Bfp yesterday - today he doesnt think he loves me .....UPDATED

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by fizz63, Aug 30, 2009.

  1. fizz63

    fizz63 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2009
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    (first of all sorry for long post)

    Well I have been in touch with him yesterday and he has said that he does not want me or the baby in his life ! he said its bad timing that i have got pregnant just as he was about to call an end to the relationship but he says he will have nothing to do with me or the baby. He is simply not interested.

    We have been together about 14 years and the man i saw yesterday is not the man i know ! i cant believe he can be so cruel and heartless. I know he didnt want a baby as much as me but i cannot believe the way he was with me yesterday. I have been crying for literally 24 hours solid. I said i dont want to do this alone and he said well thats up to you and if i dont want it then i should "sort it out".

    i am in shock ! he also said that he has been seeing someone else for about a month ... but i felt he was just saying this as a way of getting rid of me (coz he has spent so much time with me lately, i cant see how he could fit anyone else in). I am heartbroken that the man i loved and thought loved me could treat me like this.

    At the beginning of the year we had several problems but for the last four months, i felt we had got things back on track, and that he loved me and we were trying for a baby. He said he hasnt been happy for months but all i can say is that he put on a very good act if thats the case

    I am obviously so depressed and upset about this but to be honest, I am more worried that he will get in touch with me in a day or two and say - i didnt mean it, i was just shocked about the baby ... lets carry on. But i just cant forget those awful things he has said to me and what he has put me through since last wednesday. I keep thinking i am trapped in a very bad nightmare.

    sorry for the long post but i dont have many friends i can confide in. I have spoke to my sister who has said i am better off with out him but if he comes back to me all upset and apologising (we dont live together at mo) - i am not sure i can be strong enough to go it alone but i dont want to risk this happening again. How can you forgive and forget when someone has treated you so badly ?



    :cry::cry::cry::cry:


    Posted previously ... Yesterday i was on cloud 9 !! My oh was home really late last night so i didnt tell him the good news till this evening ....

    i knew he didnt want this pregnancy as much as i did (hes 10 years older than me and already has a child of 15) but i wasnt expecting what i got tonight ....

    i told him the news and he was ok about it sort of ... wasnt over the moon but i expected that .... then he sat down and said its bad timing coz tonight was going to be the time he was going to tell me he didnt feel the same about us .... and hasnt done for a little while ....

    can you imagine how i feel now ?? i honestly expected him to be nonchalant about my news but i feel like i have been smacked in the face.

    we have had some problems over the last few months but i thought things were going ok .... obviously not. he hasnt said that he wants us to definetely split up but says if i hadnt had given him the news tonight, then this might have been going to happen ....

    i have wanted this baby for so long and he says that we have to stay together coz of that now anyway but i didnt want him to be feeling like this. i love him so much but want him to feel the same about me ... which he says he doubts ....

    we have been together a long long time and he says he has only just started feeling like this ... i hope we can work it out but after talking to him tonight, he just didnt seem like the same person i have known all these years. i wonder if the baby news has just sent him over the edge ....

    i am hoping that when the news has sunk in tonight/tomorrow that he might apologise abit and say that its just the shock of it happening etc .....

    need some baby bump hugs tonight thats for sure ....
     
  2. BizyBee

    BizyBee Mom to Luke, Expecting #2

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2009
    Messages:
    7,768
    Likes Received:
    0
    Massive hugs hun. :hugs: So sorry...
     
  3. dmn1156

    dmn1156 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2009
    Messages:
    2,453
    Likes Received:
    0
    Fizz im so sorry for your news and especially at a time when your hormones are all over the place as well. It may just be shock on his part but the things he said are unforgivable and he helped create this life and regardless i think he needs to take some responsability. No one can really advise you what you should do other than play things by ear for a little while and maybe try to start thinking along the lines that it maybe just you and the baby on this journey which is not an easy thing to do and my thoughts are with you im sure once things settle down you both may see things differently but whatever happens im sure your going to be a great mum i hope it all works out for you
     
  4. hopeforamirac

    hopeforamirac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Messages:
    6,989
    Likes Received:
    0
  5. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    26,659
    Likes Received:
    0
    You poor, poor thing.

    I dont have much advice for you I'm afraid. You are going to spend the next while going through a rollercoaster of emotions, from happiness about your pregnancy, to sadness, to anger. If he is happy to throw away 14 years without even trying to work it out with you, or by running off to someone else, then maybe you and your baby are better off without him.

    You will cope without him (even if it doesnt feel like it right now) and you have to remember that at the end of all this - you will have a beautiful child, and he will have nothing

    xxx
     
  6. MsLesley

    MsLesley Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2009
    Messages:
    2,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    i am SOOO sorry this is happening to you :(

    it sounds like he is very confused at the moment and my best advice to give you..and it will be very hard..is to not call...dont try and stay in contact and if he does come back...you make sure he fights hard to get you back. this is so unfair to you. Not to say that he cant help how he feels..because sometimes we just cant...but to totally dismiss you and the baby like that...he seems like a child and doesnt deserve you.

    I have been in your situation...believe me when i say i understand your pain. I have done it all to get back the one i loved and trust me when i say..it only pushes them away more. It makes it worse when you feel so rejected...you just want to get back what you had and make things better again...but the only thing that can make things better is time.

    I wish i could say something to help fix this cause i hate seeing/hearing someone go through this pain. If you ever want to talk..please message me.

