Anyone not know if they're having another?

[wishuwerehere]

I know my dd2 is not even 2 weeks old so it seems early to be back here! However i can't stop this constant internal dialogue about having a third baby and if it's a good idea. I know financially it would be better with 2, both my labour have been relatively easy and i'm obly 24 so if i had no more they'd be grown up by the time i hit my early 40s. We'd be looking for a 2-3 year age gap but that would probably push back when we'd be able to buy a house, realistically we'd want a bigger car etc. On paper it seems sensible to stop at 2...
But there's a little bit of my brain that just won't stop niggling that i want another! I think part of it is desire for a boy, which is a terrible reason on it's own, but i just don't feel 'complete' iykwim?
My oh feels the same as me so at least i know i'm not butting heads with someone who feels strongly one way or the other...
But does anyone feel the same?

 

[Pearls18]

Hun I could have written your post exactly word for word but remove boy with girl, and 24 with 26. My DH is saying no more but I know I could convince him if I really wanted a 3rd....but I just don't know. I can't decide if I am only wanting a 3rd to try for a girl, or if I genuinely don't feel done yet....part of me just think 3 kids sounds busier and more fun but then the other thinks I'm glad we're done so we can "crack on" with our family life as I always feel life is on pause with a baby....I just don't know. I keep telling myself I just need to not think about it at all for a year or so, but as you say it's a constant internal dialogue I have had since he was born pretty much.

 

[RaspberryK]

I don't think I'll ever feel like I want to stop, it would only be practical reasons for limiting the number of children.
Xx

 

[Eleanor ace]

Yes yes yes! I swear that part of my brain is constantly going backwards and forwards on the 3rd child issue.
In my case, my DH would like to stop at 2. He is a tiny bit open to a 3rd, but we haven't talked too much on it (mainly because I'm scared he'll flat out say no, so I'm holding off bringing it up until my DD is sleeping better as the tiredness isn't going to help persuade him!). I've always wanted 3, and am one of 3 and love it. But I can't help thinking that if we stop at 2 it will be easier financially, we can get a smaller car, we'll be that much closer to doing family things we can't do with a baby/young toddler, we'll be that bit younger when the kids are grown up and we can go on holiday, out to dinner etc as a couple. But I feel like I was made to be pregnant (even though it is rough on my body, mentally it feels "right" if that makes sense) and the excitement of giving birth, I can't imagine not getting to do that one more time. And as an adult, I love getting together with my family and the dynamics of the three siblings- I feel like 2 is kind of incomplete, if that makes sense. Arghhhh....

 

[phoenix333]

Me too! My head strongly says stick with 2 but my heart is always in the background saying "yeah, but.....".

We have 1 of each, nicely spaced and 3 would mean getting a new car, new house and another big squeeze financially that we can't afford. Not to mention everything in the world family-wise seems geared towards 2 adults + 2 children, so sticking to 2 kids is just easier. I have reserved my right to be undecided and we are going to take stock and decide for definite yes or no in 3 years time. I know 2 is sensible, I'm just not sure I'll be able to shake the longing for another baby (maybe it's just to do with the fact that 3 is my lucky number ). x

 

[tverb84]

I don't even know when I'm having my first.

 

[wishuwerehere]

MarineWAG - i am worried that i'd be trying again because i want a boy and if it was another girl although i'd obviously cherish her i'd regret the decision to have another overall. This is why i really need to think about it properly!

Raspberryk - at least i know i definitely want no more than 3! A big family would be lovely but not for me

Eleanor ace - i keep saying to my husband 'what if that was the last time i was pregnant?' I've had quite easy pregnancies compared to a lot of women and i feel like my body wears it well, and as you say feels 'right' along with the newborn stage which i adore. But again i don't feel like that's a reason on it's own! I find preschool age quite challenging so it seems daft to queue up children who i might fi d harder the older they get....

Argh, i think i'm trying to convince myself it's a bad idea!

 

[Berri]

Hi wish I feel the same way. I now have 2 boys and while I wouldn't trade either of them, there is part of me that would love a little girl.

