changin his name? advise please

[mummy2jack]

Hi
When my lo was born he was supposed to only have my surname. Cos fob is a control freak and very maipulative i bottled it at the registry office and so now my lo has both our surnames which i hate. I know obviously i cnanot change it without his dads permisiion so things like birth certificate and passport will have to stay the same cos e would never agree to it, but when it comes to registering him at dentists/schools/everyday things, can i not just use my surname?

 

[WhiteGeisha]

I had to show the BC when registering LO at drs so not sure if it will be the same for schools etc. Is FOB on the BC? Does ur LO have a double barrelled surname with both urs and FOB's surname?

He will always be a control freak until you stand up to him and not allow it. He controls you because he can. If you are not together now you need to start being firm with him. Be strong hun X

 

[mummy2jack]

yeah he's on the birth certificate. I got a deed poll done on the internet so i could show that to dr's and schools etc. It says when applying for a passport you have to put a coverin letter in from fob to say he aggrees to it. Like i said he NEVER will i know that. My lo surname isn't double barreled its just both our names as 2 seperate name (no - in the middle) So i get that the legal official stuff like a passport, i cant do anything about it unles ii forge his signature which i wouldn't dare do. Will the deed poll on its pwn be enough for the not so legal stuff? Hope this makes sense, my head is a right mess

 

[WhiteGeisha]

If you have a deed poll then you just produce that with the BC. As for the passport like you said, FOB has to agree to it as he is on BC.

As much as you want to change the name now, maybe you should just leave it as LO might end up getting confused. I'm not saying wanting to change it is wrong I'm in a similar situation. FOB wanted nothing to do with me when I was pregnant. I named LO at 5months pregnant. 2days before my due date FOB rocked up saying he wanted to be a family. After a week I ended up picking another name as he didn't like my original choice (even though I had bonded with my unborn baby using that name) and also gave her his surname. Within 4 weeks of having her he was back to his old ways and now we don't even talk and are going through solicitors to arrange access. I regret changing her name whole heartedly and I could change her name as he is not on BC but as much as I want to I didn't wanna have to explain it all when she is older and needs her BC to apply for something and have to also give her a deed poll. I just tell myself to learn from my mistakes of letting sperm donor back in so easily after how terribly he treated me. Now I'm in control and he cannot control me anymore. He's in the army so believe me I know what a control freak can be like. He's awful. His way or no way.

Just take what you've learnt from this experience and go forward with those lessons. I see ur thread about. Letting FOB take LO away for a few hours. For you 2 to be able to arrange that and go through with it is admirable. I can't trust my FOB with a goldfish let alone my child.

It's a bit different for me though as FOB lives abroad so is rarely here so I don't have to give him a second's thought when he's not in the UK. If you and FOB are on decent terms, try and keep it that way, but don't allow him to walk all over you.

He has both your names which was a great compromise. You will go on to meet a gorgeous man and may end up getting married so ur surname will be different to LO's then. Now you might hate it but in time I'm sure you won't feel the same.

As I said, I feel the exact same way about my LO's name but to always have to produce a deed poll with a BC in later life is just a pain. You will always find LO gets asked questions too. He may not like telling people why when he is older. Just a thought.

X

 

[dizzimaid]

With my oldest son, he had his fathers surname on his birth certificate and his father signed the birth certificate, when changing his name i did not need any permission to do so. My son also has a passport in his new name and there was no issue in getting it, as he is known by name at docs, school, bank etc...

 

[dizzimaid]

I don't know where abouts you are but i had no prob changing his surname and did not need any permission from fob.

 

[bubbles123]

When I registered LO at doctors and dentists they took my word for it - I didn't need to show ID, so you might be OK on that one. I'm registered at the doctors under my maiden name but tend to use my married name everywhere else and have never had any problems so I don't think they're that strict about it. When LO gets to 16 he can change his name by deed poll to whatever he wants anyways, so he can decide himself to get rid of it later on if all else fails.

