Anyone single moms, FOB not interested?

[xAmiixLouisex]

Basically, my pregnancy was through a one night stand with a friend. Who isn't much of a friend any more. After begging me to have an abortion, then blocking me on facebook and ignoring all contact.

It didn't bother me at first. But I'm really started to get frustrated the further along I get. I don't understand how he be so not interested in his child. I don't want to force it on him. But I feel like, I'm not trying hard enough and kind of hoping he'll come round to the idea. Anyone has any experience with this? I don't really know what I want to gain from this post, maybe some advice would be good..

 

[animalcracker]

Basically, my pregnancy was through a one night stand with a friend. Who isn't much of a friend any more. After begging me to have an abortion, then blocking me on facebook and ignoring all contact.

It didn't bother me at first. But I'm really started to get frustrated the further along I get. I don't understand how he be so not interested in his child. I don't want to force it on him. But I feel like, I'm not trying hard enough and kind of hoping he'll come round to the idea. Anyone has any experience with this? I don't really know what I want to gain from this post, maybe some advice would be good..

I'm really sorry you are going through that. That must be a tough situation to be in. Hoping that once baby is born he MIGHT change his mind?

Regardless, make sure that he pays you for child support. He can't just walk away and brush his hands off you completely. I am not sure what the child support laws are in the UK, but he needs to act like a man and stop being such a selfsh *&$^@.

Best of luck to you!

 

[jen1604]

Hopefully the further along you get he will see sense.

Do any of his family know?If yes,hopefully they will talk some sense into him.

 

[sjwebb]

I can't say I'm in the same position as you but its different for men, the second a woman becomes pregnant she becomes a mother (figure of speech), men on the other hand aren't a father until the baby is born...the baby is a complete stranger to them. I think its hard for them to have attachment to something that they have no feelings toward...does that make sense?

 

[kat2504]

He may be more interested when it becomes more of a reality, like when you have a massive bump and certainly when the child is born. I wouldn't necessarily count on it, but at the moment it is very easy for him to be in denial, cut all contact, and pretend like it isn't happening. He is probably sulking over not getting his own way about the abortion.

Obviously it is tough, but you will manage on your own. Hopefully he will man up to his responsibilities and be involved in his child's life when it is born. Either way he is still responsible for it.

Don't try too hard. Just look after yourself and the baby. Pregnancy is a tough time and you should concentrate on yourself and ignore him if he is being a dick. He still has 30 weeks to come round to the idea.

 

[Sew_Sweet]

Basically everything Kat said above - plus make sure to get child support from him either way.

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

Thanks girls. I'm hoping he'll change his mind once the little one is here. But if not, his loss I guess. Getting child support off him is pretty pointless as he don't work, I think I get like £5 a week or something. But, I will be taking it anyway. I've heard rumours he's also saying the child isn't his. There's no possible chance of the baby not being his, so I don't even get worked up about it, people can think what they want. But, if anyone tries to say this when little ones here I can turn round and say "Ok, if it's not his child why does he pay for it?"

Sjwebb - I called his mom and told her about the pregnancy, as he never bothered. I felt she had a right to know I was carrying her first grandchild. She was really nice on the phone and arranged to visit me. When she got her she just tried really hard to persuade me into abortion. Tried guilt tripping me about wanting better for my child such as being with someone I'm in love with, being financially stable, etc. Even after showing her my scan pic and telling her how I saw baby's heart beat she STILL tried to convince me. She eventually told me she's going to stick by her son no matter what. Then quickly hurried out the door sayin "She'll be in touch". Which, I know she wont as she doesn't even have my telephone number, just my address. And if she thinks she's going to knock on my door after the birth, she'll have a shock because I'll be shutting the door on her LOL. So, unfortunately no hope with the family members talking him round.

 

[kat2504]

When the baby is born he will have to go with you to the register office to be named on the birth certificate.
If he says the baby isn't his he may refuse to do this.
In which case you start a claim with the CSA and he will have to do a paternity test.

I reckon he may come round in time. He sound like a prize prick at the moment if he is going round making out like you have been sleeping around and his mums reaction is also not very nice for you either!
Forget about them for now as they are not worth it. If they carry on like that your baby will be better off with just you than with people like that.

 

[libbylou]

A friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend...and shortly after found out she was pregnant with his kid
He was totally MIA for pretty much the entire pregnancy. She is diabetic and had major issues with her pregnancy and he couldn't be bothered to even be present...but as soon as the baby was born, he's been there constantly, to the point where he is annoying the mother!

