Can't cope anymore

[sweetsammi]

As you will know if you read my previous posts.. Oliver is screaming constantly and not sleeping despite all our efforts and im having probs with my OH not having any patience with him...Well things have just got from bad to worse today. Oliver screamed all night..he slept for half an hour. So obviousilly we are both exhausted, frustrated and feelin really down about it. We took him doctors this morn and finally had it confirmed that he has bad colic. And my and my OH wont stop fighting. Earlier he turned around and said he doesnt love Oliver and wants nothing to do with him. I told him hes being silly and doesnt mean it, that hes just tired and down. But he is adament he genuinly doesnt want to be a part of his life, that he isnt cut out to be a father and cannot cope. This has broken my heart and i dont know what to do. My OH has gone out and said he doesnt know when he will be back. Oliver is screaming- has been since 8am. and I cannot cope. I feel poorly and i cannot bare to look at my OH. I cant stop crying. I dont know what to do. i have no friends or family here as they all live elsewhere. And on top of that, i overheard my OH's dad who is a psychiatric nurse telling him that he thinks i may have OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) because since Ollie arrived i cannot stop cleaning and lining things up etc. And now hes got me thinkin perhaps i do have a problem x

 

[cupcake]

oh dear, i wish there was someone to help you out close by, but even tho there isnt you can do this, as tired as you are. maybe OH needs a little bit of space and you can have a good talk later, people say lots of things they dont mean when they are overwhelmed. have u tried putting the baby in a stroller and walking about a bit? its so hard when they are crying non stop and its not your fault hes just feeling a bit poorly himself. i wish i could give you better advice, i would say dont worry about the ocd thing right now, you have to prioritize settling the baby and helping yourself feel a bit better. you can always deal with other things later.

hope the other girls can help you out

 

[Jo]

Oh sweetheart
Things will get better, i know it doesn't seem like it now but they will, me and OH fought like cat and dog after Emily arrived, you have to remember it is a huge adjustement for you all.
The tiredness doesn't help one little bit and neither does the screaming OH is lucky he can just walk out when it gets too much for him, we don't have that luxury.
If it is getting too much for you Oliver screaming just put him in his basket and walk away, he won't come to any harm and you can get a couple of minutes to compose yourself and tackle him again

You and OH need to talk if and when Oliver gives you 5 minutes peace and talk it all through
good luck hun and remember we are here for you

 

[shamrockgirl4]

aww sorry ur going thru this hun but i know how u feel as u have described what i went through after my first baby she suffered bad colic and her dad couldnt cope and got irritable and didnt like her much it does get easier tho as time goes by.
p.s. have u spoke to ur h/v or docs about what u are going thru as i had pnd and felt i couldnt cope i got diagnosed with pnd prescribed some meds to take for 6 months and felt much better and able to cope whilst on these meds its worth ruling it out anyways hope it gets better for u soon xxx

 

[Wobbles]

Please send him a text and tell him you need him and not to leave you feeling so insecure and vunerable.

As much as I can understand the pressures newborn has he has no bloody right to do this to you. Boy! I hope he comes back to start his new year with his new family.

GP give you anything for the colic? Has anyone any advice as an extra for Sammi and the LOs colic?

Is there anyone you can ring to come to you regardless of how far they are ANYONE who you could call and tell them how desperate you are for some company and even a few hours kip?

I wish I was closer I would have offered you here and held little man for you whist you had a kip.

 

[sweetsammi]

Thanku girls for all ur support. The doctor gave Oliver some Infacol for his colic but he has already been having this and it doesnt seem to help him anymore. My OH has called me and apologised, saying he didnt mean what he said, he's just tired and frustrated and will do anything to make it up to us. I didnt know what to say to him. Its hard enough trying to care for a colicky baby, never mind having to look after him aswel. Ive tried to be strong for the 3 of us. Ive been calm and patient up until now. But my OH constant moodiness and the fact that he is so down and not coping so well ontop of Ollie screaming is bringing me down too. I dont know how much more i can take. And i dont know if i can forget what he said about not wanting to have anything to do with his son. I dont know how i feel about anything anymore. I did call my mum and have a chat with her.Now i just feel worse as she thinks badly of my OH and thinks i am miserable and not coping with being a mother making me feel like she thinks im not doing a good job. Perhaps im just being paranoid. My family are about an hours drive away so not far but none of us drive. Thanku all for ur kind words, theyve cheered me up some xxx

 

[Wobbles]

Well done to your OH for ringing you hun - seriously thats a good step!

He didn't mean what he said about his son hun - you need to forget that one although I do understand how your feeling. THings got heated in my house last week And we both said things we would never meant out of pure frustration and bitchiness.

I doubt your Mum thinks your doing a bad job Im sure she understand as well as the obvious that Mum can be down and not coping it has no personal reflextion on you your just human after all!

I think if you can get to family for a rest you should if it be a taxi fare (and worth the cost) or public transport ASAP you need sleep not only that Oliver needs you to have sleep problem is he can feel you stressing when he is - Mum needs to be as calm as she can be and right now Im imagining thats impossible for you to do.

