Bd/fob rant!

[CountryS2011]

I'm sorry, I am, but I'm SOOOO ANGRY

I am 20 and was with my ex for 2 years, 2% chance of pregnancy and it happened.
Him and I finally were on good terms and he said he'd write me the next day and never again did I hear from him, it's been almost 2 months.
I was just recently told I'm a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis and so I tried contacting him to get a blood test to see if he is...he didn't respond and then his friend wrote shortly after saying that I need to not contact him and let him go.
I'm SOOOOO ANGRY! How can you see another girl? How can you not care about 2 years? How can you not care about your kid? About the health of your kid? How can you do all this crap to me...I don't understand.

I want to let him go because I hate loving him, but I have so many unanswered questions of why and so much anger. How do you let it go??

Also child support question : How do they go about finding him and doing that? I'm not sure where he's at currently, I know his sisters, but he could leave. If he denies the kid is his will they offer him a dna and if he doesn't want to then still make him pay? Yes, I have a lawyer, but my dad wont let me talk to him.

 

[BubsMom17]

As far as child support goes, they can serve him with a court ordered DNA test. If he doesn't comply, he will be in contempt and he will have suffer the consequences (bench warrant for his arrest), and they will compel him to take the DNA test, whether he wants to or not. You should double check with state law, but that is how they deal with it in California.

He sounds like a real piece of sh*t, no offense...

Oh, and why won't your dad let you speak to your lawyer???

 

[Amsan]

As far as child support goes, they can serve him with a court ordered DNA test. If he doesn't comply, he will be in contempt and he will have suffer the consequences (bench warrant for his arrest), and they will compel him to take the DNA test, whether he wants to or not. You should double check with state law, but that is how they deal with it in California.

He sounds like a real piece of sh*t, no offense...

That's how they do it here too, except that also gives him rights to the child as well.

I agree he really does sound like a POS. I learned to let go of the "why's" a long time ago, it was harder to move on because I knew I was NEVER going to have an answer. Time to focus on you and your little bundle of joy and making the best life possible for the two of you, and one day a man who deserves the title "Daddy" will come into your lives

 

[LoveSanrio]

Same way here. If he isn't on the birth cert. Then he will have a court ordered dna test at his expense. Although here, paying child support gives him no rights to the child, not even visitation. He would have to get an attorney and take that matter into his own hands.

I know it is hard, but with time it gets much easier, TRUST me. My ex of 8 years is the bio father of my 3 oldest girls. He has not even tried to contact them in nearly 4 years. My husband IS their daddy, and the girls would never second guess that. Anyhow, him and I were together 8 years and he was a total waste of space. We got together when I was 18. I was too young to know what a real man consists of. When I was 26 we split, and I was devastated lol. Looking back now I don't know what the hell I was thinking. He still does the same old shit, has no job, went on to have a son with his gf, and they still to this day live with his gf's mom. They have lived there for 4 years. Believe me when I say you are better off without your ex. Just because he donated the sperm to make a child does not make him a daddy. That title is earned! You are astrong woman! You can totally get through this, just take it one day at a time. He doesn't deserve you or YOUR baby. Let that door in life close so a new one can open. The possibilities in life for you and baby are endless!

 

[shaunasmommy]

With dd father, it was a very similar situation. He has never met her and didn't keep in contact with me at all during pregnancy. He doesn't pay child support, and I did not put him on the birth certificate. My husband is her daddy, and all she has ever known. It is hard raising a baby without child support, but it can be done and from the sound of this guy, if I were you I would do it. Its better to know your baby is safe 100% of the time than a man who doesn't want or care about his baby have visitation and/or joint custody. People can and have done stupid stuff to hurt kids, just to make the other parent mad. Good luck with whatever you do!