Hope you situation takes a turn for the better

 

[Mommy2be20]

Not the same situation at all... but single mommy to be here! My OH and I were engaged and were actively trying for a baby for 9 months, he decided at 8wks that I wasn't what he wanted and began blaming me for everything and ripping me apart.
Needless to say, he hasn't cared to come to appts or my last ultrasound, let alone see the pictures, isn't interested in seeing me or my growing bump All I'm trying to do is focus on myself and the baby that I'm so blessed to be carrying... it's their loss in the end really! Keep your chin up x

 

[yumosh]

hi

Just to say, and I'm not judging you and think its wonderful you are keeping the baby, but if it wasnt planned, then I believe he has the human right to choose not to become a father. Unfortunately, men have no choice, whilst women do. Imagine its the other way round and you have to become a parent with all the responsibility and financially support a family..and you look young, i assume he is to..so it must be terrifying for a young man (and you, fo course) to have to deal with parenthood.

please dont think I'm excusing his behaviour...it takes two and be a man etc..but reality is that some unprepared men need to see the fruits of their labour, as it were )

my sister was in similar position as you..and you know what, she just got on with it and is raising her son wonderfully...and the father fell in love with his son as soon as he saw him..

but DONT wait around for him..focus on your baby. and please dont shut the father out if he wants to see the child beacuse trust me, that child will not thank you for it..just be the better person (unless he's nasty) and that grandmother??? what a bitch. what's her excuse??? I'd always be cautious with that one!

sorry I rambled...take care an a healthy 9 months to you

 

[bumpbear]

It must be hard for men when they're in this situation: they have a superficial relationship with the mother and are suddenly faced with the prospect of a lifetime relationship. That must be difficult to deal with, especially if he is young and probably still a bit immature.

Maybe it will take him a while to realise his responsibility. Maybe he never will. Give him an adequate amount of time to come round. He's probably unimpressed that you told his mother and didnt give him the chance to do so himself so more reason to feel resentful of the whole situation.

Give him space for now. Hopefully he will man up at some point soon. And as Yumosh said, if at any point in the future he wants to take responsibility, dont stop him from doing so. Kids always want to know their fathers and if he isnt abusive or having detrimental effect on the child, they should have a relationship.

I hope it works out well for you.

 

[xAmiixLouisex]

yumosh - Yeah I'm 20, he's the same age. I wouldn't stop him seing the child anyway, if he wanted to. I tried to be nice to him when he was asking me to get an abortion, I said I'm not forcing anything on you. I understand it's a shock and wasn't planned so if you don't want to be involved that's fine with me but I am keeping the baby and that he needs to accept that. He then sent an abusive message saying I'm a slut and I planned this (not the case at all!), just a load of abuse basically. He then blocked me so I just thought ok whatever. He could of at least been nice about it. I wouldn't of had a problem if he replied saying he'd rather not be involved. But, we'll see I guess. His mom also claimed I'm being unfair and selfish. How rude. I think it was unfair that she was tyring to push me into an abortion when I clearly stated I didn't want that. But, hey what can ya do.. Thanks though

bumpbear - Yeah he was unimpressed I told his mother. It was a hard decision but I felt it was the right thing to do. Didn't want her thinking I shut her out. Although since she wasn't interested, I wish I hadn't of bothered. But at least in the future she can't tell her grandchild that I didn't try to involve them. I hope he mans up too. But we'll see. Thanks anyway

 

[Jaylynne]

Not sure how choosing to keep your baby is "selfish" and "unfair" when you're doing whats right for the LO inside you! I think the FOB and his mom are the selfish pricks. They tried forcing their wishes on you. Men are responsible for contraception too as it's their sperm that does the deed.
My husbands son/my stepson is the result of a one night stand/super brief relationship and then she turned out psycho before finding out she was pregnant. My DH even told her to never call him again since she lied about everything. 3 months later she calls him nonstop to tell him she's pregnant. We are still dealing with her control issues and lies 4+ years later. (I met DH 3 years ago).
Stick to your values and be prepared to be a single mom. Any interest he might have in the future would be a bonus then vs being let down. Sorry for the situation

 

[amjon]

The FOB for me is not really involved at all. He was not a one night stand (we had an over 2 year relationship), but he does not want to be a father to the baby. He says he will give me money, but had no interest in seeing the baby or marrying. He hasn't really cared about anything so far. I've invited him to my U/S, but he hasn't come. I don't know if he will come to one later on or not.

 

[yumosh]

sounds like a right little sod!! he's obviously acting like an idiot to cover up the shock..you know, life is so random. I think you're going to make a great mum. delete the bugger from FB. dont give him any ammunition by publicly insulting him. best revenge is success: post a pic of your scan and talk about your lovely baby and how much you're going to love him/her..all your haters will be red with rage because you've moved on and being a lady..

good luck sweet pea. remember: men come and go, a child's love is unconditional.

