Bfp yesterday - today he doesnt think he loves me .....UPDATED

[fizz63]

Just to let you know girls .... that i havent heard anything from him since Saturday .... cant believe it. Does he not care what i am going thru ? how can he switch off like that, after all those horrible things he said to me?

I have tried to call him a couple of times (to sort things out financially not to sort out relationship) and he has ignored my calls.

It was so hard going back to work today and pretending that i felt ok when inside i felt soooo upset about all of this. Sometimes when i am going about my day to day stuff, all of a sudden i remember what is happening (i am pregnant and he doesnt want to know) and i literally cant believe i am in this situation.

Only last weekend we were planning a long weekend away at the end of september - why would you do that if you werent happy and had someone else ... i cant get it in my head !

 

[Seity]

Massive because you seem like you could use some.

 

[eeyore83]

Oh hun, I so, so, so sorry. No one deserves to be treated like that. He made a baby, it doesn't matter whether he "wants" baby-to-be in his life or not. I hope you haul his miserable ass to court and make sure that you and that baby are well pampered with his money for putting up with such an insufferable prick!

 

[Rikki]

The only words I can use to describe this man I can't type as they are not nice. I know saying that you are better off without him is no comfort at all.
I hope things work out for you

 

[Rozie_1985]

The guy doesn't deserve you or your baby, what a waste of space. 14 years together and this is how he treats you? Wash your hands with him hun, pick yourself up and carry on for the sake of your baby. Im sorry i have nothing better to say, but am generally upset for you xxx

 

[lanaross]

Fizz, it happened so many times on this board - they usually just get freaked out. Even the strongest ones freak. My OH (wanting to have kids, talking about all the time) still was in shock for a while. Let it be, do not call, do not pester him, make him wonder where you are and what you and the baby is doing. Lay low for a little bit. Make him worry, get yourself busy with something else. I know it's hard. But you can't force him to come back and apologize, he needs to get there himself. And if he doesn't, move on.

 

[1st_timer]

Hi Fizz - I am so sorry he is being such an idiot. It does sound like you are better off without him but it's hard.

Don't forget that in the UK he can be forced to support your LO with the help of the CSA.

I agree with Lanaross - leave him be. He will soon start to wonder what's happening and I bet he wants to have something to do with both you and the baby.

Good luck and if you want to PM me feel free

xxx

 

[ramblinhaggis]

hello hun, i ao so sorry you are having to go through all this by yourself. There is just no way of explaining away the mind of a man when he is having an affair, i know it might be hard to accept but it does very much sound like to me its been going on a while. He just hasnt been man enough to tell you before you fell pregnant.

I know it will seem impossible at the moment, but he has given you a gift. The chance to really focus on your pregnancy and enjoy it, without a half hearted partner there to ruin it. You are going to have a beautiful baby, its his loss, it really is. Take care of yourself, try not to get too distressed and wherever you can, try to find the brightside, its always there somewhere xxx

 

[spritey]

Enjoy your baby, forget this guy, but force him to pay child support (if he doesn't).

 

[fizz63]

Unbelievable !!!! just spoken to my ex tonight who says that he thinks i should have an abortion ... this is the guy who was ok with trying for a baby just a month or so ago who now thinks it would be the best thing to do.

cant believe he would ask me to do that ...... he said that in a year or so, i could maybe meet someone else and have a baby with them and that this "mistake" wont mess up our lifes. This wasnt a mistake, it was a planned baby which now that it has happened, he has changed his mind ! I am 38 and not going to risk losing this chance of having the baby i have always wanted!

had a very long conversation with him about it and at the end he said that he had hoped things could work out better ... ie that we could have got back together. so i said what are you saying, and he was playing mind games and saying it doesnt matter now and eventually he said he wanted us to get back together. How can i feel the same way about this guy ... which just half an hour earlier he had asked me and tried to pursuade me to have an abortion !!!

feel really upset that he could do that but then when i said no, he said he wanted to get back together anyway ... how would our relationship work when i know he wanted to terminate our baby .....

