Birthday party dilemma.

[SarahBear]

My son, Leo, is going to be one in March and I'm trying to figure out what to do for his birthday. Ideally, we would just have a little party at the house with the grandparents, but for a number of reasons, that isn't really the best idea. First of all, we live about a 3 and a half hour drive from my in-laws and about a 4 hour drive from my parents therefore it would end up being an over-night thing and my sisters would want to come too and it would just generally grow a bit bigger than it really needs to be. On top of that, my niece's birthday is the day before Leo's and they live about 4 and a half hours away. I wouldn't want to ask my in-laws to be going back and forth like that or interfere with plans for my niece's birthday... I might also want to go to her party if her parents choose to have one! My grandmother's birthday and my dad's birthdays are also soon after and I'd like to be able to visit around that time so it just generally makes more sense for us to go to them rather than asking people to come to us.

The trouble is, how and where do we do birthday stuff for Leo? It would be great to just have a picnic at a park, but there's no telling what the weather will do. Renting a venue is another option out there, but that seems silly for a one year old's birthday and I don't exactly have money to throw around. It just seems like a waste. My parents would probably be happy to host, but there's weirdness with my in-laws that means that neutral ground would be best. I have no idea what to do. I did spot a nice play place with a cafe, but they're really more set up for parents meeting with their kids, not a bunch of adults hanging out visiting while a couple kids play.

I don't know what to do. I'm tempted to just visit the in-laws and then visit my parents and have nothing specific planned. I'm guessing my parents will invite people over and have a cake and my in-laws will feel like they're being left out of something, but hey, if we didn't plan it, it's not our fault, right? What should we do?

 

[MindUtopia]

I would plan something small at your house, just tea/coffee/wine/beer/whatever, lunch food (we did cold meats/cheeses, veg and dips, quiche, crisps, etc. that sort of snacky food), and cake. Invite everyone you'd want to come. Our parties tend to be mostly adult family and friends and then a few of our daughter's friends and their parents (usually max of 5 invited, 2-3 might be able to come, which is just enough!). But then also maybe add an extra note to the invite for your in-laws saying you'd love to have them, but realise they may feel pretty stretched that weekend and if they don't feel like they can make it down, you'd love to come up to see them and have a little party with them another weekend as well, to make them feel included. Honestly, none of our close family or friends lives near us. My in-laws are about 1.5 hours away, most of our close adult friends and my BIL/SIL are anywhere from 2-6 hours away. All my family lives in the U.S., a 10 hour flight away. Not everyone is able to make it, but we still wanted to do something just small and at home, and people really do make the effort to juggle their schedules and be there if they can. I appreciate it when they do, but I don't feel the need to make special accommodations or hold the party on another weekend or in another far away location to make it easier for them. It's not their party and it's not their child. It's lovely to include them, but I wouldn't stress yourself out about it. Those who can be there, will be. If anyone can't be, just reach out and connect with them and try to see them sometime later if they want to have a little celebration of their own for him. I imagine your niece and Leo will be battling for birthday party time every year anyway, and given the distance, you might just have to strike a balance where one year the family comes to celebrate with you, and then next they go there, and you trade off having a separate family party. I know amongst my friends, there are several of us who have babies born the same week, so we often have conflicting birthday parties. You do the best you can to make each others, but often it doesn't happen, and everyone understands that it's not always possible. Or maybe in the future, you could coordinate with them so that you each pick a weekend and do them a week apart, so that everyone can go to everyone's?

 

[Elizdia]

How about a restaurant? Just a nice way thats on neutral ground to celebrate your LO's first birthday. Take some balloons and decorations and a cake. Thats what we did, but we only had 5 people attend so we paid for the meal. I'm not sure how you would do it with a lot of people. You might have to just pay for drinks only?

 

[icklemonster]

I was also going to suggest a restaurant. There is a very family friendly restaurant where we are going for Charlotte's 3rd birthday. You just call ahead and they put some balloons on the table, then if you give them a cake, they'll get the restaurant to sing happy birthday, all at no extra cost beyond the usual food. Could you do something similar and invite both families. Maybe find somewhere which is a central location for everyone travelling (if that's possible?). Also, being family would they expect you to pay for meals in a restaurant setting? Mine would pay for their own meals so this may keep it within budget for you?