Anything but tearing!

[PrettyFlowers]

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[Mrs HM]

Hiya and welcome!
Sorry I can't really help you with tearing as I had an emergency c-section, but I wanted to reassure you that when the time comes you won't give a rats *ss what's going on as long as baby comes out safely!

Hopefully one of the other ladies will be able to reassure you about tearing...a section has its own problems as does natural delivery, and you could be one of those lucky ladies who delivers without tears!

 

[eeyore2911]

Don't listen to horror stories lol! Its never as bad as you build it up to be...With DS1 I had not the easiest time(induction & 19 hours) and had a second degree tear. Didn't feel it at the time thanks to drugs !! Dissolvable stitches that I knew nothing about till afterwards and back in the saddle (so to speak) a month later. With DS2 I was in labour less than an hour, had no pain relief and he was born on bathroom floor with just BF to help.... No tearing or anything that time. Nature is wacko and will do it's own thing.

 

[PrettyFlowers]

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[wombat1]

*shudder* even just this thread title made me cringe. I too am terrified of ripping horribly but I really want to have a natural birth. I found this (while googling horror stories): https://www.epi-no.co.uk it is supposed to help reduce the chance of tearing. No idea if it works I've never had a baby but I read some good things so I will certainly be getting one. Anything that might help!

 

[katherinegrey]

I had to have an episitomy to stop me tearing and honestly, yes recovery was sore, I barely felt the cut as I had an epidural, but it was sore to sit down for a few days but I was out walking with my pram 3 days after the birth and we had sex three weeks after with no issues, so it's honestly not that bad

 

[schmetterling]

I had a small tear during my drug free birth. It was no big deal. You don't realize it's happening at the time and I healed completely back to normal within weeks if you are worried about it, I would look into natural birth and try to get a knowledgable midwife. The thing is, you are very unlikely to tear if you push when your body tells you to and don't try to rush the pushing stage. Everytime the baby moves out a little, he stretches you naturally then he'll pop back up. If you allow this process to happen naturally its very unlikely you'll tear. I think I pushed too much (even when my body was telling me to rest) which is why I had a small tear. Hope this helped welcome and congrats on having a ttc date!

 

[PrettyFlowers]

I had a small tear during my drug free birth. It was no big deal. You don't realize it's happening at the time and I healed completely back to normal within weeks if you are worried about it, I would look into natural birth and try to get a knowledgable midwife. The thing is, you are very unlikely to tear if you push when your body tells you to and don't try to rush the pushing stage. Everytime the baby moves out a little, he stretches you naturally then he'll pop back up. If you allow this process to happen naturally its very unlikely you'll tear. I think I pushed too much (even when my body was telling me to rest) which is why I had a small tear. Hope this helped welcome and congrats on having a ttc date!

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[staralfur]

I tore really, really badly... we're talking all the way to the, ahem, "back end" (sorry, TMI) and it took like an hour and a half to stitch up. I also had a few superficial tears.

I won't lie, it wasn't fun and it took nearly 6 months to feel normal down there again.

BUT, once I did feel normal, that was it. It hasn't affected anything long-term and I'm actually not even the slightest bit worried about giving birth vaginally again.

My tears were also due to her shoulders which were very wide and got stuck, which isn't a 'normal' occurrence; I got her head out just fine.

 

[ds0910]

I am also a horror story. I had a full 4th degree tear, as in they both turned into one hole iykwim. After my epidural wore off yes, it was extremely painful BUT...I wasn't concerned about it one bit. And I will add that I was like you before birth and was TERRIFIED of tearing. It took a few weeks for me to get healed to where I could function more like normal and I wound up having to have corrective surgery on my rectum 5 months later because it wouldn't heal properly. But hunny, when they plop that lump of gooy love on your chest you honestly won't be able to care less about down there, even after you get home. By the way, I am completely healed now and have been for quite some time and sex would be like normal if my libido hadn't disappeared somewhere. Hormones I believe are responsible for that though, has nothing to do with former tear. Relax

 

[Reidfidleir]

I had a water birth at home. No tearing! First baby too. Yes he was 6 lbs but he also had both hands up over his face so it took three hours to push him out. I believe the water and the time it took helped. I just let my body push. I didnt consciously push more neither did I have the energy to want to.

