Christmas is over, thinking of babies

[LynAnne]

Christmas is now over and all I can think about is babies. We have no definitive date to TTC as DH is notoriously good at just saying "someday" but my hope is that there'll at least be a little one on the way by the time we celebrate Christmas next year. I don't know how well that will go though as the DH won't commit to any kind of timeframe other than he won't make me wait until I'm 30! We are both currently 25. I want to have an(other) open, honest conversation about it again but I don't know how to!

 

[Eleanor ace]

Awe, I hope that next Christmas brings you an extra special present! It is so hard to know how to bring it up isn't it, I spent weeks trying to work out how/when to bring up the baby conversation with DH, it was on my mind all the time! Hopefully your DH will surprise you and bring it up.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I'm not sure what a good way to bring up the talk with your OH would be. I had a ton of talks with my OH about babies and TTC, but I never really planned them out so I don't have much experience with that. I always just told my OH how I was feeling, why I wanted a TTC date, etc and then continued the conversation gauged off his reactions. If he was open to the conversation, we'd keep talking and try to figure some things out and if he wasn't then I would kind of drop it and just wait and try again.

When was the last time you had a talk about TTC?

 

[Flip flop]

I feel the same, it's so hard knowing how to bring it up, then he usually just says he doesn't want to talk about it so it's so hard.

 

[MummyKP]

DH is like this, and I used to get really nervous having to bring it up. Last night he said 'so January we are not preventing right?' And I was in shock lol when I said 'yeah are you excited?' He said 'I still don't feel completely ready' but I told him men never feel ready! We are very similar to you LynAnne, been together9 1/2 years and got married September 2014....& like you, now Christmas is done I'm worse (didn't think I could get any worse tbh!) I hope your DH comes round to the idea. Last time I approached DH I just said can we set a timeframe to discuss a possible ttc date and he was happy with that and knew come December I would be bringing it up. He's really come round to it the past 2-4 weeks. Good luck

 

[LynAnne]

I'm not sure what a good way to bring up the talk with your OH would be. I had a ton of talks with my OH about babies and TTC, but I never really planned them out so I don't have much experience with that. I always just told my OH how I was feeling, why I wanted a TTC date, etc and then continued the conversation gauged off his reactions. If he was open to the conversation, we'd keep talking and try to figure some things out and if he wasn't then I would kind of drop it and just wait and try again.

When was the last time you had a talk about TTC?

The last time we properly had a chat about TTC was October but I'm always mentioning it with little throwaway comments. I really want to sit down and have another open conversation about it but DH is known for being a bit rubbish about communicating about the big things. It always ends up being very one-sided with him not saying very much, making me feel like all I'm doing is complaining!

DH is like this, and I used to get really nervous having to bring it up. Last night he said 'so January we are not preventing right?' And I was in shock lol when I said 'yeah are you excited?' He said 'I still don't feel completely ready' but I told him men never feel ready! We are very similar to you LynAnne, been together9 1/2 years and got married September 2014....& like you, now Christmas is done I'm worse (didn't think I could get any worse tbh!) I hope your DH comes round to the idea. Last time I approached DH I just said can we set a timeframe to discuss a possible ttc date and he was happy with that and knew come December I would be bringing it up. He's really come round to it the past 2-4 weeks. Good luck

It's awful! We've been together so long that it just feels like the right step now but DH still feels too young. It's even worse now that we have two nephews and I constantly see how good he is with them. With Christmas being over I keep thinking "what's next?" and my baby fever has gone into overdrive. It's driving me nuts. I really want to have a proper chat and come up with something a bit more definitive but it's a tough chat to begin!

 

[MummyKP]

I feel exactly the same. We also have two nephews and he's fab with them....I think they've helped him come round to the idea though! If you don't mind me asking, how old are you & DH? We are 24 and he says he doesn't feel ready (not sure if it's an age thing or not though!)

 

[LynAnne]

We are both 25 so just older than yourselves although I'm fractionally older than DH by a couple of months. I've been wanting kids for a while but he hasn't been ready. He says he still feels like a kid himself but I'm not sure he'll ever stop feeling that way!

 

[MummyKP]

Lol I think that's men for you! Honking back to just a few weeks ago when I spoke to DH about ttc, I just said I don't want to force you into it, but I'd like to try soon, and he didn't like the thought of being some crazy couple trying frantically, so he suggested we just stop preventing which is what we are doing now (from today!) I explained again to him that it can take a few months, if not years to conceive, but I also ensured I said to him it can happen first month of trying too. I've given him lessons in women's bodies and how there is just a small time frame in which we can conceive each month - this has definitely worked in my favour as he weren't aware of it before and assumed if we had unprotected sex we'd have a baby lol that really made him realise it won't necessarily happen over night lol although earlier when we DTD unprotected he said 'watch you be pregnant from the first time' haha. Let us know how the chat goes

 

[cupcake.]

I don't really have any advise on how to bring up the conversation.. I'm the type of person to just blurt out what's making me unhappy, so that's how OH and I got to talking about ttc.

