Can anyone offer me any advice

[beckie1991]

Hi ladies, i really need some advice.

My fiance and i have been trying for a baby for almost 2 year now and as close as we have gotten is a chemical pregnancy last year.

Earlier this year we got his sperm tested and there was no sperm AT ALL no live ones, no dead ones, nothing deformed, not a single thing.

It has taken me a while to get over this and I have now accepted that he will need to use drugs to help him, so for the past 4 weeks he has been taking a multitude of drugs but my question is how can i offer him support without making him feel like i am blaming him for not being fertile???

last week we did another test at home and it was negative, we are trying to wait until december before going back to the doctors for another sperm test. We will use the drugs until then but it is costing us so much money right now that i feel totally overwhelmed.

Any advice anyone can offer will help so much.
Beckie
x

 

[Coolstar]

I have gone through 3+yrs of infertility and my DH stood beside me like a rock. There was a time when I thought it would have been better if he would have married someone else, he should not suffer for me. I cried one day and told him exactly what I felt and he said, that thought never crossed him and he will be with me no matter what. The only thing we have to do is try our best before giving up.
There will be times when your DH will be irritated, angry, frustrated, sad.... you just need to support him and talk with him. Just tell him no matter what you love him, have a plan ready ( infertility is expensive ) and the most important part be strong !! I think infertility is more difficult for them then us to accept. I am keeping my fingers Xed for both of you.

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi Hun.
I don't want to scare you, but if there is no sperm what so ever the likelihood of vitamins helping are going to be very small to nill. Unless you mean actual over the counter drugs. There is a thread on the LTTC board about dealing with partners with zero sperm or men with azoospermia. The problem is there is a difference between zero and low sperm count. It could be a blockage or something all together different.

Have you gone to the doctor to find out why this is happening?

 

[lisap2008]

A 0 count means his body is not producing any sperm so you would need to get him in to a urologist have a blood hormone panel done and other tests to figure out whats blocking the production of sperm.

 

[wannabmum]

Ditto what being said here, if there is 0 sperm count he has azoospermia, there are 2 types, obstructive (due to blockage or missing vas) which means he still produce sperm and so sperm can be surgically retrieved and used for ICSI or non obstructive where due to testicular failure or hormone issues in some these cases sperm can still be surgicaly retrieved in small numbers for icsi or other things can be done but your first step is you must see a Urologist, home vitimins really arent going to be of much benifit and most likely you will need help getting pregnant in form of ICSI unless it is hormone related that doctor can treat with appropriate mes but 90% time ICSI is what is needed, my husband also has azoospermia (obstructive) It is difficult all you can do is be there for him and reassure him you love him regardless, if you ever need to talk feel free anytime hun xx

 

[beckie1991]

Thank you ladies for replying, sorry i didnt explain properly he is taking fertility drugs. Its costing us around £400-£500 a month just for his drugs. The doctor referred him to go and see why he has zero sperm but at the time i was so devastated that we didnt go to the app. Is there anything he can take as well???

Beckie x

 

[Myshelsong]

I am very sorry that you are going through this.
No there is nothing else he can take. No vitamin will help in this situation. The only thing you can both do to see if there is any way he can produce sperm is to find out why this is happening in the first place. Get another appointment and go see the Specialist. dont waste any more time or money on the fertility drugs he was given until you find out the root cause of the issue.

Very sorry for both of you. I hope you get your answers soon

 

[beckie1991]

Myshelsong thank you for your reply, we have been to the doctors again and theyve said hes got to do another sperm test, before they will refer us to a specialist again. Basically jusy going round in a stupid circle, then the doc basically said well if theres nothing then theres nothing you will have to deal with it. Like how insensitive its devestating to even think we might not be able to ever have one together but to hear a doctor speak like that makes it 10x worse x

 

[Myshelsong]

sorry you are stuck in the loop. I completely understand.
Hope you get your answers soon. It took us over 4 years for any diagnosis so I get the back and forth that comes with the unknown.

 

[amanda1235]

Hey Beckie!

I totally understand where you are coming from, as my husband was diagnosed with zero sperm as well. It was really difficult, and he had/is having a really hard time with it. Saying things like he's less of a man, and other really painful things for me to hear. As upset as I was that we probably won't ever be able to have a child that is biologically both of ours, I did my very best to stay strong for him. The doctor explained that they will go into his testicles to check if there are any sperm in there that aren't making there way out. It's a surgical procedure called a tesa. Doc says there is usually a 50-50 chance they find any. That's what we decided to do, and we had to use a donor to have on backup in case they don't find. After getting over the initial shock, this is our only option to have kids, (adoption is crazy expensive), so we're going with it. I found the website "donor conception network" (google it) really helpful and helped us put our mind at ease about the whole process.
Sorry if I'm rambling on, and if you have any questions feel free to ask! I completely understand how devastating it is, believe me, but I do believe that it will be ok.
Just keep telling your fiancé that you still love him for him, not his sperm. It seems silly to say, but I found that repeating that to Hubby over and over again helped in the long run.