 

[PrettyFlowers]

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[GreyGirl]

I tore, didn't feel it at the time. Had to get sewn up and it was sore to sit for a while. No pain peeing though and although uncomfortable during sex (still) I live with it. Not worried about giving birth again.

 

[Button#]

I didn't tear but I had to have an episiotamy. It wasn't as bad as I thought and it healed fine. I was scared of tearing and episiotomies but in the moment you just want the baby out!

Afterwards I found sitting on a cushion helped.

 

[PrettyFlowers]

I tore, didn't feel it at the time. Had to get sewn up and it was sore to sit for a while. No pain peeing though and although uncomfortable during sex (still) I live with it. Not worried about giving birth again.

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[PearDrops20]

I had a first degree tear it stung for a few days after as it was healing & it didn't hurt when I peed. I've had no lasting damage from it & sex is fine lol, I think I got it as the midwife threatened me with a catheter so I pushed like my life depended on it

 

[lhancock90]

Hey! Nope, i didn't even feel myself tear. I'll admit the stitching wasn't pleasant but for me, the pain afterwards was liveable, baths in warm water and loose clothing helped a lot. & now i'm back to normal! Sometimes i get the odd twinge but it didnt affect my sex life at all

 

[BunnyN]

LO was 9ld 5oz with a big head. I had a small tear with 4 stitches. I didn't feel it happen and didn't really have pain afterwards, only mild discomfort. It didn't even sting when I peed. I do wonder if rushing the pushing tward the end caused the tear. The MW had started talking about hospital transfer (it was a HB) as I had a long labour so I was keen to speed things up. Next time I would have more confidence and ask not to be rushed. It was no big deal though. Sex two weeks after birth was only very, very mildly tender and after 6 weeks there was no tenderness at all.

Induction, augmentation of labour, lying on your back and epidural all increase the chances of tearing or being cut so if you really scared about it there might be a lot you can do to avoid a bad tear. Water birth is suposed to reduce the risk and perneal massage is often recomended. I tried to do perneal massage but just couldn't reach down there twards the end of the pregnancy, lol.

The majority of women who have had both episiotomy and a tear say that the tear was much better to recover from. I had a friend who had an episiotomy with her first and it took months to recover. With her second she had a 3 degree tear and recovered in weeks. My mum was cut in her first labour and saiid it was very painful afterwards. Her second labour she wan't cut and only had a small graze. so I made it clear I didn't want to be cut to prevent tearing.

As other women have said you probably won't even care about it when the time comes. Funnily enough the thought crossed my mind during pushing and I thought 'i don't think I'm going to tear but I really couldn't care less if I do'. When the midwife said I needed stitches I was vaguely surprized but I was far to busy having cuddles to pay much attention.

 

[J04NN4]

I had two second degree tears and took about an hour to stitch up. DS was 8lb and after a very long labour was delivered very quickly (20 mins from 'hang on, I think I need to push' to him being in my arms). I did feel the one as it happened and I'm not going to lie, it really hurt. But it's so quick and you're so near the end at that stage that you also feel so much relief that baby is coming out! It was very sore to pee for a couple of weeks, and it still gets a bit sore at times but sex is absolutely fine, no different to before and hubby says it is for him too. I was terrified of tearing and I know it sounds really grim but honestly you'll manage. Throughout labour and those early days of parenthood you'll find so much strength you didn't know you had. And hey, you might be one of the lucky ones that doesn't tear anyway.

 

[HoneyBee144]

I was similar to JO4NN4 in that my baby was 8lb 6oz and took about 45 minutes pushing but it only took so long because his chin was deflexed! At 4.20am they suggested an episiotomy but LO decided to shoot out at 4.21am leaving them no time to cut me! I ended up with a third degree tear and had to have an epidural and go to theatre to be stitched up afterwards. I won't lie it really hurt and it is still stinging and sore 17 weeks after but I was out and about 6 days after having baby. Emotionally I was shocked and physically found it hard to care for LO but I think that's more the whole giving birth not just the tearing!

This may sound crazy but I think it sounds worse than it is. It's painful and horrible and quite frankly 'tearing' is a horrible word but in the grand scheme of things you've just given birth to the most amazing little person. It all becomes relative