Breastfeeding at a wedding.

[sarah1980]

Hi all, I'm just looking for a bit of advice on something that is playing on my mind.

My sister is getting married when my LO will be around 6 weeks old. She had asked me to be bridesmaid but I declined as I thought I would be too preoccupied with baby so she asked If I would still sign the register as her witness which is what I'm doing.

The wedding is LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere, it is in a village hall in the Scottish Highlands and the only thing near (about 5 mins walk down a single track road with no pavement) is a luxury (£200 a night) hotel. The wedding itself will be outside in a field next to the village hall and the bar, food and toilets are inside the hall. There is parking for about 10 cars max at this venue and there will be around 100 guests so part of the field (which is between where the ceremony will be held and the actual hall) will be partly used for car parking.

My worry is where am I going to feed my baby??? There are toilets in the hall, as in 3 cubicles, not even a nice cloakroom area just 3 smallish cubicles. Other than that there is nowhere private.

I had thought about using the car but again not exactly private as people will be wandering past the whole time going to and from the hall and marquee.

I was kind of hoping to wear a nice dress (bridesmaid style) and have visions of having to half undress to feed baby, something I'm not going to do in public

The other option is the nearby hotel although I dont fancy walking down the road with no pavement with the pram every couple of hours, epecially if it's raining. And even then I really don't want to pay £200 for a room just to use it a few times during the day to bf (we will have to travel home in the evening as we have 2 dogs).

There is a small town about 20 mins drive away but thats a long way to go there and back every time baby is hungry and with the limited parking at the venue I would probably have to ask people to move their cars to let me out!

I'd also thought about expressing for that day but as it will be an all day event I'd have to get a good stock of ebm which I don't think would be too much of a problem but then what about engorgement if I go all day without bf'ing and then what about my supply in the following days, I wouldn't want to end up with problems.

I just don't know what to do I'm feeling pretty pi**ed off with the whole situation like no one has given me or baby a second thought but then I can't expect my sister to arrange her whole wedding around me lol!

Can anyone offer any suggestions, I'd be most grateful

Sarah xxx

 

[special_kala]

I'm going to my brothers wedding in 2 weeks and will bf as and when willow needs it. Could you wear a shawl that you could wrap around yourself when feeding?

 

[Lettuce]

Hi Hun, I went to a wedding with j at 3weeks and I bf in the car... it was actually pretty comfy, had radio on, and with the sun visors on the back seat no one could see anything. I wore a maxi dress with crossover at the front for easy access and we had no bother.

Oh! Remember a towel to put over your pretty dress, just in case! xx

 

[JASMAK]

ok...this is just me i suppose...black tie event or not...i would just breastfeed where people eat...at the table!!! it's as offensive as a spoon...and...you could always bring blankets for guests to put over their own heads if it offends!!! that is me...breastfeeding is widely accepted where i live

 

[Lettuce]

Oh I didn't feed in the car so as not to offend, I did it cos I wasn't confident enough a bf yet, I needed the quiet and privacy. I'm off t a wedding on Monday and again I'll need to leave to feed, cos I have oted to wear a stupid dress that'll I'll have to remove fully! xx

 

[smelly07]

tbh i would wear something which is easier to BF in so you dont literally have to undress to BF.

i'm getting married in two weeks and my SIL is going to BF but she is searching for outfits that are suitable to BF in x

 

[Lownthwaite]

I would wear a dress that easily accomodates breastfeeding.

Then when LO is hungry I would feed her. I wouldn't leave the wedding or hide myself away in order to feed LO.

Are you nervous about feeding in public?

I'd take a shawl / blanket / cover of some type to use if it makes you feel more confident and give it a go.
People will understand you need to feed your baby.

I think you're maybe overthinking the issue and getting worried about it when all you need to do is feed your LO if they get hungry. It sounds like it's feeding in public that bothers you?

Have you spoken to your sister about your concerns?

 

[Celesse]

I BF my LO at my sisters wedding. Not the actual ceremony, but at our table at the reception afterwards. LO was 6 months at the time, very interested in whats going on and was a bridesmaid. She also had a stinking cold on the day so was feeding every 30mins-1hour, cos her throat was sore.

