anyone wtt for 2nd but with partner who isnt dad to 1st and nervous about it?

[Melissa93]

I have a 2 year old daughter and have been with my partner 18 months, I love him we have talked about our future such as holidays, buying a house, jobs we want when finished college and having children, we both really want another but there is a part of me thats a bit scared, with my daughter I had split from her dad before I found out I was pregnant so was on my own through pregnancy and was single mom for 8 months and I dont want to go through that again plus I hate having to 'share' my daughter because the family is split, am I being stupid for thinking this or is it pretty normal x

 

[myangel167]

although i cannot relate personally, i promise u that u are not stupid for feeling that way.im sure any woman would in your shoes. It must have been so traumatic for you having to go through a pregnancy alone and dealing with a newborn alone. COngrats to you for going through that, u are a very strong woman!

 

[siobhankerry]

deffinetly not stupid too feel like that, i havent been in ur position, but if its what u both want & u both feel ready then go for it x

 

[KalonKiki]

I haven't personally been in your situation, but my mother has. She has 3 different fathers between her 5 biological children (I'm #1 of 5) and I'm sure that she had the same worries as you when she was trying for my two sisters and brother. I know it's scary to think about those things, but you love your OH enough to marry and have a baby with him, so what are the chances that you two wouldn't work out? If you don't believe that there is any chance that the two of you wouldn't work due to major differences or things you can't compromise on then there should be nothing for you to fear. You can't let fear rule you, either. Sure, you might not work out, there's always that chance, but isn't it worth the risk? What's the point in life if we don't take leaps of faith now and then because we're afraid that we'll get hurt? Hang in there, mama, I know that you're strong enough to conquer your fear.

 

[aidensxmomma]

My OH and I plan on trying in October. Hes not the father of my other kids, so this will be his first. I have some of the same worries. Especially since my kids' dad and I were together for 5 years before we split up, I thought everything was great and then things just fell apart. However, I love my OH and im very excited for our future together. To me, it is definitely worth taking the leap. And even though I am worried about being a single mom again, if I have to, I know I can handle it.

 

[dom85]

What aidensxmomma said

I was like you, I wasn't with my DS' Dad while I was pregnant either so went through the whole thing alone and I didn't my OH until my DS was almost 3 so I have had a long time with him all to myself and although it's tough to be a single mum I find it tough to share the responsibility too sometimes which upsets OH because he says he sees him as his own son.

I understand why you're worried hun, bringing a child into the world is a big responsibility and even my friends who have been married for years had all these insecurities when they were trying too. I try not to think too much about what could happen in the future, I just know that for where we are right now I can't see a reason that me and OH would split up, we've been through some tough times already and stuck together rather than let it pull us apart.

Have you spoken to your OH about these fears?

 

[QuintinsMommy]

glad I found this thread and I'm not alone, we are wtt till September , we are getting married in august,
I have my son on my own, (FOB and I split before I knew I was pregnant, my son has never met his bio dad) and though being a single mother was hard, I loved every moment of it, I loved having my son to myself. Now we are talking about ttc I have so many fears, what if my son feels left out? what if OH feels a stronger tie to his bio child? will OH family treat baby #2 differently ? will I favor my older child?

OH and I have long talks over this, he has the same fears as well,

 

[dom85]

glad I found this thread and I'm not alone, we are wtt till September , we are getting married in august,
I have my son on my own, (FOB and I split before I knew I was pregnant, my son has never met his bio dad) and though being a single mother was hard, I loved every moment of it, I loved having my son to myself. Now we are talking about ttc I have so many fears, what if my son feels left out? what if OH feels a stronger tie to his bio child? will OH family treat baby #2 differently ? will I favor my older child?

OH and I have long talks over this, he has the same fears as well,

We're the same. We have had long talks about my fears that he will love his bio child more than DS and although it's frustrating for me sometimes he said that he honestly can't give me a sure answer because he just doesn't know what it's like to go through a pregnancy and birth of a child yet. He did say though that regardless of another baby he will still love DS the same as he does now which is as his own child, he misses him when he's at work and is protective of him etc and I am very happy with how they have bonded so I just have to accept that really.

DS is really excited about becoming a big brother some day too which makes me feel better about him not feeling left out. I guess none of these fears will be put to rest or otherwise until we've actually had a baby together which I am so excited about so it's not putting me off too much.

 

[QuintinsMommy]

My son is also excited to be a big brother, though I'm sure he will super jealous my son is a huge mommas boy

When OH and I first started talking about baby #2 he said he will love quintin the same as baby #2 and I told him he hasn't experienced having a bio child so he can't know till it happens,

My OH is also scared of the baby stage, because OH didn't meet quintin till he was 2 years old.