baby shower rant -update- another issue. on page 2

[livebychance]

ok so am i wrong to be upset? my mother in law is planning my baby shower its gonna be on october 1st 1 week away. her family is greek. i on the other hand am not, i grew up in southern california and southern texas far from greek heritage or greek food. my mother in law is only cooking greek food for my baby shower ( which i dont like at all and she knows that i dont like it either, lots of stuff with tomatoes, onions, feta cheese (i am allergic to onions and tomatoes and i am lactose intolerant)) so there will be NOTHING at my shower that i can or even want to eat, i am simple i like hotdogs and hambergers stuff like that which i have suggested so i can at least eat and i got a big NO. would it be wrong of me on that day to order a pizza and have it delivered so i can eat. i know she will be upset but i dont know what else to do.

 

[OliveMartini]

Surely if you are allergic to half the food then she shouldn't be serving it in the first place??

If she knows that you don't like that type of food, and are allergic to some of it, yet still cooks it anyway (sounds crazy to me lol) then I wouldn't feel guilty about getting food you CAN eat.

Maybe mention it to her, just in case she 'forgot' lol.

 

[hopefully85]

i would just appreciate someone throwing me a baby shower x

 

[tannembaum]

Tbh, I think She is in the wrong. It's lovely she is throwing you a shower but to only serve food you cant eat because you are allergic is ridiculous! Can you get your oh to have a word? If not I'd order food in even if it upsets her. You can't go hungry!

 

[livebychance]

i do appreciate it, i never asked for one i was ready to do it all on my own anyway but she said " oh were greek have you seen that movie my big fat greek wedding ? well we do it big just like that" so i really didnt have a choice, but it is 100% appreciated, i just wish she would take into consideration that i cant eat the food which she knows to. but she is catering to the guests and not to me.

 

[tannembaum]

She could at least make you a sandwich or something you can eat though.

 

[livebychance]

Tbh, I think She is in the wrong. It's lovely she is throwing you a shower but to only serve food you cant eat because you are allergic is ridiculous! Can you get your oh to have a word? If not I'd order food in even if it upsets her. You can't go hungry!

and i just talked to my hubby he said just let her cook what ever she wants and he will sneak out to mcdonalds up the street for me , but i still feel bad, like my baby shower cake is a cheese cake which i cannot eat due to being lactose intolerant which she is aware of, it would tear my tummy up, so i cant even eat the cake. i just feel a little upset i guess.

 

[OliveMartini]

Cheesecake?

I can see why you would be a bit gutted. It's like a wedding, or 21st birthday etc. You get this image of what it would be like and then when things don't really go as you would have hoped, you get a bit down. Even though you are 100% greatful that it even happens in the first place, it't just not how you envisioned it.

I don't think being disappointed/upset makes you ungreatful though hun. I would be exactly the same. Just sneak out for Maccy D's and get a special cake for you an OH to share when everyone's gone home

 

[tannembaum]

I think she's quite a mean lady. When you throw someone a party you cater for THEM, you cook their favorite food etc. I sounds like she's throwing the party more to impress her family.



Sorry if I'm being mean, think I'm a bit hormonal and angry tonight lol!

Edit- actually this has really wound me up I think you should get her to call me, I'll give her a piece of my mind lol

 

[Parkep]

I think it's mean! I get she wants to cook what she knows, and what she knows her guests will like. But it's your special day! The baby shower is for YOU! and to not have a small selection of things you can eat would make me sad! And cheesecake! Grr! Ok I get that maybe! Just maybe! She knows she's good at making it (clutching at straws here) and wants to make something she is really good at. But when the guest of honor can't even eat it! That would make me so mad!

Personally I think your OH needs to talk to her, sounds like he doesn't want to rock the boat( going out for mcdonalds after) but I really think he should talk to his mom.

 

[SuperKat]

She realizes the shower is supposed to be about YOU right??? I think if I were in that situation I would bring my own food- esp. if you were planning to throw one yourself anyway. Get some things like you like to eat, and make enough for everyone to add to the menu, and if she tries to tell you no, tell her you insist and that you want to accommodate guests that may share your dietary concerns! lol (Since she is obviously more concerned with the guests than the person the shower is for!) ...I would also pick up some extra dessert so you can have some too, like cupcakes or something...

 

[vintage67]

I am going to have a similar situation on my hands with my sister in law (that I barely see or talk to, but has decided to have a shower for me). I tried to tell her on the phone today that I would need to either help with the food (which I don't mind doing, even making some of it) or at least see what she is getting, because I'm diabetic. I want a cake, that's fine, but I want all the other snack items and food items to be lower carb or diabetic friendly. I don't think she has any understanding of that and I hope she lets me explain. I am very grateful for her help; we were going to throw a little party anyway.

Maybe your MIL would agree to two cakes, like they do at weddings sometimes.

 

[lindc]

Wow, I say order delivery. She is in the wrong, but with people like that, they never listen to reason. So, order some yummy food to be delivered and sit there and eat it with a smile. Of course, if it was me, I would have a stripper deliver it, just to see the look on her face!

 

[livebychance]

thank you ladies!!!!! you def making me feel alot better about being upset, i just didnt wanna feel like i was in the wrong and you guys just make me realize that i am not in the wrong but in the right. thank you all so very much!

