I havent been able to read through all of the other responses, so forgive me if I repeat anything that has already been said.
First of all- what you are feeling is completely, totally normal. Although I KNOW that doesn't make you feel better, just try to keep that in mind. Not that I am in any way trying to say that your feelings should be undermined. I was the exact same way.
My baby blues started around day 5. Luckily, I had to take my daughter back to the hospital for a bilirubin check when she was 6 days- so I was almost forced to express my feelings to a nurse. I say forced because those darn hormones flared up as soon as she asked me how I was doing. I just started crying and telling her I felt like an awful Mom, and that i felt like something was surely wrong with me because, shouldn't I be feeling happier? She told me it was normal- the baby blues and that it often peaked around 4-10 days postpartum. Just as we were about to leave, my Midwife stopped by the labor ward and the nurse told her how I was feeling. My midwife and I had created a very strong relationship throughout my pregnancy- as soon as the nurse told her how i was feeling ( I started crying again, of course) and my midwife wisked me off to one of the delivery rooms for a private chat! lol. She again told me that it was totally normal and that i wasnt a bad mom.She again confirmed that it spiked around days 4-10 (give or take, of course) and that if I didnt feel better after that to come and see her and we would talk about other options such as medication. She said a lot of things that really made me feel better, even though they didn't change my feelings. Baby blues are unavoidable, your hormones are a mess and there is nothing you can do to change that. She told me to keep thinking about what my body had JUST done- carried a baby for MONTHS and then went through the most unbelievable stress to get that baby here (no matter HOW your baby was delivered)- She said to me- "Not everybody gets the baby blues, but many do. Either way, everyones body reacts to postpartum in different ways. After what your body went through to get that baby here- I would be worried if you DIDNT react in anyway." So try to go easy on yourself. My best advice is to just allow those feelings to happen, don't think you need to "be strong" all the time- allow yourself to just fall apart. If your body needs to cry, then cry, etc.
Try not to worry about hurting her. I was always worried about that too, until I saw how all of the nurses, doctors, etc handled her! They are so used to it they just fling these babies around like they are footballs. I actually mentioned how surprised I was to one of my nurses and she laughed and said "babies are meant to survive the most drastic stituations, they are very durable!" and if you think about it- yeah! she's right, think of the conditions that so many babies have had to live in throughout history- we've got it pretty easy now
Babies are tough!
I honestly believe that baby blues and postpartum depression is something that neeeds to be talked about a lot more. For how common it is, its so sad that so many woman feel that they are alone in it. I dont understand why they dont talk about it more at like childbirth classes, etc. So many woman go through it, but we always feel alone, like something is wrong, when its totally normal.
Oh! and breastfeeding- UGH! Those first few days, couple of weeks were so tough, unbelievably tough! How can something so "natural" be so difficult! I really thought I would give up. One time my poor husband was just trying to help and I screamed at him "shut the f*** up, you have no f****** clue how f****** hard this is..." and so on. And I am not one for swearing. Of course I started crying immediately that I had done that to him and sworn and yelled in front of DD. Oh, dear, I was such a mess. Getting all teary-eyed just writing this and thinking about all of that. My point is, that it SUCKS at first. But keep at it! And try not to worry about if shes getting enough. Babies bodies are prepared for that lull in supply the first few days. They have stored up extra fat to get through. Our bodies are AMAZING! Think about the whole idea of pregnancy- my goodness- how crazy is it what our bodies can do. Your body got you through that, and now you baby is here, in your arms- NOW you need to trust it to do its thing again. Give yourself a few days, your supply will come through. All in all, trust your body, it is an amazing thing!
I hope you feel better soon. Congratulations on your little one!
