Are all men romantically clueless??

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by IHrtSteve, Jun 2, 2011.

  1. IHrtSteve

    IHrtSteve Mommy to 2, almost 3 boys

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    I know my husband loves me. He is a great dad. He is a hard worker, at work and around the house (gardening etc). I guess I just feel like I need more from him emotionally. It is difficult to get out on date nights but I feel like the only reason we ever do, is because I make it happen. I arrange the babysitter, make the reservation,etc. He never says "let me take you out" and he NEVER just makes a reservation to surprise me. He just isn't romantic AT ALL. I can't remember the last time he brought me home a treat or even grabbed me and gave me a big kiss. We haven't even been married for 3 years, and he treats me like I am his wife of 40 years.

    I try to make sure I give him all the wifely NEEDs he may have. I try to look good for him, take care of the house, the kids, and even while preggers...I try to keep his sexual needs met (sorry if that is tmi).

    I am not really complaining but I am wondering how everyone else's hubbies treat them. Honestly, can you girls remember the last time your hubby brought you flowers or took you out for a special dinner?? (not birthday but for no reason).

    Is this just how men are or am I missing something from him?

    I need some romance! Waaaaaaaaaaah
     
  2. sueh81

    sueh81 Mummy to 1 & 1 on the way

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    mine is exactly the same hun!! He's an absolute darling with looking after the house and being the bread winner etc but it's always me that has to initiate going out for a meal or to the cinema unless it's a special occasion like my birthday but even then I have to decide where we go!!
     
  3. babytibby

    babytibby Well-Known Member

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    not sure about all men but mine has been declared romantically dead. Never dos anyything spontaneous (sp) or treats me, nothing like that. It does my head in at ties but then i am learning its part of him and his other good points outweigh this very bad one lol.

    I wouldnt mind so much but he watched every romantic chick flick thats ever been created so I would expect a little more from him in that way.... lol
     
  4. babytimeee

    babytimeee Well-Known Member

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    Funny you say this! Nick takes me out to places and such but I will pick him up little things like the other day I bought him an It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia magnet (it was like $3) and he was so excited. I'm not asking for big things like diamonds or anything but little prezzies here and there just to know he is thinking of me would be so nice.

    I always tell him I wish he was more thoughtful or romantic, and he gets all upset and asks me what I would like him to do for me... and all I can really say is "Well if I told you what I want you to do it wouldn't be the same! I want you to do cute things of your own accord, not because I tell you to!" And he just doesn't get it and tells me he can't do "cute things" if he doesn't know what they are.. and all I say is "My point exactly!" haha
     
  5. paigekins

    paigekins Proud Mama of Twin Boys

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    yep. i can relate.
     
  6. seoj

    seoj Our family of four...

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    I think it depends on what works for your relationship... personally, I'm not a HUGE fan of the "ooey gooey mushy" stuff! lol. But my hubby does little things every day that, to me, feel sweet... like he rubs my feet every night since prego, lol, and he's very thoughtful... if he's out and about, he calls to see if I need anything or if I want something to eat... and that may sound silly or like it's not a big deal, but to me, it's everything! It means he's thinking about me all the time... and that means more to me than one big romantic gesture. Which, honestly, he doesn't do that often... except for my Bday or mothers day etc... he always steps up his game then! lol. He also sends me text to say 'I love you' or how's our little girl doing and give her some rubs for me... he rubs my tummy all the time and talks to the baby already... and just well, overall, he's such a good man... and it's the little things he does that make me smile :) I've for sure made more of the "romantic" plans for us, but it doesn't bother me cause I know he takes care of me on a daily basis.

    If you need more romance, then let him know hun... maybe just drop more "hints"- but not too subtle or else he may not pick up on them! lol. Some men just need that little push in the right direction... but it's certainly OK for you to take the lead sometimes and make it happen. Long as he is on board with the romantic night, then that's great!!!!!

    Maybe just grab him one day and give him a big smooch, hehe, sometimes they need to SEE what you want in order for it to "sink in"! ;)
     
  7. IHrtSteve

    IHrtSteve Mommy to 2, almost 3 boys

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    Thanks girls... It helps to know I am not the only one.
    I hate to be a nagger and beg for the romance. Its like babytime said, it loses something when you have to ask for it.
     
  8. Gnomer

    Gnomer Expecting number 2!

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    This is why I sometimes wish I was the man! I'd have a damn good excuse to think these things aren't important ;D

    My OH is lovely though. I shouldn't complain. (I will complain however!)

    I've never had flowers, no matter how many times i drop hints, tell him my favourite flowers, tell him when they are in bloom, AND tell him my favourite (AND CHEAP) florist.
    Sometimes he'll come back from the shop with a bar of chocolate for me, or my favourite drink.

    He was planning on getting me a day at a spa for my up and coming birthday. But changed his mind since my midwife told him I cannot use Jacuzzis or things like that xD So now, he is getting me nursery furniture instead! :haha:

    We sometimes go for dinner, but its generally if he wants to eat there. Least i still get there though, right?

