Babysitter for other children at your Homebirth?

[Bournefree]

Hi Ladies - I want to pick your brains!

Me and the OH don't have any family living in the local area and I'm wondering what to do about DD while I'm giving birth?? What did you do?

Of course I'm hoping that lo will arrive in the night, so there won't be any issues. And I know that if I was organising to go into a birth centre or hospital, this would be something that I would have to think about allot more... but as we are planning to be at home we don't have the problem of sorting out a longer-time care plan for DD.

In saying that though, what should I do if lo arrives in the daytime, or IF (big IF) we need to transfer - as it would be silly not to have any kind of back-up plan.. as just the same as packing a transfer bag. I'm really at a loss as to what we are going to do?!??

Basically our situation is this:
My mum and dad are currently in India, and will be returning to the Med somewhere near Turkey, where they now live. (since retiring, they are quite hard to convince to come back in to the UK and have become very free spirited, like having teenagers as parents! LOL - though, my mum was about for DD - dad didn't come back) My sister lives in London.. I could ask her, but that could take sometime, and I don't know if she could get time off work, as she is a freelance photographer.

My OH family are all in a small village in Wales which takes about 4 hours to drive to.

Friends - they all have young children of there own, and some have gone back to work. So even so, my good friend has offered to have DD.. I would have to work out a way to drop her round to her.. as she would need to look after her DD, and might not be able to do that at our house?! We have single friends, who would be available, but totally unsuitable as baby sitters - they just wouldn't have a clue!

Should I consider trying to find a registered babysitter?, and what are the chances of finding one that would be able to be on-call?

I'm sure that my mum would come back, but to be honest, she doesn't see DD very often (in-fact I think she has seen her 4 times since she was born) and hasn't ever looked after her. So I'm not confident about that - what a horrible thing to say of my mum, I know!

I could go a stay in Wales, but would have to move all my care, and what would OH do about work?

So what would you do/ or what did you do?... I'm running out of ideas and I've only just started to think about it>?
Thanks Ladies
xXx

 

[Celesse]

During my short stint as a student midwife I looked after a woman who had an 18 month old and her DH with her. She went into labour but was meant to have a scheduled section and as there was no one to look after the toddler she just had to take him with her to hospital. He slept through the section then got to meet his baby brother in recovery. Not at all ideal, but if you have to go to hospital and you don't have anyone else to look after then no matter how unhappy the hospital staff are they won't kick LO out.

Chances are your gonna be at home, so could your OH take LO round to your friends? Or could your friend come and pick her up if its during the day, even if you have to pay for a taxi for her?

 

[chuck]

^^ we're in a similar situation with Dewi who will be 18 months in May.

All my family live in Devon 250 miles away and hubby's live in S.Wales also 250 miles away so we're not having any of them stay for a month just in case lol.

We have no friends who are SAHM kinda people who would be able to take the monster at short notice.

Hubby is very keen to have someone to take Dewi while I'm in labour and a while after so we can have a little time with the new baby.

We have Dewi in nursery 4 days a week so potentially he could be there during the day, if things happen at night he can stay put.

But what to do?

Hubby seems to think perhaps we would be able to find enough friends to volunteer if necessary to take the monster for a few hours until MIL could get from Wales to Kent to take the boyo off our hands...I'd rather not have MIL around right after the birth as she was around last time when I was in labour and when I had Dewi delivered.

Ergh.

 

[Bournefree]

During my short stint as a student midwife I looked after a woman who had an 18 month old and her DH with her. She went into labour but was meant to have a scheduled section and as there was no one to look after the toddler she just had to take him with her to hospital. He slept through the section then got to meet his baby brother in recovery. Not at all ideal, but if you have to go to hospital and you don't have anyone else to look after then no matter how unhappy the hospital staff are they won't kick LO out.

Chances are your gonna be at home, so could your OH take LO round to your friends? Or could your friend come and pick her up if its during the day, even if you have to pay for a taxi for her?

