Breastfeeding - How to deal with negative reactions in public

[Jollybean]

"wow... what are u doing out in the big wide world with such a narrow mind?"

 

[SerenityNow]

In my experience reactions depend more on the region you live in than on how "discreet" you are.
Personally, I would like it if everyone would be a little more discreet-- I hate seeing shirtless men in public or women in pants that show half their butts. Nursing in public is far less "exhibitionist" than those rather common sights!

I regularly received negative reactions (sometimes outrageously so!) when I was nursing my oldest DD. We lived in a very conservative community and I was doing something that simply wasn't done. I really think that the reactions were sexist more than anything else. My oldest had no problem nursing under a shawl and we were always completely covered. That didn't stop people from being offended. In this community it was also considered tacky and indecent to wear form fitting maternity clothes!

With my second DD we'd moved to a much more cosmopolitan area and I never had a single negative comment or glance. She was one of those babies that refused to nurse under a blanket. I wore a camisole under a top so I could pull one up and one down (truth be told, I still dress like that, years later ).

When people are used to seeing women nurse in public they don't give it a second thought. If you live someplace where it is unusual or even shocking just remember that with every glare, stare, comment or "helpful suggestion" you are making it easier for some other woman down the line. I think the best response is to be friendly and polite while you stubbornly carry on. I liked to shrug and say "I'm a mammal, I'm just doing what God created me to do."

 

[allaboard]

Havent read all the posts but i do think you have to brave the first feed in public and after a few you'll wonder what you ever worried about. Please don't become a prisoner at home though, it's so easy to latch them on discretely without sitting under a duvet! I used to go to M&S cafe, better class of people lol!

I got quite anarchistic in the end and willed someone to say something, but you'll be surprised how many people look and smile in support. People don't stare at you by any means, people give the odd glance and quickly look away at the most lol. It's important to feed in public and for young women to see that it is normal. The more breastfeeding is hidden away, the more this fear of being in public is perpetuated i think. Do your stuff for the next generation lol.

I only had one noticable disapproving look, some older bloke. It took me aback, because 99% of the time you get positivity or people just don't care to notice in their busy day! But he didn't say anything to me, just turned away in disgust. Silly man.

 

[Itsychik]

This is my first so I don't have any experience with people making negative comments... but I wanted to add that I think the comment about 'stop staring at my breasts' and 'go eat your lunch in the toilet' were hilarious

Although I AM one of those people who feel uncomfortable when I see someone breastfeeding in public. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I agree that everyone is entitled, but seeing it makes me uncomfortable (same as seeing women in too-revealing clothing or men without shirts somewhere other than a pool/beach). I've also made it perfectly clear that I don't want to bf around others (i.e. I'm definitely planning on finding a bathroom or somewhere private if I'm out in public, and I don't want friends/family--aside from DH--around me if I'm at home bf'ing) but that is because I feel uncomfortable having people look at my breasts.

But you should do whatever you personally feel comfortable with, and try to ignore any people to might make comments. I hope you only have a positive experience!

 

[Lesli45]

This is a subject of great interest to me and one that is of touchy nature to some people. I think it all comes down to personal choice but in all honesty will be "one of those" who tries to do it as discreetly as possible (if I'm so lucky - last pregnancy I had supply issues so had to supplement). I think it is a beautiful and wonderful natural activity, but it is one that I'm sharing with my baby...not the rest of society. I have no problem seeing a pregnant woman nursing anywhere but there are people out there who do have a problem and out of respect of their beliefs or opinions I choose to try to respect that as much as I can. I'm not going to go to a dirty bathroom but I will use a cover-up or move to a private spot. The human body is a natural and beautiful thing also but obviously our society is not at a point where we can walk around naked. I would love for our society to be ok with breastfeeding but I'm not convinced that whipping out a boob is going to change people's views and opinions (I have a friend who answered her door once with baby in arm and her boob fully exposed - have to admit it made me a little uncomfortable). I respect whatever anyone chooses to do but that's my outlook. It would be great if all of society were ok with the natural act of breastfeeding and that the "sexuality" of it be removed, but we are not at that point so for me I think it is a matter of consideration for others' opinions in the meantime.

 

[milf2be]

i really think people should just be allowed to feed how they want, whether discreetly or not so discreet...for all we know thats the only way they can get baby to latch on easily/comfortably, especially new mums.

at the end of the day, the most important thing is feeding your baby. if other people are uncomfortable then they shouldnt look, move somewhere else or just cope with it.

 

[Palestrina]

"wow... what are u doing out in the big wide world with such a narrow mind?"

I like that lol.

On one hand I want to be a warrior and go out there and fight for the rights of all women to BF comfortably in public by baring no shame. On the other hand, my breasts are 36DDD pre pregnancy and theyre 36G at the moment. They attract a lot of attention and I'm not sure what to do about it when the time to BF comes. I'd want people's reaction to be "oh look, isn't it wonderful that mother is breastfeeding her baby?" but I'm afriad it will probably be more along the lines of "oh my god, that woman is smother that tiny baby with her gigantic boobie!" So we'll see how it goes when I'm faced with the dilemma. I see no reason for being discreet for the sake of making other people comfortable. However I want to make sure I'm not uncomfortable either.

