biplor makes me mean :(

[misenthrope]

Hi
I have 2 wonderful daughters 22m and 5m but they don't have a wonderful mommy
Most of the time I'm fine and play nice with them then other times I get soo stressed out that I tell them to shut the fuck up, I tell them they are stupid sometimes etc, it's horrible!

My hubby gets mad at me when I'm in one of my moods, he says I'm bipolar which is probably true, my mom has mental issues. I will never hurt my kids, most ever is shoving them out the way when I'm in a rush and they won't listen and I'm freaking out.

I'm just soo stressed trying to find time to do anything, especially sice my hubby expects everything to be clean. He works 6 days a week across town, so he rides his bike 4 in the morning to get there for 5, then comes home at 3 and has to go sleep because he can't sleep good and is up all night snacking going washroom or smoking. I can't keep the kitchen totally clean I just can't.

I started smoking weed(just 2 joints a day) to start relaxing, it helps and I don't get stoned just enough to mellow out. What bugs me is that my hubby keeps "making fun of me" well not so but I don't know what to call it. He mocks me of when I was putting the kids down "just shut up! shut up already you asshole" and then makes me cry even more. I know I shouldn't say those things but I can't help it Then he brings it up.

my computer is being silly and not letting me type this good, keeps putting me in the middle of the sentence to write?
so I just had to get this off my chest He keeps saying the kids are gonna be taken away from me for emotional abuse I don't do it all the time, mayb 2 times a week? I don't know what to do. I feel like it's when he's around I get frustrated cuz I'm trying to get stuff done while hes just sleeping napping whatever.

I don't have any help, never had a babysitter, I can't do them I don't trust them and exclusively bf right now anyw.
ays



gonna stop typing. comp getting me mad

 

[justhoping]

i wouldnt diagnose yourself or self medicate with weed as that could end up making things worse..
can you call your gp and get an app and tell him what is going on..
have you ever had post pardum depression? I remember when I had it i felt very out of control at times..
It is not right that he is making fun of you, that doesnt help at all.....If he dosnt back off you...because that is abuse..do you have a safe place to go while you get your health back?

because being in a house with someone verbally abusing you while trying to get better will not help but only hinder...

im so sorry your going through this hun..but really reach out to your doctor even ask for an emergancy app and let them know everything your feeling and doing so they will know what route you should go to next..

ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers and dont be afraid to ask for help and support here..you will always find it....
and or at home...((hug))

you are very strong for asking for help btw and it shows just how much you love your children

 

[Coco Tutu]

Hello dear.
Your situation sounds pretty heavy and it is good that you decided to talk to someone, even if it is just the forum. It is a start!
If you have bipolar disorder or any other type of mental issue (be it postpartum depression or anxiety or anything else) weed can indeed make things worse.
It sounds like your husband has no idea how to deal with you, that is why he is mocking you. Not that this is justified.
The fact is that this not a healthy environment for the kids right now. Could you ask help from their grandparents or maybe other family members for a while?
I think that counseling would help you sort things out and feel much much better.

 

[Torsornin]

Hi, I have been wanting to reply to you. I will admit, bipolar gets a bit of a knee jerk reaction from me, as my mother had it. She also got MEAN when she was manic. She also ultimately died in a murder suicide because my stepfather (who was NEVER violent) lost it due to her behaviors towards him Not saying that this will be *ANYTHING* like your situation, just explains my knee jerk reaction. I wish I would have spoken up more, and gone to the dr with my mom and TELL the dr how she was acting as she didnt know she was ill (I feel from the sounds of it she was MUCH worse than you are currently). I wish so badly my mom would have realized she had a problem and got medicated. I might have saved 2 lives........ Anyway

Please dont self medicate using weed. (MANY untreated bipolars use weed or alcohol to self medicate even if they dont know it my mum used alcohol) I know it calms you down, but it isnt fixing your problem. It is only a temporary band-aid. Your problem is chemical in your brain. It isnt your fault, you didnt cause it. You cant control it on your own. But meds can make a WORLD of difference.

My recommendation is go to a psych dr that prescribes meds. Find one in your area DONT just go to your GP. Psych drs are **so** much better with the meds, and side effects and how they work. I go to one, and he fixed me right up (I have a family history of depression with the women, I have it, and every time I go off meds I fall apart) on my meds I am ME again.

There are several meds that they can put you on, it might take some tweaking to get it correct for you - each person is an individual. So be patient. It isnt fair to your kids, nor your hubby when you get mean, even though you dont want to be, nor can you help yourself. Sometimes our brain chemistry just isnt quite right, that isnt anything you did wrong. You cant change this on your own, you cant control it on your own, no matter how bad you want to. You arent a bad person, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about

It is good that you recognize that there is something going on there. This is great. You will be able to help the dr a lot by knowing if you are changing or having a swing

But medications will help stabilize your moods, and while it might feel weird at first (as you are used to the wild swings either way) eventually, or even right away, it will feel good, and much stress will leave your and your families life. Do it for them and you Feel free to message me if you want to chat more privately about psych issues


ETA It shows great strength and love for your family to come on here and talk about this. It is a great first step forward. *hugs*

 

[justhoping]

weetie how are you doing...I hope your doing better

 

[Hope39]

I would get your thyroid checked too Hun, post part depression is often misdiagnosed and its a problem with thyroid.

X

 

[justhoping]

I would get your thyroid checked too Hun, post part depression is often misdiagnosed and its a problem with thyroid.

X

very true

 

[seoj]

I know someone who is bi-polar... and she has very dramatic mood swings. Similar to what your describing tbh-- BUT-- symptoms can be similar with very different causes. It could be a culmination of things- or PPD- or who knows... but you should for sure go and talk to your doctor hun. Tell them what you've been going through- talk about options- counseling, medications... things you can do yourself to de-compress and better handle your daily life stress... as already mentioned.

We are only human hun. We all make mistakes. But taking responsiblity and being proactive is the best course of action... you are aware of what needs to change, so now you just have to go down that path.

You got this. Just take it one day at a time... I do hope things are better soon!