    He tries, bless him. But hasn't hit the mark JUST yet!
    I'm hoping this all changes when he EVENTUALLY asks me to marry him. :haha: Now if that proposal is amazing, all shall be forgiven! xD
     
  9. Princess26

    Princess26 Well-Known Member

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    My boyfriend can be really sweet. I have been feeling really tired and down and when he done the shopping he got me my fav chocolate and ice cream. He runs me baths and makes me tea whenever I want. Even before I was pregnant he did cute sweet things for me. So luckly to have him
     
  10. JZW

    JZW Mummy to Evie <3 & NTNP

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    Haha some men get it, some don't. Hubby doesn't do showy romantic gestures all the time but when he does he does such a great job that I'm like "you should do this more often" :haha: But I think the fact that he doesn't do it often makes it more special. I was having a really low day early on in the pregnancy, and he secretly took half day at work, bought me flowers and appeared at my office to take me out for lunch.
     
  11. ahcigar1

    ahcigar1 Happy Mother of 1

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    Wow yours sounds just like mine. I am always trying to tell my husband even that it would be nice to recieve some flowers or a surprise dinner or something. Don't even need to go out would be nice if he would just have a surprise dinner ready when I got home that he had made. And everytime that I bring it up he claims well you never do anything for me, which is completely 110% not true. Yes for the past couple of months i have stopped because I gave up. Why should I put in all the effort and not recieve one ounce back. Plus in my mind I think he should be more than willing to do something nice for me without expecting something in return. I have made him dinner multiple times, or surpised him by coming home with something. Left him random notes saying that I love him. All kinds of things. But I don't think that I ahve ever once recieve a single nice gesture from him. Even when we were dating he would expect me to pay many times. Recently I have been feeling really down for numerous reasons and not once has he offered a even a simple hug all I get is your just overreacting or oh well life's rough. Now I feel like crying from writing this.
     
  12. Cherrybinky

    Cherrybinky Guest

    I hate gooey over the top romance but my OH does buy me flowers now and again and has bought me numerous items of clothing and always is good to me in every way apart from sometimes hes too jokey!
     
  13. IHrtSteve

    IHrtSteve Mommy to 2, almost 3 boys

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    Ahcigar1- don't feel sad. I am sorry that I brought it up! Lol
    xo
     
  14. ahcigar1

    ahcigar1 Happy Mother of 1

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    Not your fault. I totally blame my husband and my raging hormones right now. LOL
     
  15. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    I think the things like when DH makes my lunch at night for the next day without me having to do anything in return...that's romantic!
    The other night DH got home early and remembered that I had to go out for my niece's recital and had dinner waiting for me when I got home...now THAT is romantic!!
     
  16. Thistledown

    Thistledown Well-Known Member

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    I think a lot of guys really don't realize they're NOT being romantic! Other things they do, even routine things (like mowing the lawn, fixing the car, etc) they may see as something they're doing for you, and really don't get that we need more than just that. To some guys, you asking them to unclog the drain and them then doing it is totally romantic. ;) They have taken your problem and solved it, how very manly and sexy! :haha:

    Honestly, men can be kinda dense, and they're really NOT mind readers. They may have no inkling that you'd like to be surprised sometimes, or little things like bringing back our favorite chocolate bar from the store really mean a whole lot. Unless you actually sit down and tell them, "hey, I'd really like it if you'd surprise me with a dinner reservation sometimes", or "sometimes I wish you were a little more spontaneously affectionate" there's a good chance they're never going to figure it out on their own! Hints just aren't enough, some guys need to be hit with a clue-by-four. :laugh2:

    Spontaneous affection is also a two-way street. When's the last time you grabbed your man and gave him a big old kiss before getting out of the car, or gave him a quick shoulder rub as you walked by? Sometimes affection breeds more affection.
     
  17. ahcigar1

    ahcigar1 Happy Mother of 1

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    Thistledown I can see where your going but in my case this doesn't work. I have told my husband outright in plain english words multiple times I want this and I still don't recieve anything at all. I only get the response of only if you do it for me. Which then I tried and still got nothing. So I have pretty much given up to the fact that I'm going to have any romance at all and he just apparently doesn't really care that much cause he can't even make a little effort. Heck mine doesn't even mow the lawn I have to. Or if I ask him to walk the dog for me once he ignores me and then I end up having to do it. SO I don't even get the guys version of romance as you put it. Worst part about it is he still expects me to get it on with him and complains when I refuse.
     
  18. Thistledown

    Thistledown Well-Known Member

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    ahcigar1, so sorry you got one of the romantic duds. :hugs: In your shoes, I'd probably refuse to :sex: at all without some kind of gesture in return. But i'm vindictive like that!
     
  19. ahcigar1

    ahcigar1 Happy Mother of 1

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    Oh I do. He hasn't gotten anything for quite awhile.
     
  20. firsttimer87

    firsttimer87 First-timer expecting

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    ok, so mine has never bought me a card (birthday/christmas/valentines/1yr anniversary), never bought flowers, never suprised me with reservations anywhere. But he did get me really nice straighteners at xmas (which I wanted) and a kindle for my birthday (which I'd hinted at) and he is great in other ways. Some men just dont see the importance of it I think xx
     

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