Bad Night-Grumpy Rant- Husband Makes Me Sad.

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by addie140910, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. addie140910

    addie140910 Well-Known Member

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    Today was a really bad evening… I am going to list the things in order of which they happened and then go into detail. Please if you have something mean to say or want to start an argument go somewhere else. Not leaving husband. Today just made me sad. :/

    1. Husband called me Lazy because I did not walk the 1.5 miles to Korean Language Class- They have the class every Thursday and we were going to start the class and take the class together… Last night we discussed him not going to the class because I have been not feeling well, and did not feel up to walking to the class after walking the 2.5 miles from my house up to the hospital and back to the commissary taxi stand last night to get some things straightened out with my prescription. I also did not feel up to walking the 1 mile and then waiting around to catch the bus. I am 6 months pregnant (or really close enough to it depending on who you talk to) I am freaking tired. I don’t sleep well at night, I am just tired, or sick a lot of the day almost every single day. My body hurts, and my feet hurt. If I don’t feel like making the walk I should not have to. Aside from the fact that we would have not gotten home til around 9pm and then still would have had to cook, and eat. I get exercise. I make the walk to post (1 mile) and shopping around post, or errands on post (.5) miles at least 3x a week.

    2. Husband was late coming home, came home grumpy, and threw a fit about cooking dinner after promising to do so this morning - We talked back and forth about him coming home on the phone and not going to the class again, finally he came home and didn’t go to the class as we originally planned when he got home he was grumpy because he didn’t get to go to the class, grumpy because it was already late, grumpy because dinner wasn’t cooked, grumpy because he’s tired etc. When I reminded him that he volunteered to make my favorite dish, and that I had already started the rice (my favorite dish takes less than 20 minutes, but always tastes so much better when he cooks it) He told me that I was being effing lazy and that I needed to learn to cook the dish (I know how it just does not taste the same, besides he said he would) so he grudgingly started preparing dinner while I washed the rest of the dishes.


    3. Husband criticized me about the way I wash the dishes- We only have 1 sink, so despite the fact that it uses more water I wash the dishes my way, as it gets them clean. (I put soap on the dishes and wash them and rinse them one at a time individually as opposed to making a huge batch of dish water.) He says this wastes water, yes it does. But you are going to run into problems doing it his way….

    1. You have no where to put the dishes after they are washed (as they are still soapy and not rinsed yet)

    2. No way to rinse the dishes (the only sink is full of hot soapy water and dirty dishes) which as you wash them you run into problem number 1.

    He said for the amount of water I waste I could run the dishwasher 3x over. I told him if he wanted me to use the dishwasher that is fine, but I cannot just use it, it needs special soap. He then proceeded to fuss at me for not remembering to buy the soap. Of course I am not going to remember to buy it. I don’t use the dishwasher, and haven’t used a dishwasher consistently since I was 16 years old. Geez.


    Husband is not understanding about why me not having a phone, or being able to contact him should I need to sends me into a near panic attack- My phone ran out of minutes and so I could not call out (and did not know that was the problem until much later as hubbys phone kept ringing the busy signal.)(incoming calls can be received despite no money on card) I am pregnant. I am in a foreign country. I do not speak the language. I need a way to be able to contact you in the event of an emergency at the very least. So yes when my phone was not working it freaked me out. Especially since I had near $5 left in minutes on my card yesterday when I checked, and then today I magically have no money. The fact that it “could have been” an emergency, even though it wasn’t.

    4. Husband told me that I shouldn’t be pregnant (or having a baby or be a mommy) because I do not want to breastfeed exclusively- Let me make it clear that we both love our bean very much, and would be devastated if anything happened to her. He made the mistake of telling me this, but I made the even bigger mistake of telling him he shouldn’t have gotten me pregnant (or married me) then as I told him I was not breastfeeding at all before I even got pregnant (I have now decided that breastfeeding for the first little while is the best, then when I am able to pump that I will do that and store milk and bottle feed. I know breast milk is best for the baby, I was however not raised around breastfeeding and am not use to it) Aside from the fact that I am pretty sure he just wants me to breastfeed all the time (for the next 6months - 1 year) because he does not want to be bothered to get up and help with the baby in the middle of the night. He also said that he does not want our baby given the sugar water shot, bottles in hospital, or formula) This freaked me out because like I said I am not use to breastfeeding, or the concept, or anything to do with it. What if our baby needs these things because she doesn't latch properly or for some reason I cannot attempt to BF right away? Still gonna throw a fit?


    5. When asked if he even wanted to help me take care of LO when she is born he looked me in the eyes and told me “NO. I look after people who cannot take care of themselves, feed themselves, or clean up after themselves for 12 hours a day. I do not want to do it for an additional 12 hours when I get home.” - (I asked him this because I am so excited for our little one to get here, and cannot wait to be a mommy and take care of her) I was expressing my opinion about how I was going to be tired and need his help with the baby at nights when he gets home (once she is born) because taking care of a newborn is like a full time job, and I will be taking care of her from 430-500 am to 6pm and will be tired and need his help when he is home, and that despite wanting to be able to “ sleep when the baby sleeps” that is not always how it works out.

