Baby's gender.

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by estewart88, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. estewart88

    estewart88 1 Angel

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    Had I not miscarried I would be almost 20 weeks pregnant and have been thinking about how I'd be finding out soon if I was having a boy or a girl, or possibly already have found out. From the moment I was pregnant I 'felt' my baby was a boy but I think this is possibly just because I have always wanted to have a boy first. I have always thought of him as a boy. It helped me cope better with the loss to think of him as a real person and to call him by the name I would have chosen had he been a boy.

    But now I'm thinking what if it wasn't a boy, what if it was a girl? I'm kinda feeling guilty now for assuming the baby was a boy, for always thinking of the baby as a boy, for even calling the baby by a boy's name. It's like, if the baby was to be a girl, I am not even acknowleding her! It's hard to explain exactly what I'm feeling but I guess I feel like if my little angel is a girl she feels I'm not even thinking of her, or I don't miss her because when I think of the baby I think of it as a boy.

    I would have loved my baby all the same whether it was a boy or girl and although when I talk about the baby I say things like 'I wish I had him back' or 'I miss him' I really just wish I simply still had my baby, regardless of gender.

    Has anyone else 'given' their baby a gender? And like me felt this way later? Or did it make it easier for you?
     
  2. tinkerbell79

    tinkerbell79 Well-Known Member

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    yeah, i feel like my baby was a boy and call him "him", i just sounds more real than "it". I think whatever make you feel better and is easier for you is okay x
     
  3. ebony2010

    ebony2010 Pregnant with #2

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    I think alot of women get that gut feeling over gender and are usually right. I've always felt mine was a girl. xxx
     
  4. Nat0619

    Nat0619 Mummy :-)

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    Personally I never got any kind of feeling one way or the other. I remember worrying about this when I was first pregnant as always thought I'd have a feeling about gender. I now wonder if this was because it was destined not to be :shrug::cry: :baby: stopped developing at 5-6 weeks but obviously it would have been destined to be one or the other gender. But I just didn't get a feeling at all :nope:

    I simply remember mine as 'Grape'. This was the nickname we had for our little one as we read at one point that it should have been the size of a grape at that time. Unfortunately unknown to us, it never reached anywhere near that point :cry: But s/he will always be our little Grape x
     
  5. ceejie

    ceejie Well-Known Member

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    I felt from day 1 like it was a boy.

    I'm waiting for the embryo test results to come back. I've heard that sometimes they can tell you if it was a boy or a girl when the results come in. But, I don't even know if I want to know....part of me really does, but I feel like emotionally I'm starting to feel normal again, and that might set me back....I dunno..
     
  6. cindersmcphee

    cindersmcphee Well-Known Member

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    I had a late loss at 16 weeks, so I know I was carrying a boy. I did feel like I was having a boy and I was right.
     
  7. broodyb

    broodyb Well-Known Member

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    I had a really big feeling mine was a girl. I was only 11 weeks but had already decided the name grace. So now i refer to her as grace. Ill never name any girls i have grace as i feel ill be replacing her. Maybe use it as a middle name as a nice rememberence to her sister we never met
     
  8. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and at the age of 40 BIG surprise I was pregnant and I definitely felt another boy had all the same symptoms as my other 3 boys, well I lost her at 18 weeks and I was wrong it was a girl :cry::cry: I am so very sorry for your loss, this is a hard and long road we are taking I just hope I find some peace soon.
    xoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     
  9. estewart88

    estewart88 1 Angel

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    That's what I was thinking of doing. I was going to name him Caleb and like you don't want to use the name for another baby but will be using it as a middle name for my first born boy, or Cayla if my first born is a girl.
     
  10. BeesBella

    BeesBella Mama of 1 and expecting number 2 in July 2019

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    Both me and OH thought my little loss was a boy, before I started miscarrying we started calling my stomach Bobby Bump (even though I was way too early to have a bump). So now rather than call 'it' a boy or girl, just incase we get it wrong, we call 'it' Bobby, because Bobby can be either a boy or a girl (was my nickname when I was little).
    Thing is, I personally believe that if you miscarry so early on, the soul goes floating around but it hasn't finished putting it's mark on the world, so I personally believe that the next time you get pregnant, the same soul will come back once again, so I believe that next time I get pregnant, my Bobby will come back. There is a sweet story about it somewhere but not sure where to find it.
     
  11. KateC

    KateC Well-Known Member

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    I think my blighted ovum was a girl, even though there was no baby there to speak of.

    I think my latest, early miscarriage was twins.

    I don't know why. It's just how I relate to it. I don't think there's any harm in it, even if we are wrong.
     
  12. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    I was only 7 or 8 weeks when I lost my first, but I swear that child was a girl. I even named her. It helped her seem more real, helped me cope.
     
  13. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    Yes, many women "sense" their baby's gender, it's easier to settle on one sex, I think, it helps you feel closer to them. and I agree with those who say it helps to give a name - these little ones, I believe, have souls, and they deserve an identity of their own. I named mine, but I gave it a unisex name "just in case" :winkwink: But I feel she's a girl, and I have many a pink item in her memory, lol.
     
  14. bornthiswayxo

    bornthiswayxo Well-Known Member

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    I believed that my baby was a girl, and still believe it to this day. I think it has helped me a lot actually, makes it feel like it's more...comforting? I don't really know.

    I named her Precious because I wasn't sure if I should give the baby another name, but Precious has kind of stuck with me and I use it to refer to her around my OH (noone else though). I'm all for women doing this, if it helps them. It certainly has for me...
     
  15. KateC

    KateC Well-Known Member

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    I agree that it helps, emotionally. It sounds counter-intuitive, that making yourself closer to your lost baby in this way would somehow help with letting go. But it does.

    You get stuck in this limbo with a miscarriage, because it ended before a life even officially began (you know, with birth certificate and first breath and all that). "Letting go" doesn't make sense for something that has never been, so to give the baby a gender (even if I'm wrong!) gives me something that is somehow more solid to let go of.

    It's good to be among women who understand this. I'm not sure I would have before my own MC.
     
  16. cowboys angel

    cowboys angel new mama & wife and ttc#2

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    Not sure I would have either
     
  17. LaaLaa

    LaaLaa Well-Known Member

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    I gave my baby a gender too. Thinking of her as an it just felt disloyal somehow.
     
  18. Bosch

    Bosch Mommy of 2 angel babies

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    I think that's the first of our mother instincts kicking in. My first miscarriage I felt it was a boy, Jordon. My second I felt it was a girl, Kiersten. I lost them both before finding out their sex, but I just know :)
    I take comfort in knowing they are together:hugs:
     

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