DH would start trying at 6wks if I said the word but I just don't know... Financially it's tough with 2 in the early days as I earn more than dh but don't get any maternity pay from work so it really sets us back a lot. But there is part of me that just can't reconcile the idea that this is the last baby.

I am 33 so not so much time up my sleeve! So confused

 

[mouse_chicky]

I think the question of having a third is almost more difficult than deciding on a first or second. I have one of each, yet I should have known that I'd want another one when I decided not to get my tubes tied with my last C-section. I have been having that internal dialogue about making it sooner rather than later, and my logic is rather far-fetched. I've been thinking I want to take the kids to Disney World at a good age, when dd is 8, ds would be 5, so wouldn't it be nice if the 3rd was not much younger than that so he or she could enjoy it, like 4?
Honestly, I really should at least wait until we can afford a bigger house and car, maybe see if I can pester dh to finish his masters to increase his paycheck. Also, I know with 2 previous C-sections, I should wait a bit to conceive again.
Yet the desire is there . . .

 

[Ganton]

I can relate to do much being said here. My second, another gorgeous little boy, is just 10 days old. I've always had a 'thing' for wanting 3, but my husband wants to stick at 2 and all his reasons make so much sense. I was struggling physically towards the end of this pregnancy and I agreed with my husband that this was it, but now I can't slake the feeling of wanting another. At the same time, I feel daunted by the 2 that I already have.

Every time I see my birthing ball around, see my tens machine in the cupboard or my partially unpacked labour bag, it makes me almost feel sick with sadness that I won't get to use them all again.

My hubby is so set on 2 that he said I'd have to be 100% certain about wanting 3 for it to be a serious consideration. Ooh, I just don't know!!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I can relate to do much being said here. My second, another gorgeous little boy, is just 10 days old. I've always had a 'thing' for wanting 3, but my husband wants to stick at 2 and all his reasons make so much sense. I was struggling physically towards the end of this pregnancy and I agreed with my husband that this was it, but now I can't slake the feeling of wanting another. At the same time, I feel daunted by the 2 that I already have.

Every time I see my birthing ball around, see my tens machine in the cupboard or my partially unpacked labour bag, it makes me almost feel sick with sadness that I won't get to use them all again.

My hubby is so set on 2 that he said I'd have to be 100% certain about wanting 3 for it to be a serious consideration. Ooh, I just don't know!!

I was sorting through my baby stuff the other week as a friend just had her DD. I picked up an open packet of maternity pads and started crying, because I might not get to use the rest of the packet. Then I was thinking about how much I loved packing my hospital bag, the excitement of packing everything in and knowing that when I got them out I'd be in labour or have just given birth- floods of tears

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I'm WTT 2 and conflicted about having a third after that. 3 just always seems like a lovely number of children to me, plus I only had one sibling and always wished I had a bigger family, and also the fact that I would hate to have the next and never be pregnant or give birth again! But having 2 kids seems to be more convenient in every other way in terms of my career, our finances, getting the house we want, car etc. etc. Basically it seems so much more sensible to do in every way but I don't think I'd feel complete without a third. It's tough!

 

[Ganton]

I can relate to do much being said here. My second, another gorgeous little boy, is just 10 days old. I've always had a 'thing' for wanting 3, but my husband wants to stick at 2 and all his reasons make so much sense. I was struggling physically towards the end of this pregnancy and I agreed with my husband that this was it, but now I can't slake the feeling of wanting another. At the same time, I feel daunted by the 2 that I already have.

Every time I see my birthing ball around, see my tens machine in the cupboard or my partially unpacked labour bag, it makes me almost feel sick with sadness that I won't get to use them all again.

My hubby is so set on 2 that he said I'd have to be 100% certain about wanting 3 for it to be a serious consideration. Ooh, I just don't know!!

I was sorting through my baby stuff the other week as a friend just had her DD. I picked up an open packet of maternity pads and started crying, because I might not get to use the rest of the packet. Then I was thinking about how much I loved packing my hospital bag, the excitement of packing everything in and knowing that when I got them out I'd be in labour or have just given birth- floods of tears

It's ridiculous isn't it! I think my hubby thinks I'm mad.

The other thing with me wanting another is that I've had the same community midwife through both of my pregnancies and I've really liked seeing he periodically over the last 3 years. It makes me sad that I won't get to see her again if I don't have another. That's a stupid reason to want another isn't it?!?