I'd say just get a nice nursing dress and feed your baby where-ever you are. You will be eating at the table at the reception, so why should your baby have to eat anywhere else? If you need to bring along a nursing pillow so your more comfortable.

If your baby is born on time they will be around 6 weeks old...... which means growth spurt time. So its realistic that they could be feeding every 1.5 hours for 45minutes a time. You could also be late and have a 4 week old. Maybe you will end up with a 4 week old and a C-Section scar that your still in pain from. If you want to spend as much time being part of the wedding as possible I'd go for a comfy nursing dress that allows you to feed baby where-ever you are. If you plan to go away and feed baby somewhere private, that will mean somewhere alone and missing half or more of the day.

ETA: pic of me feeding LO at wedding, at our table. Notice complete lack of any boobage on display with a proper nursing dress.

https://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/61615_437111699060_518734060_4895576_7544282_n.jpg

 

[cherry_pie]

Hi, im in the same siutation as you as I have a wedding in 3 weeks. I think I have gotten the hang of feeding but am worried as I only do it at home atm and am not discreet lol, taking my whole boob out im not sure how discreet I can be. I live 5mins drive but sometimes my lo feeds in clusters and c ould end up missing half the day if i went home so am wanting to stay and use this as a way of easing myself into doing it publicly. One idea i had was buying a sling and practice using that for a while before i go. im hoping no one would see anything if i wear a maxi which i could just feed from the front. problem with this is my nursing bras are huge and are not easily covered by clothes which are easy to breast feed in

 

[Palestrina]

Wow, I think you've worked yourself up into a frenzy over this. I can understand your concerns but it seems that you are deliberately listing every reason in which you CAN'T breastfeed when you should be finding ways in which you can. The more you think negatively about this the more reasons you will find not to. Your main concerns right now should be continuing a healthy pregnancy, preparing for a healthy delivery, and doing everything you can to prepare for the success of BF (not for the failure of it!).

Six weeks is a short time to get used to BF in public, I'm right at that mark and yes I do find it difficult. But when my baby needs to eat I have to feed him - end of story! I cannot use a towel or other covering because baby hates it so expose myself I must. Oh and I have huge breasts so it's nearly impossible to be discreet. I do what I can - I wear a nursing tank and a shirt so there is less breast exposed, I go to a more private corner of the room, I turn away discreetly etc. Other than that I just get over it and get on with it. I refuse to go to the toilet because let's face it, I wouldn't want to eat a meal in the bathroom so why should my baby?

Have you tried talking to some of your friends and family that will be there? I'm sure friends, mothers, aunties, etc would be willing to give you encouragement to do this. You need to give yourself encouragement to do this. Your post is extremely negative - ultimately it's your negativity that will prohibit you from NIP, moreso than any disapproving guest at this wedding. Be brave and feed your baby!

 

[sarah1980]

Thanks for all your replies. It seems the way I need to go is to get a nice nursing dress, I never knew such a thing existed!

Lettuce - I was thinking I'd have to remove my dress fully too and that was what was causing me the issue, I didnt realise I could get a nice dress that would be easy to bf in, I'm such a newbie lol!

Lownthwaite - Yes it is feeding in public that concerns me, well more feeding infront of old Uncles, my Dad etc. I don't know anyone who has bf'd except from my SIL who I've never seen do it in the 5 years since she had her 1st baby as she always goes out the room to feed. I've been encouraged to ff baby by most of my friends and family and they tell me I'll end up with a clingy child and I'll be in pain etc etc etc, tbh I think it's because they want a part in feeding LO which isn't going to happen anyway.

Palestrina - you're right, I'm hugely negative about the situation. I think alot of it comes down to lack of experience as I said earlier, I've never seen anyone bf, not even in a cafe in town. I'm also hugely self conscious about my boobs, they are huge and are a running joke in my family, always talked about and it's mortifying. I wish I could say screw the lot of you and just feed wherever but I just couldn't cope with the staring and comments I'm sure I'd get from family. I'd be happy to feed in the car wearing a nursing dress so I'm pretty sure that's the way I'm gonna go, I just had visions of wearing a dress that would have to be round my ankles to give me access to feed! Hell I have 4 nursing bras and I dont even know how they work! I really need to get myself along to one of the local breastfeeding groups asap!