 

[mystika802]

I have registered my son with a different last name every single year of school, hes been in a different school for each school year (we move a lot) we just bought a house and now he is in grade 2 and we have never once showed ID for him even though they require it I have always told them I lost his birth certificate and was waiting for a replacement and never said anything after that lol

 

[mummy2jack]

i have had time to calm down a bit. As much as i hate that he has both surnames, i did it so can't moan bout it now. I am not gonna change it officially but i am wherever possible only gonna give one surname (mine) I always call him by that anyway. Even at the docs, he's registered with both names but i only ever give mine when makin an appointment etc. Thanks for the replies xx

 

[RHR]

Hi hun. A friend of mine got divorced when her son was a baby. His surname is double barreled (sp) and I'm sure she said that at school, childminders he was known by her surname, but he was registered with both surnames if that makes any sense. I don't know what legal things she had to do though so can't advise you there.

 

[mummy2jack]

Hi hun. A friend of mine got divorced when her son was a baby. His surname is double barreled (sp) and I'm sure she said that at school, childminders he was known by her surname, but he was registered with both surnames if that makes any sense. I don't know what legal things she had to do though so can't advise you there.

Thanks. i reckon thats what i will have to do. Hopefully i can explain to anyone that i dont use both surnames and want my lo to be known as ........

I can deal with it being on his bc, passport anything actually legal and to be fair wont get seen much, but cant bare the thought of having to use it on a daily basis if that makes sense.

 

[leoniebabey]

I was in the same position hun, thought that if i gave him my name he would leave me but then we split up anyways.
I want to get a court order to get LO's changed because of situations not sure if that will happen though "/ i hate calling him after that name i wish i'd did it my way and had him with my name or even double barreled like i wanted to then i coould drop the other name

 

[mummy2jack]

i'm just gonna drop it where i can and see what happens, altho i do have the deed poll, i am not actually doing anything illegal with that

 

[Lost_Plot]

If you have the deed poll then his name has been legally changed hasn't it?

 

[mummy2jack]

no cos i haven't done anything with it yet. its just sat in a folder - it isn't actually legal until i get it signed by a witness but that is my whole problem....hypothetically, if i get it witnessed and legalised (this can be done by anyone) if i then take that to the docs for example and they change it on their system, is that a legal change?
What i want to know is can i use 2 names.....my surname using the deed poll for simple every day things and then have both surnames on the official stuff like a passport - therefore not sending deed poll with bc for things lke that....hope this makes sense

 

[Lost_Plot]

I don't know for definite about children but I'm assuming it's the same. I changed my name by deed poll and once it was signed and I got the official one back I was able to get passport in my new name. (I didn't have to change at docs or anything as I'd been using that name since I was 6 I'd just never legally changed it. ) A deed poll is enough for my to get the name on my passport or driving license etc so it should be the same for a child. I don't know how that effects passport etc if you want him to still have both surnames though. I don't know if the rules have changed but I've been known by my surname on bank accounts, medical records, school etc without ever changing it legally I only changed it legally a couple of years ago for my passport

 

[mummy2jack]

I don't know for definite about children but I'm assuming it's the same. I changed my name by deed poll and once it was signed and I got the official one back I was able to get passport in my new name. (I didn't have to change at docs or anything as I'd been using that name since I was 6 I'd just never legally changed it. ) A deed poll is enough for my to get the name on my passport or driving license etc so it should be the same for a child. I don't know how that effects passport etc if you want him to still have both surnames though. I don't know if the rules have changed but I've been known by my surname on bank accounts, medical records, school etc without ever changing it legally I only changed it legally a couple of years ago for my passport

As it is for a child and fob is on the bc he autonatically has 50% parental rights. With things such as a passport i would have to put a coverin letter in with fob's signature saying he agrees to the name change - I know he NEVER will do that so i can deal with the fact that his passport will have to have both names on, but for every day things where i dont need to give fobs permisiion like docs/schools etc i want him to just be known by my name. Can i do that?

 

[Lost_Plot]

Well like I say I don't know if the rules have changed but I've been known my my (step) dad's name since I was 6 at school, on medical records, on my bank account etc the original (asshole) of a father wasn't consulted although he's still on BC and I had his surname on there. So in theory it shouldn't be a problem. He's still got your surname so it's a case of omitting half of it not the whole thing. I should think if you say you want him to be known as ...... then they should honour that. I guess the only thing you can do is try it and see what happens.