Baby Shower-early planning

[Ahughes]

I have decided to start planning early for my baby shower, even though we won't know the gender for awhile I plan on doing a yellow and gray themed shower. Anyways, my mother-in-law just told me that she thinks it is best to have a shower with just my side and then a co-ed shower at her place at a different time. At our wedding, there were a few hiccups between my mom and my MIL. My MIL is a bit pushy and over-bearing but still. I always thought that the future grandmothers should come together and host the baby shower, at least that's what my cousin did. It's very stressful and I don't know how to tell her nicely that I can not handle planning two showers and that having two showers puts me in the middle of two families and I don't think that's right. Is anyone else going through this yet? I know it is a little early lol.

 

[greats]

Wow you are planning early! I didn't even have mine planned for my dd until end of 2nd tri haha

A lot of people do showers for each side. We had one large one last time, not having one this time at all. But I have friends who had separate wedding showers, baby showers, etc. and if they're hosting it then why are you planning it? Lol I planned mine bc I hosted mine. I'm doing my SILs in March.

 

[Ahughes]

My mom isn't the best at planning parties, so I have to take initiative. My MIL is an awesome planner, so I'm kind of bummed out that they can't come together to host a baby shower for us. I'm planning early because my mom wants to have the shower at a hall, so have to book that ASAP.

 

[greats]

Ahhhh gotcha. Well, you have final say so I would tell your MIL it would be easier to have one large shower especially if you have it at a hall. It's much less stress dealing and worrying about one shower. I would have cried if I had two showers, I was way too tired to go to my one

 

[MamaBunny2]

Congrats on your pregnancy ahughes! I was updating and reviewing my "Santa baby, bring me a BFP" thread and the ladies that posted on it to see who all got lucky. I ended up getting my too! Wishing you a H&H 9 months

 

[Ahughes]

Congrats on your pregnancy ahughes! I was updating and reviewing my "Santa baby, bring me a BFP" thread and the ladies that posted on it to see who all got lucky. I ended up getting my too! Wishing you a H&H 9 months

Thank you! Congrats to you as well!!

 

[mummytobe_93]

I didn't even have my baby shower until I was 39 weeks pregnant!
But yes I agree I would say both families together is important, they all need to learn to get on now before the baby gets here xz

 

[Buffyx]

I definitely think your family needs to get along for this shower & the baby!

 

[MeaganMackenz]

I would try to push the issue, as kindly as possible, that you want both families to come together for 1 event. The day is for you and your baby, if they have issues they can make a separate arrangement to bring a gift by outside the shower (if it was me that's what I'd do but I'm a bit more crass)

We had a similar problem with our wedding, ultimately we sorta eloped and it shocked the trouble making parties enough to suck it up and come together for an after the wedding picnic.

Don't do two, have 1 invite everyone and whoever fusses can fuss at home lol.

 

[Lirpa11]

I agree that one baby shower should be enough. Surely they can be amicable for a few hours.

What about the first birthday? Will there be two parties each year?

They should put their differences aside and think of someone else besides how they are feeling on that day the day isn't about them and their quarrels.

Good luck!

 

[QueenQueso]

If it's convenient for you, then go ahead and have the two showers, but since it sounds like it's going to cause stress, then I'd force the issue of just having one. They're grown-ups, they can be civil together for a short time. And if you MIL is overbearing and wants to be in charge, then she can plan her own shower.

Personally, my first baby I had two. I kinda planned one of them, only because my SIL was throwing it and she's a big talker but when it's time to DO things, she drags her feet. So my mom kinda took it over but kept wanting me to make all the decisions. The other one, my moms friend threw and planned the whole thing. It was stress-free and there were two different groups of people at each one.

My second baby, there was one big party. It was co-ed and all ages and outside by the river. It was awesome, so low-key. The only minor issue was DH's mom is a drunk and while now they've totally cut ties, he was still speaking to her then. She insisted she wanted to help, so she was given the task of bringing cases of pop and water and bags of ice. She showed up a half an hour late with no ice, so there were no drinks at the beginning, then warm drinks for a while.

I don't know if there will be a shower this time, if someone offers I won't say no, but I won't be throwing myself one either.

 

[MNgirl1991]

Your situation sounds exactly like mine. My MIL is an awesome party planner and my mom has to have a little help sometimes, mostly because she's such a worry wart and over thinks things. Lol they haven't always gotten along the best, there were some issues during the wedding planning because MIL wanted to take more control of the wedding than my mom wanted. But for the most part they get a long, and I don't know how to ask them if they want to plan the shower together.
It's surprising how stressful these fun parties can be when it comes to the planning!

 

[pgfairy]

Oh my god I hadn't even started having this nightmare yet. I can totally sympathize. My MIL (who has a heart as big as the world) is sort of a lunatic, and my mother is a control freak and I cannot even imagine the two of them ever attending an event together let alone planning one. At our wedding they sort of stayed out of each others way (well my MIL stayed out of the way, and I'm still waiting for that to bite me on the backside tbh).

By co-ed do you mean both sides of the family together or do you mean guys and girls? Cos if it's the first, it sounds like your MIL really is trying to keep the peace with your mother and still get to do what she wants which is sort of selfish but also kind of sweet. I guess my biggest fear would be what my mother would think of the 'other' shower and comparing it to how much I enjoyed hers at every turn.

If it's the latter, then I agree with pp and you and your husband/partner (it is his/her mother, you don't have to be the bad guy) should try and help everyone see that what you want is for them to co-operate on this one.

On the other hand (and this would probably be what I would do ) Not having to deal with the drama in any way AND getting two celebrations with two lots of baby gifts maybe is the best of a bad situation.

 

[hivechild]

If your mother isn't that great of a planner but your MIL is, then tell both of them you only want one shower, you are going to book where, then give your mother a few simple things you can trust her with, and give your MIL a list of things you would really appreciate her organizing for the shower, then kick back and put your feet up and enjoy your pregnancy. If you have a sibling or cousin or best friend you would like to act as coordinator in your stead between both mothers, then ask her (or him) if they would, then direct both mothers where to go.

 

[QueenQueso]

Co-ed generally means guys and girls.

 

[mel28nicole]

My MIL and my mom "hosted" mind but when it came down to it, I sent out all the invites, my mom worked on food, and my MIL did the rest. I spent more than half of my pregnancy planning my wedding and I wanted nothing to do with my shower. I had no issue doing the invites since I had all the addresses from my wedding. Idk how it happened but somehow the shower was put together with my mom and MIL barely talking to one another. A baby brings two families together, no point of having two separate showers.

 

[Ahughes]

Not much has changed the past few days lol. My mom and I went to look at a hall and I'm pretty sure I'm going to book it. I texted my MIL the date I was interested in and she responded with, "I can't do that date." I was kind of taken back by her response because she was so adamant on having a separate co-ed (boys and girls) shower at her place. She said she's super busy in June and apologized for being so difficult. I can not get a straight answer out of her on what she wants to do, because if she wants to do one shower than I feel as though she should contribute financially because we will have to invite all of her family members, and the hall costs $15/person to begin with! I sent her a long text message today telling her I need to know her decision ASAP because I'm booking the hall Monday. Thanks for letting me rant! Hahah

 

[kiwilove]

My mother and DH mother do not get along...and I mean they HATE eachother...I am not about to start the rest of our lives out doing two sets of anything to suit them...One baby shower...they can suck it up. Baby's first birthday...Only having one...they can suck it up. let them make the decision on whether they want to come. They should be able to be civil to one another for the sake of their grandchild. I wouldnt want my child coming into an environment like that. Seriously, Make them suck it up, it will only cause you extra stress that you do not need. Good Luck