Combating Postpartum Depression for baby #2

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by sweetysangel8, Dec 3, 2018.

  1. sweetysangel8

    sweetysangel8 Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone. As the title explains, I am looking for ways to combat postpartum depression when we add baby #2 to the mix. A little background on me. (Sorry about the length! I thank you so much if you read the entirety) I had my sweet baby girl in June 2017. I was full of anxiety during my pregnancy, but I just pinned it on being a major life change. My husband had some major projects going on for work during my pregnancy, which caused a bunch of house projects to be put on hold until the last 2 months of my pregnancy (actually as of today, our stairwell is still not finished as depression threw us both for a loop.). My last month of pregnancy was anything but uneventful. It started out with us rushing to get the nursery construction done (we were removing plaster and putting up drywall). Then halfway thru the month, my husband had a business trip that left him gone for a week. Meanwhile, I started having a toothache with turned out needing a root canal (which ended up being a partial root canal since I was unable to be on my back and was almost passing out). At that time as well, my work told us our health insurance was being discontined at the end of June. And to make matters worse, my 9 year old dog was having medical issues. Way too much going on at once.

    Fast forward to birth. I ended up being induced a week overdue. So they start the process, and I start puking. Not lovely. The jet tub in my room didn’t work. My parents decided to stay the entire time. Not paying any attention, but my mother actually had the nerve to ask my husband how long it was going to take because she had things to do. I was in too much pain to respond. I ended up getting an IV med which made me tired but helped me go from 4cm to 10cm in an hour. Time to push. Took about 4 contractions and she was out. I was left with a 3rd degree tear and a hemorrhoid. My parents barely saw my daughter before leaving. I spent the next 2 hours puking until they gave me a med to help. Meanwhile, my husband has a sensitive stomach and because for whatever reason, he didn’t eat all day and got sick.....basically for the whole hospital stay. So here I am with a newborn, a husband that was no help, a sick dog at home that I was worried about, and too much pride to ask the nursing staff for help. I also was sad that I didn’t have the bonding feeling I thought i would have. The only good thing I had going was that breastfeeding went off without a hitch (an anxiety I had during pregnancy was that I would have issues).

    Ok going home. Walking, sitting, standing, bathroom, moving.....all painful. Husband constantly saying he was tired. He did however do wonderful at night to allow me to sleep and brought her to me to eat. I had a wonderful neighbor who brought us a couple of meals. But after that first week.....no one around. I didn’t have much of a support system to begin with and my family lives an hour away. But the first year really proved how little people cared. When I was 10 days postpartum, my dog was diagnosed with bone cancer and was in such bad shape, we had to put her to sleep. Cue crying.

    I didn’t want to go back to work. My boss only allowed 6 weeks off. And financially I had no choice. Here i was 6 weeks postpartum, bawling my eyes out. I had no health insurance since in the USA, we have this lovely thing called Obamacare that was impossible to sign up for but was my only option (which by the way didn’t go into effect until I was 3 month postpartum). So off to work I go, crying the entire drive. 7 weeks postpartum, I go into work and was told that they sold the company and that I was now an employee of the buying company for 2 months and then was done. (So that was the real reason I was only allowed 6 weeks). There I was, a first time mom, recently lost my dog, still had a decent amount of pain, cost of medical bills was overwhelming and now had to change jobs after 9 years. I felt defeated. I spent the next 3 months crying more often than not. We knew I had postpartum depression but I was dead set on not going on meds. It was a heated subject for me. I was constantly mad at my husband for not making enough for me to stay home. (There’s a lot more details about my old job like that my boss was a bitch anyways but I won’t waste anymore of your time). We also were dealing with baby girl eczema and allergy issues.

