Calling all Mums of Multiples!

[HayleyJA]

Hi all,

I'm posting this on behalf of my sister Sophie who would like your help for a Uni Project.

If you're able to help, please can you either reply to the thread or PM me if you prefer. She is obviously governed by confidentiality regulations so no personal information is required, though it would be helpful if you could also state your children's ages and genders.

Many thanks,
Hayley

Edited to add - Sophie has just passed on her Uni Email address if you'd prefer to send your responses directly to her there. [email protected]

Dear Ladies,

My name is Sophie and I am a student Midwife with Bournemouth University.
I am planning a presentation on ‘The psycho-social aspects of multiple pregnancies’ and really need your help!

I’ve decided to do the presentation in the form of a booklet of personal experiences from the people that actually know what they are talking about.......YOU!! There is no book or website that can give me information as valuable as you all can.

I would like the others receiving the presentation to understand the practicalities of multiple pregnancy, and so be able to support women at a deeper level than just their physical wellbeing.

I am positive you are all ridiculously busy, but if you could find 10 minutes to write a small paragraph about the social implications that affected you, I would be most grateful. Below is a list of questions that might help you. You don’t have to answer them all, they are just to give you an idea.

Many thanks,
Sophie ​

- What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?

- What about the financial side?

- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?​

 

[Laura2919]

What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

I was pretty excited and at first I wasnt very nervous. The only time I got nervous was when I met a mum at my doctors surgery who had just had twin boys and she said it was hard.. She had one via naturally delivery and one via c section!

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?

Carrying them is what scared me, It was drummed into me that my girls could be born early and they were. I was very lucky.

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?

At the time the only person I knew who knew anything about multiples was my mum and I couldnt talk to her because she lost her twins at 22 weeks. I ended up not really knowing much and going into it where I learnt it all myself.

- What about the financial side?

Well everything is double but we have our ways around it, If I see 2 pack of trousers I buy one pack and they share. It does cost more to have two, nappies, wipes, clothes, food but its double the love.

- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?

I dont really think you can put a price on how much a child costs. Everyone is different when it comes to spending for their child.

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)

We have to buy two of toys and cots because we want the twins to have their own identity and their own belongings. They have never shared a cot. They have shared a toy but most things they get one each.

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?

I was living with my parents when I found out I was expecting and I lived with them until the girls were 17 months and then I moved into my own flat. We have a 2 bedroom and its perfect for us.

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?

No, I didnt have anything locally for multiple mums and I had to pay for Tamba to find out if there was anything a little further away. I didnt see why I had to pay when there were websites which were free and offered advice.

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?

It did put a strain on us and we seperated for a few months, we have since got back together and are very happy. As for friends, well I think even just having 1 child can change a friendship. I still have close friends but we dont meet up and go out to party anymore.

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?

When I get a break from the girls I want to go home have a long soak in the bath and an early night.. Lol.. I think its killed my social life..

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?

I havent had a singleton pregnancy so I couldnt say for definite but you carry more weight and your more likely to go into preterm labour. I did. I had the girls at 29 weeks..

 

[twinmummy06]

- What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

shocked at first, but did not take long to become extremely excited. they were our first so i guess we didnt have the worry that non-first timers would experience with other kids and newborn multiples.

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?

mine are identical so i was petrified of TTTS and preterm labour

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?

nothing really. no multiple support groups where i live. i got pregnancy support from my family, but none of them have multiples. all the advice i got was via the net and research

- What about the financial side?

we are pretty lucky, we can afford for me to be a SAHM, but we still follow a budget. we did buy two of most things, some of which we shouldnt have, but i guess now we know for next time. i wasnt too worried financially when they were little but i am dredding the cost of schooling, etc.

- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?

hmmm hard to answer. i think in the aspect of twice the food, nappies, two beds, and all other neccessities, they will always be twice the cost. but they can share clothes and other things which isnt really going to cost you double, like im sure you dont need DOUBLE the amount of bottles, just some extra.

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)

double things i think you need: two cots, two car seats, two highchairs. we bought two rockers and two swings, but that was because they both loved them. some people might be able to get away with one of each and swapping definately dont need double clothes, bottles, etc. i did find as my children got old they wanted to the same toys, we did buy two of each, but obviously that means that dont get alot of extra toys as it is rediculous buying two of each.