 

[cupcakelover]

Hi Beckie,

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. My husband and I are on the same boat: we were having problems conceiving and since the doctors said everything was fine with me they decided to test his sperm and it came back zero. It was such a devastating moment for us. He was really upset and started blaming himself and all I could do was keep telling him that we were going to be okay. Whether we had a child or not we still had each other.

We went to see a urologist and were very lucky that we found a really amazing doctor. He tested him again, but did say from the beginning that the only chance we had would be IVF. He gave hubby clomid for a couple of months in preparation for surgery and then performed a TESE procedure. We were able to collect 4 vials of sperm and I'm now going through a stimulation cycle for IVF now.

If his count is zero, there's a good chance he'll need surgery. Drugs might help bring his hormone levels up so there's a better chance of finding sperm during the procedure, but drugs alone rarely work in this situation.

A good doctor makes all the difference at a time like this. Where are you located? If you are in the NJ area, I'll give you recommendation.

Good luck!

 

[beckie1991]

Thanks again for your advice ladies. I am sorry you have also had such a struggle, its good to know others who are in the same boat though and what stages you are all at in getting a diagnosis etc. we have been back to the doctors and i have demanded that they re-test his sperm, so thats due 28-09-2015 then we have to wait a week for the results. Then they have said we will have to go from there. My OH wont agree to donor sperm as he says it wouldnt be the same as it wouldnt be his baby. He had also initially agreed to adoption but has since then changed his mind saying he wouldnt be able to get over the fact it isnt his.

At the moment i literally feel lost. If this test says no he has basically said he is giving up and that will be it, no more fertility drugs, no more trying The thing that hurts as well is he is 34 and i am only 24. So if he doesnt want any more i feel his is at a later stage in his life where all of his friends are doing the whole holiday thing as they had kids years ago and some are pregnant with their next. Our friend has just given birth to a baby girl today too so that was hard to hear especially being as she was on the pill, stopped taking it to try and by the time her period was due she was pregnant and only actually DTD 3x in that time!

My OH is adamant we wont be trying any more if this test comes back negative. And apparently i just have to deal with it

Oh and i live in the UK

Beckie x

 

[lisap2008]

Thanks again for your advice ladies. I am sorry you have also had such a struggle, its good to know others who are in the same boat though and what stages you are all at in getting a diagnosis etc. we have been back to the doctors and i have demanded that they re-test his sperm, so thats due 28-09-2015 then we have to wait a week for the results. Then they have said we will have to go from there. My OH wont agree to donor sperm as he says it wouldnt be the same as it wouldnt be his baby. He had also initially agreed to adoption but has since then changed his mind saying he wouldnt be able to get over the fact it isnt his.

At the moment i literally feel lost. If this test says no he has basically said he is giving up and that will be it, no more fertility drugs, no more trying The thing that hurts as well is he is 34 and i am only 24. So if he doesnt want any more i feel his is at a later stage in his life where all of his friends are doing the whole holiday thing as they had kids years ago and some are pregnant with their next. Our friend has just given birth to a baby girl today too so that was hard to hear especially being as she was on the pill, stopped taking it to try and by the time her period was due she was pregnant and only actually DTD 3x in that time!

My OH is adamant we wont be trying any more if this test comes back negative. And apparently i just have to deal with it

Oh and i live in the UK

Beckie x

You have a say in this too let him know its self centered of him to expect you to never have children just because he cant get you pregnant naturally. he needs to consider your feelings /wants and needs in this too.

 

[cupcakelover]

Thanks again for your advice ladies. I am sorry you have also had such a struggle, its good to know others who are in the same boat though and what stages you are all at in getting a diagnosis etc. we have been back to the doctors and i have demanded that they re-test his sperm, so thats due 28-09-2015 then we have to wait a week for the results. Then they have said we will have to go from there. My OH wont agree to donor sperm as he says it wouldnt be the same as it wouldnt be his baby. He had also initially agreed to adoption but has since then changed his mind saying he wouldnt be able to get over the fact it isnt his.

At the moment i literally feel lost. If this test says no he has basically said he is giving up and that will be it, no more fertility drugs, no more trying The thing that hurts as well is he is 34 and i am only 24. So if he doesnt want any more i feel his is at a later stage in his life where all of his friends are doing the whole holiday thing as they had kids years ago and some are pregnant with their next. Our friend has just given birth to a baby girl today too so that was hard to hear especially being as she was on the pill, stopped taking it to try and by the time her period was due she was pregnant and only actually DTD 3x in that time!