Is your OH on his way home?

 

[Layla]

Sammi

Coby had COlic and Adam does now too, its so hard, i know what your going through, bearing in mind, Colic tends to end at around 12 weeks old so there is an end in sight!

I phoned my HV today for advice on Adam, she told me there is something calledf Colif (not sure if thats spelt right) and that the docs will prescribe it for me, maybe its worth asking about that. Aparently its good stuff, costs a tenner a bottle if you buy it over the counter, i have never heard of it before tho so i am only saying what my HV told me.

Infacol is shite! try useing Dentinox, its in a green and white box, you can buy it from the chemist or boots etc, im useing it for Adam and i did on Coby too, it wont make it go away but it does help a little.

There are also the Dr Brown bottles, im still not sure if these are any good yet, only been using them a couple of days, i used Mam anti colic on Coby, they were ok.

When he is Colicly the best way to hold him is either laying him face down on your knees or way up high over your shoulder, the idea is to put gental pressure on tehre tummys, also rubbing anti clock wize is meant to ease it a little. Motion is also another good way to get a little relief, i tend to hold Adam up in my shoulder or sqished in to my chest and bounce him up and down aswell as rocking side to side, it sooths him for a little while.

If your little man is Colicy in teh day time, warm baths are great, altho i know you cant have him in a bath all day, but once maybe twice a day if it helps will give you a 10- 15 min break from teh crying.

Other than that i cant offer anymore advice, thats all i know to do with Colic and thats all im doing with Adam, the crying is terrible, esp as you know they are in pain and cant do anything for them

But i promise you, it does ease up, it WILL get better, you just need to hang in there, easier said than done i know.

ALso, forgot to add...does he feed more dureing the colicy times? Adam tends to cluster feed in the evenings and thats when he gets colicy, he has been weighed again today and had put on another 6oz (12oz now since he has been born) so he is a hungry baby, my HV advised to feed on demand, even if he is colicy, i was worried that feeding him to much would make his colic worse.....she said it can, but then i would have to deal with a screaming baby coz hes hungry, so either way he will cry, its best he isnt hungry..hope that makes sence

You can PM me anytime you need to chat, and if you want my Mobile number you can PM me and i will give it to you, hopefuly our babies will settle soon.

Hang in there hun

x

 

[sweetsammi]

Thanx layla for all ur advice, will bare it in mind hun. We tried Dentinox, i did find it worked a lil better but Oliver spits it all out at me and if i put it in his feed he wont eat it..anyone would think id poisoned him lol. I will be sure to ask about that other stuff- anythings worth a try. Putting Oliver high over my shoulder and bouncing him etc used to work but doesnt seem to help much anymore I presume it must be gettin worse. U just feel so useless dont u. I hate seein the lil man like this. Its nice to be able to chat to someone in the same situation hun. Thanks again. XX

 

[shamrockgirl4]

do u bottle feed if so i found the lindam bottles with the tubes in worked well for amber i didnt find them til she was 8 months tho so she still suffered even tho was able to sit up and bring her own wind up these bottles were so good i felt like writing a thankyou letter to whoever invented them xxx

 

[hypnorm]

i used dentinox with ewan and it is horrible stuff. He woudl scream just at the smell of it. and after i tasted it i can see why!! it tastes foul!

I then tried gripe water at half a dose and it worked wonders.

 

[sweetsammi]

do u bottle feed if so i found the lindam bottles with the tubes in worked well for amber i didnt find them til she was 8 months tho so she still suffered even tho was able to sit up and bring her own wind up these bottles were so good i felt like writing a thankyou letter to whoever invented them xxx

Thanks, will have a look for these! xx

 

[Wobbles]

i used dentinox with ewan and it is horrible stuff. He woudl scream just at the smell of it. and after i tasted it i can see why!! it tastes foul!

I then tried gripe water at half a dose and it worked wonders.

I agree & relate with that!

We also have gripe water now

 

[mickey]

hi sweetsammi, I hope everything is settling by time.

your OH might be just overwhelmed as well and caring for a newborn is quite a task! possibly even more when you are a first time mum as I am as well!

just try to get your priorities right and try to explain your OH that this little creature what he created as well is totally dependant on both of you!

fingers crossed

 

[Layla]

i cant try gripe water yet

Dentinox seems to work ok for us tho, i put it in Adams n=bottle and he drinks it fine, hes a gutsy pig lol it does smell horrible tho, im not brave enough to taste it

x

 

[Wobbles]

Couple of years ago there was no age restriction on gripe water my Aunt said and used it on all 4 of her babies! We've been waiting for the month to pass by also but she said had she known I wanted to use it she as a 'Mum' would have said to??!!

Might be a good thing in bottles then I tried it normally with Caitlin it is rank Layla lol

 

[Tam]

Just to add, my sister's LO had really bad colic, everytime I saw him he was crying, the Dr Brownd bottles were a godsend and she never looked back, it changed their lives in fact! They are expensive, but in her case, worth every penny! Good luck hun and I hope things are calming down for you at home! x