Co-Sleeping

[misspriss]

I'm not sure if we have that here in Canada.

They are generally what people here use before they have a cot.

In the US, we have bassinets instead of moses baskets. Maybe that is what they use in Canada?

 

[staralfur]

Yes, we have bassinets here.

 

[ktod]

I'm another one who was 100% against it until I actually had a baby! In an ideal world I wouldn't bed share but it was a necessity or neither of us would have slept. And the sleep deprivation is so unbelievably hard. Bed sharing kept me sane!

 

[lozzy21]

Our three year has just moved out of our bed into her bed, which is still right next to ours.

Bed sharing if done correctly is perfectly safe. You can't just bring a baby into your bed as it is, there are precautions you have to take but its safe. Saying its not safe before you have looked into it is pointless, you can't have a valid opinion of something you know nothing about.

Baby should be on mums side of the bed, never in between mum and dad. Baby should be breast hight and pillows kept well away. Baby should have its own blanket, never under the quilt. You should never sleep with a baby on a chair or sofa or should you share a bed if you smoke, have taking any medication that makes you sleepy or have drunk alcohol. As for laying on baby, humans have a unconscious ability to sleep with in the boundary of the "nest" it's a throwback from our days as apes when they would sleep in nests made in the trees. How many of you have fallen out of bed in your sleep? It's the same reflex that stops you rolling on your baby.

 

[Caite]

But even the Lullaby Trust suggest that bed-sharing increases the risk of SIDS (with factors such as smoking or being extremely tired further increasing the risk), and their advice is evidence based.

 

[lozzy21]

The bed sharing part of their stats won't determine wether the bed sharing was planned and done safely or unplanned and done unsafely. They also include chair and sofa sleeping in the bed sharing stats.

Research actually shows that if your bed sharing safely following the guidelines that it lowers a baby's risk of SIDS.

Their stats will also be out because the amount of parents who bed share but won't admit it because of the grief they get will throw them out.

 

[MindUtopia]

Co-sleeping and bedsharing are lovely and I can't say how much easier they make coping with the early months of having a small baby who can be up every hour all night. We always planned to bedshared from well before I even got pregnant and it was one of the best choices we could have made. It's not for everyone and it isn't something you should do if it really does make you feel uncomfortable (actually trying it, not the idea of it). We bedshared full-time until about 13 months and then she started to sleep longer stretches after we put her to sleep in her cot in the early evening (started to do this in the evenings once she became mobile but would bring her to bed when she woke up around the time we went to bed). She just naturally transitioned to sleeping on her own from around 14 months (though we still co-sleep when we visit family and friends because they don't have enough space for us to sleep separately). It can be a really great approach to everyone getting enough sleep at night. It certainly made me feel like I could cope a lot better with the early months, which are really tough. And it helped to create a really lovely bond between us all. Our daughter is really tactile, affectionate and gentle and loves to give cuddles. I really think co-sleeping played a bit part in developing that side of her. We plan to bedshare again for at least the first year or so next time as well.

 

[Caite]

None of the research quoted by the Lullaby Trust shows that bed-sharing reduces the risk of SIDS, and most studies found it increases the risk. Whilst factors such as sleeping on a sofa or smoking do increase the risk further, these are reported separately by the Lullaby Trust. I've also had a look at the Trip Database. Whilst I've not read the studies (only the abstracts) all but one of the ones I've flicked through said that bed-sharing (separately studied mostly from sofa-sharing) increases the risk of SIDS.

It's not something I would choose to do (I appreciate I've not got any children and therefore I've not been through that newborn stage) nor is it something I could ever professionally recommend to parents.

 

[staralfur]

My decisions are usually very research based, but this was the one where all of that just went straight out the window.

When you have a baby that will not under any circumstances sleep in a bassinet or crib, or anywhere where they are not physically touching you, your choices are pretty limited. You can either a) let your newborn cry until their face turns purple, b) stay awake until you literally pass out from exhaustion, or c) figure out how to make your bed as safe as possible for them to sleep in.