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?

we lived in a two bedroom flat until the boys were 2. just happened to be at that time we bought my mothers 5 bedroom house. we probably would have easily been able to live in the flat, IF we didnt have anymore children

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?

no, there was no face-to-face support groups where i live. i did go on some online forums though

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?

not when they were little really, except the sleep deprivation making us cranky. now they are older and pretty naughty it is for me and my partner. i guess more so because we prefer different styles of discipline, even though neither seem to work....

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?

social life, what social life?

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?

im only early in a singleton pregnancy, and so far no difference. although with the twins you are obviously worried about two babies, delivering two babies, holding two babies in for as long as possible, then the after care of two babies. you obviously get bigger quicker in a multiple pregnancy making tasks further on a lot more difficult. by the end of mine (34 weeks) walking was horrible as my feet were extremely swollen, just plain exhausted.

 

[bek74]

What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

I was scared, I was thinking how on earth can I manage 2 babies at once.

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?

About giving them both equal time and attention. About how do I feed one while the other cried, everything really.

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?

Not much positive advice or support really. Once people found out I was having twins, I got alot of people saying " such and such has twins and it was hard, it was so hard she wished she would fall into a coma and wake when they turned 2". So I got alot of negetive.

- What about the financial side?

Buying double of everything does cost a bit of money but it isn't to bad.

- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?

I wouldn't say double but definitly more that a singlton pregnancy (have had 3 single pregnancies before)

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)

Yes, we buy double of everything, like cots, and toys etc. I have Boy, Girl twins but when it comes to baby toys I do buy 2 of everything.

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?

Our house is fine for now but as the twins get older and can no longer share a room we will look into moving as we have 3 older children as well.

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?

No

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?

My husband and I have been together 16yrs and have 3 older children so no I don't think it has put a strain on us, I am more tired but thats about it.

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?

I don't have a social like LOL, I find going out shopping etc a bit of a chore and usually go with a girlfriend but as the twins get older I am sure it will get easier.

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?

Yes I do, you worry more as you are worrying about the health of two babies, I ended up on bed rest with a cervic stitch put in at 23wks and I had my twins at 28wks.

 

[cheryl6]

What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

we was pretty shocked to have found out i waspregnant as i was on the pill,then when we went for our 12wk scan to be told its twins i was pretty shocked,amazed and absolulty terrified of the idea of 2!!

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?
how would i cope with my youngest child who was 2 and very boisterous,would my body be able to handle it and

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?
a couple of people i knew had twin pregnacies and my ex s-i-l also was pregnant at the same time as me with twins,advice really was listen to your body,rest when you can and keep positive as i reached each milestone of the twins growin in me
and of course this website it is lovely to be able to come on and ask knowing that somebody is in te same boat as you


- What about the financial side?

well i was/am a stay at home mum as we already have 4 other children so itwas my hubby who went out to work,finacally we did and do struggle but
thats the joys of havin a large family
- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?
crikey i had already started to buy stuff wen i found out i was pregnant but as soon as we was told there was2 i had to carry on buying and beleive me im still buying now!!




- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)
we have 2 cotbeds
4 moses baskets 2 up 2 down but they dont use upstairs now as they sleep in theircots
clothes/bibs
bottles
at the moment we arnt gonna buy seperate toys while they are only young,but gosh god help us when we have to


- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?
we didnt have to move but we lost our dining room so my hubby could do it up as a bedroom for oureldest girl


- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?
there isnt one close by



- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?
not at all with my hubby as he shares the repondsilbily as well so he knows wat im goin through


- What effects if any has it had on your social life?
we never went out b4 the twins


- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?
it puts hell of a lot of strain on your body and mind
but you get through that knowing that you got twins in threre

 

[mamato2more]

- What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

Sounds strange, but I knew before I conceived that the next pregnancy would be twins. I'd had a very early loss right before, and sure enough..I asked the midwife for an early scan to check for twins..There they were! I just knew it!

