Anyone ttc #2 with a 3 year plus age gap? Good things about big age gap!

fuschia

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So if id had my way I would have had mine really close but after a emcs with dd I was strongly advised to wait 18 months so we did. Im now 10 months on from there and my dd will be at least 3 when/if we have no2. I originally really wanted it to be 2.5 years ish as thats the closed I was going to get but obv that's changed now!

Is anyone purposefully going for 3 year plus age gap?

The friends I have with 2 children under 2/3 really have their hands full! I do wonder if the bigger gap makes things easier or harder because you have 2 kids on different wave lengths!

What do you all think? Looking for positive things the bigger the gap really! ! Xx
 
My daughter is 3 now and we are pregnant with number two, I wanted them closer but had losses. I'm excited because she will be able to help look after her little brother or sister :) I would of preferred them closer but, what will be will be :)
 
Hi mummy to be - massive congrats and I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

That's just it isn't it... you only have so much control over it .

Yes your daughter will be at a lovely age really and id imagine quite protective over her little sibling :)

I was 6 when my bro was born and it jut didn't work all that well imo! Although when he was a baby till about 3 years I loved looking after him... then we were just world's apart and still are really though I can see us getting closer in a few years (hes 19)

Xxx
 
When I had my daughter my son was 3 and half. I tried to get pregnant straight after he was born but took me almost 3 years to get pregnant. As much as I wanted a smaller age gap I really cant complain. My son adores his little sister and she thinks he is the best thing ever. He helps out with her and is old enough to understand that the baby needs mummys attention a little more sometimes. If he wants a drink etc and im changing her nappy or dressing her, he is very understanding that mummy needs to sort the baby first and just waits patiently. This also helped when i was pregnant. Mummy isnt feeling well atm lets watch a film together or when running to the bathroom and not having to worry about him trashing the place or causing too much trouble. He is also old enough to play with her and I can trust him to be gentle and not get too heavy handed which may be a problem with a younger child.
Best thing though is how much he makes her laugh. I love watching them together. They are proper little mates. I know that will change as they get older but there is 2 years between me and my sister, we started off as best mates then fought like cat and dog and now best mates again.
 
Coopers_mummy thank you so much that is lovely :)

it must have been hard for you trying so long but it sounds like it was meant to be this way for you - sounds perfect! Xx
 
Yeah it was awful. But its such a lovely age gap. Nice now too because cooper is at school all day now so I get to spend bonding time with harper without him feeling pushed out
 
We're on our first cycle ttc and our son is 3 next month. Basically, before then we weren't ready, and I think that's more important than an "ideal" age gap. I'm a full time mum, but by the time baby is here (hopefully), he will be in pre-school for 2.5 days a week with his free hours. That isn't something I could have had with a closer age gap. Not long after that he'll be at school, so more time again with baby. He already understands that mummy and daddy are hoping for another baby, so in a years time - give or take - I would expect him to be very used to the idea, and old enough to help out and understand when mummy needs time to feed the baby etc. We have friends with their children closer together, and I think it's a lot like having 2 babies, whereas a bigger gap gives you a baby and a child so it's a bit easier to reason with the older one.
 
Coopers_mummy and amyface - thank you. You have both said about the older one being at school/pre school which is a really good point because you will never get that same 1-1 time with a second baby but it must really help and be great for helping you keep your cool and giving each child really great quality time.

Not at all suggesting that those with children close to getting dont though! Its just juggling act I guess.

