Baby daddy issues ... HELP

[Babybump2017]

I guess it's more of a vent really, before I explode...

I'm 21, babies dad is nearly 27.

I found out I was pregnant Sunday (8th) and obviously told him the same day however we've only been together 6/7 months which I know is better than what it could be but he hasn't taken it very well.

He's only thinking of the way it's going to affect his life, not thinking of me what so ever! He did try to talk me into the A word too.. which is not happening in a million years. Once he realised i wasn't going to do it, he has turned on me massively. He won't see me, we're barely talking and he's acting so selfish. I understand maybe timing wasn't right and it was totally unexpected but every life is a gift and everything happens for a reason right? Anyone would think he has just been given a death sentence. With the way he's acting right now I'm preparing to be on my own with this baby but I know he would be amazing and I so hope he comes round... for now I'm gonna step back, leave him to think and hope for the best but nor me or this little bean need the stress!

Does anyone have any advice or similar stories? (By the way I know I'm not a teen but not a great deal older so thought it would be okay to post here)

X

 

[ClairAye]

Hello! :wave:

I'm 22, my ex is about the same age as your OH but I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old.

Feel free to PM me and I can share my story, my children's father is absent from their lives by choice.

 

[Layloria]

I'm 20 and expecting my first baby. My baby's dad and I had planned this baby for just over a year and had been actively TTC. One day my baby's daddy did some decorating for my auntie and he complained about how moody I was and he ended up never coming home. He then stayed with my aunties boyfriend and other people told me he was leaving so I confronted him by message and he said he was because I was moody.

A week later, the test I sent in for my pregnancy test with the Doctors came which he was there when I sent it, came back positive.
I told him and again the Abortion came into. We then carried on separately, me 100% in love still. Then around New Years 2016/17, we kinda just got back together again. It was lovely. Then he's cold distant and horrible never making time or interest in us as he moves back in with his mother who isn't fond of any one who dates him. So then after a month of that and spending stuff, he leaves me again. All by messages. A week later blocks me.

I rarely see or hear from him and I really don't know what he's wanting to do but its mostly having to be forgetting them, as they don't want to be remembered right now. But your baby does, they want you so much. We have the best of our exes in our babies, we don't need someone like them treating us like garbage, when we are making little miracles.

Our children are the focus and thats how I'm slowly coping with my life without him. I still love him dearly and probably always will so its just adjusting to loving them differently.

 

[DobbyForever]

I'm 27 and my SO is 29, both aging up in July. So age-wise not really on the same boat. Unfortunately, you can't do much of anything to get him on board. That's his personal decision and he had to come to it on his own. So on your end, you just have to have a plan for if he wants to be involved, if he wants to just coparent, if he wants to get involved then bails, if he wants out completely... it sucks, but I found knowing what I was going to do in any given situation helpful.

The other thing is, he may change his mind with time, my SO and I broke up for about a month and a half when he realized that I was keeping our baby. The situation is vastly different. There was a lot of yelling, cursing, him sleeping with other people... it was ugly. But he ultimately decided to stick around and I to forgive him. It's hard being the bigger person, but I never yelled back or blew up his phone or reacted. And I think because I didn't add fuel to the fire, he processed faster and has less resentment.

One legal tip, if you go for child support you will need to prove that you actively tried to involve him and kept communication open. So never close that door, no matter how mad you get or how annoyed he gets. But obviously within reason.

As for him not centering around you/his reaction... I'm sorry to be blunt but pregnancy is a two person thing and he is entitled to feel what he feels. He has to deal with this news, too. And while your view may be that all kids are blessings and everything works out, he clearly does not feel that way. My SO feels like this pregnancy ruined his life (but then reads to my stomach and gets excited when his son kicks). I just reassure him it isn't the end of the world or I just ignore him lol. But it is the end of the world as he knows it. He will never again not be a father, involved or not. And that weighs heavy on a person. I love this baby and I have same days of holy s* I'm going to bed a mom and I will never not be mother.

I hope things work out. In the meanwhile, I'd share the news with someone who is excited for you and enjoy your pregnancy.

I will also add that a big reason he stuck around was to avoid getting saddled with $1800 of monthly child support. It's a shitty feeling knowing deep down that's why he stays, but he's not abusive or anything. He does try. He is an aspie though. Not saying use cs as leverage because it's all sorts of bad but my stepdad is a family law attorney so he knew not only would I go for cs but the longer he dragged out court the only person paying for it was him since my stepdad would obviously work pro bono.

 

[Babybump2017]

I wrote this a few months back when I very first found out and we're both equally as excited now the shock as worn off! It lasted a month but it soon passed and were absolutely fine now

 

[DobbyForever]

Yay glad to hear it!

 

[KatVM]

I was just going to to say sometimes giving it sometime helps a lot, I'm glad that it worked out for you two!

 

[ClairAye]

I'm glad things have worked out!

 

[Jennaxo]

Glad it all worked out for you in the end! Just been through this situation myself, I think us girls just take it a lot better than them, must be the men not maturing as quick as us thing