Can anyone who has ever miscarried relate to this? its worrying me...

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by tootsy1987, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. tootsy1987

    tootsy1987 Abbi and Alfie - My World

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    Hi guys, you prob all know my story but heres a short run down... Jan 24th i had m/c at 4+3 weeks.... got straight back on the horse (not literally lol!) and ttc straight away, fell pregnant the following month with my BFP on 20th Feb 09... Been through soo much but the pregnancy seemed to be going fine although i did find the hormones really over whelming making me hormonal and really panicky... March 1st we lost our little cat (was only 4) really suddenly, was soo horrific to watch him go like that... again the pregnancy was progressing, had 2 early scans and saw the hb at 7+1, was lovely and strong. For my reasurrance i booked a private scan for 2nd April 09, nothing was wrong but just wanted to check everything was progressing well, still had morning sickness ect, no bleeding. Went for scan and found baby had passed away at 8+5, scan was at 9+3. I had an erpc the following day.

    Anyway onto the reason of the thread.... after my erpc i was given some antibiotics as a preventative measure against infection, they were doxycycline 200mg per day... they made me feel a bit dizzy and confused but i thought nothing of it. I finished them nearly 2 weeks ago and i have started to feel slightly confused again... not really confused as in cant remember where i live or anything but i just can be speaking and forget the words im talking about or say some random wrong thing, when i think back to what i done earlier or the day before it feels hazy and i have always had such a clear memory.. all i can say is i feel hazy. I dont really have headaches just have such a HUGE overwhelming tired erge! i mean i feel even more tired now than when i was pregnant and im sleeping quite a bit. Im petrified as to what could be causing this and really dont want to go to the doctors. I have been really upset cause of everything we have been through these past few months and i have felt really down, i was supposed to have been 12 weeks monday just gone and also Tuesday my OH had to start working away so im on my own all week. Can anyone relate to this as being stress or cause of everything we have been through or some state of depression? its scaring me, one minute i think im fine then i will be talking and get in such a muddle. I feel like i cant concentrate when im reading like i cant take anything in as though im too full up to take anything else in.

    Whats happening to me?????

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. kermie219

    kermie219 Well-Known Member

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    oooh un 1st off I am really sorry you are going through all this. I did feel weird for quite a while after my miscarriage ....almost like sometimes I was outside my own body. Numb. I know it sounds weird, I just couldn't get a grip at all spacy...sleepy....would forget what I was saying mid sentence. I think it was me being distracted a part of me went the same day our baby did and I was just having a hard time finding my way again.

    I was a disaster for about 3 weeks, then it let up a bit and I started to really feel better! This week is my first af since though and I feel pretty crappy all over again. Not sure if it helps at all but I think it's a matter of your body healing itself after such a tramatic even :cloud9:

    I hope you feel better soon hun I'm always available if you need someone to chat too. I don't post here much but I lurk all the time haha

    :hug:
     
  3. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

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    Aw sweetie im so sorry for your loss. Im sorry you have been having such a tough time. To be honest i have no clue what it could be.Saying that,ive been feeling very similar since losing my baby boy 6 weeks ago. Kind of confused,i know what i want to say and half way through ive forgotten and dont finish my sentence. Or id ask DH if he wants a drink,go to kitchen and then have to go back 5 seconds later as ive forgotten what he had said. It might be due to depression. Its so traumatic when you have a loss,and it only kicks in weeks down the line. Im not sure if this has helped at all. But i thought i would let you know that you are not alone. It might be worth speaking to your doc about how you feeling. Sorry i wasnt much help. Hope you feel better soon sweetie. Big :hug:

    Natasja
    xxxxx
     
  4. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. Sending you :hug:.

    After reading your post, I would have to say that this sounds all too familiar. After I had my first miscarriage, I believe that I was depressed. My thoughts were all jumbled and I also felt really cloudy. I was completely obsessed with the idea of becoming pregnant again, and was upset at others who were having problem free pregnancies. I turned into a complete zombie. My days and nights were filled with sadness, whether I was crying or not. My husband had also changed his work shift to working overnights, which was just terrible when I was left alone overnight: I was having major panic attacks that were waking me up.

