it then.

If you're only earning £50 a week because you're busy looking after Isaac, then I would think it unfair you're doing the food shop out of that. Like Sarah says, you're (presumably) doing housework etc when you're not at work, and looking after Isaac means your husband can work. Would it be fairer if you kept the £50 a week, to be used on things you and Isaac need, like clothes, and your OH can pay for the food shopping?

 

[Lulabelle27]

This is a strange one for me because I am very independent and when me and my OH strated living together we quickly realised we needed to pool our money to make things work. It was incredibly difficult for me at first, particulary as OH was a mature student so his income was modearte compared to mine, but on the balance of things when things have been hard for me financillay he has made up the short-fall in the same way I have before. I will always be the higher earner but we dont have seperate money, it's all shared as and when we need it. Neither of us would ask the other if we needed to spend some money (within reason). It has taken me a while to get there, but i now think, we have a child together, we need to share everything else without one of us having to ask the other.

 

[Button#]

I'm a SAHM and my OH gives me a set amount each month which includes money for groceries, LOs needs, my personal bills (mobile etc) as well as a bit of spending money.

 

[xLaura]

I'm not ATM, I've still got my maternity coming in but since having my LO my outlook on life has completly changed, I was very carea (sp?) and money minded before and always fully intended to go back to work. But now I don't know if ill be able to, he's my life (cheesy ano) and I can't bare the thought of missing out on him. So we've been discussing if I don't go back and if we can afford ect. Chances are I might feel differently few months down the line so will have to wait and see but as it stands ATM I might be in the future , which will be hard for me but we'd prob do like most others suggest and him transferring me money cause I wouldn't like to have to ask for it.