 

[Sew_Sweet]

Thanks girls. I'm hoping he'll change his mind once the little one is here. But if not, his loss I guess. Getting child support off him is pretty pointless as he don't work, I think I get like £5 a week or something. But, I will be taking it anyway. I've heard rumours he's also saying the child isn't his. There's no possible chance of the baby not being his, so I don't even get worked up about it, people can think what they want. But, if anyone tries to say this when little ones here I can turn round and say "Ok, if it's not his child why does he pay for it?"

Sjwebb - I called his mom and told her about the pregnancy, as he never bothered. I felt she had a right to know I was carrying her first grandchild. She was really nice on the phone and arranged to visit me. When she got her she just tried really hard to persuade me into abortion. Tried guilt tripping me about wanting better for my child such as being with someone I'm in love with, being financially stable, etc. Even after showing her my scan pic and telling her how I saw baby's heart beat she STILL tried to convince me. She eventually told me she's going to stick by her son no matter what. Then quickly hurried out the door sayin "She'll be in touch". Which, I know she wont as she doesn't even have my telephone number, just my address. And if she thinks she's going to knock on my door after the birth, she'll have a shock because I'll be shutting the door on her LOL. So, unfortunately no hope with the family members talking him round.

My god - I can't believe she would come into your home and pull such a stunt. To hell with him and his rotten family. Yeah go ahead and take whatever you can squeeze out of him money wise though. Let him say whatever he wants. So sorry -

 

[amotherslove]

my FOB is unlikely to be around either, you should come on over and visit us in the single parents side of the boards

not trying to start a fight or anything of the sort.. but to those saying "it's hard for him because he's young" i really think this is the wrong attitude. it's hard for them both as im sure we all know, and if you're going to be having sex, you must be aware that babies do happen and have the balls to be a decent person. immaturity is no excuse..

also not to be a downer and i do HOPE he comes around in the end, don;t tear yourself up about it or expect it.. sometimes.. they just dont.. i've never met my father, my sisters never met hers, my best friend has never met hers.. most of these men have children now.. theyre succesful and "good parents". but it's much easier for them to turn their back on a child they didn't want.. they never carried it.. they never bonded in that way... being a mother is something different and something they can never understand. women fall in love with babies in passing because theyre so darn adorable.. men, if the child wasn't wanted often never fall in love at all.. because many dont feel the baby-pull.

i hope the best for you, lets both hope our FOB's smarten up.

and that woman is despicable.

 

[Mommy2be20]

Sjwebb - I called his mom and told her about the pregnancy, as he never bothered. I felt she had a right to know I was carrying her first grandchild. She was really nice on the phone and arranged to visit me. When she got her she just tried really hard to persuade me into abortion. Tried guilt tripping me about wanting better for my child such as being with someone I'm in love with, being financially stable, etc. Even after showing her my scan pic and telling her how I saw baby's heart beat she STILL tried to convince me. She eventually told me she's going to stick by her son no matter what. Then quickly hurried out the door sayin "She'll be in touch". Which, I know she wont as she doesn't even have my telephone number, just my address. And if she thinks she's going to knock on my door after the birth, she'll have a shock because I'll be shutting the door on her LOL. So, unfortunately no hope with the family members talking him round.

Yuck!!! I had a similar reaction from FOB's dad.. I was appauled! He did NOT want to see my scan pictures, wouldn't even open the door more than a crack to talk to me! actually, when he saw me at the door, his first words exactly were "what do you want??" .. so, I completely understand your views on if they decide to try coming around after the baby's here, I'll be giving the SAME reaction right back! Mean? Probably, but how dare you turn your back on your innocent grandbaby! FOB's mom STILL doesn't know I'm pregnant, nor will I tell her because I'm afraid of the same reaction from her.. she'll find out someday I guess, but not from me xx

 

[LizzieM83]

Basically, my pregnancy was through a one night stand with a friend. Who isn't much of a friend any more. After begging me to have an abortion, then blocking me on facebook and ignoring all contact.

It didn't bother me at first. But I'm really started to get frustrated the further along I get. I don't understand how he be so not interested in his child. I don't want to force it on him. But I feel like, I'm not trying hard enough and kind of hoping he'll come round to the idea. Anyone has any experience with this? I don't really know what I want to gain from this post, maybe some advice would be good..

Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm in a similar one myself. Had a "passionate" relationship with my baby's father for 4 years. Things were going great until I got pregnant. I wanted to keep the baby, he didn't. He made me choose between him and the baby. I chose to keep my baby and ever since I haven't heard from him. I haven't bothered reaching out to him. If he wants to be a part of his child's life he will, that's one thing you can never force onto someone...fatherhood. Sad but true. I do pray that he will come back but in the meantime I can't be stressing, I just have to be strong.

Sweetie, you have to worry about taking care of yourself and your baby. This is a blessing, being a mother is be a blessing. I agree with the person that said that we become mom's as soon as we find out we're pregnant and dad's until they hold/see thier child. Hopefully he will come back and realize what a great thing he's been missing out on. I wish you all the best!!