Thanks again ladies.

Sarah xxx

 

[midori1999]

Honestly, no-one will be paying any attention to you or what you are doing, all the attention and eyes will be on your sister and her husband, although even in 'everyday' life people wouldn't notice.

Maybe the reason you've never seen a breatfeeding Mum is because you are too busy minding your own business to notice them? I had never once notied a BF Mum until I was near the end of my pregnancy this time, now I notice loads, presumably as it's something I think about, but they must have all been there before, people haven't suddenly started NIP because I am BF myself.

It will be fine. I have fed in the car sometimes and even though people have walked right past, no-one has peered in to see what I am doing. Once baby is latched on you can't see anything anyway, and someone would really have to be paying attention to be looking just at the moment you were getting LO latched on.

On the huge plus side, you won't need to worry about how many bottles to take, how to keep them cool, what happens if you run out etc. Just try and relax and have a lovely day.

 

[Lownthwaite]

Thanks for all your replies. It seems the way I need to go is to get a nice nursing dress, I never knew such a thing existed!

Lettuce - I was thinking I'd have to remove my dress fully too and that was what was causing me the issue, I didnt realise I could get a nice dress that would be easy to bf in, I'm such a newbie lol!

Lownthwaite - Yes it is feeding in public that concerns me, well more feeding infront of old Uncles, my Dad etc. I don't know anyone who has bf'd except from my SIL who I've never seen do it in the 5 years since she had her 1st baby as she always goes out the room to feed. I've been encouraged to ff baby by most of my friends and family and they tell me I'll end up with a clingy child and I'll be in pain etc etc etc, tbh I think it's because they want a part in feeding LO which isn't going to happen anyway.

Palestrina - you're right, I'm hugely negative about the situation. I think alot of it comes down to lack of experience as I said earlier, I've never seen anyone bf, not even in a cafe in town. I'm also hugely self conscious about my boobs, they are huge and are a running joke in my family, always talked about and it's mortifying. I wish I could say screw the lot of you and just feed wherever but I just couldn't cope with the staring and comments I'm sure I'd get from family. I'd be happy to feed in the car wearing a nursing dress so I'm pretty sure that's the way I'm gonna go, I just had visions of wearing a dress that would have to be round my ankles to give me access to feed! Hell I have 4 nursing bras and I dont even know how they work! I really need to get myself along to one of the local breastfeeding groups asap!

Thanks again ladies.

Sarah xxx

Hi Sarah,

I also used to really worry about feeding infront of men and in public, what would people think etc - over time I just got used to doing it. You get more confident the more you do it although with LO being potentially 6 weeks at the wedding it doesn't give you much chance for practise.

The way you need to look at it is that if your baby is hungry then you need to feed him/her. It doesn't matter where you are or who is nearby - if your LO is hungry they have a right to eat and you have a right to nurse your child.

I learnt in the end that the only person who had a hang up about feeding in public was me!! By 4 months I was feeding in public, without a cover, whereever, whenever, with whoever was nearby - the way I see it now is if someone has got an issue with me feeding LO then they should just not look!

After all - you don't see people walking up to girls with low cut tops on and men with bare chests in summer being asked to cover up because they are offending someone so why should breastfeeding a baby be any different??

 

[aliss]

I'll promise you this... when that baby is born, you will not give a rat's behind of what others think or such logistics. Your instinct will tell you to feed that baby and at 6 weeks postpartum in a hectic wedding, you will just do what feels natural.

 

[Palestrina]

Thanks for all your replies. It seems the way I need to go is to get a nice Palestrina - you're right, I'm hugely negative about the situation. I think alot of it comes down to lack of experience as I said earlier, I've never seen anyone bf, not even in a cafe in town. I'm also hugely self conscious about my boobs, they are huge and are a running joke in my family, always talked about and it's mortifying. I wish I could say screw the lot of you and just feed wherever but I just couldn't cope with the staring and comments I'm sure I'd get from family. I'd be happy to feed in the car wearing a nursing dress so I'm pretty sure that's the way I'm gonna go, I just had visions of wearing a dress that would have to be round my ankles to give me access to feed! Hell I have 4 nursing bras and I dont even know how they work! I really need to get myself along to one of the local breastfeeding groups asap!

