Battling the fear

[hhimayy]

I don't think it was before really looking through this site and through some personal experience of friends around me to make me realizehow much miscarriage occurs. Idk if it's just because a decent percent of women who are on here have had complications previously and are looking for comfort in others. It seems like a lot of women on this site have dealt with loss before.

It makes me more and more anxious about this. What are some things you say to yourself to help combat the fear?

 

[cscbeth8421]

Unfortunately, what will be, will be. It's one of those things you can't control. You just have to keep positive and keep going forward.

 

[bunnyblonde]

i had really bad anxiety my first week after finding out, i was so worried something bad would happen and it would be all my fault. Im 26 non smoker so I'm super low risk so i was thinking if i fail to protect my baby now, how will i ever have a healthy pregnancy. Now, just a week later I feel so empowered, all i can think about is how my body is becoming almost like a new world to create a new tiny human. Its like I'm baking the best cookie in the world and only i have the recipe. I actually walk around with so much confidence and i feel so great. I can think of doing anything more amazing than being able to carry a new life. I feel so special, but not because of anything I've done but because of the little one inside of me thats growing every day. And since I'm not showing yet, its like this little secret that i have, no one knows that I'm walking around with the most precious cargo and how lucky i am to have that honor. It actually makes me cry. Yes i still have my worries, and i haven't even seen the ob yet since I'm so early along, but for now I'm just trying to focus on how amazing this gift is.

 

[Rhiannon137]

A few mental things help me:
1. You are much more likely to have a good outcome than a bad outcome.
2. Yes, message boards tend to be enriched with people who have struggled with conception and loss.
3. People naturally post more looking looking for advice or comfort than just random "everything's cool" updates.
4. There is usually very little than can be done to predict or prevent an early loss if that is what is meant to be. All you can do is take good care of your body and hope for the best.
5. Depriving yourself of happiness (due to caution, or so excess anxiety) now won't protect you from feeling sad later.

That being said, early pregnancy is an uncertain and anxious time for most people. I am currently pregnant immediately after a miscarriage, so I feel like I've been living in First Tri Anxiety Unfunland for almost 3 months with a brief trip to Sadville in the middle. How well I follow my own advice from above varies on a daily basis

 

[Rei]

I'm measuring a bit behind but I'm trying to be hopeful. At least this time I saw a yolk sac on screen when I didn't even see that with my blighted ovum. I go again next week prepared for the worst but hoping for the best. That's really i think you can do in early pregnancy

 

[morgan89]

Speaking as a person who had their first pregnancy end in miscarriage I know the fear is real! However I remind myself that though miscarriage is more common than we like to think it is, it however is not the end of the world. Sometimes nature has a way of ensuring the best possible outcome.

So moral of the story you can't control it so stay as positive as you can and just be aware of the warning signs so you can protect your own health if something does go wrong.

Good luck and FX for you!

 

[Eltjuh]

I know what you mean! I have had 2 mc myself, one was VERY early (wasn't even confirmed, but I believe as a woman you just know) and the 2nd was at 7 weeks and it devastated me! But you get through it! I'm scared too that it'll happen again, but you know, there's nothing you can do about it!
Personally I make sure I don't do anything that I could possibly blame myself for if something were to go wrong. Like, I know you can exercise when pregnant and you can eat brie if it's pasteurised etc, but I don't do it, because if something would go wrong, I know I would blame myself wondering whether if I hadn't done those things if it wouldn't have happened. (if that makes sense)

It's hard not to worry, but we'll get through it! I'm sure we'll be fine!!

 

[LDC]

The fear is real and unfortunately loss happens a lot more than we think; you're right that people do talk about it more on forums as people don't tend to talk about losses in general conversation, especially to those who aren't very close to them.

I live with the fear everyday but I tell myself "at this moment in time, I have no reason to think anything is wrong". That really helps me to manage day to day. The anxiety is not healthy for my baby nor I and I like to think of it as wasted energy. Essentially what will happen will happen, whether I worry about it or not.

Just keep positive self talk as a priority and focus on this moment in time rather than what Could be.

Xxx