My OH is adamant we wont be trying any more if this test comes back negative. And apparently i just have to deal with it

Oh and i live in the UK

Beckie x

Oh, Beckie

This is such a rough time. I remember my hubby also said he did not want to have a sperm donor. It is such a tough decision to make, but I understand the hesitation.

Please tell your husband to at least give surgery a try. There is a chance he has sperm, but you'll never know if you don't try and you might regret it for years to come.

Some couples time their IVF and sperm extraction surgery so they happen at the same time and they have donor sperm as a back up. Since that wasn't an option for my hubby, we agreed that he would have the TESE surgery first and then if they found anything we would freeze the sperm and then go for IVF. So just know that there are steps he can take before giving up.

Good luck!

 

[beckie1991]

Thank you again ladies, we do have children already i have 2 boys to someone previous and he has a son to his ex wife so its secondary infertility but he just really doesnt want to have a baby that he hasnt fathered... If that makes sense. Not as in the ones we already have but as in if i was pregnant and we had used donor sperm it wouldnt be biologically his....

We will speak to our doc soon about it as ive managed to get him an app to get his sperm checked again. So the test is tomrrow and we will know after 7 days xx

 

[beckie1991]

Well weve had our results and im devestated, after 2 year of trying, and a fortune that probably could have bought us a bloody house he is infertile again, only 2 sperm in this one... On was dead and one was immobile, theyve said they will refer us and now hes decided enough is enough, i couldnt really be any more heart broken than i am right now. I am completely devestated. I cant even Speak to him because he doesnt even seem bothered and im that upset and angry i will probably just lose my head X

 

[Myshelsong]

I am so sorry Hun, but I am furious that your doctors would do fertility treatments and tests on you that cost as much as a house for two years without testing him. What a waste of time and effort, especially when fertility issues can be either partners.

I hope that he considers once he cools off. This is probably a big blow to his ego, I know it was for my hubby.

 

[amma15]

Hi ladies, i really need some advice.

My fiance and i have been trying for a baby for almost 2 year now and as close as we have gotten is a chemical pregnancy last year.

Earlier this year we got his sperm tested and there was no sperm AT ALL no live ones, no dead ones, nothing deformed, not a single thing.

It has taken me a while to get over this and I have now accepted that he will need to use drugs to help him, so for the past 4 weeks he has been taking a multitude of drugs but my question is how can i offer him support without making him feel like i am blaming him for not being fertile???

last week we did another test at home and it was negative, we are trying to wait until december before going back to the doctors for another sperm test. We will use the drugs until then but it is costing us so much money right now that i feel totally overwhelmed.

Any advice anyone can offer will help so much.
Beckie
x

Thank you Beckie for sharing your story. We're going through something similar. After 6 months of no luck we decided to get tested and that's when we found he DH had severe oligospermia and azoospermia. He did not take it well at all, for a while he insisted that we don't tell anyone not even our families because it was such a pride hurt for him. He's seen many doctors (some for second and third opinions) but they have not been able to give a reason as to why. Anyway, we're starting iui now but we know the chance of success is quite low with our circumstances. Since IVF costs 10 times as much we decided to take a chance on one IUI first.

I wish you luck, keep us updated

 

[amanda1235]

Just to give you ladies a little hope, my husband was diagnosed with azoospermia, low testosterone (half a point under) and really high FSH (35). He's got only one testicle, due to having undescended testes as a child (he was 2 months premature), and only one of the testicles survived the procedure, they don't know what happened to the other. That being said, when we got all these results we were not at all hopeful, and had come to terms with using a donor. It was a GIANT blow to his ego, and he was super embarrassed, but he still really wanted children. The doctor suggested the surgery anyway, just to be sure sure sure that there weren't any hiding in there. His surgery and my ER were last Friday, and they came back and said they only found 1 lonely swimmer. They said that they will try icsi with that, and if it doesn't work, use the donor. Needless to say, when we got the call Monday, that they were going to transfer one beautiful embryo and that there were 4 others still fighting, we assumed they were the donor, since they won't mix and do half and half. Turns out, NOPE! All hubby's!!! They found more after they let the tissue rest a bit, and I am now 2dp3dt with hubbys and my embryo. Hoping it sticks, and hoping we get the call that at least 1 of the fighting ones made it to freeze.
So there's hope!!!! And this was with NO vitamins or drugs beforehand at all, as we got started on the first cycle immediately after testing.
Also, the surgery wasn't bad at all, he took it easy for the next 2 days with ice, and feels great now 5 days later.

Only thing to keep in mind, about 50% get lost in the thawing process, so fresh is better. Had we decided not to do fresh, they wouldn't have froze the very few they found.

Good luck all!!!!!