Carriage before Marriage or Marriage before Carriage?

[callmedan]

I dont think there is a right and wrong way to do things, its just what is right for you!
Me and OH were going to start TTC after our holiday in May, we got engaged on the holiday and then decided to get married first (only putting TTC back 1 year)
Were quite young like you (were both 23) so there really is no rush, however while OH was at uni I was working and saving all I could so we do have a bit of money behind us now to buy our first home, get married then start TTC
I know your saying you only have £200 left after bills but there could be other ways to scrimp and save

I think it depends on your views on marriage, I always wanted to get married and now Im just TOO EXCITED and it should be well worth all the savings and planning stress! its even taken my mind off WTTC to be honest and ive had major baby fever for years
i think its very sensible to keep things out in the open with your OH and if your really not sure just go with the flow and everything should fall into place, you are still young and have plenty of time for whatever you and your OH want to do be it babies, weddings, holidays

 

[Kiki1993]

Well just as i think we wont be getting married, i find a really good winter wedding deal at gretna green, its £1500 and pretty much includes everything (would just need to add 6 guests on at 33 a head) .. if we just buy cheap wedding bands, a sample sale dress, hire a suit we might be able to afford it

 

[Pearls18]

That sounds lovely my dad married at Gretna, was really nice. The best weddings I have been to have been the smaller ones.

 

[Kiki1993]

My family suck. We told everyone how we wanted to get married (its 2 and a half hours away) and all of them said they couldn't afford it
Its ages away they could save, but they said they dont see the point in going all that way for a meal when we could just have the wedding in our town His family kinda had the same view, not money wise but more they have a lot of children and by that time toddlers etc and they didn't want to travel that far with them. Back to square one, on the plus side i have been approved for student loan so i can save my wages and use the loan on bills instead so thats a bit extra savings.
See part of me wants to just elope with him but its important to me to have them there, even if they don't seem to care
We have decided i will take out a student loan to help out, the loan can pay for bills and my wages can be savings for the wedding.

 

[joeybrooks]

I agree with PP, people will judge regardless of what you do and your biggest critic will be yourself.

You seem to think similar to me. OH and I are now together 16 years and are getting married this December. Before I had my son (now 2) I considered the wedding being a big affair and assumed that is what everyone expected - again, caring what others think.

When I had my son, OH said I think we should set a date for the wedding, which we did, and perhaps it is because I know we are a proper family now that we have our son, regardless of surname, but I no longer feel that it has to be a big deal.

We are having a traditional wedding, church ceremony followed by a reception, but I was very consious of cost. I would rather pay extra off my mortgage so that we can move to a house with a bigger garden and in good school area than spend a clean fortune feeding and watering people for one day.

We have set a budget of around £3000 and are sticking to it well. We were incredibly lucky to get a great deal at a local bar/restaurant, who have only recently added a function suite which is absolutely gorgeous and that is saving us a fortune. My parents have agreed to pay for the reception and the dresses and between us we are paying the rest, which we are saving for. I can easily see how a wedding can cost up to £20,000, but you really can cut corners and having already had my son, I feel that there are more important things to spend my money on and I really do not care what anyone else thinks.

I always thought I would get married first and then start a family, but that isnt how things work out. My OH and I have a great relationship and we are both hard working and devoted parents to our son. Would that be any different if we were married??

 

[minties]

Could you get married at a registry office type thing, and then just splash out on a fancy meal afterwards?

I'm not married to my OH but we have been together for almost 13 years. We are common-law husband and wife I suppose. We have the same rights, like having to split assets if we part. I'm the beneficiary of his life insurance. And no one has questioned his right to see me in hospital, I just said he was my partner and everyone was happy with that.

My great grandma was married 3 times, my grandma is on her 3rd marriage, and my mother is on her 2nd. It doesn't mean much to me. I plan to change my last name legally one day so we all match, but as far as I am concerned I am his wife anyway, we act married. I would still we waiting to have kids if we waiting until being married and I'm 32 this year! My brother and I didn't have the same last name as our mum growing up and it never occurred to me to give it a second thought. Certainly no stigma! This isn't 1950.

It also took 8 years to get our son. You don't always fall pregnant right away.

 

[dizzy65]

We had our first before marriage and I wouldn't of had it any other way, DH and I were common law anyway and babe took his last name, I don't see anything wrong with it

 

[Iveneverseen]

Marriage to us is really important.

However we had 3 (2 together) kids before we got married.
we are married now but are planning trying for one more next year.

I don't think it matters as long as it's right for you, your both happy ready, commited and stable.

 

[Kiki1993]

Honestly, marriage is making me so sad right now, I love the thought of being my OH wife and him my husband and having a special day etc... but i mean my famiy just dont care. I changed the venue from gretna to edinburgh which is only 500 more and its 1000 cheaper than the ones in my town so we told my family we will be viewing it and if we like it will book it... my brother and mum said its too far and can we not just spend the extra and have it in our town... the hotel is less than an hours drive.
If they can't make the effort i dont even want them there at all, i know they will go but they will be annoyed at me for it, i dont want them there huffing or complaining about it all the time, at the same time if we elope i know ill be sad because even though they don't care i do want them there.

 

[Iveneverseen]

Kiki i had my wedding in Northern ireland and we live in scotland. 9 of my family were there and around 50 of my husbands family. if people wanna be there they will.