That is good to know about the hospital transfer bit.
I don't really think that I would want my OH to leave me - as I would be totally on my own... but I guess he could if it was early on, and we didn't have much of a choice.
and I guess we could get a taxi (or she could drive) for Friend to come over with her daughter, and then put our daughters car seat in too, and send them off together? Don't know how she will cope getting both of them in and out of the car? One is going to have to be alone either in the car or the house - it's like the hen, the fox and the grain problem!!
I'm going to have to make a day and over-night bag for DD too arn't I, so we can keep all options open?

 

[Anababe]

Ive had this problem since finding out my dad and his partner are splitting up. My dad is my only birth partner so usually his OH babysits if dads with me, but now if my dad had to have the children he wouldnt be at my labour. Luckily I'm having a Doula though so although id rather my dad not have to leave me through the labour at least I know I wont be alone if he does.

Im hoping it happens at night though whilst they are asleep or if it has to be during the day then hopefully when my older son is at nursery (He goes 3 afternoons a week). My 15 month old isnt really a problem, you put him in his cot with a bottle and he sleeps whenever you want him too so not so worried about him! lol

Other option is to have my 3 yr old at the labour with me.. Not sure how he would react but Im thinking of just seeing how he takes the early stages and take it from there.

 

[Bournefree]

Thanks so much ladies!!!

It's alot to think about isn't it! I'm sorry that you have the same problems, but also glad that I'm not alone in this!

I'm just thinking that DD will just have to stay with us at home. So unless we transfer, and then we have to have a back up.

I also don't relish the idea of my mum or my MIL (I do love them, honest!), staying for what could be 4-5 weeks (from 37weeks) just incase... and I don't want to feel pressured into induction just to get one of them out the house! hahaha!

Any more thought, please, please let me know!

Perhaps we should start our own homebirth-safe-house, and all club together commune style?

It's the moden life style isn't it - the reason why we just are not as close (in distance) to our families anymore!
XxX

 

[Mervs Mum]

you're right it is the modern lifestyle! I will be setting up an Ina May style 'Farm' in the UK one day....I have IMWs and doulas ready and waiting! Kids will just come along too!

 

[Celesse]

One thing I though of, do you have any mummy friends close by who have a nanny or au-pair? Perhaps you could come to some sort of paid on call arrangement if there's anyone willing and suitable. I know that "nanny shares" are becoming more popular, where a nanny who is employed to look after school age children will take on younger ones during the day which is what got me thinking.

 

[Bournefree]

you're right it is the modern lifestyle! I will be setting up an Ina May style 'Farm' in the UK one day....I have IMWs and doulas ready and waiting! Kids will just come along too!

That would be amazing! You could set it up as a charity; claim all the tax back, and claim money back from the NHS too! Not that, those are the reasons why it is so compelling! (she says, taking business hat off! )

As a pregnant mummy, I would love to go into the womb of your care XxX

 

[Bournefree]

One thing I though of, do you have any mummy friends close by who have a nanny or au-pair? Perhaps you could come to some sort of paid on call arrangement if there's anyone willing and suitable. I know that "nanny shares" are becoming more popular, where a nanny who is employed to look after school age children will take on younger ones during the day which is what got me thinking.

Alas no. Ones that are back at work have arranged for LOs to go to day-care. what a good idea though, I'll be keeping my ear to the ground if anyone has got one - they all seem lubricated with finances enough for one! I could suggest it is the IN thing to do! Then their Au pair will be ready and waiting for me in July!! Wahahaha!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I dont know how you'd feel but if you have a local nursery or child minder you might be surprised at how accommodating they sometimes are. We have one over the road and I wasnt going to ask about them covering my on call but thought, bugger it I'll be cheeky and say I'll pay a retainer - turns out they were completely fine with it and didnt want a retainer just a contract signing and that was it! They've been so good (the children LOVED the one day they were there!) that I'd switched Hebe's nursery and she will be there one day a week from Easter....so worth an ask!

 

[special_kala]

Our plan is to just ask people to pop in if its during the day, so my sil best friend and other best friend to come over for a few hours at a time to keep river entertained and the rest of the time oh can be with her.

