Childless and unhappy

[Isis730]

Hi everyone,
This is all new to me but I thought I would try after my friends' encouragement as I have no one else in my life going through this same experience to share with. My hubby and I have been TTC for almost 4 yrs now with no success. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2010 and have taken the naturopathic route, losing weight, eating better etc. I seem to be doing better however, my hubby works nights and we are almost in our mid 30's so needless to say, him working nights have also taken a toll on TTC. He's not able to "finish" no matter where, when and how we have sex. The dr has told him he's stressed about TTC and to relax but nothing seems to help and he has to "finish" himself each time. He doesn't want to go see anyone about his issue and I'm at my wits end. I feel like we are going to end up childless and I just want to know if anyone has tips on foods, ideas, suggestions on how to help him "finish" without his own help? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[hollydazzles]

Hello Isis,
Sorry I don't have any help, did not want to read and run though! Hope you get some good answers here. Sending encouragement your way!

 

[mmMlm]

Hi Isis,
Sorry to hear that TTC is going on so long

My DH is drinking ViriliTea which seems to increase drive
https://www.makeababy.ca/fertility-vitamins-supplements-for-men

I have also heard that Maca is good for energy and libido.

Another TTC suggestion: if he can't finish inside you, he can finish into a SoftCup and you can insert it inside yourself to get his swimmers close to your cervix (you can O with the softcup in if possible to help things along )

 

[pandi77]

Hey hun..working at night can totally mess up a natural circadian rythym which has proved to decrease sex drive and performance. It affects both men and women but of course the effect on men is more apparent when they can't finish and it's a sore subject for most Any chance you guys could plan a week off around your fertile window somewhere warm with sunshine and a few drinks? Getting some sun and regulating your normal body functions can have an amazing effect on the libido!

If not maybe he'd be open to trying one of the many ED meds. A lot of couples use them of all ages to make intimacy more relaxed or err...solid?lol. Sometimes just knowing there's an outside explanation and not a "defect" makes it easier for some men to take a step like ED meds or whatnot. Stress is another factor of course and can turn into a vicious cycle if the whole process gets over thought.

Good luck and I think as long as he knows he's valued/desired no matter what the immediate circumstances are you guys will get through this

 

[jessthemess]

When my husband and I first started dating he had been single a long time and really used to masturbating and quite often. We dated for FIVE months before he could finish just with sex with me and we had sex 5-7 times a week and he could not finish because he had lost sensation due to using his hand and it being drier than me and rougher than me. When he stopped masturbating or touching himself, and we kept trying for I kid you not weeks, he eventually finished in me and now it's not a problem.

Maybe something like that? Maybe he should not finish himself and just keep trying until it happens? Let it build up quite a bit.

He still laughs about how the first time he could finish with me that I said SHUT UP! But I was honestly shocked and thought it would never happen because I figured it was an emotional/shy/anxiety issue.

 

[Isis730]

Hi pandi77,

Thanks for the advice and information. Completely agree with you about working nights as when we were dating and he wasn't working nights; we did not have this issue. Planning a week off my fertile window is difficult with his job but, it would def help. I'm not sure what you mean by ED meds? lol, all these acronyms are so new to me.

 

[jessthemess]

ED means erectile disfunction