There was no way in hell I was letting my new baby, who only wanted to feel safe by being close to me, cry alone and confused because I refused to do what my instincts overwhelmingly told me was best for her.

It's also worth noting that if you're bed sharing using proper precautions (no loose bedding, firm mattress, etc.) the only variable that's different from crib sleeping is the fact that you're sleeping beside them. How would being close to their mother increase a child's risk of SIDS? Most studies suggest the complete opposite; being close to mom reduces the risk of SIDS. I think that people often confuse suffocation with SIDS. They're not the same thing. Suffocation does happen but it's incredibly rare for a sober, healthy mother to unknowingly roll over and suffocate her baby.

 

[Pearls18]

For me co-sleeping was about instinct, like staralfur I usually do everything by research based, but when my baby wouldn't settle I knew why, because he needed to be close to me, to smell me and feel me, that was his safe place and where he needed to be. I knew I wouldn't hurt him. We seem to think we can give birth to babies after they have been cocooned within us for 9 months where they are the right temperature, fed, snuggled tight and have the constant comfort of the noises from mum to being out in a cold, big world, hungry, weird noises, and just expect them to sleep on their own, the concept is incredibly unnatural. The reasons for having baby sleep near to you are amplified when close to mum, just don't be a moron about it, simple as. We didn't do it for long, he's 7 months old now and sleeps in his own room in a cot as he is comfortable there, no "bad habits" here, no suffocation, just a well rested mum (ok slightly exaggerated HA) and a secure little boy who smoothly made the transition from womb, mum to big wide world. No squished babies here.

 

[Caite]

As I said, I'm coming at this purely from a professional/research point of view, not as a mother as I haven't done that.

The research supports that babies who share the parent's room are at decreased risk of SIDS, but those which share a bed are at increased risk. Whilst I agree it is a natural thing for mum and baby to do, as humans we are not in a natural setting - bedding, clothing, central heating and (without actually reading the research papers in full, rather than just looking at the abstracts) I assume that these are things which increase the risk.

When I am a mum, I plan to have a crib right next to the bed for at least the first 6 months for night sleeping and a crib in both my dining room and living room for day time sleeping.

 

[RebeccaR19]

My son co-slept until about 3 months. I didn't sleep very well at all during the time...always scared I'd roll over on him in my sleep. Also he had a tendency to enjoy kicking me in the ribs and stomach in the middle of the night. I only did it at the time because I was nursing him and I got better sleep that way. But I stopped when neither of us was sleeping well at all. He then just moved to a bassinet in our room. With baby #2, I will probably just skip co-sleeping altogether and just have the baby in a moses basket or bassinet next to our bed.

 

[Symphony7]

I have pretty bad back problems and need to sleep on a very plush memory foam mattress. Anything harder and I wake up crippled in my hips and spine in the morning.

So I will not be bed sharing. The guidelines require a firm mattress and that would destroy my back. I will either be getting a cosleeper attachment or a bassinet. I'd like to have baby in with me for at least 6 months.

 

[spicyorange]

I really think it's for each person to make an informed choice. It's nut for me gets why
1. All the evidence iv read says it does increase sids risk and I'm not buying a new mattress for baby
2. I snuggle deep into my duvet, whilst I might not roll on then I'd probably pull the duvet over their head
3. After the baby has a routine I want it in it's own room so that dh (who has to work) can sleep whilstI feed
4.I want my bed to be for me and dh, so we can cuddle (& dtd should we choose to!)
5. Because it's my choice and that's what I want. Not a judgement over others nor should my decision be judged.

 

[embeth]

I have 3 children the youngest being 11 months. He shares our bed as the other two did for the first couple of years. Done safely and correctly
I think it's the most natural thing in the world. I have breasfed all 3 and still do feed my youngest I love having them
Close.
Can understand people's views against and why it's not for everyone, it's a about what's right for you, definitely the best thing for me and my dh neither of us would have it any other way xx

 

[GreyGirl]

With my DD I was combi-feeding so didn't feel comfortable bed sharing. But we did side-care a little cot so she was still co-sleeping. She stayed next to our bed til 6 months and then she was being disturbed by us too much so we moved her into her own room.