 

[livebychance]

ok so here is another problem, my husbands sister , lori,died when she was 18- this was 12 years ago- my mother in law is still very touchy about it with all reason to be i mean it was her daughter- well today she started digging out old home moviesg of lori and was watchin them and started crying ( it was the first time she watched them since she had died) well now my mother in law wants to play these home movies of lori during my baby shower ( mind you lori grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins will all be at the shower and havent seen these movies before) i just feel like if she is going to play these home movies everyone is going to get sad and upset and alot of tears will be shed esp. from my husband and lori's grandparents and also my husband since it was his sister and he to hasnt seen these movies. i dont think it is the time or place to watch them. a baby shower should be happy time, not a sad one. i really dont think its my place though to tell her i dont want them being played since its a touchy subject for my MIL. my husband doesnt want them played either cause he doesnt wanna being up sad memories, he wants to tell him mom but not sure how to since she is the one throwing the shower

 

[Whitbit22]

ok so here is another problem, my husbands sister , lori,died when she was 18- this was 12 years ago- my mother in law is still very touchy about it with all reason to be i mean it was her daughter- well today she started digging out old home moviesg of lori and was watchin them and started crying ( it was the first time she watched them since she had died) well now my mother in law wants to play these home movies of lori during my baby shower ( mind you lori grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins will all be at the shower and havent seen these movies before) i just feel like if she is going to play these home movies everyone is going to get sad and upset and alot of tears will be shed esp. from my husband and lori's grandparents and also my husband since it was his sister and he to hasnt seen these movies. i dont think it is the time or place to watch them. a baby shower should be happy time, not a sad one. i really dont think its my place though to tell her i dont want them being played since its a touchy subject for my MIL. my husband doesnt want them played either cause he doesnt wanna being up sad memories, he wants to tell him mom but not sure how to since she is the one throwing the shower

Wow. It's not a memorial, it's your babyshower. Not trying to be unsympathetic but if it was me I'd put my foot down about everything or just not go. I know it might sound over the top but that sounds like a trainwreck! So sorry you are having to go through this... I'd get your DH to have a real sit-down with her.

 

[cranberry]

with the first issue i was ready to say you should compromise - have a second cake and a food other people can eat.

but with this new twist i'll go back to my gut reaction. tell the lady you will not under any circumstance be there if she is making it about her and her daughter who passed away. simple. thanks for the offer but i'd rather not celebrate my kid in a way that makes me and the guests uncomfortable.

in what world does she think it is ok? she needs to deal with her grief privately and preferably with professional help since 12 years haven't seemed to ease the pain.

this is just sad

 

[ScarletGirl]

I could relate. My family is off the boat Greek and boy do they like to throw big parties!! I am lucky enough to be the daughter and not the daughter in law so I have always for the most part been able to keep my parents especially my mom in check. Unfortunately as a daughter in law anything you say will probably be taken offensively and as ungrateful I think your husband needs to sit down and talk to her and lay down the line or this will continue on. If you cannot eat what she is cooking is it possible to cater or make a dish you could eat? I probably wouldn't order a pizza (especially if your lactose intolerant because she will make the correlation that if you could eat cheese off of a pizza you surely could eat feta). If you or one of your family members offer to bring a dish that may just smooth it over without having to seem ungrateful (even though you are not, a greek mother will almost always go there). Now on the subject of her daughter who passed away, your husband really needs to approach that subject with her and leave you completely out of it. He needs to tell her how uncomfortable it makes him feel and how he feels it will make such a joyous event so sad and that he just doesn't want that to be the spirit of the event and that his sister would not want that either. I'm sorry, I could relate with alot of this. My baby shower with my son was not the most pleasant event and I am so glad that I don't have to think of a shower with my second baby.

 

[SuperKat]

ok so here is another problem, my husbands sister , lori,died when she was 18- this was 12 years ago- my mother in law is still very touchy about it with all reason to be i mean it was her daughter- well today she started digging out old home moviesg of lori and was watchin them and started crying ( it was the first time she watched them since she had died) well now my mother in law wants to play these home movies of lori during my baby shower ( mind you lori grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins will all be at the shower and havent seen these movies before) i just feel like if she is going to play these home movies everyone is going to get sad and upset and alot of tears will be shed esp. from my husband and lori's grandparents and also my husband since it was his sister and he to hasnt seen these movies. i dont think it is the time or place to watch them. a baby shower should be happy time, not a sad one. i really dont think its my place though to tell her i dont want them being played since its a touchy subject for my MIL. my husband doesnt want them played either cause he doesnt wanna being up sad memories, he wants to tell him mom but not sure how to since she is the one throwing the shower

okay....so now this makes it obvious that this shower has absolutely nothing to do with you, she is using you as an excuse to have a party. I think I would almost thank her for offering to throw the shower and tell her that you would prefer the party remain just a loose family gathering and not a shower for you because it isn't about you. Either that- or someone needs to step up and tell her absolutely no to the morbid videos. My brother in law died 3 years ago, and while It was a hard time for all of us, there is no way in hell I would allow my mother in law to turn my shower into a memorial for my brother in law, totally inappropriate. It isn't fair to the guests either whom are coming to celebrate a birth, not a death. It is almost like she is taking advantage of the guests and shoving her loss down their throat. can you step up and take charge of some of the planning- or ask your husband to speak up? Is there someone else you can get involved who will be your voice for you?

 

[maybabydoll]

Sorry to hear you're going through this, it all seems so unnecessary.

With the food thing, yep I agree if you are allergic to cheese/tomato/onion, ordering in pizza or burgers (I guess containing these things) would probably get your MIL's back up. Are they are Greek foods you like? Even if it's just grilled meat and pitta bread (a bit like a burger, but not!) Perhaps you could have balaclava instead of cheesecake? So comprising there.

With the videos, no that isn't appropriate at all. Your OH should step in here and make sure this doesn't happen. Perhaps he could offer to watch them privately with his mum beforehand? But no way on the day.

Good luck! x x