Can't stop crying

[StarBound]

Well I don't know what to do , everyone says I'm coping really well but I don't feel like I am. I'm looking After him well, he's not a difficult baby , cries when he wants feeding and when he is being changed, only wakes up 2 or 3 times between 9pm and 8am . But I feel like I'm so depressed , I'm not coping at all. I feel like he would be better off elsewhere - I've even started looking at adoption , but I love him so much. My partner is pretty useless with him , can change him and cuddle him when he's quiet but that's it I'm combo feeding -mainly breast but formula when I'm at college or when my mum looks after him . So night feeds are all me really. I'm so tired and upset wanna cry myself to sleep , my mum is the only help I have , but I feel so guilty asking her to take him , I'm his mum I'm supposed to look after him 24/7. I can't cope ...... My poor little man deserves better

 

[britgirl82]

Oh hun - I really feel for you.

Firstly - your baby is incredibly lucky to have a mum who clearly loves him as much as you do, so please don't think that he would be better off elsewhere.

Secondly - just because you're his mum does NOT mean that you have to look after him 24/7 (and congrats for going to college btw - really impressive). If people offer to help, take it: it does not make you a failure in any way. In fact, if it gives you the chance to sleep or just spend some time pampering yourself it's a positive thing for your baby since it'll make you happier and calmer. Happy baby, happy mum.

Thirdly - really sorry that your partner's not doing too well with your baby. I know that my husband's struggling a bit to know what to do with our baby since he can't feed her and that's really all she wants/needs at the moment! Can you talk to him and suggest things for him to do with the baby (take him for a walk etc)? Or do things together?

Having said all that, you probably should think about talking to someone (your mum, your partner, your friend or even a professional about how you're feeling - your GP or health visitor) since you do sound pretty low. And it's not right for you to be feeling like this - this is such a special time for you and your baby, and you don't want to be spending it feeling like this. Maybe ask a friend or your mum to go with you if you don't want to go on your own? There's lots that can be done to help you feel happier - even talking to someone might help.

Really hope you feel better soon

xx

 

[kissikiss]

Hi Hunni, just read your birth story....

Your little fella is only a week and a half old, bless When my son was a week and a half old, I was re-admitted to the hospital with heart problems and exhaustion (I actually have a follow up with the cardiologist today). That was crap.

At that time, I exclusively BF my son. He was born large, and was so hungry all of the time, and cried so much. It was also a forceps delivery, and I think he was traumatised from that slightly. Not a pleasant way to be born I'm sure!

Anyways, I'm not a doctor, but I think the feelins of sadness and despair (and feeling like he would be better off with someone other than you) could be the fact that having a baby is a HUGE shock to the system and no one can prepare you for the reality of it all. I eventually had to start combination feeding my son, as I wasn't producing enough milk.....after a month of struggling, I switched to exclusively formula feeding. I'm not saying you do the same, but after the initial guilt of my body not doing what it was designed to (both in birth, and in producing milk) I felt so much better knowing that my husband could get up with our son and I could get some sleep.

Congratulations on going to college! I am in my final year at university this year, writing my dissertation, cacking myself really! But I'm sure you are a strong woman, and you do just fine!

Take your mom's help sweetie. I wish my mom were here. She lives in the states but I'm over here in the UK. First off, you are YOU, you may be his mum, but you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of him. I felt EXACTLY the same...I would wake with every ruffle he would make...I didn't have more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep for at least a month. That contributes to how you are feeling. Someone on here posted how their midwives explained it like this - humans are designed to be pack animals...meaning not one female would take care of her baby, but all of the females in the group would share the responsibility of taking care of the child....but after the birth so often we are left all alone, and it can be incredibly isolating and sometimes irrational thoughts enter our minds, like he would be better off somewhere else. Rubbish, you are a brilliant mum, just the fact that you posted this shows you care and love him (remember the saying: It takes a village to raise a child)

I promise, it will get so much easier, especially when your son starts to sleep longer at night. I was in exactly the same situation as you, I was thinking how I may have made a huge mistake, although I love my son with all of my being and I would take a bullet for him this second. My son now wakes only once a night and I feel like I have been reborn! I have a distinct memory of being in the hospital with my heart issue, watching something on tv about people out on the beach jetskiing, and crying, thinking, 'I will never feel this free and well again!' You will though Promise us you will take help from your mum, take a warm bath and get some sleep. You won't be a worse mum for it xxx

 

[StarBound]

Thank you both of you for all your advice. I am feeling abit better today but it comes and goes. I have decided to do my course over 2 years instead of one-meaning il only be gone 3 hours a week which means I can breastfeed more instead of formula that's made me feel so much better! I took a few hours to sleep whilst his dad took him to his mums yesterday, it really helped . I'm going to take things one day at a time and see what happens , hopefully little man will look after me

 

[kissikiss]

I felt that way too - one day I was fine, the next I would cry all day lol....stupid hormones The good days will outweigh the bad soon enough. Glad you have a plan sorted regarding school and feeding your son! Sometimes it's just ticking the boxes and getting a plan sorted (I only just got childcare for Fridays sorted yesterday and was shitting myself as school starts back up on the 22nd, but feel so much better now that's taken care of!) And also glad to hear your partner took your son to his mums to let you sleep. Try and get some of that time more often! Sometimes men don't get it. You both look young (don't mean to sound patronising!), my husband is 33 years old and sometimes I just look at him with despair for not knowing how he could help me (uh, yeah, I shouldn't need to tell you to fold the clean clothes before you put them in the drawers or that the toilet should be cleaned)

Here's hoping for more good days xx

 

[Lena]

Its defintely just the baby blues hun. Big hugs! I went through this pretty bad and now looking at my son, who is now 11 weeks old, i feel so guilty of some of the feelings i had and some of the thoughts that ran through my head. I just wanted to run away and escape, the only thing that truely stopped me was my love for my husband and not wanting to leave him with this *monster* baby (when in reality he was really, really good!). I remember the hospital told me to take lots of baths to heal my stitches and i used to lay in the bath til it went ice cold to avoid going downstairs and having to deal with reality and my son. Now, I absolutely love him to bits and can't put him down. I actually miss him when he's sleeping. It will get better. It really is just horomones and for me it did take about 3-4 weeks to feel normal and I probably felt really happy and content with Nate around 6 weeks when he started smiling at me. That makes all the difference in the world. Waking up and seeing his gummy smile melts my heart. The only thing i can suggest to help is have a bit of alone time to yourself, whether its baths, shopping or reading a book. Also, talk to other mums. I was surprised when i spoke to a few of my friends with children and ALL of them had gone through the same thing. I cried my eyes out nearly all day, everyday for weeks.. so i know its horrible. The only thing that will truely heal these feelings is time as your horomones get back to normal.