    :hugs:
     
  7. EternalRose

    EternalRose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Messages:
    5,760
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hun, I am so sorry for what your going through and your mind is probably playing this scenario over and over again. The only thing I could advise you is to try and not take his insensitivity into account when deciding what to do now. His attitude stinks, and if he does have someone else..good luck to her, more fool anyone who thinks this type of man would be a catch after how he has treated you. Please dont try and rationalise his behaviour by thinking back to all the times you were unreasonable in arguments or fall outs. We all fall out in relationships, and this is NOT your fault. Do not allow yourself think that he will sail into the sunset all happy and rosy. It wont happen. I would get angry hun, and think about yourself. He MAY change his mind, but can you ever trust a man that would treat you like this at your most vulnerable. What do you want now hun?
     
  8. MsLesley

    MsLesley Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2009
    Messages:
    2,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    you said it well. its like when a guy...or even a girl has to put down their partner and call them names...even if they were acting like a B**** or A**H***. theres never an excuse for it! someone has lots to learn if they are going to treat people that way. and complete dismiss them AND their own child most importantly...same scenario.

    The hardest lesson to learn but we cant change someone...they have to change themselves.

    XXX
     
  9. amazed

    amazed Mummy of 4 <3

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2009
    Messages:
    7,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im so sorry hes being like that hun... it does sound like your better off without him.... :hugs::hugs:
     
  10. flower1985

    flower1985 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2009
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    hi

    my advice to you would be to leave him out of your life and make no contact unless he attempts to talk through things with you. Your pregnant and you need positive vibes and you need to relax. You don't need the stress and immaturity in your life at the moment. As hard as it is to be a single mum if you have family and friends behind you you will be just fine and will find someone else who will except you and the baby into their life and make you happy.

    My husband is 15 years older than me not that that makes a diff to us. He has 2 children, one who is 15 and one is who is 8 however he was happy to have another child as it would be with me.

    I would leave him be and get on with your pregnancy its supposed to be a happy time in your life dont let him ruin it for you.

    all the best xx
     
  11. Blizzy

    Blizzy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2009
    Messages:
    269
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am soooo sorry hun!!!!!!!! :hugs:
     
  12. alibaba24

    alibaba24 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    6,665
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey hun, if i was you personally i wouldnt be goin down the road of "what if he comes crawling back" you could be giving yourself false hope there

    I know its not easy but you just have to accept what hes said keep your dignity hold your head up and start thinking about your baby

    hope you feel better soon

    xx
     
  13. BBonBoard

    BBonBoard Proud Mommy of 2 girls

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    3,005
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
     
  14. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2008
    Messages:
    31,452
    Likes Received:
    0
    am so sorry he's putting you through this :hugs: thinking of you xxx
     
  15. marie-louise

    marie-louise Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2009
    Messages:
    665
    Likes Received:
    0
    hello there pet,

    I really thing he is acting in an unforgiveable way. If he was so unhappy why did he participate in the baby making process at all? Some may say that the preg may have shocked him but I don't think this is the case, he is being a twat, most of our ohs can feel strange after finding out we are pregnant, very few would treat us this shoddily!You are emotionally vulnerable and if he really cared for you he wouldn't be able to do this. With a baby on the way it is past the time for mind games! Any way rant over, just remember that you are a strong, independent woman and you have been blessed with the greatest gift. It is he who is losing out. thoughts and prayers are with you! xx
     
  16. twinkletoes80

    twinkletoes80 Pregnant with my first

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2008
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    0
    I cant put it any better than the other ladies have. I honestly feel that when you come out of the darkness you will realise what a lucky escape you had. You now have a child to focus on, it is the greatest gift. F*** him! Dont think about him coming back, move forwards without him and one day you will have a man you can trust in. Stay strong xxx
     
  17. Heidi

    Heidi Mummy to two girls

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2008
    Messages:
    7,652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Goodness, so sorry your going through this hun, i messaged you before i read this post so you can message me if you want to chat x
     
  18. FitzBaby

    FitzBaby Me, Hubby,& Toddler

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2009
    Messages:
    1,308
    Likes Received:
    0
    stay strong!
     
  19. punch

    punch Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2009
    Messages:
    289
    Likes Received:
    0
    sometimes men flip the eff out when they find out their partner is pregnant. my husband certainly impregnated me VERY on purpose with our son (who is now 5), but he seriously wigged out when he found out it worked.

    he couldn't love me or our son any more than he does, and we're pregnant again nearly 6 years later, so... they can just be REAL idiots sometimes (scared).

    i don't know what his deal is with saying he's been seeing someone else, that's a cruel tactic or a sad, fact. either way, best of luck sorting it out. it's easier to not have the difficulties of raising a baby alone, i'm sure, but if your sister thinks you're better off alone, maybe that's true?

    i hate to see you so upset when you're just newly pregnant... that sucks.

    best of luck, hun!!!
     
  20. Gwizz

    Gwizz Boys Rule!

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2008
    Messages:
    10,060
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with the others. Seriously concentrate on just you and your precious bundle now - its his loss and he really isnt worth it after what hes done and said. 14 years is a long time and I would have expected more from him but its obviously not worth it.

    You have a bright future ahead with your little one .. hold your head up high and you'll soon find someone who'll love and appreciate you :hug: There are plenty of single mummies on here to support you (and non single mummies!) and you'll do a fantastic job xx
     

Share This Page