Anyone's OH want to start TTC but you want to wait?

[Itsychik]

I know it's often the other way around, but I'm wondering if anyone's OH is ready/pushing to start TTC again but you want to wait? Some personal questions...

How are you guys handling that?
What have you decided?
Did you reach a compromise?
Why does he want to TTC and why do you want to wait?

We have 2 children and I've always said to DH that I'd like 3. DH would be happy staying at 2, but is willing to have a 3rd because I want to. But neither of us really "love" the newborn phase and DH just turned 36 (I'm 31) and he would like to start TTC to "get the baby phase out of the way asap" and before he gets much older.

But I don't particularly like pregnancy (I had m/s the entire 9 months with my DD) and I had a HARD time adjusting to 2 kids plus PND for 6 months PP, and am worried how I would handle 3 with such a small age gap between the last 2. I'm also still breast feeding and am afraid pregnancy would kill off my (already) low supply, not to mention being pregnant/nauseous again with a baby under 1 and an active toddler on the loose...

To compromise we've agreed to NTNP (and I'm avoiding DTD around when I think I might be ovulating) but it got me wondering how other couples in a similar situation work this out?

Thanks

 

[krissie328]

I am in that situation. We really haven't reached much of a compromise. He wants to start asap and I want to wait until ds is 1.5-2. He he currently 6 months.

DH reasoning is because we have both male and female infertility and it took us 8 years to get DS. I want to wait because it was our first medicated cycle we got pregnant. Plus I want to get my car paid off so I can drop to half time at work with 2 little ones. That should happen in a year and a half. I have found working full time with one to be a lot of work and I cannot imagine adding another one.

I don't want a big age gap, maybe 3.5 years tops and our previous trouble ttc does worry me. I am considering when ds turns one deciding if we want to proceed or wait longer.

 

[HappyAnjeL]

DH would be happy to stick with the one we have, though I always wanted a bunch of kids (now that I have one, I've changed my tune , and two is my max number!) DH is older than I am, and doesn't want to 'start over again/change diapers forever' by waiting til DD is in school.

We are waiting.. because we need to both be on board for a baby, and we aren't, so its not happening until we are. I would give him the same respect if I wanted to try and he didn't. There is no compromise for us, I am a stay at home mom, so most of the childcare is my responsibility anyway. I have been feeling depressed and anxious being a stay at home mom and would really like to get back out in the adult world before committing to being 'stuck' home with a newborn all over again.

I'd like to work a while to make sure we can build our savings up so we are more financially comfortable when the time comes. I hate worrying about money. And lastly, we are stretched for space where we live and I would like to own our own home- so me working is essential to save for a decent down payment (OH makes enough to cover our rent and bills, but we don't have enough extra to put significant amounts aside for down payment & emergencies). DD is still sleeping in our bed, our living room looks like a toys r us exploded in it, and her room is packed with all the things we just cant fit anywhere else.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

Hubby has been ready for a couple months now and keeps saying "we should make another one!" at random times... before I was the one with the baby fever. I even stopped taking my pills in preparation. But I'm just not ready to go through night wake-ups again, especially since there is a very good chance of hubby being gone for months soon (he had to leave when DD was 5 weeks old, and it was hard even with her sleeping through!). He understands that I don't want to be pregnant with a toddler while he's deployed (at least while DD is still so young), so we're waiting and just enjoying having one for now. After he gets back we'll probably work on number 2 in the summer/fall.

I miss being pregnant soooooo much, so it's hard to not just toss it up in the air and just go for it. Especially when I keep having baby dreams!

 

[LoveCakes]

Hubby would have started on our honeymoon buy I only had a temporary job then got a permanent job after 6 months. I wanted to wait a year both to get settled in and so I was covered by their enhanced maternity package. He went along with it as it made sense. (I only lasted 8 months though before getting too broody lol)

I would have wanted to wait a year after getting married though to get time to ourselves which was lucky as it was a really rough year for our relationship and a baby wouldn't have been right for us.

In the end it took us 2+ years but I still think my original reasons were valid.

This time we have agreed to wait until LO is one before going back for clinic referrals but I get if I said let's do it now to oh he'd say yes. For me of like a bigger age gap, time for my body to recover plus as I'm taking a year off with LO I don't want to go backbto work pg!

 

[sherwood]

...

 

[sarahuk]

Totally there with you!

It took me almost 3 years to have my first son who is currently 21 months. Then boom..surprise pregnancy when he was 5 months. It was a big adjustment with a newborn and a 14month old but we got into the swing of things. Now my yougest is creeping up to 7 months and its all mostly plain sailing.

We always talked about having a third but after two pregnancies back to back, both with hyperemesis, I have been enjoying the break. Now he has announced he wants me to take my implant out and start on baby 3 ASAP. We get married in August didnt expect to be throwing up for it!! I am just not ready.

We have reached the compromise that we will wait till the wedding and Ill take the implant out then. Im hoping that by then I will be ready to try for another. Hes dropping little hints every day atm about another baby so maybe Ill have murdered him before then anyway removing the worry lol!!

xx

 

[CandiceSj]

To me, TTC right away or wanting to wait is one of those things where there isn't any compromise - the one who wants to wait wins, especially if it's the woman. Of course I wouldn't want a man to be forced into fatherhood faster than he feels it should be, but let's be real in admitting that the woman bears the physical symptoms of the pregnancy and therefore the additional hardship of caring for the other kids while pregnant, and then if you consider that generally women are main caretakers of the children, they really have a much bigger impact during pregnancy and after when the child is born than the man does.

So it's not so much a compromise that needs to be made... more of... convincing. hehe

For your questions

What have you decided? We haven't decided yet because really the ball is in my court and I'm the unsure one.

Why does he want to TTC and why do you want to wait? Husband is an only child and always wanted a larger family, so for him 2 is not enough. I don't dislike the idea of 3 children but I dislike being pregnant and I'm kind of enjoying the new calm now that my youngest is not a toddler anymore and I'm not sure I want to break it just now, but at the same time I don't want the age difference to be so big that it's like starting over from scratch.