BFs family are too much

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Miss_Bump, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. Miss_Bump

    Miss_Bump Well-Known Member

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    As the title says...
    They want to do anything and everything baby related with us but I want me and BF to do most of it.

    Main thing is LOs bedroom they want to help us choose paint and decorate and arrange the room. Sometimes I feel like it's not even me having this baby it's them!!!

    I appreciate them wanting to help but I know they will take over and if they do help it will turn out they way I don't want it to at all!!

    It's getting me down as BF has spoken to them and they don't listen and he says there is nothing more he can do

    help!!!
    xx
     
  2. mememe84

    mememe84 Well-Known Member

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    I know exactly how you feel my BF mum is such a pain. Everything i decide to do she has a problem with. (Antenatal classes who do you think you are) (its too early to have cravings too early to feel that) Does my head in. She has even planned next christmas she said oh just think we'll have a baby here for next christmas meaning in her house she is going to be shocked when i dont go x x x
     
  3. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    OMG!

    I cannot recommend more that you should nip this in the bud NOW!

    It will only get even worse when your LO gets here and when will you get time as a family without them interfering?

    Dont set the example for them now that they can get so deeply involved when baby arrives.

    (Can you tell I have interfering bf family too?!) i'm sure they mean well but this is no excuse to take your responsibilities away now.

    I cant tell you how miserable I was when Alex was born and they would not leave us be and wanted to part of everything. It went to far and I no longer talk to them.

    Remember - they had their own LO and all the fun involved - its your turn!
     
  4. K1mberley

    K1mberley My First Baba

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    I'm the same it wears u down. I just started sticking up for myself and putting my foot down seems to be working. I just think its my baby at the end of the day ill decide (well me and OH) shes had her shot at being a new mum, its like well give me mine. There is being helpful and being ott
     
  5. Louise N

    Louise N Guest

    You must put an end to this now. Both you and your bf have a word with her. Tell her that you appreciate the help but as it's an exciting time for you, you'd rather have the space to do it yourselves.

    My MIL was like this when me and hubby first moved in together, she started unpacking the boxes and putting stuff away without asking where we'd like things. Thankfully OH's dad said 'err how do you know that's where Louise wants that to go' which stopped her in her tracks for a while until we sat her down and had a little word.
     
  6. LankyDoodle

    LankyDoodle Well-Known Member

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    You are not alone, my MIL and FIL are exactly the same. They can be quite nasty with it. I don't want to go on about that here as I don't want to hijack.

    I would love to read the suggestions people give you, though. Recently I have just taken to coming out and saying NO NO NO NO NO NO NO to them. We are having a 4D scan in January, in Cornwall and MIL said 'oh I will come with you'. I said I don't want her to as it's our day. She was put out but she's starting to realise now that this isn't AT ALL about her, however much she tries to make it that way. Strike while the iron's hot and lay the ground rules now.

    Good luck.
     
  7. Minstermind

    Minstermind Well-Known Member

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    Agreed with the others. Also, are you living in your own place (as in, not with them)? If so, you can just go ahead with your merry plans regarding the nursery and if she wants to say anything about it, you can tell her you're working on it and haven't made your final decisions yet, or something like that. Not sure how often she comes around but potentially you could have the whole thing done unbeknownst to her, lol..But if she really doesn't get the hint with it, then you might have to just be more blunt as some have suggested. She can't literally force herself into your home and paint the walls against your will, so if it comes down to it, a blunt response should do....''Thanks but we're doing the nursery ourselves'' or even more blunt if needed.
     
  8. Miss_Bump

    Miss_Bump Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies girls.

    Me and BF have our own house together and MIL used to just turn up out of the blue until i got so pee'd off i told BF to ask her to ring before she just turns up!!

    I feel a bit sorry for her..... she is in loads of debt and has 1 broken marriage and 1 failing marriage and i know she isnt happy at home. BF puts me on a guilt trip saying that our baby is the only thing she has to look forward to.
    She has had 4 children in her time and i think its only fair that she should let us enjoy our first child together as she has had and enjoyed hers.

    Of course i want her to be part of her grandchilds life and would never stop her seeing her but i just dont want her smothering us :(
    xx
     
  9. JessiHD

    JessiHD Mummy to Joshua :)

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    I agree with the others, act now, draw the lines in the sand and save your sanity! Otherwise she'll want to name your little girl, choose what school she goes to, what she does for her birthday parties.... No no NO! You might need a candid chat about how you want her to play a part in your daughter's life but as her grandparent not as her parent. You set the rules and she has to play by them, all else leads to misery!
     
  10. lanaross

    lanaross Mom to Bella and Greyson

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    ohhh hon xxxx Sorry you're going through this, it is difficult and takes a lot to deal with. You can be bitchy about it, but it will only ruin your relationship and who needs that :) Try assigning tasks, give her specific things to do - that should solve your MIL trying to take over and still gives her something to do for LO - it's a win-win. Like maybe she can pick curtains for the nursery while you're picking colors. Also you don't need to agree with everything she suggests but you will be a bigger person and will make her very happy if you just listen :) Doesn't have to be her way at all, but the idea is to make you all happy :)
     
  11. maybebaby3

    maybebaby3 Proud mum of 4!

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    it's a difficult position u r in esp if she is going thru a rough time but that does not give her the right to put her oar in abt things like decorating the nursery. esplain 2 her that u value her opinion but at the end of the day you may have differing opinions of things. maybe she could knit baby a jumper or something like that (if it is horrid then u can just use it 4 the house!?!)
     

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