    November. I started a new job. My baby was 5 months old. My boss wasn’t a bitch. My coworkers were very nice. Still, I cried every day on the way to work. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. My husband was dealing with his own emotions and work stuff. But as a couple months passed, I was starting to feel bonded to my baby. I was starting to not cry on a daily basis. I was slowly starting to feel ok. July of this year, I was offered a promotion, but turned it down because it was at a different location, 3 times the stress and the small pay increase was not worth it. But even that week of deciding sent me into a panic attack. I was just feeling stable and couldn’t handle a change. I also finally went to the doctor to get checked out as sex was very painful. They gave me estrogen to try and it did help, but didn’t completely go away until I stopped breastfeeding.

    So now, I have a 18 month old that I absolutely love and cannot picture my life without. I do feel like I was robbed the first year of her life. We are starting to discuss baby #2 and are thinking of trying in a year. I know there’s a bunch that we dealt with the first time around that I know we will make sure won’t be an issue the next time (like husband getting sick due to not eating, we have no animals, no house projects will be started after I’m pregnant, and I’m more confident in taking care of a baby). If we encounter medical bills again, I know that the hospital works out a reasonable payment plan. I also know that if I have to work, I will get at least 3 months off, so twice what I had before. But still, I am afraid it will happen again, that postpartum depression will steal the first year again. I still do not have a good support system and since my job has worse hours then the last one, I feel I have no time for anything else except my baby girl if I’m not working. I just can’t get enough of her. So I guess I’m looking for any suggestions for the second time around. It will most likely be my last pregnancy so I want to enjoy everything to the fullest.

    Whooo! Sorry for it being so long! Hope it made sense!
     
  2. noon_child

    noon_child Well-Known Member

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    I feel for every mom living in the USA - just why do they give you such a crap deal. Anyway, you can't move to another country so ignore my rant.

    To me it sounds like a lot of your anxiety and depression (if not all of it) could be down to the stressors you were experiencing and that while hormones and brain changes definitely play a part, without those stressors you may have no anxiety or depression. I think also the difference between expectation and reality hits hard first time round. Now you have a more realistic view.

    I have been interested to see that when my daughter was born I was told 1 in 3 mothers don't get an instant rush of love (I didn't and it took a long time to 'fall in love' with her) whereas now I have been told it is nearer to 2 in 3 don't get an instant rush. I have no idea if anything has changed in how we treat women during birth that would cause this change or if really it's just more women telling the truth about those challenging early days. I'm SOOOOOOOO jealous of people who got the rush, but at least I know there isn't something wrong with me.

    Support systems are a tough one. My family are 2hrs away and my friends at the time were all scattered round the country or were work friends who were obviously working all day. I think it is really important to push past all your own insecurities to build a new network. I would talk to other mums at toddler groups but I'd never let them in, never give my number or invite them anywhere - I was too scared they'd judge me or not really want to be my friend and were just being nice by talking to me. Now I wish I had just risked the rejection. Even just having people who you can say "Can you watch her for a couple of hours, I have a hospital appointment" is priceless, even if you don't have everything in common and they aren't your best friend. Are there people who have come in to your life due to your daughter who you could build stronger relationships with?
     
  3. sweetysangel8

    sweetysangel8 Well-Known Member

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    We do have a few neighbors who once in a while will watch her for a couple hours during the day (DH works from home and he sometimes sends her to one of them to get some work done). But I haven’t really formed much of a relationship with them. I haven’t really had anyone walk into my life since she was born. I’ve actually had who I thought was a good friend walk out of my life. After my daughter was born she started talking to me less and less. I asked her if she wanted an invite to my daughters first birthday and she said yes. The convos were normal and didn’t give any indication of why she was pulling away. She didn’t come to the party and she just ignored all contact. Haven’t heard from her since and it breaks my heart. 18 year long friendship gone. I’m more so thinking of getting closer to my cousins that have kids. They all live an hour away though, but it may at least be better than nothing. Getting a little closer to my neighbors probably wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Ideally we would like me to be a SAHM before getting pregnant again, but that was our plan all along and it hasn’t panned out yet.
     

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