 

[Palestrina]

In my experience reactions depend more on the region you live in than on how "discreet" you are.
Personally, I would like it if everyone would be a little more discreet-- I hate seeing shirtless men in public or women in pants that show half their butts. Nursing in public is far less "exhibitionist" than those rather common sights!

I regularly received negative reactions (sometimes outrageously so!) when I was nursing my oldest DD. We lived in a very conservative community and I was doing something that simply wasn't done. I really think that the reactions were sexist more than anything else. My oldest had no problem nursing under a shawl and we were always completely covered. That didn't stop people from being offended. In this community it was also considered tacky and indecent to wear form fitting maternity clothes!

With my second DD we'd moved to a much more cosmopolitan area and I never had a single negative comment or glance. She was one of those babies that refused to nurse under a blanket. I wore a camisole under a top so I could pull one up and one down (truth be told, I still dress like that, years later ).

When people are used to seeing women nurse in public they don't give it a second thought. If you live someplace where it is unusual or even shocking just remember that with every glare, stare, comment or "helpful suggestion" you are making it easier for some other woman down the line. I think the best response is to be friendly and polite while you stubbornly carry on. I liked to shrug and say "I'm a mammal, I'm just doing what God created me to do."

I'm dying to know where you used to live.

 

[discoclare]

"wow... what are u doing out in the big wide world with such a narrow mind?"

I like that lol.

On one hand I want to be a warrior and go out there and fight for the rights of all women to BF comfortably in public by baring no shame. On the other hand, my breasts are 36DDD pre pregnancy and theyre 36G at the moment. They attract a lot of attention and I'm not sure what to do about it when the time to BF comes. I'd want people's reaction to be "oh look, isn't it wonderful that mother is breastfeeding her baby?" but I'm afriad it will probably be more along the lines of "oh my god, that woman is smother that tiny baby with her gigantic boobie!" So we'll see how it goes when I'm faced with the dilemma. I see no reason for being discreet for the sake of making other people comfortable. However I want to make sure I'm not uncomfortable either.

The first time my dad saw me BFing he asked if DD could breathe! My OH was like "um, yes otherwise the human race would have died out a long time ago".

 

[Palestrina]

FACT: In NYC it is perfectly legal to be topless in any public recreational area such as a beach or a park. I found this out one crazy night during college when some friends and I went to brighton beach and got naked down to our panties to swim. The police drove right onto the beach and told us to get out of the water. We tried to explain why we were topless and they said "it's not a problem that you're topless, it's legal. What's illegal is swimming at night without a lifeguard on duty, get out of the water."

FACT: Urinating is actually not unsanitary. Urine is completely sterile and one can drink urine if there is a lack of water under extreme circumstances. Did you know also that in the Court of Louis the XVI people commonly urinated and defacated in the hallways of Versailles? Yes, wherever they felt like!

 

[MoonMelody]

FACT: In NYC it is perfectly legal to be topless in any public recreational area such as a beach or a park. I found this out one crazy night during college when some friends and I went to brighton beach and got naked down to our panties to swim. The police drove right onto the beach and told us to get out of the water. We tried to explain why we were topless and they said "it's not a problem that you're topless, it's legal. What's illegal is swimming at night without a lifeguard on duty, get out of the water."

FACT: Urinating is actually not unsanitary. Urine is completely sterile and one can drink urine if there is a lack of water under extreme circumstances. Did you know also that in the Court of Louis the XVI people commonly urinated and defacated in the hallways of Versailles? Yes, wherever they felt like!

I know that urine is sterile, but taking a pee in the middle of a restaurant is way different from feeding your kid in a restaurant. And yes I know that about Versailles! Those kooky aristocrats.

 

[milf2be]

FACT: In NYC it is perfectly legal to be topless in any public recreational area such as a beach or a park. I found this out one crazy night during college when some friends and I went to brighton beach and got naked down to our panties to swim. The police drove right onto the beach and told us to get out of the water. We tried to explain why we were topless and they said "it's not a problem that you're topless, it's legal. What's illegal is swimming at night without a lifeguard on duty, get out of the water."

FACT: Urinating is actually not unsanitary. Urine is completely sterile and one can drink urine if there is a lack of water under extreme circumstances. Did you know also that in the Court of Louis the XVI people commonly urinated and defacated in the hallways of Versailles? Yes, wherever they felt like!

actually your urine is only sterile to you, other peoples urine are not sterile to you...if that makes sense

 

[CatherineK]

I had no problem feeding my LO anytime, anywhere, I had a few comments, but more positive than negative. What makes me sad is some people above mentioned they had never seen someone out in public breastfeeding! Sad that its such a rare sight, I guess.

