Babys surname - Dont know what to do really need advice :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by babynewbie, Aug 20, 2009.

  1. babynewbie

    babynewbie Expecting #3

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    Me and my boyfriend have different surnames, and we want to put little one in his surname, 1. its a muuchh nicer name than mine and goes a lot better with the first name weve chosen, 2. my surname is horrible have always hated it, 3. i just personally think that the child should have the fathers name.
    But my mum and dad want us to have him in my surname, theyre convinced we will be splitting up and ill be stuck with a child with a different name to me.

    And i know, like many people have said to me, that he is OUR child and its OUR decision, but my parents will not let this go and are being so horrible about it, and i just know if we go with his name there will be nonstop nastiness about it, but i really really dont want to use my name!

    Its really getting to me im in such a state everytime it comes up (alot) :cry:
    HELP!


    x
     
  2. charliejo

    charliejo Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing, your parents are being very negative about your relationship. I think you have to do what is best for the both of you- what do YOU want? Is there anyway that your surname could be a part of the middle name of your baby? If you and your partner can work together to create a life I am sure you will work together through any challenging times that may lie ahead.

    Take care of yourself, try not to let others opinions matter too much x x
     
  3. EmmanBump

    EmmanBump Guest

    awww hun i know its horrible ...
    im in a similar situation, me and my oh are really rocky at the minute, my parents think that well split up (which i can in a way see happening) and they dnt want me to give my baby his surname when we wont be together but i am a traditional girl n i prefer his surnmae, just try to listen to ur heart hun, maybe double barrell??
     
  4. bekkie

    bekkie Mommy Due Sept 20

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    :hugs:

    it's your (and DPs) child - 100% your decision and your parents have no right to make you feel bad about whatever decision you make.

    Even if you did break up... that's just the relationship between you and him... your child will always tie you together and hopefully he will always be involved in your childs life - so you'll never be "stuck" with a child with a different name.

    It happens even when people get married and are together for years and years... (my father passed when I was 15 and so it happened for us then) mother goes back to maiden name, kids sometimes do, and othertimes keep fathers surname (which my brother and I did) now she's married again with a different last name, my brother still has my fathers last name, and I have my husbands last name - we're all still family :)

    big :hugs: you don't need that kind of stress. I hope you and DP make a decision that works for the 2 of you, and your parents just learn to live with it.
     
  5. DizzyMoo

    DizzyMoo Guest

    Tbh hun , You both sound happy to have your child as his surname so do not even give this 2nd thought & allow someone else family or not to influence what you choose for YOUR child. They are 100% in the wrong for even attempting to tell you what to do & for putting this type of pressure on you is very wrong & selfish on their part.

    Upsetting as it may be hun, You need to stand up to them & say either thanks but no thanks, OR remind them its your child not theirs. :hugs:
     
  6. AimeeM

    AimeeM Mum to 3 Boys.

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    I wish i had given my son my surname as me and his dad split up and i feelthat now i am married it would have been nice to all have the same family name as each other but he will always have a different name. I wish i had thought more about it.

    I'd say give the child your name then if you end up getting married he will take your partners surname then. It is strange as at school they always assume i have my sons surname asnd that really pisses me off.
     
  7. Seity

    Seity Mom to Gabriel and Samuel

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    Since you and your partner both agree to his surname then I don't see any reason not to do that. Since you are now adults, your parents need to respect that and let you make your own decisions. And that is what you should remind them of if they bring it up again.
     
  8. lilyd

    lilyd Well-Known Member

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    If you and your OH did separate, how would you feel about your child having a different surname to you? If it would not bother you then I think you have to stick with your decision. As much as your parents are putting the pressure on now, I'm sure they will come around in time. They may be entitled to their opinion, but you and your OH have got to do what you both feel is right.
     
  9. LeaArr

    LeaArr Just him and me.

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    My parents split up and my mom went back to her maiden name. She and I had different last names for as long as I can remember. It wasn't a reminder to her of my dad any more than I was. It actually was a good thing that I didn't have the same last name as her as she ended up working in corrections and she didn't want the people she worked with knowing I was her daughter for safety reasons.
    It really isnt' for anyone but you and your OH to decide, and it seems you have already made your choice.
     
  10. katieeandbump

    katieeandbump Well-Known Member

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    oh my this is exactly my problem! my mum and dad are like dont get the babys last name in his name ur not married and who knows ul probs break up in years to come :mad: urghhh really annoys me ! like u said i believe the baby should have the fathers last naem and even if we break up its stil his baby isnt it :) hes the only son to his father so hes the only one that can carry on his family name with our baby because i have 3 brothers with children and theyve all been givin my last name and their not married so yeh :) go with what u want becuase i certainly am :D <3 xxx
     
  11. pennysbored

    pennysbored Well-Known Member

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    A rose by any other name will still smell as sweet.

    Its up to you and your OH, and your parents will get over it.
     
  12. Kelstar

    Kelstar Active Member

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    A friend of mine gave her baby both surnames but not double barreled and she now uses same name as her mum.....
     
  13. redpoppy

    redpoppy Well-Known Member

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    I can't remember who else had this same issue and I had said they shoudl go with the BFs name and God forbid anything go wrong they can change it afterwards.

    But apparently you can't do that.

    It's your business at the end of the day! Tell them that its their job to support you and if the worst happens then they need to be there for you and not be going "I told you so".

    Although if you're open to it you could go double barrelled?

    Do they have any good reasons to think it will end by the way. Because I say all that but then I know a family who see their daughter go through abuse and I imagine that could be tough.
     
  14. hancake100

    hancake100 Mummy to a princess x

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    Go with what you both want hun and not what your parents want! LO is yours and OHs so it is 100% your choice!!
    I also think that the baby should have the fathers name as well so that is what me and OH are doing. :hugs: xxx
     
  15. lorna84

    lorna84 mummy to Emilie :))

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    I agree go with what you both want :hugs:
     
  16. mz_jackie86

    mz_jackie86 Well-Known Member

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    Hun ur an adult and ur going to be a parent so u need to stand up to your parents otherwise u will find the start fighting u on more stuff...
    If you and OH want his surname then do it, i was in same situation as u mum said to have my surname but i HATE it lol so i chose OH's an we had broken up at the time....
    Its your preference no1 else's and if ur parents can't accept it thats their problem! x
     
  17. mrskx0x0

    mrskx0x0 Scarlett's Mummy

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    I would give baby OHs last name. If you ever did split up (not that you will) you could change the last name (my cousin changed her DDs names when she remarried). And I agree with katieeandbump, it will always be his baby :hugs:
     
  18. babynewbie

    babynewbie Expecting #3

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    No they have no reason to think that we will split up, we have been together 2 years and although this pregnancy wasnt planned we couldnt be happier and are closer than ever. And theyve even said to me 'well if you go with his name dont expect a shoulder to cry on as we told you the right thing to do and its your fault if you choose to ignore it!!'
    Its so horrible as it feels like a downer on what should be such a good thing - naming our son, it doesnt help that im in a bit of a hormonal/emotional/cry when i drop something mood at the moment!
     
  19. AimeeM

    AimeeM Mum to 3 Boys.

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    You can NOT change the baby's surname at all after it has been registered now. And you couldn't before september 2003 with out the fathers permission!
     
  20. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm this is a difficult one.

    I was all set to give my baby the dads surname....then we split up! And believe me I thought we were together forever....you just don't know whats going to happen.

    I woulda been gutted if I'd already had the baby and given it his name.

    Can you not double barrel it? x
     

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