Baby or no?

[lexie54]

Hiya,
Hope your all okay!

I'm new to the forum and I thought I'd introduce myself I'm Lexie and I'm 20 (I know not technically a teenager but i feel too young to post in the main bit lol). I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we're looking to move in together next year once he finishes uni. I can't escape the feeling of wanting a baby but I know I should wait until we are more stable, every month a part of me wants my period to be late. Does anyone else feel like this? Am I letting myself in for a big fall, i want someone to tell me how it will really be.. I know it will change my life for ever but I would like to hear the positives as well as the negatives.

L x

 

[TacoTurtle]

Hello, again Lexie

So far, not much in my life has changed, but I'll keep you posted once I've told my parents and been to my first scan and whatnot.

 

[Zebra Stars]

welcome
and if you are ttc just try not to hink about it and it will prob happen

 

[Joyzerelly]

Hi Lexie, If you think it's better to wait, then do. You shouldn't be in any hurry to have a baby. Enjoy your youth and carefree days while you have them, you have plenty of time to take on massive responsibility and financial commitment. I had very strong maternal urges on and off from the age of 16. I found that if you ignore the urges for long enough, they go away, must be waves of hormones I suppose. It often took me a couple of months for the feeling to go away. Seeing inspirational films about people living exciting lives seemed to switch off the maternal drive like a button sometimes and the idea of travelling the world was a factor too, when I was in Indonesia and Chile and Australia, travelling about occasionally it would hit me 'Thank god I didn't get pregnant, I wouldn't be doing this now!'. Now that I'm 28 and my clock is ticking, I've finally succumbed to the maternal urge. But I'm so glad I waited, there was no rush and now I'm really glad to be in a position to offer my baby a better start. Good luck.

 

[MoonMuffin]

Why rush? I know its such a strong instinct but it doesn't hurt to wait, even just putting it off by a year or two. Wait untill you are financially where you want to be (do you want to be a SAHM? if so make sure you can live off of just your OH's wages), look up the cost of having a baby, not just the upfront costs (furniture, clothes, etc.) but the continual costs (food, clothes, toys, nursery, rent, bills, etc.). Are you ready for the sleep depravation, for rarely going out by yourself (you can't just run to the store real quick either, it's a hassle going anywhere), not much alone time between you and OH, the strain it puts on a relationship. Just think really hard about every aspect, being a mom is soooo hard, I love my DD more then anything, but I wish I could do better for her, I wish we made more money, I wish I'd finished art school. It's worth it to me and I wouldn't trade my DD for the world, but it's not easy.

If you really want a baby though it is an amazing thing to be a mom and I wish you an easy time ttc and lots of luck

 

[Tashry]

I completely understand where you are coming from. When I was 19 and my BF (now hubby) was 21 we were told I had severe endometriosis and would probably never have children. They advised if I wanted kids to start trying as soon as possible because if I was lucky enough to have any the window wouldn't be open very long. At that time we were living with his parents (I was living with my mom, she had to move a few hours away and we didn't want to be apart so his family let me move in with them.) I wanted to have kids SO BADLY and my BF did too, but my biggest fear was not being able to support ourselves all on our own. We decided to wait. As hard as it was, knowing I may be throwing away my chance at a family, we waited. We finished school (opting for careers needing only a year training rather than finished university), rented our own place, got jobs, and once everything was settled we decided it was time. And when I was 22 I got pregnant with my son.
Every day I am thankful that I waited those 3 years. In the big picture it's not that long to wait. Now we have a big house, we can support ourselves financially, and we don't have to worry about money when my sons asks if he can play basketball or soccer or hockey. Had I not waited I think my journey would have been 100 times harder.
And I will admit it......if I knew I could still have have kids another 5 years down the road, I would have waited longer. Part of me wishes that we had had some time to enjoy our financial independence on our own. We never got to travel until after he was born, and apart from a one week honeymoon we have never traveled without our son. We can never go out at a moments notice and join our friends...things need to be arranged in advance with a sitter.
It's not an easy life, being young with kids (I'm 25 now...I hope that's still young! lol) but of course, my son is the light in my life and makes it all worth while.
Really think it through before you make a decision. There is the good and the bad, the pros and the cons to weigh out. I'm not saying either decision is right or wrong, only you two together can decide what is right for you. But as for those maternal instincts...holding off may be hard, but it will make it that much sweeter when it is your turn.
Best of luck!

 

[LittleAurora]

I remember that feeling wheni 1st wanted kids and my hubby and i decided to ntnp. and it happened pretty quickly with the 1st two. and now i have that feeling again ad we are trying really hard for ages! and its just not happened.

Get your life sorted. Money job house bills family. always think of what will happen if....
and i def would say ntnp. its much easier less stressfull lol

 

[lexie54]

Thank you for your replies

Have got an update,

have been feeling pretty nausesous (and headaches) the past few days. Had a mishap with the OH a couple of weeks ago and not on the pill... I now realise that I am not ready for a child at all, 98% of me is hoping this PMS symptoms. I don't think I could do it but I wont be able to test until boxing day

This is really stressing me out , OH seems very calm about it but I know he is stressing as much as me, just trying to hide it cause he thinks hes being supportive to me. I want a baby but not right now....

 

[Joyzerelly]

I hope you get the outcome you want Lexie, good luck!

 

[venusrockstar]

I would wait. I am 29 years old and I think I'm in the best position right now to have a baby. I wanted one years ago too, but I'm glad I waited. I'm married, my hubby and I bought a house and we both have good stable careers and will be able to provide financially for a child now.