Baby's Father Not 100% Sure

[brooklinn]

The father of my baby and I are not officially together. He's at my house everyday and stays almost every weekend. We do "couple things" together, but have never officially began a relationship, nor do we tell others we are in a relationship.

I am beginning to look pregnant, so I'm really not going to be able to hide it much longer. We haven't told our families yet, so I asked him earlier when he was going to tell his. He says he isn't planning on it. Apparently he isn't "100% sure it's his", so he doesn't want to say anything. Obviously this is like a slap in the face for me. I'm really upset and unsure about what to do/how to react to this.

 

[Googiepie]

Have you asked why he doesn't think the baby is his? It sounds like you guys spend a lot of time together. I would be so pissed if my oh had said that to me, it's disrespectful. I think he needs to discuss it with his family regardless if he thinks the baby is his or not, what is he going to do when the baby is here? Go to his family and say "oh forgot to tell you I have a kid" you should ask his plans are for when the baby gets here and depending on if you want a relationship with him, what you're guys' plans are. You need to sit down with him and have a serious discussion, lay it all on the table. Sorry, not trying to butt in too much into your business.

Sorry he's being such a jerk!

 

[brooklinn]

Googiepie: I didn't ask why he thinks this. It was kind of out of no where, as he's been referring to it as "our baby" since we found out. We've discussed and picked out a name, and we're actually supposed to go shopping for a few baby things this weekend. Maybe it's just his way of showing nervousness about the pregnancy, but it made me feel like I'm alone in this.

 

[Insomniash]

Well frankly I would tell him that he can be as unsure as he wants to be, but reassure him there isn't any doubt in your mind. I understand that he is probably freaking out right now, of course he is, the guy isn't even willing to commit to a relationship, why would he be prepared to commit to a baby? However that does not excuse him from his behaviours (don't let him talk to you like that), and regardless of his level of denial it does not change the reality of the situation. These are things you may need to remind him of, and he may need a bit of time to process that information, but please under no circumstances allow him to disrespect you just because he needs to have his processing time.

Please do yourself a favour and tell your family now regardless of his decision, you do not need to feel like you are alone in this, now more than ever you need support.

 

[Eline]

When reading your story it seems to me his reaction is very different from his normal behaviour towards you and the baby. Maybe it's his family that is the problem? Is he close with them? In any case you should talk this through en reassure him he is the father.

 

[whattoexpect]

Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Maybe it's time to define the relationship and call it what it is.
Is he like a room mate or more of a friend with benefits? You say that he is at your house every day and stays most weekends, and you do "coupley stuff" seems you want more then he is willing to give.

The reason I am asking all this is because I have been in many "relationships" like this. (before I met DH) Where when it is convenient for him we are a happy couple, and when it isn't he has other priories...

You are pregnant now and he is the father whether he is ready or not.
I think you should for sure tell your family because if he decides its not for him then you need to have support for you and your baby.

I hope this doesn't come across too harsh, but I have been there and you deserve much better. Someone that is 100% in through everything, not just the fun times.

I really wish you the best of luck and I hope things work out for you.

 

[Rickles]

I'd tell him to man up. It sounds like a scared little boy who's trying to dodge responsibility. Personally I'd inform hi that even if you're jot a couple this baby is his and he'd better get his head round that pdq.

Hun - I'm not sure you should settle for a guy who isn't screaming from the rooftops that he has an amazing girlfriend - just a thought... Not judging and if it's not what you want then that's fine but I've been with those selfish men and my self esteem took a beating while I figured out I deserved so much better xx

 

[Googiepie]

Googiepie: I didn't ask why he thinks this. It was kind of out of no where, as he's been referring to it as "our baby" since we found out. We've discussed and picked out a name, and we're actually supposed to go shopping for a few baby things this weekend. Maybe it's just his way of showing nervousness about the pregnancy, but it made me feel like I'm alone in this.

You should not feel alone in this. How close is he to his family? It seems from reading this that everything was good until you mentioned his family. He might be nervous about telling them.

 

[Greener Grass]

your signature says you had a blighted ovum this year. Does this mean you two have been trying for a baby together?

I'd personally tell him to suck it up or get lost. The together but not thing isn't really gonna work when you have a child to look after. He either needs to step up or get lost.