    Now, keep in mind that these are still early days for you. You have just lost your little one, and need to feel free to grieve. That said, if you are feeling like this for a while I would suggest talking to your doctor. Sending you love and hugs. Take care hun. xox
     
  5. tootsy1987

    tootsy1987 Abbi and Alfie - My World

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    Thanks sooo much for your replies!!! they all mean alot! i did google and it says confusion etc is a symptom of stress / anxiety / depression. I thought i was coping really well, it only kinda hit me at the weekend when i would have been 12 weeks and with my OH going away when he has been around for 4 weeks as he took time off when i m/c and he moved jobs and had no choice to go down to london to work for a few weeks. Its the over whelming tiredness, like i have ran a marathon. It feels like my body is craving for something that im not giving it if that makes sense. I dont feel like i dont know what im doing or anything but if you guys can relate to this... a big black cloudy fuzz inside my mind that wont let any feelings or information in and i find it hard to get my words out. I tried to start work yesterday (was going to temp again as i left my perm job when i found out i was pregnant) i had to pull out last minute as i certainly dont feel a pickin ready to go back. Im such a sociable person but i just cant seem to be enthusiastic about socialising and having to meet new people at work uno?

    I am all soooo sorry for what you guys have had to go through! no body should have to go through this, it is absolutley horrific!!!

    I also must say thanks to natasja... i have followed you through your awful experience with your gorgeous baby and i was soo upset to hear what happened!!! i am here to talk for anyone who is going through the same pain that we all have to face when m/c as (no offence) but i dont believe anyone who has never miscarried understands at all.

    xxxxxxx
     
  6. superp123

    superp123 Super Auntie to 3 + 1

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    I just wanted to second what the ladies said already. The fuzz does seem to linger, and sometimes my mind get all jumbled too, usually followed by anxiety. Yuck! The whole process sucks, if I'm being honest, and for me it's easier to keep busy. I went in to volunteer at preschool again today first time since my mc/D&C last week... and I hated going in this morning. I was so anxious I almost made a bee line back to my car. But I must say that after making myself go, I do feel loads better. I can also relate to the antisocial behavior too. I've been screening phone calls, and/or contemplating if I really want to talk to someone before picking up. If that makes sense? And what in the world is up with all the DH's getting new jobs or being out of town? Mines been working out of town too! I must say that it makes everything harder being alone, somehow feels overwhelming. For me that's just so irritating to get past, cuz I'm normally very very independent but I feel so clingy lately and I can't help it. Ehhh?
    Any way, I'd say unless you feel totally depressed it's probably normal. Give yourself some time to get past the emotions of it all and if your not okay in a few weeks bring it up with your doc. In the mean time, I'm here if you wanna chat. :hugs:
    P
     
  7. tootsy1987

    tootsy1987 Abbi and Alfie - My World

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    thanks soo much superp.... you soo explain what i have. And as to the men being out of town, im sure they all run for the hills lol! i mean my OH was good after i had my m/c as he stayed home but whenever we went out i was soooo clingy when im normally really independant although i dont like being alone. We went to one of my friends engagement parties and although we were amongst all of my friends i hardly spoke to them, i stuck by my oh all night and just wanted to go home for cuddles. I feel lost without him here to comfort me cause no matter how many people you try and talk to, unless they have been through this they just dont understand... i feel they have the attitude JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! does that makes sense? i mean i went to my mums for tea tonight and she hadnt seen the last scan photo of baby (she was sooo excited to be a grandma when i was pg) and she said what you doing and i said im looking at scan photo (it comforts me) and i showed her and she just shrugged as though to say what you looking at that for??!

    HUMPHHHH! lol!

    xxxxxx
     
  8. Charliemarina

    Charliemarina expecting #4

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    hiya hunny, if u look at my sig u will find i have been through the exact same thing as u and the dates of ir happening are very close too the only diff was when i lost my baby at 7+2 they done a D and C which they did not do properly so 6 weeks later i was sent for ERPC was deverstated as my womb had kept on growing and it was the size of 13 weeks preg but just full of infection, conception tissue and clots, after the D and C they left part of my baby behind (still thinking of suing for this) , the also sent me home with doxycilin and another antibiotic too and i did find the doxycillin a bit nackering mostly in hospital though as the dose was alot higher because i needed to be in theatre soon as poss, it actually made me throw up on a walk round hosp just after the IV had finished.
    hunny pls PM me as we do have so much in common with this and the way ur feeling now is sooooo normal huns, i was in a total daze like this after first procedure i also think its coz they done it whilst i was awake ...why?
    i walked around not speaking or even wanting to cook and clean for my kids, they went to stay with nan for a bit, the worst thing was is that i knew i lost my bean but litle did i know half of bean was still inside me making me still feel very much preg also very emotional, after the erpc i knew it had all been done, preg tests went neg again in a day and i felt "not preg anymore", i ovulated bang on time cd16 after the erpc so waiting now for my first af since erpc bit scared actually.
    pls do message me hunny it was only 3 weeks ago i had second erpc so i know exactly what ur feeling and also no offence but i do believe ur right, no woman who has NOT had a mc will totally understand the grief. hope u feel better today hunny also i was offered councilling but believe it or not its not free they wanted me to pay 40quid for hour session 3 times a week, thats £120, sorry i have 2 kids i cnt afford this i think its sick if im honest when alcoholics will get free treatment from nhs sorry little rant xxxxx
     
