Bigger age gap between youngest and the rest of the sibs?

[hello_kitty]

My 3 year old is showing an interest over little babies, he has a 17 month old brother and fawns over him at times but the little brother is no longer a baby but more of a playmate now. He wants to look at every single baby that he comes across when we are out, and I have to pull him away. Dh and I have decided that we will be trying possibly in May of next year (so 5 months, yikes!)

Ideally, I would love 4 kids total, and keeping my fingers crossed that last 2 are girls, although I would love them all the same if they end up being boys, my husband just really wants a daddy's girl since these two are really attached to me. We cant have number 3 and 4 close in age like we did the first 2, because financially there'll be a strain. Trust me, if I could, I'd love to have all of them close in age, but 3 is our limit for now.

I've been beating around the bush, but I was wondering if we have our last kid 5 years after baby no. 3 (so 3rd will be 5 yrs, second 7, and 1st 9) is it really going to be an issue? I know that no. 1 and no. 2 will probably act like a big brother towards the youngest, but what about the 3rd and last kid with a 5 year age gap?

I know a friend who has a 5 year gap between her kids (she only has 2) and she says her oldest is at the phase where he doesnt want to have anything to do with his younger brother. They bicker, and the older one is constantly annoyed because he wants to play with his bigger friends but his mom always forces him to let his 2 year old brother participate. I dont want my youngest to be singled out.

If I am lucky to have both girls will the older sister be nicer to her younger sister vs it being 2 boys? I always thought sisters are more nurturing and they dont shun their baby siblings like older brothers do. I know I am not in control of the cards, but it wouldnt hurt to think about it right? Please share your experiences with both genders. I am particularly interested in the last 2 since they would be closest in age. Thanks.

Just to add - today I was at the dentist's office and there was a little boy of about 8-10 watching/playing with his brother (who I would guess to be around 18 months). He was so nurturing and spoke to his little brother soothingly. He was definitely a pro. I wanted to come over and give him a pat on the back, so I guess not all big age gaps are bad.

 

[tallybee]

I think it completely depends on the children's individual personalities as well as age gaps. My older two are 11 and 9, my 11y/o DS is awesome with kids of about nursery age while my 9y/o DD is friends with everyone of all ages. They can clash with one another badly at times. They both dote on their little sister of 2 months though but it remains to be seen how that changes as they all grow!

 

[Loozle]

I have 6 years between number 1 & 2 and 9.5 years between 1 & 3. I've had no issues whatsoever, ds1 has been fantastic with his little brother and sister and plays with them all the time.

 

[Septie]

Well, if you want 4 regardless - I would wait with #3 until you can afford two more. Why? That way DS1 and DS2 will be close, and kid3 and kid4 will be close in age/playmates. I have 3, with the older two super close playmates, and the baby 6 and 4 years younger than the others. Wish I could give the baby a playmate - but due to my age (and OH unwilling), we won't be able to. That said, both older brothers are oh so sweet with the baby...but they won't be playmates. I do fear DS3 will feel very left out.
May I ask why now? Because of your oldest asking for a baby? I would do what's best for the family structure in the long run.

 

[Teri7489]

For me I have a sister who is 18 months older and a brother who is 18 months older than her. And we have a sister who is 8.5 years younger than me. The bond between us is amazing. Of course we all look after our little sister the most who is 18 that little bit more. The age gap didn't cause any issues in pur family and my mum loves that she still has a person who needs her now and then (I'd her own child as she has 5 grandkids now lol) x

 

[misspriss]

I had an older sister (2 years different) and a younger sister (6 years different). We did not really play with the youngest much growing up, it wasn't until she was in high school that we really could relate much. I don't think she was really much worse for it though, she is a perfectly well developed college student now But I just wanted to note that we did not really play together growing up.

My cousin has 3 girls, all 5 years apart. I don't know how their relationship is though.

 

[hello_kitty]

Thanks for all your responses ladies. I guess it makes the most sense to just wait on no.3 like septie said, and have the last 2 close together. I guess after 2 boys, we just really wanted to try for a girl, since dh is not on the same boat about no. 4. Its a 50/50 with him right now about wanting the 4th. If its a girl next, we'll be stopping, that is if they are pretty close in age.

The only way he'll be willing to negotiate is if we wait 5 years to even consider another baby, so just these 2 for now and in 5 years, obviously my two boys will be too big to play with the baby (as a playmate), he'll agree to having a 4th so they can play together. If I want one next year, then no #4, because all 3 of them wont be too far in age (most is 2.5 years between #3 and #2) so there's no point in the "playmate" idea.

Or like I mention, have no. 3 next year, and we'll have to wait 5 years in order for me to even begin convincing him, although I feel that my husband will give in, but then we'll be faced with the dilemma of a big age gap and no way in the world will I consider no. 5, lol 4 is my absolute max.

So I have 2 options, and my head is telling me to pick option #2 but really dont know if I could wait that long...and it doesnt help that my older son is showing an extreme interest in babies.

 

[Quartz]

Firstly ignore your older son and babies - DS went through a baby stage and wanting to bring them home and it like any other stage wore off. Its cute yes but should not have a place in the decision process.

Both options make sense and are viable - what does you husband want?

 

[hello_kitty]

Firstly ignore your older son and babies - DS went through a baby stage and wanting to bring them home and it like any other stage wore off. Its cute yes but should not have a place in the decision process.

Both options make sense and are viable - what does you husband want?

either way works so he doesn't really care which option we end up choosing. If we get pregnant next year, then we'll be done with the baby years sooner, if he only wants 3 that is. If I really want 4 after having no.3 next year, he stands firm that we will have to wait 5 years for that to happen. So his negotiation is, wait 5 years and have the last 2 or have no.3 next year and wait 5 years for no. 4.