Cold feet - please help!

[Siuan]

Hi all,

I'm new here, so I hope you won't all mind me jumping straight in with a problem thread! I really hope someone might be able to offer me some advice! Warning you may find some of this a bit tmi!

My husband and I have been WTT for quite some time now, been together almost 11 years, married for 3 and in that time have always been VERY careful with the whole baby avoidance techniques!

We've discussed it all a lot recently because after I hit the big 3-0 last year, with LOADS of people pregnant around me and starting to feel like my body clock is ticking I was becoming quite broody. Back in January we decided to start TTC after our holiday in May (ie... now!) so, I came off the pill in readiness and started taking folic acid etc. But when we went to go "bare back" for the first time (ever!) on our recent wedding anniversary, we both chickened out and used protection again

At the time, I felt ok about it, I know my husband takes some time to get used to new situations. I know that he feels like a baby will completely change our lives (which of course it will, but not so that it's the end of the world as we know it!!) but I really thought he was ready. I really thought I was ready and yet here we are, still yet to start TTC.

The whole idea of TTC now fills me with angst and I'm scared! It's just not normal for us to not use protection, the whole idea seems wrong!! Yet how can something so right be so wrong?!

I had a cuddle with an 8 week old baby today and got all broody again and I'm sure this is what I want, but I'm also absolutely terrified!!

Please tell me this is normal? Does anyone else have similar issues with starting to TTC? I need to talk to my husband about it, but I'm scared he'll say he's changed his mind about the whole thing

 

[MackMomma8]

YES.

I'm about 2 months out, and I'm totally getting cold feet. It's perfectly normal! It is a HUGE change, and absolutely something to be a little scared about. I liken it to a roller coaster - it's scary and exciting all at the same time!!



ETA: You might check out a few threads here: Not Trying, Not Preventing. It's a much more relaxed approach to TTC, maybe that's something you can discuss with DH?

 

[i want it all]

When WTT for my dd I was worried about what would chage, how it would change, would we be ok etc etc but I never stopped wanting it so bad, and I never decided to use protection so I didn't get pregnant! Are you sure you're ready? And are you wanting it for the right reasons? 30 is no age (I'm coming up to 31) and just because other people are, doesn;t seem to me to be the reason for trying for a child. Have you and your hubby discussed why you both didn't want to lose the protection - maybe he doesn;t feel quite ready yet! Maybe 3 months or 6 months time maybe better? Or could you NTNP for a little so you don't feel too pressured? Maybe you're putting too much pressur e on yourselves?

 

[Unbridled]

I think that's totally normal! Hubby and I had our first experience au naturel on the first of May and I had a tiny moment of panic right afterward. Now, a month later, the panic is mainly gone. I think it just takes some getting used to. First, we trained ourselves never to have sex without a condom (and we didn't for seven years); now, all of a sudden, it's just the opposite. We want a baby badly, but at the same time we know it's a huge step. I'd be surprised if we weren't nervous about it!

 

[Siuan]

Thanks all. I'm sure I'm ready, but I'm not sure OH is. But as I've just posted in another thread... I'm not sure he'll be ready even when our first is 5 years old!

I have no intention of going into this hammer and tongs with the whole ovulation cycles etc. Definitely a NTNP decision made a long long time ago (though I never knew there were guides on how to do that!!)

I think Unbridled has hit the nail on the head perhaps. We're so trained in the "get a condom" thing that to not do that makes it weird!

I certainly don't want to have a baby just because other people are. I've been wanting this for a VERY long time, it just doesn't help when nearly every woman I know (or so it seems) is getting the good news and I'm not yet!

I want to start a family so badly that if OH says he's still not ready, I will be completely crushed. Yet somehow I'm also completely scared about the whole idea! What if I don't know what to do? How can I possibly be in charge of a whole new person? Then I think about holding my own baby in my arms and my stomach flips over with excitement and I go all gooey inside with joy at the whole idea. lol! I'm such a mess already and that's before I get any pregnancy hormones!

 

[Vanilla Spice]

Don't worry - you are definitely not the only one! My OH and I was supposed to TTC from today but when we were just about to get jiggy I freaked out and told my OH that I wasn't in the mood.

I'm pretty positive that we won't get a BFP because my AF is due soon any day so I'm not at my fertile best but we thought we would NTNP from now onwards to get used to not using protection.

I reckon it's normal to feel scared - I posted a similar message a few days ago and was told that it was all normal to feel a little freaked out - it's a huge step and something that none of us should take lightly. Plus we have all been using protection for so long that it will feel strange not to use any all of a sudden...it's going to take some time to get used to not using a condom.

Your OH is probably feeling the same as you - ready but a little scared. Definitely speak to him about how you are feeling about - it won't be good for either of you to bottle up your feelings.

Good luck - and let us know how you get on!

 

[LoveCakes]

It's totally natural to feel scared.

I have to say though when I moved from condoms to the pill for medical reasons Oh was over the moon. He said it's so much better he'd never go back lol.

Maybe dtd when you knoe you won't get pregnant, ie just before or after your period, that way it'll just be for fun and when it is for a purpose it won't be completely new.

 

[wanaBmummy]

both of your heads are set to 'sex = protection' and its a big phycological change just not using it if you are so used to it. I'm probably going to find it different because i've got the coil atm so we don't use condoms anyway. So it'll be preactically the same apart from there will be no coil, which you don't see or take any notice of anyway. But i'm sure i'll prob get really 'omg' when it comes to it. Its a big step to take. Just take it slowly iff you need to and let your head catch up with your hearts xx

 

[Siuan]

Thank you all for your advice, it is what I'd hoped I'd hear, but it's still nice to hear it! Just confirms I'm not going completely mental!

OH and I will be having a BBQ for just the two of us later, it should be a nice chance to sit down, relax and have a chat without any interruptions or other pressures. I've cancelled the night out I had planned tonight because I can't concentrate on anything else until we clear the air and get our heads straight. I think an evening with just the two of us is exactly what is needed.

I'll let you all know how it goes

 

[odd_socks]

Completely normal! Good look with the chat, i defo think ntnp is more relaxed way of trying