 

[DiddyDons]

oh hun I hate it when they play the mind games. I know how hard this is for you, ive been in your seat and Its very hard and tough. You do what you want to hun, do whats best for you, if you want to keep your baby then you do so hun. With out being offensive...(i mean this in the nicest way possible) its not like you are 21 and have lots of time left. This baby will love you unconditionally forever, he just seems to be playing with your mind.

Msg me if you want to talk x x x

 

[fizz63]

no offence ... i know i am not 21 (if only) and i know that we have been talking about trying for a baby since i was 35 ! he finally came round to the idea in april this year and we have been trying since then ... then when i announce i am pregnant, he says its bad timing, coz he was going to finish the relationship anyway. he has been so horrible to me since i told him and then tonight he says it is the best thing to do, to have an abortion. but then in with that he says he sort of hoped we could work things out ... my head is completely messed up by him. an abortion is NOT an option and i told him so ... this baby was conceived in what i thought was a loving relationship ... its only afterwards that i find out he didnt feel the same.

i dont see how any relationship could work when the babys father wants to get rid of the baby but he seems to think i have no option and should go back to him .... how would my life be with someone like this, i dread to think !

 

[EternalRose]

Hun, I would dump his ass! ( easier said than done I know ). Im not sure how relevant this is, but I read Jordans biography the first one, a couple years back ans she said how Dane Bowers ( singer ) told her to abort the baby she had for Dwight York ( footballer ) and if she did they could work things out! Well she didnt, and even though Harvey as problems now she made the right choice. If a man really loved you ( as hurtful as it might be to bear ) he would not make you choose between him or your baby. Is he heartless or what?

 

[DiddyDons]

I can totally understand how your feeling hun and im sorry he is putting you through this. Its shocking he was all for making a baby and then he just changed his mind at the drop of a hat......maybe he just feels a little overwhelmed right now and needs to sort his head out a little bit. My Partner didnt come round to the idea of having my baby till I as 22 weeks pregnant.....only you can decide what you want to happen between you, maybe some time will do him some good and he will realise what he will miss out on.

Love and hugs x x x

 

[glowbabe]

Yup, as EternalRose said...I'd dump his ass. There are tons of single mums out there who successfully raise their children on their own. Be strong!

 

[impatient1]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry he is doing this to you. He does not deserve you and you can honestly do much better if this is the way he wants to act.

 

[Cateyes]

He needs a quick kick in the family jewels. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[amanda09]

you are WAY better off without him. XOXO

 

[Jadey-x]

Oh this is horrible, what a sad story, ive just read it now for the first time, missed the first post before. i actually cried while reading it. im so sorry for you, you ARE better off without him, and its going to be very difficult, you obviously have support from your sister? you can do this without him!!! Good luck for the future xxxxxx

 

[Minstermind]

Me too, I'm horrified by your story. My own ex was a complete douche with my first child and obviously wasn't interested in my son (and still isn't 6 years later), so while the situation is different, I can relate in some ways to the feeling of rejection and pure sorrow for yourself and on behalf of your baby, that he would be so very unattached and uncaring. I too would have a hard time with getting back together with him knowing that he wanted to abort the baby. What kind of relationship is that? He's telling you that you have no choice but to go back with him, but that is not true. You very much have the choice and need to be in the driver's seat of your own life, not the passenger. Don't let him tell you what's what and what to do.

I would agree with the others that his attitude and investment in the relationship stinks so much that it couldn't possibly survive adding a third party to the mix. I think you'd have to ask yourself, what would be better, being free of him and able to move on with love and happiness in your home and a wonderful baby to raise, or trying to make it work with him and constantly feel subpar and not feeling that he's fully committed to the relationship?

I wish you the best and you have to honor what feels right for you. Regardless if you stay with him or not, though, I really feel strongly that he needs to pony up the financial support to help you with your baby, because whether he likes it or not, he's very much half of the reason the baby exists. This is compounded by the added factor that he was ok with having one for a finish and was actually trying to conceive with you not that long ago. What a schmuck.