Just a thought for those who say they would feel more comfortable covered up...many babies will not eat well with a cover over their head, and its often less obvious what you are doing without one. You will find what works best for you, however! No matter how you do it, I loved the freedom of not having to pack bottles, worry about formula, etc,etc. All I had to worry about was diapers and a change of clothes, and we were off!

 

[smithgirl]

My husband would be PISSED if other men saw my boobs, even if it was an accident while I was feeding, so I will be covering up! He can get very jealous over those things

 

[Rachyroux]

I like that lol.

On one hand I want to be a warrior and go out there and fight for the rights of all women to BF comfortably in public by baring no shame. On the other hand, my breasts are 36DDD pre pregnancy and theyre 36G at the moment. They attract a lot of attention and I'm not sure what to do about it when the time to BF comes. I'd want people's reaction to be "oh look, isn't it wonderful that mother is breastfeeding her baby?" but I'm afriad it will probably be more along the lines of "oh my god, that woman is smother that tiny baby with her gigantic boobie!" So we'll see how it goes when I'm faced with the dilemma. I see no reason for being discreet for the sake of making other people comfortable. However I want to make sure I'm not uncomfortable either.

This is exactly how I feel! I don't want to draw attention to the size of my breasts normally. So I'm aware BFing will do just that. However, I'm not going to go out of my way for other people who don't agree with it, who can just look away. It's a natural thing, I wont be waving my boobs about shouting for attention about it, but then again I might not be comfortable doing it in public anyway. x

 

[Starry Night]

I don't mind people knowing that I'm BF so using a cover wouldn't be to hide the fact. Just my boobies. LOL

 

[Palestrina]

FACT: In NYC it is perfectly legal to be topless in any public recreational area such as a beach or a park. I found this out one crazy night during college when some friends and I went to brighton beach and got naked down to our panties to swim. The police drove right onto the beach and told us to get out of the water. We tried to explain why we were topless and they said "it's not a problem that you're topless, it's legal. What's illegal is swimming at night without a lifeguard on duty, get out of the water."

FACT: Urinating is actually not unsanitary. Urine is completely sterile and one can drink urine if there is a lack of water under extreme circumstances. Did you know also that in the Court of Louis the XVI people commonly urinated and defacated in the hallways of Versailles? Yes, wherever they felt like!

actually your urine is only sterile to you, other peoples urine are not sterile to you...if that makes sense

That's untrue. All urine is sterile.

 

[allaboard]

My husband would be PISSED if other men saw my boobs, even if it was an accident while I was feeding, so I will be covering up! He can get very jealous over those things

Oh dear, you're going to have fun trying to please your child (if you BF on demand)...it is directly at odds with pleasing your husband! I take it he's not use to breastfeeding, because if he had been brought up with it and de-sensitised too, he'd know that nursing in public is not the peep show people automatically assume it to be! Good luck with that dilemma!

 

[milf2be]

FACT: In NYC it is perfectly legal to be topless in any public recreational area such as a beach or a park. I found this out one crazy night during college when some friends and I went to brighton beach and got naked down to our panties to swim. The police drove right onto the beach and told us to get out of the water. We tried to explain why we were topless and they said "it's not a problem that you're topless, it's legal. What's illegal is swimming at night without a lifeguard on duty, get out of the water."

FACT: Urinating is actually not unsanitary. Urine is completely sterile and one can drink urine if there is a lack of water under extreme circumstances. Did you know also that in the Court of Louis the XVI people commonly urinated and defacated in the hallways of Versailles? Yes, wherever they felt like!

actually your urine is only sterile to you, other peoples urine are not sterile to you...if that makes sense

That's untrue. All urine is sterile.

i cant find any decent source to back me up on this so i might be wrong, pretty sure i learnt it at uni though - but that could just be pregnancy brain.
either way it is not sterile very long, for example if theres bacteria in the urethra and when it passes through the urethral opening. lets just keep our urine to ourselves anyway

 

[kimberalex]

I didnt breastfeed my 1st daughter for long as I was not making enough to saisy her and I must say this works both ways...I have come across MANY breastfeeding "hitlers" as I call them even sitting next to a breastfeeding woman who tutted at me bottlefeeding my daughter (even though it had expressed milk in it!)

I do intend to soley breastfeed this baby and I will do what feels comfortable for me and whats best for my baby...My friend is FANTASTIC at being discreet at breastfeeding her daughter out and about and not once have I seen her nipples and she uses no covers what so ever!!you cant even tell just looks like she is giving her daughter a cuddle....

As an ex-exotic dancer Iam not prude about showing my body at all...but its different when your using your breasts for what mother nature intended i would say what Iam worried about is breastfeeding in front of my FIL and my grandfather.... i suppose you cant really be discreet if you have a new baby and finding it hard to get them to latch especially if your in a breastfeeding room with other mothers watching you....

I know for sure ill be breast feeding but will not be putting a blanket over my babys head i dont have to do it when i eat why should my baby?