MissingBubs
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- Feb 25, 2009
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I struggled through losses and an ectopic to get my first child. A beautiful little girl. I never understood gender disappointment. How could anyone wish for something other than a healthy baby. Male or Female.
18 months ago I got my precious baby. 18 months later I'm expecting our next welcome addition, except this time I'm petrified it's a boy. I hate boys names. I'm scared of raising a boy for him to be naughty and fight and take drugs. Every male I've ever know has been naughty or a cheat or in trouble or nasty and broke my heart in some way.
I have dreams of my two girls being the best of friends and sharing and arguing over make up and clothes. Spending nights practicing make up on me. All three of us choosing wedding dresses for their big days. A boy just doesn't factor into my dreams.
I've just had my 13 week scan and every single person is telling me it's a boy. Nothing confirmed, but I know they're right and I just don't know how to snap myself out of these feelings.
I know I will adjust and once it's confirmed I will learn to love my boy and have new dreams for our family. But right now I just want to scream!!!! I'm lucky to have one beautiful perfect child and now I get a second. Effing man up and deal with it. This is not a tragedy, it's a miracle. I was told I'd need IVF and yet I'm having my second natural baby after all the heartache. And yet I still can't shake this feeling!!!!!
What is wrong with me?!?!?! I don't deserve my baby.
18 months ago I got my precious baby. 18 months later I'm expecting our next welcome addition, except this time I'm petrified it's a boy. I hate boys names. I'm scared of raising a boy for him to be naughty and fight and take drugs. Every male I've ever know has been naughty or a cheat or in trouble or nasty and broke my heart in some way.
I have dreams of my two girls being the best of friends and sharing and arguing over make up and clothes. Spending nights practicing make up on me. All three of us choosing wedding dresses for their big days. A boy just doesn't factor into my dreams.
I've just had my 13 week scan and every single person is telling me it's a boy. Nothing confirmed, but I know they're right and I just don't know how to snap myself out of these feelings.
I know I will adjust and once it's confirmed I will learn to love my boy and have new dreams for our family. But right now I just want to scream!!!! I'm lucky to have one beautiful perfect child and now I get a second. Effing man up and deal with it. This is not a tragedy, it's a miracle. I was told I'd need IVF and yet I'm having my second natural baby after all the heartache. And yet I still can't shake this feeling!!!!!
What is wrong with me?!?!?! I don't deserve my baby.