 

[klsltsp]

Me too!! I have 2 ds.. one from my previous marriage...

my new OH and I have always said 2 kids... we had a ds in June 2012 and the plan was to start last summer...since I'm now 38 and there isn't much time.. well I ended up pregnant, baby implanted on my c-section scar... I miscarried, ended up with some tissue "stuck in my scar" which continued to grow, I ended up admitted to hospital for 5 days with a mass through my uterus and my uterus was at risk of rupturing at any moment. This all happened in Oct/Nov 2013..

Now Feb 2014 I had a special ultrasound which showed that the wall of my uterus is too thin to carry a pregnancy right now.. my doc said wait 4 - 6 months we'll do another u/s and see how it's doing.

I've had to come to terms with the fact that I might not be able to have another... When I was in the hospital I went through this since if my uterus ruptured, it would have been a hysterectomy... but then there was so much hope afterwards that I got my hopes up again...

so we wait, and come my apt in June hopefully is decisive either way. I have 2 ds and have always assumed that i would have a dd... funny I know but it's true!

Anyways good luck to all of you lovely ladies!

Kim

 

[Mummy1506]

I'm in the same boat but have 2 Ds. My hubby is happy either way, like everyone else financially we should really stick with 2 as we would be more comfortable house wise 2 children could share so no major issue there. Again like pp I need to know myself if I want another 'child' or a girl I would love the child no matter what but don't want to regret the decision later on! It's so hard & think I change my mind daily. Glad I've come across this post though as I thought I was going a bit crazy lol xx

 

[sequeena]

We're not sure if we'll have another but we have different reasons. Our son is disabled and may have a genetic condition. Depending on the outcome of his tests we may or may not have another child. I don't think we'd ever have a 3rd x

 

[george83]

My youngest is only 10 weeks old so we haven't really thought about what we do in the future, we both know for all the right reasons we should stop at 2 but we'd both love to have more. As lots of you have said I can't imagine not wearing my maternity clothes again or feeling that excitement if being pregnant. One of my friends from uni just announced she's pregnant and I'm so jealous i almost want to avoid seeing her. I'm also one of the first of most of my friends to have children so to know that I've finished and have to watch every body still having theirs would break my heart

 

[Pearls18]

My best friend is pregnant now too, we had our boys young at 22, so now at 26 our friends are starting to have babies so on the one hand it's nice we're not "alone" but now I'm sad I could be "done". Plus she's having a girl which is a little salt in the wound lol (not that I would change my boys for anything of course).

 

[george83]

My best friend is pregnant now too, we had our boys young at 22, so now at 26 our friends are starting to have babies so on the one hand it's nice we're not "alone" but now I'm sad I could be "done". Plus she's having a girl which is a little salt in the wound lol (not that I would change my boys for anything of course).

I love my boys to pieces but am desperate to have a little girl so that's my biggest fear too, I'd hate to watch all of my friends go on to have little girls. In fact the only reason I wouldn't try for another is the thought of having another boy and not a girl makes me feel genuinely quite sad as I know that would be it then, I know that sounds awful though

 

[Ganton]

My best friend is pregnant now too, we had our boys young at 22, so now at 26 our friends are starting to have babies so on the one hand it's nice we're not "alone" but now I'm sad I could be "done". Plus she's having a girl which is a little salt in the wound lol (not that I would change my boys for anything of course).

I love my boys to pieces but am desperate to have a little girl so that's my biggest fear too, I'd hate to watch all of my friends go on to have little girls. In fact the only reason I wouldn't try for another is the thought of having another boy and not a girl makes me feel genuinely quite sad as I know that would be it then, I know that sounds awful though

After having DS1, I thought I wouldn't want a 3rd if our 2nd child was a boy, because I'd be too scared/upset about having 3 boys and no girls. Now that I have DS2 though, I still want a 3rd and I'm actually not as worried about having a 3rd boy. I suppose it's because I love my boys to bits and boys are all I know, so I know I'd love a 3rd boy just as much. Of course, a little girl would be lovely, but I'm not desperate for a girl like I thought I might be.