Co-Sleeping. Venting about Grandma.

[animekoneko17]

So my dd sleeps in my bed and has for most of her 10 mos. My dh works overnight and is only gone for about 4 hrs each night, he stays up until I wake so that there is always someone available to check on or be with dd. dd has never slept well in her crib and she and i get better sleep in the bed. Last night my mother calls me at 1am, my dh answered and she asked dd's sleeping arrangement and tried to bully him into moving her to her crib! He wants to shut off the ringer because he (and I)believe you only call someone's house after 9pm for an emergency and she must not understand what that means. When i asked her about it she hung up on me! I am so ticked, any ideas on how to calm her fears and make her see reason? i dont care if she worries, she just needs to deal w/ them w/o calling and pestering me after 9pm.

 

[sarah34]

Omg if my mum called us at 1am for no reason I'd be pissed! Personally co-sleeping is not for me but I have learnt since lo was born that u have to be quite harsh with ppl and tell them to keep their noses out!!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

OMG I would unplug the phone.

 

[Rel]

I wouldn't cosleep but why would anyone be calling you in the middle of the night for that??? Surely if she disagrees she can get her point made through the day...
I would definitely tell her to b....r off at that time. If she ever tries that again be sure to be the one who puts the phone down!
It's your decision in the end. She doesn't have to agree, but she is going too far. Switch the ring off!

 

[Kittycat155]

Are you sure there are no underlying issues that she called in middle of night? Confusion about night vs day?

 

[MommyJogger]

Are you sure there are no underlying issues that she called in middle of night? Confusion about night vs day?

I agree w/ this. We cosleep and love it and normally I'm all about just telling the grandparents to shove it when they have opinions, but this strikes me as a behavior that would accompany a mental degeneration. If this isn't typical of her, perhaps talk to others in her life about whether they've noticed odd behavior or ask them to help you keep an eye out for stuff like this. If this is how she's always been, just tell her to shove it, lol.

 

[MommyJogger]

If you really want to reason with her, Evolutionary Parenting blog has several evidence-based articles you could share, depending on what her objections are.
https://evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-and-sids-the-whole-truth/
https://evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-risks-and-realities/
https://evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-beyond-infancy-the-question-of-independence/

 

[misspriss]

I would hang up if my MIL called to CHAT at 1 am. Then I'd call the next morning, at 5 or so....

I don't know what I'd say though. When it came down to it and we talked to our parents, it turns out both DH's parents and my parents coslept with each of us. Lots of people do it and never talk about it. My in-laws are the un-crunchiest people I know, and FF from birth, but they co-slept. My parents had my older sister in a crib, but when I came along they said screw it and were cosleeping with both of us by then.

I'd really just tell them to f off, maybe a bit nicer...

 

[animekoneko17]

Thank you all. My mother is a little odd and this could be normal or off behavior for her. What really made it worse is that I called her today and gave her a chance to explain why she called at that time and she hung up on me. If she had a nightmare or something, I would still be annoyed for the 1am call, but I wouldn't be so ticked.

Another thing, my dh is usually just getting to work at 1am on Saturday so she knew it was only supposed to be me.

 

[SarahBear]

If she won't listen, I'd just turn the ringer off. It's hard enough to get sleep with a baby without having someone calling to kill your sleep even more.

And as far as the bedsharing goes, I support you 100%. I have bedshared wit Violet since day one. She has only spent 2 nights in a separate bed and that is because a few weeks ago when traveling for work, she did not come with me. She turned 2 in November. Every other time I've traveled for work, my husband and daughter come with me. I'm also nearing my 3rd trimester in pregnancy and plan to bedshare with Violet and the new baby. Obviously they'll be separated though since a baby and a toddler sharing sleep space is a terrible idea.

 

[sequeena]

I've bed shared for almost 3.5 years your mother would have a fit if she talked to me

As for ringing at 1am that really is pants. No one wants a social call or a lecture at that time.

 

[Kittycat155]

I know with my Mom the first things that started was her being wide awake and on email at night and telling me something and sister something different. Emails during the day are still ok but at night time she gets very loose and tells you some things you would not expect as she is normally reserved. That is creeping into her daytime talks now. Definatley see a difference around 5 pm. Anything you tell her then is lost. Will respond with I had a bad headache or I must have been half asleep.

 

[cherrylips100]

Do you think she's drinking too much in the evenings?

 

[liz1985]

Sounds very odd to call you at 1am about something you've been doing for 10m. I'd be mad if she called at that time for that reason, but if it was something new you were doing that she was very worried about I could maybe just begin to understand, but after 10m sounds very random. If my mum called me at 1am for any reason other than an emergency I'd think it was strange and definitely worry there was something else going on.