If we have to transfer oh will most likely stay ar hone with river

 

[Bournefree]

I dont know how you'd feel but if you have a local nursery or child minder you might be surprised at how accommodating they sometimes are. We have one over the road and I wasnt going to ask about them covering my on call but thought, bugger it I'll be cheeky and say I'll pay a retainer - turns out they were completely fine with it and didnt want a retainer just a contract signing and that was it! They've been so good (the children LOVED the one day they were there!) that I'd switched Hebe's nursery and she will be there one day a week from Easter....so worth an ask!

Thank you for this - I've rung a few, and they might be able to do this for us, but can't say at the mo, as we are such a long way off... so i'm keeping there numbers.
Like you say.. I don't know how I feel about it?
Think I'll really want to see her soon after, and for her not to leave too soon either!.. so maybe it is best if we just cope at home with her. Between OH and MWs we (mostly OH) should manage some sort of care if we are staying at home. However, it would be silly not to have a in-case of transfer plan - which still I don't have many ideas for?
X

 

[Bournefree]

Our plan is to just ask people to pop in if its during the day, so my sil best friend and other best friend to come over for a few hours at a time to keep river entertained and the rest of the time oh can be with her.

If we have to transfer oh will most likely stay ar hone with river

Thank you for letting me know what you would do.

If I transfer, I'm pretty sure the way I feel is that I want OH with me. I need my biggest support and advocate with me.

Also from a practical measure I would need him. It's horrible to think about, but it needs to be thought about, as the only reason to transfer would be where my care at home couldn't be accomodated in an emergent situation; He is my next of kin, and might have to make decisions on my behalf about my care. How depressing!

I really don't have any ideas for this, other than getting family to come and stay or maybe my mummy friends could help until any emergency is over, and family can be on there way to help OH.
Xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

Ok ........ what would you be doing with her if you were having a hospital birth?

 

[freckleonear]

I went into labour in the early morning. When my mum heard, she offered to take Aaron for a few hours, which she did. However, while he was gone my labour completely stopped! I honestly believe it was because I was stressed out about him being gone. Once he was back home with me the contractions started up again and by the time he was in bed I was in active labour. He was fast asleep upstairs when Tabitha was born.

If I ever have another home birth I would just keep the children at home with me. In the case of having to transfer to hospital I would just have a list of emergencies numbers (family, friends, not necessarily people that would normally take the children) and the first one available would pick up the children.

 

[Bournefree]

The more I think about it, the more I think I feel that I don't want DD to leave me either. So home, she says with us.

Lisa - Yeah, you are right. if I had planned hospital or birthing centre, I would be in the same pickle really. It's not about being at home why I have this quandry, it not having any family around me.

and hospital.. like you said freakle, we ring around any friends we can get our hands on and at the same time make phone calls to family to be on there way. Which will either be 4 or 2 hours drive (my sister coming from London has to be the closest in time.)

Oh I hope we get plenty of early labour notice! I know second ones might be quicker.

Still I'm starting to think, that if I'm not relaxed and all sorted, unconsciously I will delay my labour, until everything IS sorted! So in a way that is a good thing!
XxX

 

[PeanutBean]

Sorry I'm a bit late to thread. This conundrum hit me a few weeks ago. DH's family are three hours away and I don't want them there! My family are an hour way. I want my son with me but given my 35 hours last time I don't think he'll have thar much patience. I have the added issue of a dog! Last time my parents came for the dogs but that was before they moved away. Ideally my mum could get the dog and take her back to Wales but I'd like her to come to be with Byron. We've no friend's I would feel comfortable asking to be there because it would mean being at the birth. But we do have a couple of friends who I would ask in a real emergency to take Byron.

I think our most probable plan will be to see if one of my siblings could come get the dog to deposit with my dad. My mum come up when things are getting going or we need some help as I want DH's focus to be on me. If during the day we could most likely get Byron in his nursery for part of the day. And my friend in Manchester would be a good emergency person to get Byron (if at night and I have to be transferred say).

It's bloomin' complicated isn't it?!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think it's good to get all your complicated plans in place and you wont ever need them. Same with me on call if something out of the ordinary happens like the kids are ill and cant go to nursery. I get everything in place and I dont usually need any of it