 

[pinkpickle]

The state will find him. No matter where he goes, the state WILL Find him. They will give him a court order to have a DNA test done and he is required by law to do it. Once it is confirmed, they'll start having the money directly withdrawn from his paycheck before he gets it. The only way for him to hide is quit his job and do NOTHING under his own name and social security number for a long period of time to fall under the government's radar.
I didn't WANT to get child support. I didn't want anything to do with the guy, but because of federal law, if you sign your child up for state insurance (Medicaid) there MUST be a child support order in place, unless the man is a danger to you or your child. I gave them as little information as humanly possible (His first name only, the city I met him and his age at the time I met him) I had all of his information, he told me to have an abortion so I hated him with every drop of my soul and wanted him to have nothing to do with my child. He moved to another state right after I told him I was pregnant. Three years later I signed my son up for Medicaid and wouldn't ya know it, the state had THREE little pieces of information and found the jackass within four days.............

So don't worry. He can't hide. He'll be forced to be at least slightly financially responsible, if nothing else.

 

[CountryS2011]

As far as child support goes, they can serve him with a court ordered DNA test. If he doesn't comply, he will be in contempt and he will have suffer the consequences (bench warrant for his arrest), and they will compel him to take the DNA test, whether he wants to or not. You should double check with state law, but that is how they deal with it in California.

He sounds like a real piece of sh*t, no offense...

Oh, and why won't your dad let you speak to your lawyer???

He is, I can't believe I stayed with him despite lies he did and what not...and still love him...

& because he said that the lawyer and state will take care of it so to not be concerned and let them handle it

 

[CountryS2011]

As far as child support goes, they can serve him with a court ordered DNA test. If he doesn't comply, he will be in contempt and he will have suffer the consequences (bench warrant for his arrest), and they will compel him to take the DNA test, whether he wants to or not. You should double check with state law, but that is how they deal with it in California.

He sounds like a real piece of sh*t, no offense...

That's how they do it here too, except that also gives him rights to the child as well.

I agree he really does sound like a POS. I learned to let go of the "why's" a long time ago, it was harder to move on because I knew I was NEVER going to have an answer. Time to focus on you and your little bundle of joy and making the best life possible for the two of you, and one day a man who deserves the title "Daddy" will come into your lives

I have messages sending to him about how I need the blood test for the health of my child and him seeing them but not responding, so I'm going to give them to the lawyer to use for custody. Also he doesn't have a license, doesn't even know how to drive, has a job that he's gone every day except weekends, dad is a drug addict who he's going to live with, the person he lives with now (his sister) lost her kids to dhs, and his mom is a chronic alcoholic, so I'm not to worried about custody

 

[CountryS2011]

The state will find him. No matter where he goes, the state WILL Find him. They will give him a court order to have a DNA test done and he is required by law to do it. Once it is confirmed, they'll start having the money directly withdrawn from his paycheck before he gets it. The only way for him to hide is quit his job and do NOTHING under his own name and social security number for a long period of time to fall under the government's radar.
I didn't WANT to get child support. I didn't want anything to do with the guy, but because of federal law, if you sign your child up for state insurance (Medicaid) there MUST be a child support order in place, unless the man is a danger to you or your child. I gave them as little information as humanly possible (His first name only, the city I met him and his age at the time I met him) I had all of his information, he told me to have an abortion so I hated him with every drop of my soul and wanted him to have nothing to do with my child. He moved to another state right after I told him I was pregnant. Three years later I signed my son up for Medicaid and wouldn't ya know it, the state had THREE little pieces of information and found the jackass within four days.............

So don't worry. He can't hide. He'll be forced to be at least slightly financially responsible, if nothing else.

I sure hope so and haha, that made me feel better (found that jackass in four days) XD

 

[CastawayBride]

The state will find him. No matter where he goes, the state WILL Find him. They will give him a court order to have a DNA test done and he is required by law to do it. Once it is confirmed, they'll start having the money directly withdrawn from his paycheck before he gets it. The only way for him to hide is quit his job and do NOTHING under his own name and social security number for a long period of time to fall under the government's radar.
I didn't WANT to get child support. I didn't want anything to do with the guy, but because of federal law, if you sign your child up for state insurance (Medicaid) there MUST be a child support order in place, unless the man is a danger to you or your child. I gave them as little information as humanly possible (His first name only, the city I met him and his age at the time I met him) I had all of his information, he told me to have an abortion so I hated him with every drop of my soul and wanted him to have nothing to do with my child. He moved to another state right after I told him I was pregnant. Three years later I signed my son up for Medicaid and wouldn't ya know it, the state had THREE little pieces of information and found the jackass within four days.............

