Can't pull myself out of this hole.

[xMissxZoiex]

It's been almost a month since I lost my baby, I was 10 weeks along, baby always measured small and I knew it wasn't right but week after week we were scanned any the heartbeat was always there and strong so we figured just a small baby but 4 days after my last scan (baby measured 8 weeks) I very suddenly out of nowhere passed the baby in 2 hrs.

This isn't my first loss, I've had 5 early MCs, ectopic, lost 3 little boys mid trimester and now this MC. I just can't pull myself out of this hole I'm in.

Can't help thinking, will I ever get to have a full term healthy baby, My survivor was 9 weeks premature and so poorly we almost lost him too.

 

[HLx]

I am so so sorry your experiencing heartbreak yet again, I've followed your journey for 8 years now and my heart breaks for you each and every time, I really hope you get through this, im sure what I say won't make you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so so sorry for your loss

 

[MissMarpleFan]

I’m so sorry, it’s so hard.

have you had genetic testing on yourself about this?

 

[xMissxZoiex]

No Genetic testing, everything is treated as just one of those things because I have an incompetent cervix and an irritable uterus.

Its been a few weeks since I posted this thread and i'm still in this deep dark hole, I've had some good days but I can't bring myself back from it.

 

[dairymomma]

Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Miscarriage is hard enough but when you have a history of traumatic recurrent loss, it's even harder. I've miscarried so many times, we quit telling people when we had another one. Most don't have any idea that my losses are as numerous as they are or that I've miscarried as late as the 2nd trimester. And I can tell you this-sometimes it's taken me months to pull out of that hole. What helps me most is therapy. I have an amazing therapist who has suffered traumatic pregnancy loss too and when I talk to her honestly about how I'm feeling, she is literally the ONLY person who can look me in the eye and say, 'I get it. I understand. And what you are feeling is NORMAL.' She's taught me that there is no timeline for grief and you have to work through it completely before you can truly heal. It's taken me years to fully process the residual grief and trauma from all my losses. Hang in there and one day, perhaps sooner than you think, you will find yourself smiling and happy again.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thinking of you