I actually feel like i'm ok now, but i'll be a lot worse after new years. Our ttc date is August 2015 so I do hope that this time next year i will be pregnant, so this is going to be the last New Years for a while where we can actually really celebrate into the early morning hours But after that i'm probably going to be like "yeah, that's done, I'm ready, can we start now?" haha

 

[MummyKP]

Hahahaha I was like that with Christmas cupcake lol & believe it or not DH is on board now too! These men eh....don't know what they want themselves

 

[Afairchild5]

I know exactly what you are talking about! My husband and I haven't been together quite as long but we have been together overall for six years. We got married in October. We started dating when I was 18 (he was 19) so it's hard when you start dating so young and you are SO ready for the big steps but you have to wait for certain reasons. All I wanted was to get married and now that we are married I just feel like the next step is a baby so I'm already getting antsy about that and my husband is super chill and stubborn and just very realistic about things and I hate it! lol!
We have to wait until I get a full time job and we have a house but he agreed that if we have all of that by September then we can start trying for a baby then. It seems SO far away but in the mean time I'm going to try and get my body baby ready. Time flies so hopefully it goes by fast! Hoping that your husband comes around as well! I understand guys are stubborn and blow these kinds of things off but he needs to communicate with you a time when he feels like he will be ready, not just "before you're 30" lol! Best of luck!

 

[LynAnne]

Well I talked (read cried) about it with DH today and we should be trying sometime in 2015. It's not ideal for me to have such a vague idea but it's at least better than "before you're 30!" I hope it ends up being in the earlier stages of the year as I can't bare to wait another twelve months and potentially not even have a baby until 2017! It is so rubbish that the reason we have to wait is because he's not ready and not because we have plans etc. I know that he's just scared so over the next few weeks/months I'm going to try and gently alleviate any of those fears he has! Fingers crossed I can change his mind sooner rather than later.

 

[aimee-lou]

Can you make plans like a weekend away or theatre tickets or birthday plans to fill the time?

That's hard but we've always worked better with spontaneous decisions so maybe in a few months time he'll be ready. A conversation like that will need time for him to process so give him time. Hope you're ok x

 

[LynAnne]

As cheesy as it sounds I've already planned a date night a month for 2015. So for example In January we've to have a fancy home cooked meal, in June we've to pack a picnic and dog into the car and have a lovely day out somewhere and in October we've to see a show or something at the theatre. I'm hopeful that this will also help to show that with a little planning we will always be able to make time for just the two of us!

 

[MummyKP]

I'm glad he's agreed to ttc in 2015 LynAnne. It's nice to have even a vague time frame lol lets hope he doesn't wait until December 2015!! He may change his mind randomly do you know what his fears are? Date nights sound good on a monthly basis

 

[LynAnne]

MummyKP: I only hope that if he decides to change his mind it isn't to put off TTC in 2016 DH is worried about everything when it comes to starting a family. He's worried about money - we don't have a large income whatsoever but we'd manage just like everyone else does. He's worried about how it will change our relationship and that we won't get time just the two of us any more. I can't deny that it won't change but lots of things have changed over the (almost) ten years we've been together and we always adapt. Plus, I'm trying to make more of a conscious effort this year to have date nights and experience a few new things this year like different sporting events or theatre. Not only that but our children will have two sets of grandparents and six aunts (and two uncles) all willing to spend a few hours with them so we can have some time to ourselves. Lastly, he's worried he won't be a good dad or know what to do or that he won't bond with the baby. I don't think that I can do much to alleviate his fears there though. That's just something you learn and feel once baby arrives I think.

 

[MummyKP]

That's definitely the usual fears men have when it comes to starting a family. My DH is very much the same - worries about the cost but I plan on breastfeeding which is a huge saving so that helps. You get by with what you have in my opinion. We live a nice life ATM - nice house in a nice area, we eat out often, we go off for the day etc, we certainly have enough to afford a baby. My only worry is I won't receive SMP only MA, but I've worked out that with a summer job I will get the same as SMP if you consider those first 6 weeks. You just make what you can out of what you have. Relationships will change but I think it can also bring you closer and stronger. I think it's vital you still make time for yourselves when you have a baby and you have date days/nights. We've already said there's a musical we'd like to go and see next December so have booked my friend to babysit already in case haha we don't have family close by (they're 70 miles away) however I know both would be happy to help out as and when needed, we often see them at weekends etc and if we fancied food out my mum would be more than happy to have him/her for a few hours. We are both keen to still have time to ourselves when we have a baby and I'll make sure we do just like you seem to be. I think the worry that they won't know what to do is there until baby arrives, then it comes naturally. My DH is fab with our nephews and I know he'll be a fab dad as I think he'll be even better with his own because he'll feel more comfortable with him/her. I hope you can ease DH's worries so he comes round to the idea!

 

[Afairchild5]

Happy he agreed to 2015!! That's def better then just "before 30." I ordered the book "what to expect before you're expecting" maybe you can get something like that and start getting really prepared! Good luck!!