So don't worry. He can't hide. He'll be forced to be at least slightly financially responsible, if nothing else.

Jut a cautionary here, not all States will go after them. If the person quits his job and gets a job off the books there is really nothing they can do. I have seen people owe over 20K and not even a bench warrant...

 

[CountryS2011]

With dd father, it was a very similar situation. He has never met her and didn't keep in contact with me at all during pregnancy. He doesn't pay child support, and I did not put him on the birth certificate. My husband is her daddy, and all she has ever known. It is hard raising a baby without child support, but it can be done and from the sound of this guy, if I were you I would do it. Its better to know your baby is safe 100% of the time than a man who doesn't want or care about his baby have visitation and/or joint custody. People can and have done stupid stuff to hurt kids, just to make the other parent mad. Good luck with whatever you do!

Thanks, and there is a lot of stuff that I have on him that will make sure he'll never get custody. Once I see he is growing up, maybe, but otherwise, no way

 

[mdjoy]

Oh I feel for you. Going through some bs with FOB also. He hasn't disappeared...yet but he is getting worse and worse! I really feel for you. I can at least say ours wasn't a serious relationship and baby was unplanned, also didn't date for as long but he was or acted like a whole different person before I got pregnant..understanding, caring, super sweet..etc! He is now cold, distant, not understanding at all..ignores me acts funny, is great one day and then funny for like a month after.. one minute he is all over me and the next he acts like I don't exist and disgusted with me.. at our scan thurs he let it out that he may be reconciling with his estranged (separated for over 4 yrs) wife! Which is going to make him act a lot worse I am guessing seeing as he was a real d&^% after the scan and very cold. Oh, not to mention that a few weeks prior we had gotten together after yet another why are yu so different now argument and he was sweet and all over me! But I held my cool when he proceeded to act funny after and not argue or anything and he was a bigger ass than he has ever been to me, in person at least! That being said...who knows why some of these men act the way they do! According to him they were about to get divorce papers and no chance of reconciling.. he still takes the kids on weekend and according to him they don't even talk much :/.. Liars..alot of them are great at it! I tried to give the benefit of the doubt and thougt maybe just a lot of stress on him making him act out but at this point, there is no excuse... he really isn't up front or honest or open and I'm sure never will be either. Sometimes we never get answers and just have to accept it for what it was and what it no longer is and what it is now. I personally am going to try and get all the info I can from him..then just not bother. I decided trying is causing me more stress, depression and hurt over it..can't believe the father of my baby is acting like this! Can't take the confusion amymore. He is an ass to me but when I say I think you hate me for being pregnant he tells me he is happy to be having a daughter and he wants her...soo, why treat the woman carrying her like shit and give no support during the pregnancy and keep her in confusion with immature mind games and guessing games. Sorry for my language but some of them are just f'ing a##holes and poor excuses for men.

 

[mdjoy]

Oh sorry for the rant btw! But try and recall and gather all the info you can on him and after your baby is born go straight to child support and file for it..thats my plan. I would tell you try not to stress but that hard to do. Your hurt and pregnant and he is an ass and you don't know why. Maybe stop trying to contact him. Save some disappointment I guess and definitely go for child support! I can't believe he is acing this way, especially since you tried to conceive your baby and he turns around and leaves you after...good luck to you

 

[CountryS2011]

Oh sorry for the rant btw! But try and recall and gather all the info you can on him and after your baby is born go straight to child support and file for it..thats my plan. I would tell you try not to stress but that hard to do. Your hurt and pregnant and he is an ass and you don't know why. Maybe stop trying to contact him. Save some disappointment I guess and definitely go for child support! I can't believe he is acing this way, especially since you tried to conceive your baby and he turns around and leaves you after...good luck to you

We actually didn't try and concieve...I was told I could never have kids so it wasn't a concern for us

And the rant is ok, I'm sorry he's acting like that