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?
I am so very huge into nutrition when pregnant, so I knew it would play a huge role in keeping them in and safe until it was time. So, most of my time went to research in how to eat with twins to grow them the best

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?

The biggest thing there was a friend of mine who'd just had twins told me that I would not be walking much in the later part of the pregnancy and to get things done early..That really paid off

- What about the financial side?
Diapers are expensive, but somehow, we manage.


- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?
Just in diapers, but there's also twice the love, kisses and laughs!

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)
It's handy, I think there are many things that we have done without that we have not missed, but I am fixing to buy two high chairs..and we were given another crib.

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?
Yup..These boys were #7&8 so we already had a house big enough..It's not huge, 2300sf, but it's enough

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?
Nope..Just family

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?
Getting the lovin in is sometimes harder with twins than it was a singleton, but we manage..

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?
We cant go see a movie like we did with just one..Other than that, not much else has changed

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?
I was soooooo tired and sick!! That was really rough..I slept so much at first! The end was hard too because I really could not walk very well at all..

 

[_Vicky_]

- What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

- PLEASED - I thought I had misscarried due to bleeding at six weeks so for the early scan to show two rather than the none I dreaded was fab!!!!!

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?

- finances really we had planned and budgetted for one not two

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?

BnB of course and my sister who has four year old twins - oh and all the unsolicited advice from everyone you meet when they find out its twins.

- What about the financial side?

There is no advice you have to dig dig and dig some more - thats the thing that really got to me - nowhere are multiples catered for.

- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?
Yes lol

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)
Yes although I only ever get two of the same things that they use at the same time toys I get one of each thing

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?
Big house no worries there

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?
not specifically twin related

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?
erm no moreso than a single baby I would imagine

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?
What social life lol

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?
I have no experience but my pregnancy was fab - I wasnt that big or sick and had no issues at all

 

[malpal]

What were your initial thoughts when you heard the news? Did you feel overwhelmed, nervous, excited, scared?

All of the above! At first i was overwhelmed and didn't quite believe it, scared as i already had a 9 month old baby and nervous as i had no idea of how i would cope.

- What worried you about having twins or triplets?

If they had of been my first then i don't think i would have had any worrys, however my worrys were more how my 9 month old would deal with the changes

- What advice did you receive? From friends, relatives, support groups, websites?
Advice and support from here and i am a member of tamba

- What about the financial side?

Iwas due to return to work from mat leave in sept. 2 days before returning i found out i was pregnant. Due to a fall i only worked 3 months and then i was signed of on full pay. I get great mat package so at the minute there is no real change. I am returning to work pt in march and my mum will have the girls.

- Does it really cost double/triple the amount?
Only if you buy double. Some thing of course you have to but 2 of but for me i just buy a variety of all sorts!

- Do you need double/triple of everything (clothes, cots, toys)
I do dress the girls the same so yes to that but toys i buy different so they have more choice to play with

- Was your housing adequate for more than one or did you have to move?
We are in the process of moving to a bigger house. We have a 3 bedroom atm which could last us at least another couple of years but the time is right to move. We're heading off nearer to mum mum and hubbys work.

- Did you use support groups antenatally or postnatally?
no, in my area there is a great lack of twins clubs. I did go to some groups after they were born but i was sick of feeling like the entertainment.

- Has it put a strain on your relationships? With your partner, parents, friends?
Husband is a HUGE help and i truly wouldn't manage with out him, but yes sometimes things get strained.
My parents are fantastic and a great help and support, my sister is amazing also, she had a little boy 3 weeks after the girls were born so comes round to my inhouse creche every week.

- What effects if any has it had on your social life?
Social life????? what's that? Ithink i fel it's harder to have little nights out as the planning and organising is like an operation. So we generally save it up and have weekends away. Yes my mum is a saint!

- How do you think multiple pregnancy differs emotionally and practically from a singleton pregnancy?
It is very hard carrying multiple babbies and emotionally draining. My head wasn't with it at all, and i look back on the last feww weeks and i see them as a blur. I was in so much pain that i really could function. Compared to my singleton pregnancy when i was washing the car the day before i went into labour, it was hugely hard.

Hope that helps and good luck with your training x