Thanks again ladies.

Sarah xxx

I know the thought is daunting, I too find it more difficult to nurse in front of people I know than in front of people I don't know. But believe me, there are ALWAYS ways to be discreet about it without having to do it in the toilet. As a new mother you will find endless ways to be resourceful, trust me.

I have huge breasts as well, each breast is twice as big as my baby's head and I constantly fear that I look like I'm smothering him. But babies don't care about that, he loves me just as I am and that's reason enough to feed him.

 

[Weezie123]

www.milkbug.co.uk seems to have some lovely nursing dresses x

 

[Lettuce]

Hi Hun, there's some lovely dresses about, that'll help with feeding. I too have big boobs and I managed!
https://www.seraphine.com/maternity...40&title=Beaded+Maxi+Dress,+Maternity+Dresses
This one I wore to the wedding 3weeks pp, and it was great!
For the other wedding I have a dress I will have to remove a bit, but I have a room at the hotel for it, so that's easy, plus it means I get a wee rest from oh's family!
The other wedding I've got, I got a blue and White crossover dress from monsoon, which is beautiful. And I can feed easy in it, plus it accommodates my large boobs!
Try not to worry, I did before and now I'm doing it it's ok, but seriously there's nothing wrong with wanting to feed in private too. I ended up going 2weeks late and having an emcs, which exhausted me and made feeding difficult, another reason for me going to the car, but tbh I actually enjoyed the time away from the wedding, as I was tired and it gave me a chance t relax, and for Jenny to relax and have a good feed as we were both still just learning then! I'm better now but still have to use pillows or my change bag to pop her on (more due to c section tho).
It's a shame your family are not supportive, that does make a difference but you will manage! just forget about it for now, enjoy the last of your pregnancy and relax. Def go to a breastfeeding class! it'll all work out, and I would use family and friends as practice before NIPing to build confidence. Xxx

 

[sarah1980]

Thanks once again for the replies, I do feel so much better now. I reckon I'll be back here in 8 weeks time wondering what I was ever worried about!!!

Can I ask one question, if I can't find a suitable nursing dress are wrap style dresses the easiest option?

Sarah xxx

 

[aliss]

Thanks once again for the replies, I do feel so much better now. I reckon I'll be back here in 8 weeks time wondering what I was ever worried about!!!

Can I ask one question, if I can't find a suitable nursing dress are wrap style dresses the easiest option?

Sarah xxx

You may find it easier to just choose a nice wrap/sling to put the baby in, rather than a particular dress! It will make life a little easier at the party anyways.

 

[sarah1980]

I BF my LO at my sisters wedding. Not the actual ceremony, but at our table at the reception afterwards. LO was 6 months at the time, very interested in whats going on and was a bridesmaid. She also had a stinking cold on the day so was feeding every 30mins-1hour, cos her throat was sore.

I'd say just get a nice nursing dress and feed your baby where-ever you are. You will be eating at the table at the reception, so why should your baby have to eat anywhere else? If you need to bring along a nursing pillow so your more comfortable.

If your baby is born on time they will be around 6 weeks old...... which means growth spurt time. So its realistic that they could be feeding every 1.5 hours for 45minutes a time. You could also be late and have a 4 week old. Maybe you will end up with a 4 week old and a C-Section scar that your still in pain from. If you want to spend as much time being part of the wedding as possible I'd go for a comfy nursing dress that allows you to feed baby where-ever you are. If you plan to go away and feed baby somewhere private, that will mean somewhere alone and missing half or more of the day.

ETA: pic of me feeding LO at wedding, at our table. Notice complete lack of any boobage on display with a proper nursing dress.

https://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/61615_437111699060_518734060_4895576_7544282_n.jpg

This is probably precisely why I "think" I've never seen anyone bf'ing!!! I would never have realised!!!

Thanks Celesse.

Sarah xxx