Cautiously here after a loss, anyone else?

[LDC]

Hi all, I got my bfp on Thursday after losing my baby at 21+5 in July.

I have no idea how far gone I am due to irregular periods since delivery, my last at was the beginning of August and I'm showing now so think I'm closer to 10 weeks. I've booked to see the midwife on Monday who is going to book me in for a scan that day so that I will have one hopefully the same week to date me.

My anxiety is sky high, more so now that I'm showing and don't know how far gone I am. This will be my third pregnancy, I have no worries about anything to do with me pregnancy wise (I'm the lucky one who has zero symptoms at all during pregnancy) but I am SUPER aware that a 12 week scan doesn't mean that you will have your baby and that a 20 week can just destroy you.

I haemorrhaged after delivering my son in July and lost just over two litres of blood; I'm lucky as I'll be consultant led and he's wonderful and agreed for my planned section before I'd even conceived this baby due to my history (dd was an emcs).

I just feel like all the fun and naiveity of pregnancy has been torn away from me, I want to enjoy every second of it but I can't because at any point something could happen. I just wish the 20 week scan were here as that's where my world collapsed before so I can have some glimmer of hope that I will have my rainbow.

Xxx

 

[laila 44]

Oh hunny. I'm so so sorry nothing I can say will make it okay... It's so unfair to live through something that traumatic and I can understand your worries. However, I'm sure everything will go smoothly and you will have your rainbow at the end so congratulations. Try to enjoy it as much as you can. I know what u mean when you are just robbed of that naive pregnancy bliss. I had a 12 week mc a few years back and although it doesn't compare to a second trimester loss, it left me sceptical of pregnancy in general. I too will only be at peace when baby arrives and even then...

 

[biscuits104]

I'm so, so, so sorry for your loss. I had two losses before, but they were in the first trimester... Please update after your scan. There are so many wonderful people here, lean on everyone for support. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the next 10+ weeks go by fast for you so you can get to that 20 week scan.

 

[LDC]

thank you both for your replies, I appreciate you taking the time out to reply. I'm glad that we have plans over the next few days so that will hopefully make the time go a little quicker until Monday when I'm seen. My mind feels a little more settled now knowing when I will be seen and that hopefully she will push for a scan and then I should also have an appointment again with my consultant. I contemplated booking a private scan but I dont even think that would settle my mind as I'd just want another, then another, then another!

The mind does wonders to screw you over!

xx

 

[laila 44]

thank you both for your replies, I appreciate you taking the time out to reply. I'm glad that we have plans over the next few days so that will hopefully make the time go a little quicker until Monday when I'm seen. My mind feels a little more settled now knowing when I will be seen and that hopefully she will push for a scan and then I should also have an appointment again with my consultant. I contemplated booking a private scan but I dont even think that would settle my mind as I'd just want another, then another, then another!

The mind does wonders to screw you over!

xx

I'm in Canada and they offer a detailed genetic blood panel called the panorama screening. It's 850$ and screens for almost all of the most common genetic abnormalities including digeorges and triploidy. I just had it done. It also has the added perk of telling you the sex. If it's offered in your area and if your insurance covers it it may be an option to put your mind further at ease until the 20 week scan? Just a suggestion xx

 

[jenmcn1]

I'm so so sorry for your loss...I think I remember you from back in 2011/2012 when we were both pregnant at the same time.
I'm keeping you in my prayers...I can't imagine feeling all those emotions...with what you have already been through.
I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you...and I'm so glad you have a doctor working closely with you and monitoring this pregnancy.
Big hugs mama xo

 

[ehjmorris]

Hi LDC im natasha, and i know exactly how you are feeling at the moment im 6weeks tomorrow and have my first scan Friday next week. I also lost my child in july at 27+3 without any reason, so i too am here but cautiously excited

 

[Carlinator]

I am sorry for you ladies - everyone that's had to go through such difficult losses.

I have only had 1st trimester losses but I do understand what you mean about being afraid to get excited, and losing the naive joyfulness of pregnancy. I really don't know what to expect with this. But as some have suggested all you can do is try to enjoy it for what its worth and celebrate the life that's there while it is (I know that is so so hard to do). I'm still very nervous but am starting to get excited at the possibilities.

Try to stay strong, I hope your visit monday goes well!

 

[xakikox]

I'm in the same boat as you and ehjmorris. I lost my baby at 36 weeks in July to a chorioangioma and am now 5+1. I vote we stay optimistic. If you ever need to chat about your anxieties, let me know.

 

[LDC]

Thank you everyone, and thank you for sharing your stories, I still get surprised at how many losses there are, it's so sad.

I have managed to get an appointment for a scan a week Monday through my bereavement midwife which has helped settle my mind for now...I just wish it were the 16th already!!

Laila, thank you for your suggestion. I am not sure that the UK offer a screening like that (I would definitely have to pay for it if they do) however I will be consultant led so I will mention it.

I'm trying to stay in the mind frame that now, at this moment, I have no reason to think or believe that anything is wrong. I guess we have to go with that and until I'm told otherwise just keep the hope alive. I will also feel better when I know how far gone I am Especially as I feel that I'm showing - I guess the midwife will judge better on Monday and see where we go from there.

Positive self talk is my main aim at the moment; for every little niggling thought that pushes through I'm trying to challenge myself to find evidence for my thoughts. Sometimes this is out loud...I'm sure I must sound as though I'm losing it!

Xxxx

 

[LilMiss_91]

I am so sorry for your loss LDC (and for everybody elses losses on this thread. My heart hurts for all of you ). Although my loss wasn't as late as yours (I had a MMC, lost baby at 7wks but it wasn't discovered until 12wks and then it took until 14wks for baby to pass, so it felt like a much later loss if that makes sense?) I'm currently 11+2 immediately after that loss and the anxiety is sometimes crippling, so on that level I understand a little of what you are feeling.
I too am trying to find the positives and just keep faith that it will work out this time. I pray that it does for all of you ladies also. You more than deserve your rainbow babies and I wish you all a h&h 9 months and beyond! X