    He said I am overestimating the difficulty of raising a child, and that it is not “that difficult”

    Excuse me… who has been taking care of children, toddlers and infants for over half of her life? Who hasn’t taken care of a child for more than a few hours in his entire life , and not in over 15 years? Lets compare notes and see who has more life experience .

    I know it is exhausting. I was taking care of a newborn from the time she was out of hospital until she was over 1 year old . I had her all day long, AND got to give her back to her parents at night. I was still EXHAUSTED.



    I am just tired.... probably overreacting, but today just... hurt.
     
  2. kate1984

    kate1984 Expecting a Princess

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    Wow, I'm not going to say anything mean BUT he is being a asshole (sorry) huge hugs and I hope you feel better soon xx
     
  3. babyv_s2012

    babyv_s2012 1st little princess

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    WSS! I totally agree- maybe he needs to read up on pregnancy and realise how youre feeling! Hope your day gets better x
     
  4. Mon_n_john

    Mon_n_john Well-Known Member

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    Wow, he is very insensitive. Sorry you have to deal with that.
     
  5. green22

    green22 Mummy to Noah!!

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    Didn't like to read and run honey. But IMO he sounds like he needs to man up before LO arrives. Hugs x x x
     
  6. Mrs HM

    Mrs HM Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't leave...I'd kick him out. Sorry that's not gonna help but it's true. I hope things improve for you soon.
     
  7. xloulabellex

    xloulabellex Mummy to 2 beautiful boys

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    I don't want to read and run.. but majoy major hugs <3 i'm sorry.. none of that is fair. <3
     
  8. Charlie_x

    Charlie_x Well-Known Member

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    Just wanted to offer you a hug i dont have any advice as such ... i wash my dishes the same way as you it also drives my DH mad too! lol
     
  9. Gem_Clem

    Gem_Clem Well-Known Member

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    Wow what kind of husband is that to put up with?? Im sorry but I could not live with someone who treated me like that or spoke about my baby like that. He should be looking after you, being supportive and be exciting about his new son or daughter
     
  10. erikab922

    erikab922 Well-Known Member

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    Are you sure your husband isn't the one who's pregnant and hormonal? 'Cause he kinda sounds like a big 'ole grump. There are some people who just cannot learn something until they are actually going through it themselves. Obviously he can't go through pregnancy so is unable to empathise with you about it, but once the LO comes it will be a huge learning curve for him and will possibly shake his brain into place. For your sake I certainly hope so, you're a saint for putting up with it and not chucking him out!
     
  11. joanna1980

    joanna1980 Well-Known Member

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    What a nob ....... Sorry who does he think he is bloodly god ??? Sorry ur going through this x
     
  12. Joeyzgirl

    Joeyzgirl Well-Known Member

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    First off you aren't over-reacting. It's hard to deal with things like that. You have done amazing so far. Being in a foreign country is so hard. And being a military wife, even in the states, is hard.
    I personally think your husband is just scared. Men do not, i repeat, do not, connect with pregnancy the way women do. Once you feel the baby it becomes very real, but for him, it isn't, it's still just you, but you're acting differently than you used to, which frustrates him. I truly believe you shouldn't worry one second about him helping with LO. I think the minute she's here his entire tune will change. He will fall instantly in love and be daddy material before he even knows what happened. Even if he isn't instantly connected (very common for men) with LO, it will probably come with time. I agree, if he's willing, that reading pregnancy books or even info online would really help him realize why you are so tired, feeling so ill, etc.
    I'm sending you lots of hugs because his attitude is probably far from over. I think he's probably really stressed about LO and money, and if you could get him to open up about it, I bet you'd understand more about where he is coming from too.
    I firmly believe communication is the key for a healthy relationship and for understanding each other completely.
    As for the breastfeeding, it's your body and your choice. And I bet once she's here he helps in the night anyway, so his reason for being concerned will quickly disapear.
    Good luck to you honey. Keep that chin up.
     
  13. sjwebb

    sjwebb Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like your husband needs a reality check, if my husband EVER spoke to me like that I'd hit him so hard in the junk he wished he never had a penis. No woman deserves to be spoken to like that EVER, let alone a pregnant woman carrying his child. I'd just let him cool off for a few days and then try talking to him again. Sorry your in a tough spot and hes not being very supportive hun :( men can be real jerks sometimes.
     
  14. April2012

    April2012 I have a beautiful boy!

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    sometimes people say things they don't mean because they are overly stressed, tired, overwhelmed and just not thinking. these things can be very hurtful and totally uncalled for. I am sorry you are dealing with this right now. it all sounds very stress related. i hope you two can sit down and calmly discuss these issues (and maybe other issues that aren't being discussed). good luck!
     
  15. mrsirish

    mrsirish Well-Known Member

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    i dont understand why woman put up with this crap to be honest! you are goin to have to start telling him whats what here, if my husband treated me like that i swear to god he wud be out the door, you obviousley love your husband alot and that ofcourse is natural or else you wudn have married him to begin with... but start standing up for yourself! and whenyour baby arrives you dont want her to see a man treat a woman this way do you? who know the baby might open his eyes and bring him into the real world or mayb your just havin a bad day... mayb hes scared of change? who knows but it sounds abit like bullying to me :D lets hope tomorrow is a better day xxxx lotsa love
     

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