  9. Caroline

    Caroline Proud Mum of 4

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    Hi hun, huge :hugs:, so srry about your losses.
    Its true what has been said, no one understands fully uless they have been through it themselves.

    We lost our little been @ 8+2 weeks on Good Friday. We are not actively ttc but just taking things as they come & see what happens.

    We wspent a week with MIL which was a great help. I too have had problems with concentration & suffer from separation anxiety too, I just want to curl up in bed with OH & if I'm not with him I get a bit panicky.

    End of last week I was feeling a bit better but on Monday I was a bit emotional, & on Tuesday I went back to work. I told my boss & he was great & I got through the day pretty well, but yesterday I lasted all of an hour & then had to come home 'cos all I could do was cry. i'm planning on going back tomorrow. I struggled initially on Tuesday but once I got started I was fine but it just didn't happen yesterday.

    You nedd time to heal mentally & just take each day as it comes. If I find it difficult tomorrow., well I won't be going in on Saturday.

    A girl I work with had a m/c @ 9 weeks, and she said it took her agood 4 weeks before she felt less emotional. She said although it doesn't feel it, it does get easier over time.

    What your experience does sound like a touch of anxiety/depression, & if it doesn't subside over the next few weeks I would definitely go & speak to your GP.

    It sucks that your OH has to work away, hope he can get work closer to home soon.

    Take care of yourself & take each day as it comes. If you ever want to chat pm.
     
  10. tootsy1987

    tootsy1987 Abbi and Alfie - My World

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    thanks ladys you have been such a great help! dont feel as fuzzy today but you know when ur in first tri and ur get the swollen nostrels i keep getting that and pressure on my eye, i swear if i didnt know this baby had been removed i would think i was still pregnant or pregnant again! preg tests have went down but still showing slightly positive. Just sooo blidy frustrating!!!! xxxxx
     
  11. babybuffy84

    babybuffy84 Happy new mummy :)

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    Oh hun,

    I remember feeling just like that too when i lost my baby,i felt like i was in my own world and was angry at everybody around me because it felt like they were all moving on like they had just forgot about the baby.Whereas i didnt want to forget i wouldnt leave the house as i couldnt bear to see people doing normal things and felt like saying what are you doing dont you know i just lost my baby.
    Which of course most people dont know, kind of luckily about 3 weeks after my m/c and d&c we had a holiday booked and was trying to focus on that and hoping that would be where i found the old me again,that holiday was the hardest thing i have ever done!!!
    We were surrounded by babies and children constantly as it was school holidays too,it ws awful but as they days went on it got easier and i think it was just what i needed to surround myself with the one thing i had been trying to avoid and felt like i came back the old me and it wasnt so hard,and i guess luckily for me i found out i was pregnant again when we got back.
    But i do know just how your feeling i felt that setting myself small goals like getting the strength to go away,then when i returned home going back into work,gave me something to focus on.I have kind of a little shrine in my dining room where i keep a teddy the first teddy we had for our baby and i keep my m/c association pin on it,with it a guardian angel and a pic of my grandad who i believe is looking after my baby.
    We also go and visit the cemetery regulary where they baby's ashes are scattered and that helps.
    Am sending you a ton of :hugs: :hug: xxx
     
  12. superp123

    superp123 Super Auntie to 3 + 1

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    Just wanted to pop by and check on you. Sounds like today went a bit better than yesterday. Aside from moms insensitivity... I'm sure it has to do with her just not fully understanding. She's your mum though so you know you're loved, she's just doing what she knows how to do and you can't fault her for it. I'm lucky in that my mom lost her first pg at 6mths along, so she has been very understanding and supportive with all of my mc's. Like you said, I think you just don't get it until you've gone through it. Chin up and I hope tomorrow is better still. :hugs:
    P
     

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