Been with my friend this am she has a 23 month old and a 4 month old... I think she found it easy when 4 month old 1st born but now hes getting heavier and awake more - the challenges are becoming apparent! Of course her older one is still a baby really and not even 2 so is quite demanding on mums time. Shes learning very well to be gentle with baby but hashad a few incidents of being a bit rough and at the end of the day a 23 month old struggles to think of others feelings and needs ! Although she is certainly learning quickly! Xxx
 
We are ttc our third now with dd being 13 months. But after taking so lomg to conceive her plus I'm already having to see a specialist for treatment we know it may take a long time this time too. If not and fingers crossed it doesnt, she will be about 2 if it happens fast. My neices are not that far apart in age and the older one is great with her baby sister. I think girls have that maternal instinct from a young age. My dd is already obssesed with babies and we are already teaching her to be gentle with the cat so hopefully it will be just as nice lol
 
If we catch this cycle I'll be due two weeks before LO is 3 and obviously if I don't he'll be over 3. I wanted a bit younger but not much as we live in a top floor flat and I needed him to be good at getting up and down the stairs before I got pregnant. Also he's sleeping a lot better now so I actually have some energy to TTC! I love the idea of him helping with his younger sibling and he's started getting interested in babies so he might actually enjoy scans and stuff.
 
We briefly tried to TTC at a time when we would've ended up with a 20 month gap, but it didn't work out (I think I had a chemical). Now we're WTT again because of lots of big changes (moving, new job, etc.). I'm guessing we'll end up with about a three year gap, and honestly, after dealing with my daughter as a toddler, I'm glad we'll have the extra time. She requires attention nearly 100% of the time, and even though she's an absolute blast, I can't imagine having another LO soon.

At three, a lot of toddlers are better at entertaining themselves, can communicate better, and understand more. They might be more prone to jealously, but I think in a lot of ways they're better equipped to be big siblings. I'm still a little bummed we won't have two so close together, but I do think it'll make our lives easier while they're little.
 
my son is 11 yrs old that's a gap I cant believe im having such baby fever its strange but I just cant shake the feeling so I got into action cycle 1 for me hoping for a BFP in may. I believe my son will be an awesome big brother and a wonderful helper to me I cant wait to see him in action as he is a very caring and nurturing child I asked him would he like a brother or sister he said ma I want a baby brother so we can wrestle and I can show him how to be cool like me its awesome watching sibling engage.
 
My son is 4 so if we are lucky enough to fall pregnant with no 2 he will be 5 and in school. Not what I had planned at all. Been trying for a year and a half. Had a cycle of clomid and it caused a big cyst so I have to stop that too. What will be will be. Hoping they would still bond but worried they will barely have anything in common with the age gap being so big.
 
Between DS and DD there is 6y and 11m. But DS has autism so like an overgrown 3 year old. I wanted them closer together, but I broke up with DS's dad as he was an idiot to say the least. Hopefully found mr right now. The advantage though he adores his sister and always looking out for her. He will tell me if she's crying. He will try and calm her down if I'm busy cooking, not picking her up but he will say don't cry Erika and give her a hug or lay next to her, he'll put her dirty nappies in the bin and sit next to me if I'm feeding her. I did not expect any of these things from him and thought he'd just ignore her! So although I didn't want such a big age gap, it seems perfect for them.

However, I hope no. 3 won't have such a big gap so back to TTC for me.
 
Emy- from my experience of a 6 year age gap.. I would say having an older boy would make much more likely they would bond more.
. Even if it takes a few years!

If you have a baby boy... well you will have 2 boys so chances are they will share lots on a level ground! And if it's a girl... they mature faster than boys and there won't be this massive difference of wave length when they are older like ive had with my little bro! But like you so what will be will be and you don't know what you will get as all kids are unique.

For me I loved having a baby bro and looked after him and adored him until he got to about 11 and I was 17!!

Mummy2o thanks for sharing. .. sounds wonderful. And id imagine from my experience with autism atwork that it will be so beneficial for your son to have a younger sibling as it will teach him a lot and I can imagine it would have been much more difficult for you if you had 2 closer together.

Im happy I started this thread because its nice to hear a little about other people's personal experiences and its made me feel very positive no matter what the outcome will be for us! !! Xx
 
Jacob's 4 at the moment & he'll probably be 5 if we're successful TTC #2. I don't mind that we'll have the age gap there, I think it'll work out quite nicely :).
 

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